Dr. Alan Chartok,

	I am deeply troubled with President Clinton's late night
pardoning of Marc Rich (Don't you just love the irony of his name?) and 
Pinkus Greene.  As a staunch supporter of Mr. Clinton during his entire 
administration, I find it disconcerting that he would mar an otherwise 
exemplary record (discounting his sexual dalliances, and lack of candor 
on the subject, of course), with such an idiotic decision.

	I watched with great interest, C-SPAN's live broadcast of the
House Government Reform Committee's hearing into the controversy, and 
the subsequent "oral gymnastics" of various parties involved, including 
ex-Clinton White House Counsel Jack Quinn (now representing Mr. Rich), 
Representative Dan Burton the committee Chairman, Representative Connie 
Morella, and former Deputy Attorney General Eric Holder.  Even Rudy 
Guilianni managed to get a mention.  

	A loud "Bravo!", by the way, to Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton, the 
Democrat from the District of Columbia, for her insight, and rationality 
in a room filled with mean-spirited vultures and other legal vermin.  I 
was unfamiliar with her before, but I look forward to her public spirited 
profile in the future.

	On the one hand, the Conservative Republican camp seems only
interested in skewering "Wild Bill" still further into their historic 
version of the PCB-laden Upper Hudson, while their normal Democratic 
adversaries, want to "dredge-up" the old political stand-by of "passing
the buck".  Whether Clinton made a wise decision while exiting the 
Director's chair in this "Movie of the Week" is at best, dubious.  What 
really troubles me, is the manner in which our government responds.   

	Why has our government reduced itself to debate over the micro-
scopic details of "inferred speech" and verbal linguistics?  When "Wild 
Bill" tried to justify his lie about the dalliance with Monica, by 
slicing thin, the potential understanding of an intransient verb, the
backlash was monumental.  I, too, laughed at the absurdity of his 
arguement.  I am no longer laughing.  "I say tomato, and you say tomatoe."
It seems this is "business as usual" in DC-eitville.  

	This hearing, for the most part, was filled with the same kind 
of justifiable rhetoric.  Apparently the purpose of our duly-elected
officials is to ignore common sense, and fill our ears with beauracratic
double-talk, understandable only to Orwellian lawyers, with a goal of
adding to, and sustaining their already amply-feathered nests.  (They 
shall make so many laws that no one can obey them, and then they shall 
rule by fear. - Paradigm of the American Bar, as paraphrased from Ayn 
Rand.)

	"Maybe I said this, maybe I said that, I have feelings (This from 
a lawyer?), I can't remember, I meant something totally different, but 
(fill in the blank) said, blah-blah-blah, lah-di-dah, what is fugitivity,
he said, she said, I misspoke, ummm, uh, ah..., neutral but leaning 
towards it, yes, or no?"

	Every testimonial seemed rehearsed and "speech-written".  Each
witness seemed walking on egg-shells, strewn methodically through a well-
mapped mine field.  They seemed to be making a film, with cue cards 
supplied by Hollywood's best.  It occured to me the pardons might have
been payment for services rendered.  I wondered, were Rich and Greene,
agents provacoteur, like Cinematic James Bonds, receiving their "License
to Kill"?

	Prime Minister Barok of Israel was a vocal supporter of these
suspicious "citizens of the world".  Did they perhaps trade with foreign
enemies in order to gain confidences?  I wonder, were they involved in 
the Reagan/Carter debacle?  Were they trading with the Ayotollah to keep 
his hostages a few months later, so Reagan could take credit for the 
work of Democratic President Jimmy Carter?  Was Oliver North behind this
as well?  Did they participate in the assasination of JFK?  Perhaps they 
know where Amelia Erhardt is?  (Korean Jet tragedy 007, hmmm!)

	Is it more than a coincidence, that these men chose to engage in
illegal trade with only enemies of the United States?  Cuba, Iran, Iraq,
the former Soviet Union, Libya, South Africa, etc.  It would seem more 
profitible to trade with bastions of Capitalism, such as England, France,
Holland, Canada, Australia, Israel, etc.

	The more they talked, the more the fantasy grew.  In the grand 
tradition of the OSS, the CIA, the NSA, and Agent 86 from CONTROL, the 
Machiavellian machinations of our Foreign Policy became increasingly 
clear.  

	I can see it now.  Vice-President Elect Dick Cheney, acting on 
behalf of George Bush Senior, still secretely heading the CIA and the 
International Brotherhood of Free Masonry (They, of course, were 
collectively known as "Jack the Ripper"!), blackmails Bill Clinton, with 
pictures of his tryst with the "Spice Girls".  Fearing the final wrath of 
Hillary, standing tall atop Mount Marcy, Bill succumbs to the GOP with 
their usual "dirty tricks", and rewards these great American Patriots, 
with celebrity status.

	In the meantime...

GENERAL ELECTRIC HAS PURCHASED THIS SPACE TO POINT OUT THE IDIOCY OF THE
EPA.  KNOWING THAT WE, AS A WARM, LOVING, CARING BASTION OF HONESTY AND
MORAL TERPITUDE, ARE DEDICATED TO SERVING NEW YORK STATE WITH THE SAME
CONSISTANT, AND CHARITABLE MANNER THAT WE ALWAYS HAVE.  TRUST US.  WE
KNOW WHATS BEST FOR YOU.  THAT'S WHY WE USED PCB'S IN THE FIRST PLACE.  
WE PUT THE "GE" BACK IN GEE-WHIZ!  

	And now back to our upcoming movie trailer...

	Dah dah de dah, de dah dah...BANG!  "NEVER SAY PARDON, AGAIN!"
Starring Marc Rich as the new 007!  Love theme sung by "The Spice Girls"
and the latest find from DC-eitville, "Denise Rich" as "Lotta Baloney", 
the Femme Fatale.  Thrill to exciting chase scenes as the evil "Papa 
Ratzi" descend to the lowest dregs of human behavior, in their quest for 
next year's Emmy!  Watch closely as two heavily-armed teams of lawyers, 
battle to the death within the Halls of Justice!  Will Jack Quinn stumble
over the next gerund?  Can Representative Shay get a straight answer?  
Will Eric Holder get an acting contract with United Artists?  Is
this the end of "RICO"?

	...Please forgive my spelling, Dr. Chartok.  I thought this might
amuse you...Incidently, you were absolutely right in your characterization 
of teachers and doctors.  As to the Medical employment crisis, if the MD's
stopped into the office once in a while, and traded their golf clubs for
stethoscopes, the nursing staff might be free to do their job, instead of
the physicians.

	You are welcome to quote me if so desired.  

Wayne Brown 2/08/2001
1B 16 Mallory Street
Corinth, New York 12822
(518)654-9697