On Being An Asshole

I was talking to a friend of a friend the other day.  He was a real asshole.  But, he was a fucking brilliant asshole.  The kind of guy who can find something wrong with absolutely anybody and then give a two hour long dissertation explaining in detail why it’s a flaw.  The kind of guy to whom I really want say, “You know what?  You’re an asshole, and as much of a fucking genius as you may be, you must be missing something real big otherwise you wouldn’t be such an asshole.”

            But that’s the thing.  I mean, if you get what you really want, don’t you have it figured out?  I want to say, “Well, you have all of your money and your women and your nice clothes and fancy meals, but you must not be happy.”  But somehow that just doesn’t sound right.

            Not to say that material things are, contrary to popular pseudo-eastern philosophy, the key to happiness.  But they certainly don’t hurt either, right?  Let’s say you set your mind on having a really nice car… You work hard, you overcome obstacles, you finally get your dream car.  Sure, the material thing is nice to have, but there’s also the intangible rewards of getting it – the feeling of success, the pride.  Not to mention the further material and immaterial things it might bring into your life (fun of driving, attracting the kind of people you want to meet).

            Besides, it doesn’t really seem like there’s anything wrong to wanting or having plenty of worldly possessions.  Now, if you were to go and jump out the window because you lost it all, then maybe you’re a little to attached to things.  But it seems no more or less materialistic to have a lot than it is to have nothing.  Either way, you are defining yourself by how many things you have or don’t have.

            So I suppose that a personality is just a tool to get what you want out of life.  And certainly various personalities have specific good and bad aspects.  Being focused on money and social status will get you those things, but you will also lose the opportunity to meet some very nice people, and do some very nice things along the way.  Likewise, being an asshole must have it’s good and bad aspect.  The things it gets you and the things it loses you.  I guess it probably makes him feel good about himself, and maybe it even saves him the time of dealing with people he doesn’t want to deal with in the first place.

            You can’t really judge a personality.  They’re all tricks.  They’re all just ways to manipulate the world of people around us to get what we want.  I heard one theory that dogs are really just parasites.  All they want is food.  They develop behaviors that make it seem like they love us (or maybe even truly do love us) but deep deep down it’s just a strategy to keep the food coming.  This of course has bleak implications for human love that no one would really like to think about except for depressed teenagers writing awful poetry.  But at the same time, it’s just one way to look at it.

            What it comes down to, then, is not personality at all.  It’s awareness.  It’s knowing what you want and how you’re getting it.  It’s wanting what you want to want rather than being a slave to evolutionary drives or outside forces.  I suppose you could even want to let yourself be driven by animal impulses.

            Beyond awareness, though, which simply is or isn’t – any kind of judgement becomes irrelevant.  A judgement is simply a projection of who you want to be onto another person.  Who am I to say that it’s wrong to be an asshole?  Maybe it’s what he really wants to do.  In my experience, it is far better to fill up my life with positivity than negativity.  It’s feels better to look for what’s positive rather than what’s negative.  But that is definitely not the only way.

            Really, I guess there’s no way to tell if a person is happy being who they are.  If they like being an asshole or like being depressed all the time.  It seems like maybe it’s best to just assume that a person is just doing his or her best to be the person they want to be and get what they want out of life.  And also to find people who want to get the same thing out of life as you and stick by them.  Let the assholes be assholes and try to hope that they find what they’re looking for.

            Of course, it you can’t help but think that you’re way is the best because, hey – you’ve thought it out, considered your options, and this is the best thing you could come up with.  So much so, in fact, that you’re willing to base your whole life upon it.  So you can’t help but hope that everyone will came around.  See the light!!  See it my way, the way that brings my joy and then the whole world would be perfect if everyone were just like me.  Right?