An Example In Editing: My Letter To The Editor

Original: Your full page editorial criticizing Mel Gibson's religious vision is based on the basic distaste of a largely literal reading of the gospels that is largely in disfavor these days. Such a reading is partly ahistorical, since parts of the gospels clearly clash with history, including the overly sympathetic view of Pontius Pilate. Your opposition to the presence of a controversial line from the Gospel of Matthew, deemed by some as the sacred word of God, is particularly revealing. Gibson is not providing history or a truly balanced view of the events, but a religious vision of one man. He has ever right to do so, and is to be honored for spending so much of his own time and money exercising his faith.


Printed Version (my comments in italics)

Mel's choice [editorial addition ... "vision" would have been more appropriate]

Bronx: The Daily News' full-column [point taken ... it is a page length column with the rest of the page having the editorial cartoon and letters from the readers ... though I think the "your" worked well enough. I am after all responding to a piece by the editorial board, thus the personal touch is arguably particularly justified in this case.] Feb. 17 [it is usually suggested that you supply a date to what you are responding to, so this too is good, but as the link above shows, the true date is Feb. 18] editorial criticizing Mel Gibson's religious vision is based on a basic distaste for a largely literal reading of the Gospels. [My words basically included as written, except for stylistic reasons. The deleted portion of the first sentence is a bit redundant. The next portion supplies useful detail, but detail often sacrificed for space.] Gibson is not providing history or a truly balanced view of the events, but the religious vision of one man. He has every right to do so [The preceding sentence and the first part of this one is the core of my argument and was printed in full ... good job!] and should be [editing tidbit ... "is to be" does sound unwieldy ... the deleted comma seems useful to me, since it separates two ideas ... no biggie] honored for spending so much of his own time and money exercising his faith. [again, a key point is included as written; on the whole, good editing job!]

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