Within a D/s relationship, you have learned how to explore each other, how to read the signs of your partner to know just what they need. You have earned great love and respect and you have learned how to share a life that is filled with love, compassion and utter trust like you will never experience again.
I have found that through my submission to my Master, it has drawn us closer then I ever thought possible. I have learned how to explore my own sexual desires as well as take his pleasures to a new level. I give my body freely to him to use as he sees fit. My submission was given with all my heart and he has taken it and transformed me into a woman that I knew was hidden within me. I am eternily grateful for all that he has given me, and I will spend the rest of my life being a pleasure to him.
I went through a VERY intense training period. You can't just wake up one morning and say, "Okay, I'm a submissive woman, where's a Master." It just isn't that easy! This will upset alot of online groupies as I call them that 'talk the talk', but have YET walked the walk. I get disgusted when I visit chat rooms now. I used to enjoy communicating with others with similar interests around the world, but almost all the rooms now are filled with wannabees and wishful thinkers.
There are SO many men out there that think if they give you an order, you, the submissive, HAVE to obey....bullsh**! I obey my Master as I RESPECT the man that he is. He did not accept my submission right away, even though I wanted him to badly. He waited until he knew it was right for us. No true dominant man will expect a woman to bow to them through an instant message or an email.
And the women---the stories I could tell about their cyber couch and lap hopping...it's absolutely ridiculous! I tell you, if the woman was a true submissive, she would not put herself on display for any and all men that pays her attention. That is a woman that is not getting attention where she lives and cyberland gives her all the men she wants.
I'd like to just share a few things from our beginning and further in this site, if you are interested, there are links that will take you to sites that explain in detail the objectives, the responsibilities and much more regarding the subject of dominance and submission.
Our beginning:
When we first met, it was on the internet. This can be a great place or a horrible place...I've seen it both ways. We had not searched for each other, but he was the second man I have ever instant messaged in my whole life. Why did I do that? It was his screen name, odd...but interesting. See, too many people think they can just make up a screen name, be whoever they want to be, and 'take over the world'. They become people they truly are not, mostly due to one right word and their ego gets stroked. I don't know, it's all pretty silly to me. This is just ANOTHER area I am guilty of. No, I personally did not create a screen name for my ego to get stroked, but I did create a name where I could be anybody I wasn't at the moment.
My son had some friends over for the night, I believe it was a Saturday, well, good ol' mom decided she would have fun too. I turned to the chat rooms on the internet. Of course, nothing new and exciting happening in there, but this one name...it kept appearing in just about every room I visited. I just had to say hi and compliment the beautifully written profile of his....
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So many dreams, so many fantasies, so many few, accomplished realities. Does she dare go under his knife, to rid her world of this sorrow and strife.
The ones she finds as she seeks her Master, the one to take her, make her heart beat faster.
Is it true this Dom exists, that will take her life and make her HIS?
Strip her naked of all fears and doubts, no harm will come, he will bring her out
Out of her darkness and disappointments, of the wannabees, the losers, the promisers, the destroyers.
The detroyers of dreams and passions and wants, that have slashed her heart, made her build her great walls.
But now is the time to put these aside for a true Dom and Master is clearly in sight.
To mold and to love, to cherish and keep,
till death do us part in chains you will sleep.
And when the time comes and you have earned my love and heart,
in subspace you will live until the heavens depart.
I search this world for my love and my life,
to complete me in all ways and to do so for life.
So be respectful and serious when you contact this man,
for game players beware, you will perish with the swipe of his hand.
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Now, how could I NOT contact this man! In my mind, it just clicked. Hold up here, don't think I fell for a smooth talker, no sir! And this profile did not win me over too easy either. But there were words he included in it that jumped out to me as they were EXACTLY what I was looking for from a man. I had met offline with ones that wrote astranomical profiles, they were wannabees though. Just as I said in the beginning, people write profiles of who they want to be, not who they are. Thank goodness the love of my life was as true in his heart as his words he wrote in his profile.
We got into a small spat online, playful of course, because one of us, I can't remember the instigator, wanted to talk offline. Hmmmm, I have a feeling it wasn't me :) . But we did, he called me, and we spent THREE hours talking about everything you could imagine. Both of our phone companies learned to love our investments in them as not one of our phone calls lasted under an hour, no matter how we tried. We just never, ever ran out of anything to say.
We had daily contacts on the internet as well as by phone. We both felt that the way we had 'clicked', the smart thing to do was get to know each other intensely before meeting. Some of our online conversations went like this....
The day after he brought me to subspace on the telephone, (Yes, this IS possible!), this is what I wrote him.
"Dearest..., My what magic you have played on me. Do you have any idea what you are unfolding? It is the inner me, the type of submission that I knew existed..but had yet to release. Your words are like the most beautiful music I have ever heard...the touch of your hand in my mind, makes me weak. The thought of you next to me, either laying in a bed or walking down a street brings me such pleasures. Thank you for letting me be the woman to explore so many places with you, as this is only the beginning..I look forward to the progress it will take to lead me to you.
Most of all, I am happiest with where you took me last night. I have heard of it being done, and never thought possible that I could ever experience it. Now that I have, it has made me discover that you truly hold a special gift that was meant for me to enjoy. Take care, ... "
Now ain't that sweet (*smile*). Just being silly for the moment. This letter to him marked the beginning of the most erotic, tumoulturous, indepth, loving, fascinating relationship I have ever experienced. The type of relationship we have is truly incredible. We don't always click with the lifestyle timing of our relationship, but our personalities, our love, our dreams and goals...they all make for the most dynamic of love. (Thank you my love, my Master, for you have taken me on a journey that I never thought I'd go. I love you!!)
He had written me two emails in regards to mine, but this is one of Dommly experience. If you find yourself looking for one, you should read these words...
"You are proving to be worthy of my hand M'lady ... The best gift a Master can recieve from his Submissive, in my opinion, is the same work and dedication He puts into making her happy. I can only speak for myself when I say that for me to be able to do these things you say I do to you, it has taken years of hard, grueling work and study. Educating myself for the point in time when I am to find her, I would be able to keep her.
Most subs out there think that they are their Master's property and that he will take care of everything and they have to do nothing but just BE...that's not the way it is in my book. It takes just as much work for the sub as it does to be worthy of being called Master. I am impressed that you have taken the time to share such beautiful thoughts with me, I APPRECIATE THEM, because it shows your appreciation for the work and effort I put in to being the Master that completes you, will hold you and keep you in my heart and life until not even death will be able to do us apart.
We have a long long long journey ahead of us...you will learn many things about yourself, and I stress that the one lesson you will eventually come to realize is the most important gift I can give to you, the art of patience...you should know, and I will remind you of this from time to time, that I am looking for a life thing...continue to prove everyday how much my dedication means to you and you will have me for life.
I will send you referrence materials that I need for you to go over and we can then discuss. We have many more things to go over, please understand that the decision for me to accept you for life is not one I will take lightly, and the same way I will prove to be worthy of your gift, you will have to prove worthy of mine. If it is not a two way street, it will never last. It will be tough.
Thank you ... from my heart, with deepest appreciation..."
In our beginning, we wrote and spoke just like this. We never rushed into anything, but with each conversation, we ventured a little further. I had told him of a meeting I had with one man I met with offline. Oh he was a sweet talker, one of the best! He had a gorgeous picture, his voice sounded well educated and just his whole persona was incredible. But, to my mistake, I knew the warning signs of 'never speak of you and me to any one else'. Whenever someone tells you something like this, they are hiding something. I knew it at the time too, I just didn't want to admit it to myself.
Anyway, on our very first meeting, he presented me with a collar, a very beautiful one, and we did many things that you SHOULD NEVER, EVER do.
I'm not proud of it, but this is the response my love had written me when I poured this informaion out to him. (The gentleman in question had two online subbies and one real time PLUS me!)
"Thank you for being honest with me about him. I am sorry that such a beautiful, special experience was tainted by a man who clearly was out for himself. I do not blame you, I do, however, blame him for not taking the time to understand how important and how special a collar can be for a submissive. This is something that should never, ever be taken for granted. This moment, in my opinion, is so very special, so sacred, so heavenly sacred to those who really understand this lifestyle. In my humble opinion, anyone can put a collar around your neck, anyone...as you can see. The way it happened for you that night, to me, seems so igsignificant, so meaningless...it should never have happened. Trust me when I tell you, you have yet to be collared. This is such a moment for release...for the sub who relinquishes her control to her Dom, and for the Dom who accepts this great responsibility and honor. HONOR!"
He did not hate me for this, nor did he think any less of me, but he did show me that the wannabees ARE out there, and thank goodness I will never fall prey to them again.
Now, as I have said earlier on in the site, we had reached the point of where limits, contracts, and total agreements fall into play. This is an area that takes sincere and honest answers. He wrote me....
"I have sent you a few things for you to review. I will begin writing a contract out for us. In it, you will find what I expect from you and what you can expect from me. You will have many questions answered about what it is I want out of a relationship of this nature and your duties and responsibilities to me as my submissive. This contract, I know will take a while to write because I am going to attempt to cover alot of ground. If or when the time comes, this is the contract we will live by. If you agree to this contract, there is no turning back. You will sign this contract only if you feel that this is what you ned and want in life to keep us together forever.
For now, I would like you to fill out the checklists I have sent you to give me an idea of what your experience is and what your likes and dislikes are. I know they will take awhile and do not expect them back immediately. Until we speak again..."
I have included the links to these checklists he talks about in the site here under "Alternative Lifestyles". Please, as we have shown you, take your time, research, use the checklists and make out a contract that is in the best interest to both of you.
The first weekend I came to see him, that is the day we signed the contract. We signed it in ink as well as sharing a drop of our blood to seal it. Now it hangs above our bed, mostly as a type of wedding ring for us, but sometimes I admit, I DO have to look at it to remind me of a few things. (Working outside the home sometimes makes me forget my place.)
Back when I was doing my researching of this lifestyle, I ran across a site, it was called eyesoftomorrow's home page off of http://www.geoocites.com/area51/nebula/8039/home.html anyway, there was a picture of a BEAUTIFULLY drawn woman with this poem following it...
For I wandered alone, tattered and torn
Seeking shelter from life's storm
Lost in misery, deserted and battered
My heart cried our for love
My soul screaming to fly free
In my darkest hour came
Healing hands upon my flesh
Soft words in my ear
Commanding me to rise
Filling my heart with love
Unchaining that which bound my soul
Knowing without seeing
This is my destiny
To love and honor Him
Him who has saved me
From a life I wandered
Tattered and torn
He is my shelter in life's storm
Strong hands to guide me
Warmth of heart to love me
And the soul of an Angel to free me
He is the Master of my life
And I give this to Him willingly
When I came across this, I decided to save it for the time that I thought I WOULD want to be with someone, (as their submissive), I would reread it, and if it described how I felt with him, then forward I went.
I will tell you, when you have found that Master, or your soulmate, which ever it is you seek, you will feel that person even if they are not there. It's kinda creepy at times because it's like you feel their breath on the back of your neck, or you get a hint of their perfume or cologne for just a quick second in the room. It's the connection the two of you have made. It is truly two souls meeting and holding on to each other.
I strip the layers of my old life and swap them for the life he's given me
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I wrote my Master this letter the day after a well-deserved punishment. I had been very 'sammy' and had forgotten my role in the life we had decided to pursue.
"Master...I have learned that my only need IS to be all that you need...my only goal is to please my Master...my body belongs to you. Whatever you decide to do with it, it is your right as I am your's. I will try with all my might to no longer continue to challenge my Master with words of 'I want' or 'I need'...I derive happiness from knowing I made my Master happy.
You, my Master, have given me the strenth to release my inner being, and I owe it to you to be all that you desire.
My eyes cannot see me the way they used to, for I am a changed woman and I need to see myself the same way Master sees me.
Thank you, Master, for your loving patience and firm, but deserving guidance.
I will respond without question to any and all of your demands on me, I know all your requests are out of love for me...your submissive, the one chosen to be all that you have needed your entire life time.
Master has given me a freedom that I have never had...a freedom to express my inner feelings...and know that you will never judge me...use it against me...or want to cause me any harm for them.
To look at my Master, when you are pleased, is the most incredible feeling that only a true submissive can feel.
It sinks down to my very soul, it is my life force to please my Master.
But your disappoinments can burn a scar on me deeper than anything else ever could. A scar that mades me shake with shame.
When I kneel beside my Master...I know that this is the place I belong.
To submit all to you. To expose my body, my mind, everything that makes me who I am to you...because of who you are.
Master, you have been very kind to me.
I know that last night, my punishment had to happen...it was well deserved and I will not forget it...I feel it very much even as I kneel here typing this to you.
Master, I needed all you gave me, and as much as I hate to admit it...I know that I deserved more. Your decisions are my rules to live by.
This is the life I have chaosen, and I couldn't have wanted it more with any other man. You are the first 'real man' to be in my life. I need to treasure you as much as you treasure me.
Master, I am not offering you an excuse, but an understanding...I have longed for you to be in my life for so long...I have been in charge of myself for so long that at times, I forget that I am not responsible for me...YOU are.
If I could just make one request of you, Master, I only request that you understand this and bear with me during my training process. I do not deliberately defy you in any way...I do not make it a conscience effort to say no, or I want...it just happens...and I am trying with all my might to change this part of me, and with the punishments I recieve...I know that I will let this part of me go.
I love you Master, as no woman could ever love a man more.
Master, I have never-ever considered moving for a man...any man for that part. My word, I am willing to go to the ends of the world with you and for you...YOU Master!
Do you have any idea just how strongly I feel for you to do this, Master? I have been with many men...men that were as handsome as any woman's fantasies...men that offered me kingdoms of gold...men that offered me the truest of hearts...men that also used and abused me.
Master...you are the man my heart has found to have all the qualities it ever needed all rolled up in one. I love you, Master. Please...please take me on this journey to be trained to be all that you need. Please, I beg of you to have patience and understanding with me.
Master, no man can ever hope to have what I want to offer to you and you alone..no man has ever felt what I long to give to you..I have saved it all my entire life, and I place it before you.
Please, take it..treasure it..train it to fit what you need in life to be all that you hoped to find. I love you Master, even more so today then yesterday and all the days before...your Sub/slave..."
His response to this was...
"...., I am very happy with you...You continue to prove on a daily basis that you are taking my lessons and learning them well. I do realize things take time, I have promised to have patience with you, so do not worry...you are doing fine...One thing you CAN count on...you are mine!"
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I spent a four day weekend with him learning about patience and what I was to expect out of the relationship should we decide to take it all the way. I was nervous, but never afraid. From the first time that we had spoken, this man, my husband, had connected with me in a way that is very hard to explain in simple words.
We had scened a small amount that weekend, but the biggest project he had on his hands with me was to teach me the art of patience. I would not recommend sceneing with anyone you had just met with as a real scene requires alot of trust. Like I said earlier, I had met with a man offline that I should have not scened with in any way. But of course, I had done all the no-no's that weekemd, we had alcohol, I met at a location that I was unfamiliar with...I could go on with all the wrongs I had done, all I can say is, I am very thankful that someone was watching over me that night. Needless to say, I have not had the opportunity to do something like that again...thank goodness!
Even though I had read all kinds of information of the do's and don'ts in this kind of lifestyle, I did not use common sense. Now, I will say to you....please do not make the same mistake as I was a lucky person that nothing happened to me, you may not be so lucky.
I have been involved in softer, milder scenes as well as scenes that would terrify a vanilla person. But I will tell you, no matter which you do, nothing at all in this life will compare to the intense sharing of emotions that the two of you have. I absolutely love it when we do knife play. There are different levels for all play when scening and the extent of our knife play is NOT for the drawing of blood. Ours is me placing my trust in him that I will not be harmed. He carves words in my skin, mostly on my back or my butt...things like I love you or owned or slave. The first time he ever did this I squirmed and screamed as I 'thought' all kinds of horrible things were happening to me. I did not place my trust in him to not harm me. Mind you, I will never nor would I have ever done knife play with ANYONE....but through time, he has taught me to expand my limits and this was one area that I said I held no interest in, but now I love it. As a matter of fact he gets so frustrated with me because I find it tickles me every time he tries to do it now!
We used to use nipple clamps quite often. Sometimes I would have a chain that connected them and was heavy enough for me to definitly feel the pull on my nips all the time I had the chain on due to the weight. Now that my nips are pierced, we have used our imagination to tie things through them or hang off the rings...all sorts of little things that feel incredible. Whenever I am asked about my piercings, I always say that I never regret having it done.
Remember me telling you about the horrible lie I had told my Master in the beginning about me supposedly a free woman when I wasn't? Well, my piercings were to be a punishment for this. I understand the reasoning behind now, but at the time, I was so scared. He had taken me to this one piercing shop and the man there had so many piercings and the way he described it made my breasts hurt from just hearing it. He knew I was frightened but here is where the subbie part comes in...even though I was afraid, I knew I deserved whatever punsihment he was going to give me. I could not argue that fact...he gave me the option of going through with the punishment or I could turn around and walk out of this lifestyle for good as I would never accept submission through any example. I chose to stay and was going to have it done. He then kissed and hugged me and told me it was a test to see how deep my want to be with him as his subbie was.
The message here is, when you are in a D/s relationship....you must always keep in mind that the Dom/Master always has the subbies best interest at heart. We may not always understand or agree with their decision, but it is not our position to question him.
This lifestyle is not at all about being 'punished' for minor indescretions. It is not an open door to free sex or abuse. What it is, is an honest choice and effort for each of you to want to take care of the other, to respect the roles we play in each others lives and it's a freedom to be who we are.
I am not into S&M which is very different from D/s. S&M is mostly based on severe sexual acts and there is a need to have a high level of pain tolerance as a regular subbie may not be strong enough to handle the level of intensity that goes along with it. In S&M for example, a subbie can take a whipping that leaves her/him so red and sore that they will usually collapse from it...but, and here's the biggie...it is such a powerful feeling that the physical contact that is a must afterwards is incredible!
We have come close to things like this, but I have to learn to accept more then what I think I can. (Hopefully Master has not read this!) There were times in a scene that my mind cries out that I just can't take any more even though my body is not saying it...my mind is telling me that common sense says that one more should push me over the edge. But this is a mental limit I apparently have put on my self and is not what I really want. When Master senses this about me, ( a good Dom/Master can sense all kinds of things about their subbies including the limits I just talked about), He will always give me a few more...then when the next time comes around, my mind tells me I took it before, so it is not something I can't handle.
Being submissive to your husband isn't at all being in a D/s relationship....you have done this out of your normal makeup of who you are...a submissive woman and you respect your husband naturally. In a D/s relationship, it is a 'choice' the two of you make that you 'want' your relationship to consist of these aspects. With my first husband, I just automatically submitted to him through wifely duties without giving it a second thought, I had never even heard the terms submission or dominance. The difference in my marriages in regards to this is that I resented my first husband for this as he took advantage of it. He did not recipricate in anyway. In a D/s relationship, the Dom/Master is grateful for your servitude and for each pleasure you give freely to him, he gives back to you. I see that my husband is sexually satisgied one way or another every single day...this is an agreed on task that I do willingly. In return, he brings my body to orgasm over and over. It's his way of thanking me for what I do for him. If I took care of him earlier in the evening, he will take care of my body when we are on the couch, in bed or in the car...wherever he feels like it. The point is, that for as much as you give to your Master, you can be garaunteed to receive pleasures in return.
If we had a spectacular scene session, he will be so attentive to me that I feel spoiled! Then there are times that the period between scenes stretches further then I like, so I kind of tease him with my submission. It's the 'brat' in me is all I can say. I will crawl on all fours to his side, I will kneel at his feet and at times, I have kissed his feet. If he desires something from the kitchen, I will crawl from the bedroom and add a little extra wiggle to my behind as I go because I know he is watching me (*grin*). By me doing things like this, sometimes we scene, sometimes we make love, sometimes we play rough...but all in all, it is well worth it because I am doing something I enjoy...AND we both get to enjoy in the long run.
I know that alot of submissives have to do this no matter what, it is an agreed upon duty of theirs to sit constantly at his feet or to crawl on all occasions wherever they are directed to go. But right now as He and I are pretty much tied up in work and have not had too much time together, right now, unless He directs it of me to do...I do it to capture his attention of my submission.
When we move into our new home it has already been decided that my role of fulltime sub/slave goes back into play. He has granted me a leave of being 24/7 sub/slave as I am both...not just submissive, because of the lack of time that he and I have had. But, when we are together, I know that my role is in effect no matter what.
Another example of how I show my submission to him is I have performed masturbation in front of his friends. Not in a disgraceful way, not out of humiliation, but as I was doing it, my eyes were locked on his and my body performed for others but my mind, heart and soul were all connected with his. My body is his to use as he sees fit, my heart, mind and soul have been transformed to love, honor, and respect him so deeply I would never and could never do these same things with any other man.
