I don't really
know where to start when it comes to my
to God. I know that it was a long hard road, mostly
I wouldn't pay attention. I came from a family that
in Jesus, but there was no formal religious training.
went to whatever church caught our fancy, and then
My dad belonged to The New Apostolic Church, so
there on occasion. But he always said that the Salvation
more for him then any other organization
Mom was raised Catholic, sort of.
I was 8 years old my parents divorced.
to say I was devastated. My world had
and my sense of safety and security was gone.
Oh Mom and
Dad both loved my sister and brother
and me unconditionally,
but things were not as they
Mom remarried when I was 9 and then the long
started. I was sexually molested from the time
I was 9
until I was 14 years old. I will not go into detail,
it to say that I came to really dislike my step dad.
told anyone, it wasn't talked about then, and no one
At the same time Mom had two more children,
My big brother was in the Air Force and faraway.
He was my
hero and my protector, but I couldn't tell him either.
sister and I were not close at that time, there
was 6 years
difference in our ages and we were like oil and
And I sure as heck wasn't telling my dad or mom.
I break up the family and put my little brothers
Well, I began
to eat and eat to protect myself and for
I was totally afraid of men and even boys
my own age.
Oh I had crushes, just like all the girls, but
a friendship if the truth be known. I literally got
by and I went to nursing school. I will guarantee
in 1975 I was the only virgin in the class. I
I was a freak and decided to do something about it.
went really crazy and even dabbled with marijuana.
time I knew I was not a nice person. So I grabbed
man that showed interest in me. We moved in
and lived together for 8 years exactly. Eight years
Hell. Now I was not only a victim of childhood
but now I was a victim of Domestic Violence.
I was hit
and punched and kicked and dragged by my hair.
because the house wasn't clean enough, the dinner
enough/hot enough/on time. He woke me up
at 2 AM
to fix him food when he came in from drinking
me if I complained. Of course he didn't work, I did.
around all day. When he did do seasonal work, all of
went to what he wanted to do, not to bills. He
alot of my money. If I didn't believe it before he
me I was ugly and worthless, and no one would
You guessed it, I wasn't about to tell anyone
abuse either. I think my sister had an idea, but
weren't close at this time.
my big brother, my hero was diagnosed with
cancer. You can read about him here .
with my mom to be with him when he had surgery.
It was then
that he told me about Jesus and the true plan of
Well I wanted to believe it so I told myself that
I did. However
in hindsight, I think it was just to please
This event however gave me the courage to
told him one night when he came home, that if
to live his life in the gutter that was fine, but I
there with him. I left the next day.
unlike many that escape this situation, he
me again. My guardian angel maybe?
the most wonderful man on December 19,1987.
He is kind
and gentle and wonderful! He is not a believer.
had 2 daughters and now she was having a third.
so closely, so very vigilantly with all of the girls
to see that
their "grandpa" didn't do to them what he did
to me. But
in 1995, my sisters youngest, told her mom that
he had indeed
molested her! My world fell apart! How could
I have not
seen? How could I not protect this precious little
old? The night I found out I was desolate. My
didn't want me to go to work, he knew I was in no
shape to do the job. But I insisted.
I had every
intention of killing myself that night. I work
shift. No traffic. Icy roads. I had the tree picked out.
I was almost
there. I was aiming at that tree. I was crying out
to God with
all of my soul "Why? Why? How could you
like this happen? Do you exist? Are you
Or are you just another fairy tale to make kids
good? Show yourself you coward! Show me that you
That you know and care what the hell happens to
anyone else! Do you love ME?" By this time I was
and crying. I truly was hysterical.
explain it. But a peace "that passes all understanding"
me. I felt overwhelming love and forgiveness and
I knew that I would cause much pain if I did this
around and went home. I never told anyone how close
I came to
dying that night.
It was at
this time that I started to go to a church that my
been wanting me to attend.
31, 1996 I received the gift of the Holy Ghost
Baptized in Jesus name.