I had some homework today but I didn't do it. I never do my homework. I do it at lunch or P.E. or something and I get the answers from someone. Why do something that's not teaching me? ... well it isn't.

This thing between me and Cosme is kinda weird. I like Omar, and both of them know that. However, I asked Cosme out one night. We never went, but still, he thinks I'm head over heels for him. I like him, just not like Omar. I don't want to "go out". We spend time together at Jessica's house, and I think the movies is just a place where all the mojo couples hang out. There's a bunch of druggies and sluts--a lot of the girls there are sexually active and find their black lipliner enticing. Sure. Whatever. My idea of a date with him would be hanging out at his or Jessica's house and just chatting outside. And even that wouldn't be a date. I don't do dates, and I won't until I'm around fifteen. I hate them so much because they're just stupid. They make me feel all guilty, like I'm growing up too fast. That's the thing, all I want is to stay a child forever. I'm still a child at this moment, and people don't believe that. I'm starting to grow out of my childish shell but all I'm doing is squeezing my entire body up tighter, trying to keep the shell from cracking. Once it starts to crack, all the emotions, the playtimes, the imagination and importance will begin to leak out. I don't want that. I mean, I want to love and live and laugh, but I don't want responsibility. By my first date, all of this will be gone. I'll sit at home at cry, and wonder why the hell I did that. I'll no longer be a child. It's not fair.

Of course I want to grow up and get married and have children, but why now? That shell will break in it's own time, but why should I stretch myself out on the indside and hasten it's progress? It's already starting to expand. Most of my friends already have leaves pouring out from the crevices. I'm a late bloomer and people don't like that about me. I won't date, I won't party, I won't check out guys. What's so wrong with that? When the day comes, I will be the flower that took its time. I will bloom full and beautiful, and all the other flowers will wonder why my petals are so bold and strong. I'll look at the weeds around them, and say, "Because I waited. I have nothing to regret, and now I'm ready to live in this wonderful feild we call life. Oops, watch the pesticides." Why can't other people understand this? Maybe they will one day. Until then I can only wait.

I think I need to eat something now. This first entry has actually been kinda fun...in the words of Cosme, "Laters."