i screwed up
i revealed something
not ready to be shown
i alone am to blame
i can't blame him
for liking another
for being happy
for being himself
i've removed my mask
shown my jealous,
tear-stained face
and it's not pretty
my mask should
never have been removed
i never should have trusted
myself or my feelings
so here i am
my mask long lost
my vulnerability exposed
my soul unfulfilled
nothing is right
or ever will be
maybe, someday
i will learn
that wearing a mask
is not necessary
and hiding my feelings
isn't smart
but until i learn to
love myself
and stop getting hurt
when the mask comes off
i have to keep my guard up
i have to pretend i'm okay
i'm happy
when just the opposite is true
i hate myself
for feeling like this
for exposing myself
for opening up
i guess no matter
how much you love
or trust
you still get hurt
by loving and trusting

-- sarah