"So, how's life been treating you?" Zac asked quietly. The wind swept his voice away, into the sky above. I closed my eyes and slouched in my seat, my bare back comfortable with the cool interior. "Since when?" His smile desinigrated, and he took my hand. "Abby, it's going to be okay. It's over. I'm sorry it happened, but it's over now. I promise." I opened my eyes and smiled weakly, shaking my head. "No, Zac. No. It's still alive, inside of me. I can't just make it go away." He didn't reply. Just kept his eyes on the road, afraid to say anything more.
"It is. I'm sorry for that. I've tried to cut it loose, but it won't leave me. I'm sorry." I paused, trying to get his attention. "My life's been fine, all right? I love it, I'm completely happy and satisfied. How about you?" He parked in front of my house, rubbing my palm. "You still remember where I live." I observed. He really hadn't forgotten me. "How could I forget? I used to practically live here." He climbed out of the car and crossed over to the passenger's side, where I was. "Abby, I'd be lying to you if I said my life has been completely wonderful. I won't lie to you anymore. I've learned my lesson." I gulped. He smiled and opened my door, like a real gentleman. "I'll see you soon."
We walked to my front step together, where my parents were waiting, indefinitely enraged. They didn't even bother to say "hello" or "thank you" to Zac; just pulled me inside, slammed the door, and sat down on the couch where I assumed they had been waiting.
I watched Zac's Jeep drive away, and I felt like I was loosing him again. In a way, I wished I were. It was unbelievably painful for me to have to be in his presence, when I had spent years silently longing for that. It frightened me. I had never felt so strongly about anybody. Sighing deeply, I turned to my parents.
"I apologize for what I've done." I said, trying to sound responsible and grown up. I knew it wouldn't work. I was in deep. "Unfortunately for you, Abigail, a mere apology won't cut it this time. We'll have a long talk about it in the morning. Until then, I think it's time for you to go to bed." Without resisting, I darted up the stairs, into my bedroom. My younger sister, Reenie, who I shared a room with, was already fast asleep.
I changed into my pajamas, the cool night air chilling my flesh. The long-sleeved flannels I put on were enough to keep me warm for the night, after I had nearly frozen.
I guess I hadn't realized how truly exhausted I was until I crawled under my covers. I was used to finding shelter under there, hiding from Reenie. She couldn't see me crying when I hid under there. I cried so much more than I knew I should have, and I couldn't help it.
The covers were different that night. They made me feel real and whole, alive. I hadn't felt that way in years.
Suddenly, while pretending I was alone as I closed my eyes and more lustful tears squeezed through, I wished the covers that shielded my body from the thick darkness were Zac. That was only the first time in years that I had ever told myself that I may have been insane, that I was helpless, evil, falling.
Chapter 4-Joy
