Let us start off with a few quotes from the famous and infamous.
I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving: To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it, but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor.
--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., US Supreme Court Justice
"Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters." --Benjamin
Franklin
"...[O]ur invasion of Iraq had no effect on al-Qa'ida, other than to boost their recruiting efforts. ... Too many of our soldiers are paying the highest price for the strategic miscalculations, serious misjudgments and historic mistakes that have put them and our nation in harm's way." --
Albert "Algor Mortis" Gore
"I consider the foundation of the Constitution as laid on this ground that 'all powers not delegated to the United States, by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states or to the people.' To take a single step beyond the boundaries thus specially drawn around the powers of Congress, is to take possession of a boundless field of power, not longer susceptible of any definition." --
Thomas Jefferson
Republics are created by the virtue, public spirit, and intelligence of the citizens. They fall, when the wise are banished from the public councils, because they dare to be honest, and the profligate are rewarded, because they flatter the people, in order to betray them." --
Joseph Story
"If it be asked, 'What is the most sacred duty and the greatest source of our security in a Republic?' The answer would be, 'An invoilable respect for the Constitution and Laws -- the first growing out of the last.' ... A sacred respect for the constitutional law is the vital principle, the sustaining energy of a free government." --
Alexander Hamilton
"Although a republican government is slow to move, yet when once in motion, its momentum becomes irresistible." --
Thomas Jefferson
"The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." --
Thomas Jefferson
An American tourist in London found himself needing to urinate something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself.
So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Justas he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up. "Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.
"I'm sorry," the American replied, but I really gotta take a leak."
"You can't do that here," the officer told him.
"Look, follow me. "The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges.
"Here "said the policeman, "whiz away.
"The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started pissing on the flowers. "Ahhh," he said in relief.
Then turning toward the officer, he said,
"This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"
"No," retorted the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."
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Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.
Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.
Thanks to aha jokes
From http://jokes.glowport.com/
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Strange United States laws
from the book "Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton
In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is
unacquainted."
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets. Kibo.
In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. nj.
Attention Gooley: In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.
In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Blair!
In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. cj!
In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property. Jenine!
In Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.
In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission. Gypsy!
In Baltimore, it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city
limits. It's also illegal to take a lion to the movies.
In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. Gypsy?
In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous
stories from the pulpit during a church service.
In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. Gypsy.
In Pennsylvania, "any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue."
In Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face). Gypsy!
In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. gypsy.
In Kentucky, "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club" gypsy
An amendment to the above legislation: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds (gypsy), nor shall it apply to female horses."
In the United States, the federal government forces states to set speed limits of 55 miles per hour or less. This law was later
amended to allow travel at 65 miles per hour but only on rural roads.
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Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won't.
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There's one thing the Democrats and Republicans share in common: Our money.
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A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise'."
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Enough Said
Put in the url
An American tourist in London found himself needing to urinate. something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself.
So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Justas he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up. "Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.
"I'm sorry," the American replied, but I really gotta take a leak."
"You can't do that here," the officer told him.
"Look, follow me." The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges.
"Here," said the policeman, "whiz away.
"The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started pissing on the flowers. "Ahhh," he said in relief.
Then turning toward the officer, he said,
"This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"
"No," retorted the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."
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Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency
of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.
HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took: The melody out of music, The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement, or,
God out of government and school.
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!
And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.
Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner?
What about the last verse of My Country 'tis of Thee?
"Our father's God to thee,
Author of liberty,
To Thee we sing.
Long may our land be bright,
With freedom's Holy light.
Protects by Thy might,
Great God our King."
Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!
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A SPECIAL OBITUARY
http://community-2.webtv.net/MsDoriLB/ASPECIALOBITUARY/
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Clinton dies and of course goes straight to hell.
When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity.
They go to the first door and the Devil shows him
Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says
"Oh no! That's not how I want to spend all eternity......."
They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush
Limbaugh chained to the wall being tortured.
Bill says "Oh no! Not for me!"
They go to the third door. Behind it is Ken Starr,
chained to the wall with Monica Lewinsky on her knees giving him a blowjob.
Bill thinks and decides,
"Hmmm, looks okay to me. I'll take it."
The Devil then says,
"Good. Hey Monica, you've been replaced."
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He's Back
Baghdad Bob Joins A Sitcom in 2004
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/iraqimin10.shtml
Baghdad Bob Accepts An Oscar
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/iraqimin9.shtml