1) Q: What inspired you to write "Happiness"?
A: A lot of things. Myself; I was a Hanson fan with depression a while back. Hanson's wonderful fans were another big factor; I wondered how many more of them were out there who had been like me, and I wanted to let them know that someone else had been through that. And Hanson, of coarse. It doesn't look to me like they have it too easy. I know that the lives they live would just completely shatter me. I wondered if they had ever felt like I had.
2) Q: Why is the whole site black?
A: I don't know. It's the only color I can envision for my website, really. I think it's a pretty serious color...I guess to capture the depressed mood of the story.
3) Q: Are you yourself suicidal?
A: No. Absolutely not. I had my issues in the past, and this story is basically me taking a mental journey back into them. This is not a cry for help or anything. It's fiction, but, honestly, Abby's depressed feelings were my life once.
4) Q: When will your next story be done? I am very anxious to read it; you are incredibly talented.
A: Thank you :). I'm not really sure when my next story will be done...I'm starting to write the first few chapters now. Once I get those up, I'll probably take a chapter-by-chapter approach, the way I did with this story.
5) Q: I loved the story!! I was just wondering why you mentioned Zac giving Abby a note in "Goodbye" when we didn't get to hear what it said. It leaved you curious which is kind of annoying. LOL!! But maybe that was why you did it? So that we could sit and wonder...If only she had read his note. But anyway I love your story and I'm sorry you ever went through something similar.
A: To be perfectly honest, I had completely forgotten about that note. I'm so sorry about that...thank you so much for reminding me. I'm a mad woman sometimes. You've actually inspired me to add that into the sequel--which I'll put up when I get around to it (that should be very soon...probably within the week). Oh, and you don't have to feel bad for me. In an odd way, I'm actually kind of thankful for going through what I went through--it was an experience for me to learn and grow, and I was inspired to write stories like this because of that. Thank you for caring about me, though. And, I'm glad you liked the story.
6) Q: I heard that you and Abby were going through the same type of depression and that this story is for you a way to remind yourself of what you were. How did you manage to get out of the depression you had? Didn't it feel like there was another world near you, made of shadows that kept calling you to them, and you were so tempted to respond?
And second, are you sure that all those things are out of your mind now? I know this isn't a cry for help, but are you feeling absolutely secure? Especially at nights, when everything starts to go black for me again? Sorry, but I had to ask...
A: I had lived with depression for two years, and I decided that I'd had enough of living like that. I wanted to kill myself, but I was too afraid to do that (thankfully). I did what I knew was right; I told my mother. She put me in counseling, and that helped me feel a lot better. It took a lot of time and struggle, but, eventually, I realized how beautiful this world truly was, and what I was missing. That is exactly how I felt. I felt like those shadows were controlling me, and my life. Depression really is a different world. It's a personal hell, and you really do have to suffer to escape it.
To answer your second question, those things will never be completely out of my mind. I'm satisfied with my life now. I'm currently very happy. Still, I do struggle with what was. I missed out on two years of my life, my childhood, and that hurts me. The past isn't holding me back, but it still is a very real part of my life. I feel pain about things, but not so bad that I'm ready to kill myself. You grow after you've experienced depression, and, with help, you learn how to control your pain so that you don't fall back into it. The nights probably are the hardest times for me now, only because nights were so hard for me then. I would dream about dying at night, and I'm reminded of that sometimes. You don't have to be sorry for asking. I'm glad to answer your questions.
Q: Was your depression created by Hanson, or by other reasons?
How did you do it so you didn't fall in the same trap again?
A: I don't think that depression is completely built around one thing--it's built around many things that cause intense emotional pain. Hanson was part of my depression, but it wasn't their fault. I had no friends, and I sort of molded Hanson into my friends because I could realte to their lyrics, and their music was an escape for me. When I realized they had no idea who I was, and they couldn't connect with me in any way other than musically, it intensified my depression. But, in the end, Hanson ended up being the reason that I didn't kill myself (I had wanted to thank them for giving me some happiness before I died, and I hadn't met them yet, so I decided to struggle so that I could thank them).
I'm not quite sure how I didn't fall back into it. There were times when it was tempting, but, somehow, I just wouldn't let go. I was in counseling for a few months, and that helped a little. Getting out and staying out of depression is a choice, once you've already been through it. I surround myself with things that I love, and if I ever get seriously depressed, I think about the good things that are in my life (even if it's a small thing, like, say, my hair styled well that morning).
Q: Hey, which of your questions were made by you, and which ones by other people?
And why did you wanna invent those questions anyway?
A: I created questions one, two, and three. The rest were all written by others. I invented them because I know that, when I read a story that I like, I feel like I need to know even more about it. I created this page so that I could connect further with my readers, by letting them become a deeper part of the story, and of me. If they can ask me questions, they might be able to understand better the elements of this story, as well as the madness behind it :).
Another reason is the story's topic. Because this story deals with such a sensitive, serious topic, I think, without questions, it might scare or confuse people. Some readers have experienced depression, and they may or may not understand why some things happened in this story. Same thing goes for readers who have never had depression. This is just to attempt to help people understand what is going on in the story, and why.
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