quotes

o yea...i have a lil hobbie of collecting quotations..here's some of 'em...

here's some quotes that have absolutely no meaning, but i find quite humorous.

"it was a pic of a guy with a dork through his tongue"-me

"we sinned on a holy day!"~tony

"that's 37 cubic inches!"~me

"that's bigger than a 2x4!"~me

"don't step on my clit! u might break it!"~jen

"I just dropped a noodle on me and he had butter on him." ~my bitch jen-YES, she just refered to a noodle as "him"

"any virgins out there?" ~tom (blink182) "allow me to take that for you..." ~mark (blink182)

"that makes me loopy" ~evan

"it's a pecker moment" ~movie 'Pecker' (definitely recommend seeing it....only funny if u are extremely easily amused...or extremely wasted)

"did you ever see pecker?" ~me "i try to avoid it" ~evan

"nothing big, only stole 2 motorcycles" ~jay

"that's harrassment!" ~lauren's mom "she said ass!" ~my good ol' buddy lauren

"Steel-Toed boots...they teach lessons real fast" ~len-man

"where are the stores...here are the stores!" ~some gay guy on some commercial...don't ask...it was like 4:30 in the morn

"lauren! turn on channel 5 and look at the fat man!" ~lauren's mom

"i'm all assed out...could use some decent head, but as for ass...im all assed out" ~joshua

"when Psychic Diana pays your bills then she can read your palm" ~lauren's mom "mum, i pay my bills" ~lauren "I'll pay your bills all right!" ~lauren's mom (in case u hadn't noticed, lauren's a very good friend of mine...and her mom...well, she's just like my own)

"hey, hows it going?" ~international pick-up line

"hey bob...are you a hermaphrodite?" ~me (btw....he isn't)

"8x3 the band that just 'popped' up" ~my band's

"you call that a boot-stomp? this is a boot-stomp" ~len-man

"i wanna bang him till his eyes pop out and i gotta sew them back in with a needle and thread" ~hmm...honestly don't know who sed this one first...but, lauren and i used it quite often now

"my friend sed she'd give me 5 dollars if i asked u to have sex with me..." ~me (o yea...he sed yes)

"SHITFARTS!!!!" ~mr. powerplant himself (justin)

"Uh...Greg? your hair's on fire..." ~don't remember who sed it...maybe rob...no, it was lara...i think

"well...actually...coffee does grow on trees Greg..." ~everyone in the room except for greg

"like a book from the library..." ~lauren and i

"you're gonna hafta drop your pants" ~some hot lifeguard when lauren got stung by a huge-ass jellyfish in her inner-thigh

"well...jesus was a jew" ~lauren while sitting in church

"wut's up homey g flunk...4th grade?!?!?" ~mr. powerplant again

"why do they call him tiny tim?" ~someone "think about it" ~girl with snow white underpants

"are you a drug dealer?" ~slots

"do u wanna wake up with nipples?" ~lauren and i

"hey...is your name michelle? (no) jen? (no)" ~some guys using a very cheesy pick up line

"you're gonna smell like a salad down there" ~hot lifeguards again

"were u born next to a powerplant?" ~one of justin's friends

"ZZZZZ" ~lauren and i

"whoa...skinner's nuts!" ~me "i think that's a hotdog place" ~my mom

"gory????" ~lauren "no, lauren, re-arrange the letters" ~me

"there's gonna b a new breed of birds now....condom-beak birds" ~lauren

"that's acetone young lady!" ~lauren's mom (not 2 bright) "but mom, acetone is nail polosh remover...maybe you mean assinine" ~lauren..quite the lil dic(tionary) "I KNOW WHAT I MEAN" ~lauren's mom again

"no lauren, i lvoe (not a typo) you" ~me "that's a small north american fish" ~ lauren "are you serious?" ~me "no" ~lauren

"Some people are assholes. But science also tells us that you wouldn't know if you're one of them, so pipe down."

"how big is it?" ~me "it's the size of an armenian quarter!" ~lauren

"...and u know wut his favorite bird was??...THE SWALLOW!" ~lauren's father, refering to a gay guy from the real world that previously lived in one of his houses

"if i wanted ur lip, i'd scrape it off my zipper" ~lauren "so, why don't u?" ~me "because i'm wearing drawstring pants..." ~lauren

"well, i'm glad to see you have a nice penis resting there on your shoulders this evening" ~lauren

"WEINER!!!!!" ~lauren, ashley, and i

"it's...." ~amanda "it's....TANGY!!!" ~me

"SHH!!! tv's on!!!!" ~my loving mommy

"so, ur pregnant??" ~me "Well, i would suppose so, because, as we ALL know, sperm can fly. And drive matchbox cars into my uterus. Either way would work, i guess." ~lauren

"fa poo fa fa" ~kristen

"(o)possum" ~ kristen

"it's saran wrap and cookie dough! wtf?" ~lauren and i while watching lesbian porn

"she's gotta be giving him head" ~kristen and i (referring 2 someone named horse)

"watch his head shake....he looks like a hedgehog!!!" ~kristen and i

"find the function of the girth (g) of the penis..." ~meaghan

"nah, it's f'n great...i love being so sexy guys cum in their pants" ~me =

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'" ~Jack Handy

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." ~Frank Sinatra

"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober." ~William Butler Yeats

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time." ~Catherine Zandonella

"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol."

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~Henny Youngman

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" ~Stephen Wright

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~Benjamin Franklin

here's some other quotes, that actually mean something and were stated by intelligent people...or were not completely wasted....well, most of 'em

normalcy is a state of mind created by those who cannot except reality-chris

Isn't man an amazing animal? He kills wildlife (birds, kangaroos, deer, all kinds of cats, coyotes, beavers, groundhogs, mice, foxes, and dingoes) by the million in order to protect his domestic animals and their feed. Then he kills domestic animals by the billions so he can eat them. This in turn kills man by the million, because eating all those animals leads to degenerative-fatal health conditions like heart disease, kidney disease, and cancer. So then man tortures and kills millions more animals to look for cures for these diseases. Elsewhere, millions of other humans are being killed by hunger and malnutrition because the food they could eat is being used to fatten domestic animals. Meanwhile, some people are dying of sad laughter at the absurdity of man, who kills so easily and violently, and once a year sends out cards praying for "Peace on Earth". ~author unknown

"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity." ~Shawn

"I'd rather be disliked for who I am than liked for who I'm not."

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." ~Ferris Bueller

"We all live under the same sky, but we all don't have the same horizon."

"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."

"My mind is as open as a 40 acre field but that doesn't mean I'm going to change it."

"Shoot for the moon, and if you miss, you will still be among stars."

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for awhile, leave footprints in our hearts, and we're never the same."

"Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong-sometimes it's letting go."

"The only difference between insane people and sane people is that sane people are insane within the boundaries of society."

"You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."

"There is no limit to what can be accomplished if it doesn't matter who gets the credit."

"Why do they kill people who kill people to show people that killing people is wrong?"

"Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts."

"...it seemed clear that wars were not made by generations and their special stupidities, but that wars were made instead by something ignorant in the human heart." ~John Knowles

"A mind is like a parachute-it functions only when open."

"Life isn't all black and white-there's a lot of grey."

"A wise person knows that there is something to be learned from everyone."

"It is not as important that is true, as what we percieve to be true."

"In every face-to-face encounter, regardless of how brief, we leave something behind."

"Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures."

"Smile a lot. It costs nothing and is beyond priceless."

"You can achieve nothing unless you are willing to tempt fate."

"'Do as I say, not as I do' is not an effective way of teaching anything."

"The horizon isn't the end. It's a line that's meant to be crossed."

"Those who will listen to nothing will fall for anything." ~Malcolm X

"Always remember, others may hate you, but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them." ~Richard Nixon

"The only promises that I know to be true are the promises made from the heart."

"Time in itself is nothing but what we make of it."

"The most important thing to remember, so I'm told is that there is a reason for everything."

"Dreams are just memories to be."

"When one is a stranger to oneself, then one is estranged from others too."

"Why is life so precious and so cruel?" ~Erasure

"Fear causes hesitation and hesitation causes your worst fears to come true."

"If you intend to live again, then open your eyes and don't pretend you're feeling there's nothing worth believing."

"A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd." ~Max Lucado

"Your life is an open book. Don't close it befores it's done." ~Metallica

"Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind." ~Rolling Stones

"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom; the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." ~W. Lippmann

"Miracles do not happen in contradiction to nature but only to what we know of nature." ~St. Augustine

"All what we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." ~Edger Allen Poe

"A smile is a curve that straightens everything out."

"Sometimes it takes a great deal of effort to find that living life is truly effortless."

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge; that myth is more potent than history. I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts; that hope always triumphs over experience; that laughter is the only cure for grief, and I believe that love is stronger than death." ~Robert Fulgham

"To have a world without music would be like a world without meaning."

"There is no enemy without if there is no enemy within." ~Dr. Judy Kuriansky

"There's none so blind as those who will not see." ~Moody Blues

"Peace is not something you wish for; it's something you make, something you do, something you are, and something you give away." ~Robert Fulgham

"Fear is a darkroom where negatives get developed." ~Stuart Smalley

"We keep passing unseen through little moments of other people's lives." ~Robert M. Pirsig

"A slave is he whoe cannot think his thought." ~Euripedes

"Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul." ~Henry David Thoreau

"Older men declare wars. But it is the younger men who must fight the war and give their lives." ~Herbert Hoover

"No human race is superior; no religious faith inferior. All collective judgements are wrong. Only racists make them."

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."

"To be loved is to live forever in someone's heart."

"Sometimes the heart sees what the eyes can't."

"Love is a medicine of the world, a prescription often given, too rarely taken."

"Look into my eyes and hear what I'm not saying, for my eyes speak louder than my voice ever will."

"Love is like war, easy to begin, hard to stop."

"There is no part of the body that when broken, hurts as badly as the heart."

"Love can hurt, but the things it brings are worth death."

"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perserveres."

"Love is sweeter than any rose. Love pricks you far deeper than any thorn."

"Lust is a state of mind. Love is a state of heart and soul."

"If it is really love, you can see yourself standing in their eyes, part of the abstinence that is worth dying for. If you long for that recognition that will not part by distance, in time your dream will be replied."

"Love is the emblem of eternity; it confounds all notion of time; effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end."

"The soul that can speak through the eyes can also kiss with a gaze." ~Gustara Adolfo Becquer

"Never close your lips to those to whom you have opened your heart." ~Charles Dickens

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." ~Aristotle

"Those who don't know how to weap with their whole hearts also don't know how to laugh." ~Golda Meir

"How is it that music can, without words, evoke our laughter, our tears, our highest aspiration?" ~Jame Swan

"Music is the soundtrack to your life." ~Dick Clark

"If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we would be hollow; empty rooms, shuddered and dark...Without passion, we'd be truly dead."

"There is a road, no simple highway, between the dawn and the dark of night, and if you go, no one may follow, that path is for your steps alone." ~Jerry Garcia

"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught." ~Oscar Wilde

"I may believe something passioantely; That does not make me right. I may disagree with you fervently; That does not make you wrong. Keep talking. The vital lessons are those that force me to change my mind."

"Love is like a butterfly that lands in the palm of one's hand. Hold too tight...you kill it. Move too fast...you scare it away. Move too slow and its reason for being there no longer exists. But move like the wind in its perfection, and sharing with the little one is pure beauty." ~Fred Brodie

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