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DO YOU KNOW THE PAIN THAT AWAITS YOU?
---{We stand at a crossroads in the Fans Wrestling Federation. After "Lethal Lottery" the world title still remains occupeed. This sunday, on Shcok, ten of the best that UHW has to offer will go at it in a Battle Royale with pin for the World Heavyweight Title. Stephano DiMaria seems to think that he is the favorite to win since he made it to the finals but little does he know that something is lurking in the shadows. Also after LL, JT has taken over and with the help of EoD has promised to keep it that way. Omega and Xzibit were robbed of the Tag Titles and now Silverberg and Donaven Winters reside as champs. Sonny LIghtening remains European Champ, but Flith Pigg captures The XXXtreme Title. Amazon has capture the TV Title and The Lightweight itle is also to be decided at Shock. Will EoD stay under JT's power? Who will win the World Title? Is there a traitor in the ranks of EoD? All will be revealed at Shock...}---
[Scene]---{We fade in to look upon a famed television set. It is the set of Saturday Night Live. It is Monday, so the cast and crew are setting up and rehearsing for the week's show. Suddenly the stage door opens slowly and Justin Sane walks in with a cameraman. The cast turns to the door as Justin stands there in a plain black T-shirt and a pair of Levis 402 jeans with a pair of Nike Air Jordan sneakers on and a black leather winter coat on. Will Ferrell quickly jumps from his seat to meet Justin. He walks over and shakes his hand. Justin removes his sunglasses that he had on and looks around. The seats are not yet set up, but tables are instead there for the crew to study their lines. The entrance where the band SNL band sets up and the host talks is already set up along with the "WEEKEND UPDATE" stage and the Green Screen. Justin glances around once more to see the entire cast glaring towards the entrance. They are sitting at a group of consecutive tables in front of sets where the seats would normally be. From left to right we have Tim Meadows, Darrell Hammonds, and Chris Kattan. Opposite them are Cheri Oteri, Horatio Sanz, and Ana Gasteyer. The SNL band is tuning up for practice and the musical guest, "The Ruff Ryders featuring Cash Money" is setting up. Justin takes off his coat and places it on a chair nearby. He folds his sunglasses and sticks them into the jacket pocket. Justin begins to talk to Will while walking towards the rest of the cast. Suddenly, Loren Michaels comes into view. Justin and Will stop. Loren is wearing a black Armani suit with pattened leather shoes. He walks over to Justin to shakes his hand. He speaks}---
[Loren]-Welcome, Justin. We have been expecting you. After hearing of your latest advances in the field of wrestling, mainly the UHW World Title Tournament, we here at Saturday Night Live would like to congratulate you. We are extremely happy to have as a guest on our show and cannot wait for Saturday.
[Justin]- Thank you Loren. Will. It is great to be here. Growing up in Russia I never got to experience this, but now that I am here I am glad I can. I too have congratulations to give. I congratulate you and the cast, both past and present, on an excellent 25 years. I hope for another great 25.
[Loren]- I trust that you received the script I sent to you. It is a vital part to our live performance. And without it, we would be lost.
[Justin]- Yes, I received it. I have studied it carefully and know my lines. Where is Colin Quinn. I see that the "WEEKEND UPDATE" stage is set up, but I do not see Colin.
[Scene]---{Suddenly, Colin Quinn walks out of the dressing room area talking to a stage hand. He has a script in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Colin is wearing just a plain pair of blue jeans and a white T-shirt. He stops by Camera 1 to look around. He looks at the table with the cast first and signals hello, then looks towards the door. He sees Justin Sane. He looks down at his script and looks up again. He as a look of approval on his face. Justin and Colin stare each other down for a minute, before Justin and Loren walk over to Colin. Will goes back to the table and sits with the rest of the cast. Colin hands his glass of water to the stagehand and dismisses him. He wipes his hand, wet from the glass, and shakes Justin's hand.}---
[Colin]- So you are the on who I am interviewing? Huh? You ever done comedy before?
[Justin]- Nope. But I have done live interviews, so its not like I can do this stuff. I know its gonna be hard, but I know I can do it.
[Colin]- Ok, ok. Yea, I have seen those shows once or twice. I like em. They are pretty entertaining. But down to business. This is the crucial part. The rehearsal. If you don't know your stuff now, you will never know it. Let's get over to the stage and start this rehearsal.
[Justin]- Ok, no problem. You got it.
[Colin]- Ok, but before we continue. What wrestler's name are we substituting here? What's this guy's name?
[Justin]- There is no name. Its just a bunch of guys. I want the cameraman to tape this so he can send this over to UHW for all those guys in the rumble. I know they doesn't watch such great TV as SNL. Hell, they probably can't even afford basic TV.
[Colin]- Ok. No problem. Let me just cross this out, write this in, and we'll start right up.
[Scene]---{Justin walks over to the table with all the cast members there. Justin shakes the hands of Darrell Hammonds, Chris Kattan, Tim Meadows, and Horatio Sanz. He then kisses Cheri Oteri and Ana Gasteyer on the cheek. Justin waves to the rest as he walks slowly towards the stage. Colin has already made his way there. Justin is stopped by a stagehand and given a script and a glass of water with lemon in it. Justin opens the script and holds it in his right hand. He takes a sip of it and continues towards the stage. He gets there and Colin is setting up in his chair. Justin sits down is his chair as Colin is getting ready to start. Justin places his water to his left and the script down in front of him. Justin sets himself and Colin begins.}---
[Colin]- That does it for headlines. Now we have a special guest here tonight. He is from the Wrestling Federation known as Ultimate Hardcore Wrestling. He is The Most Hardcore SOB in all of wrestling. He is...JUSTIN SANE!
[Scene]---{Colin looks towards Justin as if the camera is switching to him. The stage hands play a synthesized clapping sound as Justin begins to speak.}---
[Justin]- Thank You, Thank You. It is great to be here.
[Colin]- Now, Justin. You have been around in the UHW. But you have been away due to injury. Now this whole thing is going one And you are int he rumble. Is there anyone that, well...poses a threat to you now? Or that you don't like?
[Justin]- Threat? To Me? Colin, THAT IS comedy. But that I don't like. O yea, there is plenty.
[Colin]- Ok. Justin lets talk about the UHW. It has been in some turmoil recently. With Duncan taking over, then you getting injured, and then JT siding with Duncan, only to betray him and to take over with the help of EoD.
[Justin]- Wel...
[Scene]---{As Justin is about to speak, a crazed fan, played by Cheri Oteri busts onto the stage. She is ranting and raving, as Colin can barely contain himself. Justin has a look of inquisitiveness on his face, but then looks at the script, and smiles. Cheri is going wild.}---
[Fan]- O my God! O my God! It's really you?! It's really you?! I always watch you on TV and never miss a single appearance. I have pictures of you all over my wall! You are so hot! Please, could you sign...Uhh...MY BREASTS!
[Scene]---{Cheri pulls out a black permanent marker and is about to take her shirt off. She grabs the bottom, when suddenly, two security men, in the form of Tim Meadows and Will Ferrell, come into the scene and grab her by the arms. They begin to drag her off stage as she tosses Justin a piece of paper with writing on it. Justin looks at it and smiles. The Fan is heard screaming as the interview continues.}---
[Colin]- WOW! That was certainly something. Damn security! We got to fire those guys! They always seem to ruin the perfect moment. What was that piece of paper any ways?
[Justin]- DAMN! Yo man, I never knew that I had that hot of a fan! The paper?! It's her address and phone number. I think I'll have to make a call before I leave town.
[Scene]---{The two laugh and kid each other as Colin and Justin settle back into a serious mood. Colin clears his throat as Justin takes a sip of water. Colin continues.}---
[Colin]- Well, moving on. What were you saying? About The State of UHW. Before you were so happily interrupted.
[Justin]- O yea, The UHW. Hard to concentrate after that. But I think I can. Well ya know I have had many views on things before and sometimes I have kept my views secret and sometimes I have been public about them. But now, this is strange. UHW has always been my home and always will be. They were good to me. Even when I was injured. And now, I will repay the favor. By whooping some serious ass.
[Colin]- Ok, now onto the rumble. !) men. 1 Winner. Over The top battle royale, with pinfalls counting. So you think you can win?
[Justin]- Well lets see here. We have about five current champions, and a former world champion in Stephano DiMaria. Now lets break downt he competiotn. Sonny Lightening, my fllow EoD member. A great competitor with a lot of heart and skill, but still, not as grwt as me. Sonny, I wish you luck and I wish not to fight you but if I must I must. Now, onto Amazon. Amazom...hmmm...what can I say about you. Well you are a TV Champion, so I guess that does give a LITTLE respect. But not much. You will fall just like the rest. Justin Sane cannot be stopped. Justin Sane will not be stopped. You see, WHEN I COME THROUGH, THERE AIN'T NOTHING THAT CAN SAVE YOU! But moving on. Who's next on this list of victims. Triple X? Who the hell is this guy? must be right out of the powerplant. Listen son, how you got this match I have no idea, but you will realize that it was a mistake. You see X, you are playing witht he big boys now. The guys at the top of the foodchain. Not the little nobodies from the Powerplant. X, you should have stayed there, cuz you about to get whooped. Now, we move onto a new competitor. Joe Franco. The plumber from brooklyn. ---{In a bad brooklyn accent} ---What's wrong the plumbing buisness ain't payin too well for ya?! Well you probably didnt get that great of a contract here either. And after getting your ass whooped by the greatest wresler of all time on Sunday, they might raise it a little. I mean think about it, that fact that you even got here is surprising. Sounds like JT is letting anyone in now adays. O well, but it doesn't matter becuase your ass, Amazon's Ass, and X's ass can;t save you from Sunday. All of you will know why they calld me HARDCORE!
[Colin]- Ya know Justin you could really get in trouble for making that kind of comment about Brooklyn. I mean you are in New York City. And a lot of our cast members live in Brooklyn. So ya know, you might wanna keep those comments to a minimum.
[Justin]- Colin, I know what I am doing. Now onto some of the more important members in this Battle Royale. First off The XXXTreme Champ, Filth Pigg. Very dumb, underestimating me. Saying that I am a fucking joke. Well Filth Pigg, you might want to consider this before talking again about me. Before I got injured I was the number one man ready to take you out for the XXXtreme Title. The number one man. But then someone mysteriously jumped me and broke my leg. I wonder hwo it was. But that doesn't matter. All that matters is the fact that you Filth Pigg are nothing. A mere nobody. A stepping stone on my path to greatness. And the World Title. Pigg, you are just that a pig. A pig that shouldn't even be allowed in the same arena as me. But you are. And you will pay. whether you like ti or not. Now onto another man, Bret Jericho. The man who continues to brag about his TV Title reign. Hey, wow great job. The TV Title. You are ight up there with Amazon. Boy, I was headlining while you were fighting in the Power PLant. Breat, you are so cocky. You think that no one can beat you. But guess what, you are wrong. Someone can beat you. And that someone is none other than me. You will fall just like the others. I will grab your scronny ass and throw it over the top rope just like I will do to everyone. You will be just one of 9 to feel that cold hard floor during that main event. And there ain't a damn thing you can do about it. Now, onto the last of the middle classed wrestlers in this Battle Royale. Silverberg. The Tag Team Champion. The man that beat EOD. Well Silverberg, I am here to inform you that it was nothing but pure luck. A stroke of thought by your partner, who I notice is no longer here, to roll you onto Xzibit. You know what Silverberg, you bring your Tag Team Title to the ring with a partner on the next Havoc. Then you will fight me and parntner for the straps. Ok with you? Cuz its' fine with me! I will be waiting for your answer.
[Justin]- Now, I would like to move onto to one more person before I get onto the former champ. Specifically, the former Coporate Idol, Jake Blood. the so-called Innovator of Blood. Well Jake, you bring your ass to the ring. Come to think of it you probably wont have the balls. Becuase as of today, Mike Nash's name was no longer onthe roster. UH-OH! No one to back you up huh? O too bad, I know how bad everyone feels for you. And they will feel even worse come Sunday. Cuz for you Blood, I am going to save something special. I romise, NO, not strong enough...I GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL BE THE ONE BLEEDING! You know how I said I was going to throw everyone out of the ring? Well, I have decided that for you, I will make a special exception. I will kock you out in the middle of the ring, with something I like to call THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN, otherwise known as a sit-down powerbomb off the ropes. Jake, I will save all, wait no not all, because I have eight other men in that ringm so I will will save mostof my rage for you Jake. You will be the one that I unleash my anger on. You will be the man who bows down. You, Jake Blood, will meet your master. You will meet...INSANITY!
[Justin]- Finally, we move onto the so-called "man to beat" in this rumble. Stephano DiMaria. You really need to just shut the hell up and stop whining. You lost the belt becuase you never deserved it in the frist place. You had an easy bracket in the tournament and plus you never fought me. And the truth is, you will never get it back. Steph, you want to train tomorrow go ahead. But it is already too late. You see Stph, I have been working out for months. Rehabilitating my knee, and getting myself into top physical condition. And look at me. I am the best trained athelete in the world. When I haven't been in the ring or in the gym, I have been eating healthy or sleeping. And now this. I get back, and finally I get recognized. Finally, I will prove myself to the committee. I will show them what I am made of. DiMaria, you whine and cry about losing the title becuse JT took it away from you. WHO CARES! YOu lose the title, then you lose the title. Get over it and get focused. Cuz on Sunday you are fightint the most focused man in all of wrestling. What the hell was up with that reporter man? I mean c'mon. Are you paying him off? What a moron to recognize you as a champion. You got lucky and I will prove it to the world. Steph, everyone was right. You had no chance. Somehow you sneaked through the tourney and won. There are some things that are just not explainable and this is one of them. How you won, I have no idea. Why you won, I have no idea. But I do know something, come Sunday when you are lying in the middle of that ring, and it is just me and you, I will climb to the top rope. I will climb ever so slowly. Then I will reach the top. I will look around, signal to the crowd, and then it happens. Remmebr it becuase it only happens once in your life, THE INTRO TO INSANITY! FInally, when you have no life left in you, no air to breath, and you are laid out in the center of that very ring, I will pick you up, by your head, hold tightly, and fling you straight into the tenth row!
[Colin]- Ok, well folks we are almost out of time on this weekend edition. So, Justin, before we go, any closing comments or actions?
[Justin]- Yea. One more thing.
[Scene]---{Justin points to a man sitting down to eat. He points at himself as to question whether Justin means him. Justin nods and he walks over to where the man is eating. Justin grabs the man and suddenly delivers...THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN...onto and through the table where the man is eating. Colin stands there in shock as Justin goes back to speak once more.}---
[Justin]- Evereyone in taht rumble remember this one thing, for it shall bode you all well. I'M JUST INCREDIBLE...I'M JUST INTENSE...I'M JUSTIN SANE!LICENSED TO KILL... and...DESTINED TO THRILL!
[Scene]---{Justin walks over the fallen man as he gets up and shakes it off. Justin shakes his hand and thanks him. Justin grabs his coat. He thanks Colin and Loren and the cast and promises to be back tomorrow. He tells the cameraman to hurry up and they leave as the door swings open.}---
