Surely I thought everyone in the corridor could hear my heartbeat.  Sweat dripped from my forehead as I nervously watched Mrs. Russo, my English teacher, walk down the aisle.
 
        "Karen, will you read aloud to the class the first paragraph of your composition?" said Mrs. Russo.
 
        "Uh, uh sure.  Please wait," I mumbled as I glared at the blank page in front of me.
 
        "Well, go on," said Mrs. Russo.
 
        As I opened my mouth to speak, I was cut off by the sound of the bell.  I had never been so glad to hear that bell.  I quickly grabbed my books and headed out the door to my locker on the first floor.
 
        Next period I had a math test.  I was prepared because words were not involved, just numbers.  I am 14 years old and an eighth grader at Stoney Brook Middle School.  I am one of the most popular girls in school.  Everyone knows me as a pretty, cheerful girl.  All of these years I got through life by lying, cheating, and smiling.  My teachers never caught me cheating on tests or copying homework.  People felt privileged to be seen with me so they let me copy from them.  Not one person knew that I could not read.
 
        I tried to teach myself how to read but it was too difficult.  I don't want to ask an adult for help because I don't want to be laughed at by others.  As I walked into math class I saw a sheet of paper on my desk.
 
        "Class, please settle down, " said Mr. Zufa, my math teacher.  "The papers on your desk contain your quiz questions.  You have twenty-five minutes to complete it.  Begin."

         Number one, what is the perimeter of a square whose sides are 8 inches?  My mind went blank.  Since when did Mr. Zufa give word problems?  I looked around the classroom and saw everyone working furiously.  Melanie, the girl who sits next to me, was absent so her seat was empty.  Joel sat on the other side next to me but he was covering his paper.  This had never happened to me before.  Someone had always let me cheat off of him or her.
 
        "You now have 10 minutes left," said Mr. Zufa.  I had wasted 15 minutes just staring at my paper.  There was just one thing left for me to do.  I went up to Mr. Zufa's desk.
 
        "Mr. Zufa, I don't fell too well.  I have a headache and feel very nauseous," I said.  He quickly gave me a pass to the nurse.  I spent the rest of the period locked in a bathroom stall crying.
 
        That evening the phone rang.  "Hello?" I answered.
 
        "Hi Karen.  It's Melanie.  Can you tell me what is the science homework?"
 
        "I am busy right now but you can call Mayra at 555-4139.  I have to go.  Bye." I said.  I felt terrible because I had been so rude to Melanie.  But what was I supposed to do.  Since I didn't know how to read, I did not copy the assignment.
 
        When my mother arrived home from work I had already planned what I wanted to tell her.  One lie had led to another and I could not handle it anymore.
 
        "Hi mom.  May I please speak to you?" I nervously asked.
 
        "Not now Karen.  Can't you see that I am busy?" answered my mother in an exasperated tone.

        I felt so depressed and shocked that my own mother was neglecting me.  With one last look at my mother I went to my bedroom.  Now I was motivated more than ever to teach myself how to read and write.  Since my mother did not care I would have to take care of myself.
 
        I picked up a sheet of paper with the alphabet on it.  I could identify the letters but could not read actual words.  Little by little I was beginning to learn.  For once in my life I had done something to help my illiteracy.  I felt very proud of myself because I was overcoming an obstacle to achieve my goal.
 
        Everyday after school I went up to my room and spent hours just practicing reading and writing.  It was difficult but I didn't give up.  A few weeks later I could read simple words such as dog, house, and picture.  It may seem like little to you but it was a great improvement for me.
 
        In class the next day I was very distracted.  It seemed as if my body was there sitting in English class but my mind was far away.  Instead of writing in my workbook I was daydreaming about all of the things that I could do now that I could at least decode words.  Now I could read the fashion magazines my friends read and not worry about cheating or lying any more.
 
        "Excuse me, Karen.  What are you doing?  See me after class," said Mrs. Russo.  I guess I had gotten carried away with my thoughts.  After class I reluctantly walked towards Mrs. Russo's desk.

        "I have been meaning to speak with you," said Mrs. Russo.  "I find it a very big coincidence that you and Joel have the same topic and the same exact words on your term paper.  Can you explain why?'

     I had completely forgotten about that paper because I had handed it in three weeks ago before I had begun learning how to read and write.  I broke into tears; I could not hold it in any longer.

        "Mrs. Russo, " I said in between sobs, "I am illiterate."  Mrs. Russo was speechless.

        She got up off her chair and held me in her arms until I calmed down.
 
        "Do you want to talk about it?" asked Mrs. Russo.  I nodded my head.  I told her everything - how I cheated, lied, and that my parents did not care about me.

        "Mrs. Russo, for the past two weeks I have been teaching myself how to read and write.  But it has been very difficult," I said.
 
        "I am going to get you a tutor.  What is important is that you are eager to learn,' said Mrs. Russo.
 
        A tutor came to my house three times a week and taught me how to read and write.  I am very grateful for Mrs. Russo because I confided in her and she helped me.  I knew that I was not going to get very far alone.
Now two years later I can read and write as well as anyone out there.  I was motivated to learn and did not give up until I reached my goal.  I think back to how foolish I was for not getting help sooner.  I always worried about what others would think.  But now I realize that what matters is what I think.  I was worried that I would lose my pride and image, but I didn't.  Instead, I gained knowledge.