The other
day I was waiting for a bus and I saw a peanut butter and jelly sandwich lying
on the bench. I ate it. I closed my eyes.
I’m on antidepressants.
Sometimes I pop two or three at a time.
The other
day I saw this contest where at the starting point, one guy gets on another’s
back, and then they run up to a soccer ball and the bottom guy kneels down so
the top guy can kick the ball as hard as he can. The contest is judged by how fast the ball is kicked. They use a radar gun to tell. People spend their whole lives training for
this. I’m not kidding. Sometimes, to spice things up a little, they
tie a viscous dog up so it can just barely not reach the place where the ball
is, so they have to outrun him.
The other day in the store, when they asked me if I was a
beginner, intermediate, or advanced shopper, I said advanced. Sometimes, if white peaches are cheaper than
yellow ones, I get one white one and then a whole bunch of yellow ones with the
stickers peeled off.
The other day a jet landed in my backyard and the pilot asked if
he could use my bathroom. I let
him. Afterward, he asked if he could
give me a backrub. I said no.
