“Abby? Abby, wake up.” I was startled out of my deep sleep by a timid whisper. It was early in the afternoon, and the sun was still out. To my surprise, I was exhausted. Still, I found the strength to open my eyes just enough to catch the sunlight the filled Zac’s eyes.
“Hey, Abby. Look, I’m sorry I came here and woke you up like this, and I know you hate me to death, but I need my chance to talk to you. Please, don’t kick me out. I need to talk to you. It’s important. Please.” Looking up at his pitiful gaze, my heart began to cry. He was in as bad shape as I was. I couldn’t take back what I had done, the things I had said. I couldn’t ever make that right. Knowing that, I felt helpless and unworthy of him. I shook my head mournfully.
“I’m sorry, Zac. So sorry. I can’t. I just can’t. It’s not you. I’m evil, Zac, and I’m so sorry.” He sighed deeply and stood up, moving my window. He gazed outside, through the glass, and grinned. “What’s it like being able to see the ocean from your bedroom window? You’ve got one damn amazing view here. How is this place not perfect?” I knew what he was getting at. Ignoring the facts, turning everything around, making it all my fault. Maybe it was. But I didn’t need what he was giving me.
“It’s not always perfect. Now, go away, please, I’m so tired. You woke me up. I’m weak. I don’t want to talk to anybody right now.” I bit my lip as he closed the curtain and faced me. “Abby, if I didn’t care so much about you, I wouldn’t be here. I’m scared to death of what you’re doing. I’ve been scared for five years.” I shook my head. “Don’t pull this. You never were scared. You would’ve come back for me. You didn’t care, and you still don’t. I don’t want to bring this up again. Please, leave. You don’t belong here.” I snapped back. He put his hands on my shoulders. “No. No, I’m not leaving until you admit what we already know.” I glared at him.
“You think you know so much? You don’t know anything? Get out. Just get out.” When he didn’t leave, I felt myself begin to melt. “You’re such and idiot. You don’t know anything, and you don’t understand. Just stop it, Zac. You complicate everything. Stop it, do you here me? Fade away again. Please, just do it. For me. I don’t want to feel this way. Get out of my life.” He hung his head. “Abby, I have to leave today. Tonight, I’m expected to get back on that bus and go on to the next city—“ I cut him off. “You didn’t even have a concert here.” He nodded. “Yes, we did. It was last night. Sorry.” He continued. “Anyway, I can’t leave and wonder if my best friend will kill herself. It will just be too hard—“ I threw my hands over my ears and began to hum a song I had never heard before. Through my humming, I murmured, “I’m not suicidal…I won’t leave. I can’t leave. Go away. Goodbye.” That’s when I felt the burn across my face. I shrieked and jumped back, crying and startled. Zac stood above me, pulling his hand back to his side. He didn’t look satisfied. He was just as frightened as I was.
“For the love of God, how can you lie so much? Amber found the knife, Abby. We know. She didn’t tell anyone but me. We know about your fatal little secret. Stop lying. You’re just hurting everybody.” I felt myself shaking. “Then why do you like me? Why do you call yourself my friend if all I ever do is hurt you? I am evil. I told you. Is that what you want? If you came here for that, you’ve got it.” He threw his arms around me. I had no choice but to hug him back.
“Look, Abigail. You are my best friend in the entire world. You always have been. Even when I’m thousands of miles away from you, I’ve remembered you. It scares me to death to think that I could loose you. Get help. I’m begging you. I will pay for any psychiatrist in this entire world if you want. I won’t let you go like this. I cannot let you do this to yourself and everyone around you. But I can’t force you into anything. The last thing I want in the world is to make this worse. Let me in. Let me help.” I shook my head and wiped my nose.
“I can’t let you do that. I don’t need any help, and I don’t need your money. I’m alone, Zac, okay? I’ve been alone. I’ve been fine. I guess I should stay this way. It’s meant to be.” He sat down on the bed beside me. “I only have five hours left here. I was hoping I could spend them with you. We don’t have to have any deep, meaningful, life-changing conversations. Let’s just be kids again. I haven’t done that in years.” I nodded and wiped my nose. “Alright. It sounds good. Just let me get dressed. I’ll be ready in a minute.” He seemed satisfied as he strolled out the door, waiting for me. I smiled at him. “You promise, none of those intense conversations?” He shrugged. “I can’t promise you that. I can try to assure you that there won’t be—but I don’t want to ever risk breaking a promise to you.” I nodded. “Okay. Good enough. At least you think I’m worthy of unbroken promises. You’re the only one in this world who thinks that.” And, with that remark, I closed the door and began to prepare for what would become my last night of true happiness.
Chapter 12-Unworthy
