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IN MEMORY OF MY BROTHER
ALBERT L. HOTTOIS JR.
SEPT. 6, 1946-JUNE 26, 1988

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Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain
Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes

Daniel my brother you are older than me
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal
Your eyes have died but you see more than I
Daniel you're a star in the face of the sky

They say Spain is pretty though I've never been
Well Daniel says it's the best place that he's ever seen
Oh and he should know, he's been there enough
Lord I miss Daniel, oh I miss him so much

Daniel my brother you are older than me
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal
Your eyes have died
but you see more than I
Daniel you're a star in the face of the sky

Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain
Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes
Oh God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes



My big brothers name was Albert, but to us he will always be "Red". Oh how he hated his red hair! What can I tell you about him? He was my hero and my protector. He was always there for me and there seemed to be a special bond between us. I was his baby sister, being 9 years younger then he, but he never minded me tagging along with him.

I have such wonderful memories of our childhood! When we were kids, we would go sledding at "State Park Hill" and he would lie on his stomach and I would lie on his back to go down that hill. I was never afraid when I was with him. When he was in High School, he played on the football team. For training he would do push-ups with me sitting on his back, LOL, I was never a light weight, but he was so strong! I remember sitting in the stands on cold fall nights watching the football games, yelling my head off for my big brother. Oh and how angry I was when I had the measles and couldn't go to the game and had to listen on the radio!

I was heartbroken when he joined the Air Force right out of High School, who was going to take care of me then? He was always on my side, protecting me from my sister (who I love dearly and now get along with LOL). He was a medic in the Air Force and was on the transports to bring the gravely wounded back from Viet Nam. I thank God everyday that he didn't have to fight in country, but he had some close calls on the flights in and out of the country. He never came home to live again til the end of his life.

He married a girl from Missouri, and they had three beautiful children, Christopher Scott, Laurie Kathleen, and Timothy Edward. Eventually they moved to Texas and we managed to see each other about once a year. One day I just got an overwhelming need to call Red, I didn't know why, but I knew I had to call him THEN. When he answered the phone, I knew he was upset, he and his wife had decided to divorce, and he told me he had been thinking of me and wanted to talk to me. I was the same age as his kids when Mom and Dad divorced and he wanted to know how I did with it. We talked a long time.

February, 1986. I will never forget. My mom called me at work and told me that Red had stomach cancer and needed surgery in the next couple of days. Mom and I flew out the next day. He looked so healthy and so strong. "Not to worry" he said, it was his favorite saying. He had a deep and abiding belief in our Lord and that would sustain him. He had the surgery and I was there with his present wife and my nephew Scott when the surgeon came in to talk to us. He told us that he did all he could but that Red probably had 3-6 months to live. Oh God!!!! Not my big brother!!! All I could do was hold his son tight and cry.

Red chose to have treatment and it gave him another good year and a half. Then he and his wife and Scott moved up here to be with us. He was so thin and frail, so broken, but he only worried about those of us he would leave behind. He didn't want to have treatment but felt he should for us. I finally told him he had done enough, he didn't need to go thru treatments for us.

My last gift to my brother. I was getting married that December 19, 1987, and it would be his last Christmas with us. There was no doubt of that. He so wanted to have his other 2 children with him for that Christmas. We had no money to fly them in, we had used all that was available to move Red up here from Texas. I wrote a letter to the local radio station that sponsored a "Home for the Holidays" contest each year. On Thanksgiving Day, it was announced that I had won, and Laurie and Tim were on their way to spend Christmas with their Dad. His last gift to me was to attend my wedding even tho he was so thin and weak.

My brother slipped away on June 26,1988. I wasn't with him. I was just getting ready to go to the hospital when I got the call. I know he is at peace now and I know that he will always be my big brother, my hero, and now my special angel.

God Bless you Red, and please look for me to join you. I love you now and always and I want one of those special bear hugs.


When I Die

When I die
give what is left of me
away to little children
and old persons waiting to die.

And if you need to cry,
cry for your brother
walking the street
beside you.

And when you need me,
put your arms around anyone
and give to them what you
need to give to me.

I want to leave you something,
something better than words or sounds.

Look for me in the people that
I have known and loved,
and if you cannot give me away,
at least let me live
on in your eyes
and not in your mind.

You can love me most
by letting hands touch hands,
by letting bodies touch bodies,
and by letting go of children
that need to be free.

Love does not die,
People do.
So when all that is left
of me is love,

Give me away
I'll see you
at home in
Heaven

Darrell Robinson
used with permission


A Letter From Heaven

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say.
But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from Heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here there's no more tears of sadness, here is just eternal love
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I am with you, every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through.
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you.
It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly, you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things, that He wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you.......in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years.
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too,
That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and in pain,
, Then you can say to God at night......."My day was not in vain"
And now I am contented... That my life was worthwhile.
Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low;
Just lend a hand to pick him up as on your way you go
. When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go......from that body to be free
Remember you're not going.......You're coming here to me.

Author Unknown


May I Go?

May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say good-bye to pain filled days?
And endless lonely nights?
I've lived my life and done my best,
An example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond?
And set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first.
I fought with all my might..
But something seems to draw me now
To a warm and living light.

. I want to go.
I really do.
It's difficult to stay..
But I will try as best I can
To live just one more day..
To give you time to care for me
And share your love and fears..
I know you're sad and afraid,
Because I see your tears.

. I'll not be far,
I promise that, and hope you'll always know.
. That my spirit will be close to you,
Wherever you may go.
. Thank you so for loving me.
. You know I love you too,
Thatís why it's hard to say good-bye
And end this life with you..
So hold me now, just one more time
And let me hear you say,
Because you care so much for me,
Youíll let me go today.

Author Unknown







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