why can't i feel happy?
like a normal person?
but then, what is normal?
why do i feel stupid
ugly, unsuccessful, unloved
when everyone tells me otherwise?
why can't i accept compliments?
why torture myself
with terrible thoughts
that bring no solutions
but bring tears instead?
why do i hate myself?
why can't i feel happy
good, honest, pure, worthy
things that everyone thinks i am?
why do i hide my real self
behind a mask
so painstakingly sculpted
and terrifyingly fragile?
why don't people understand how i feel?
and when i try to explain,
i just feel worse?
why doesn't this make any fucking sense?
why?

-- sarah