september 17 . 2000

controlling people suck. people who tell you what to do, how to think, and how to think about it. why do they feel the need to control your life? do they get some sort of power rush, some feeling of authority? do they feel better about themselves after they've fucked up your life? for years and years, i let someone control my life. i took everything he said sacredly. how he viewed my looks, my opinions, my personality...everything. the things he said weren't very nice, either. he criticized me every chance he got. as you would suspect, my self esteem went spiraling downwards as a result. it's still pretty low now. i told him time and time again that he hurt my feelings, but he wouldn't listen to me. i've broken all contact with him. i delete his e-mails, refuse his phone calls, tear up his letters. i know he reads this website, too. since i know you'll read this eventually, i have a message for you:

fuck you. fuck you to hell. you can't control me anymore. i won't let you. go on, lead your own life, but stay the fuck away from mine. find someone else to criticize. i'm too busy to deal with your shit.

don't let someone like him get under your skin. i did, and it ruined precious years of my life. don't let anyone tell you how to be. those decisions are for you to make. and never ever let yourself be judged. you're worth so much more than that. don't ever let yourself be controlled. be your own, beautiful, unique person. and don't care what other people think of you. it will only make you feel worse about yourself. please, please, please listen to this. if there is one lesson that you must learn for survival, it is to be your own person. be an individual. everything else is irrevelant. no one was ever happy living up to someone else's expectations. set expectations of your own. be yourself. it's the only way to be, or at least to be happy.