the words never heard
Like the daily ritual
of the ocean that waxes and wanes.
The things that happen to people
they never change.
I don't expect tears
because I have expelled more then my share.
I don't expect understanding or acceptance.
I have come to terms with that fear.
I did it without him.
Although I didn't expect to.
I didn't know what I was missing in life
until I heard about him, him and him and then you.
Never knew I had a brother
let alone three.
Never knew you owned a house
on these very streets.
never knew you had friends
but, they knew of your baby boy.
Never knew if you were proud of me.
Never knew If I was your joy.
Never knew why you were so mad at me
for developing a new look.
Never did care that in elementary school
I was reading high school books.
Never did come to my games
in high school or college.
Never came to my championship game
you never did keep that promise.
never understood why i should lie to recieve money
guess my parents didn't want to go to court.
I am glad about that
because his money alone is not child support.
I remember the man on the hospital bed
half the man I considered a tower.
I remember the fear of rejection as I walked in.
This man I once considered a power.
I never saw my parents flirt
until that day.
I never saw my mother smile
at anything he had to say.
i never thought he would die on father's day.
in fact he gave us one more week.
I remember during the last visit
the one when he could not speak.
I read out to him his card
and everyone thought that he still had a great smile
and that he needed that show of love
for his little while.
I remember having to go teach
the new generation's new ones
but, I was called back to you.
I should have said our time was done.
I stayed to hear you
but, the cancer would only let you mumble
I stayed to hear you
but, reality left me humbled.
Yours was my my second funeral
Mom's mom was my first
please do not ask
which situation was the worst.
I consoled your family
Partcularly your mommy.
She wailed, moaned, and cried
she was as sad as she could be.
There was an Americain Flag
on your casket.
they gave us flowers to bury you with
out of a yellow basket.
First, my grandnieces and nephews
and then my sister and brothers
and then your friends, possible loves
and as I said before your mother.
It rained that day.
I watched it trickle on the llimo window
my attention it carried.
I wondered who up there was crying too.
Probably the wife you married.
As you were returned to her.
I cried tears of sorrow
while she cried tears of joy.
She could because she didn't have to wake up tommorrow.
sometimes I see your face
on old men in the streets or on the train,
in the supermarket, in the park,
or that tall guy sitting three rows ahead of me on the
plane.
But you are gone now
living in a house in hevean.
Would you send me away
and invite my bretheren.
To sit an tell life stories
the things you did.
Or would you call me a bastard
and let society call me illegitimate.
Where are your words.
I would like to hear what you like to say.
Give me the past
So I know what is today.
" I'm glad you..."
"She's a looker"
" I know you can do it".
"Your the father of her".
Are these the words father's speak of?
Is this how father's
show their youngest son love.
At night I cry on my knees and hold myself in bed
and lay there as I were
and I think about these words.
the words I never heard.
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