The Heroes of East 161 St
by John Davis Collins @1997 All Rights Reserved By John F. Clennan, Esq.
Skell City, Here we come,
Assistant DA Bob Bonbonnelli chanted to his aghast colleagues in the
very rotunda of the pretentious Bronx County building.
We his colleagues were the Heroes of East 161st Street, Assistants
District Attorney, Bronx County, Skell City New York, watchmen on the
crumbling wall of civilization and guardians of the land of rubble between
the spires of effete Manhattan and the manicured lawns of the idyllic suburbs.
We Assistants District Attorney were a colorful lot. As the Bronx burnt
around us, we had no idea of whether we'd make it to our cars alive, much
less whether it'd be where we left it. The Bronx, Skell City, led the nation
in everything vile from petty theft to murder. Yet there we kept the
pretense of order as the turnkeys of turnstile justice in the solid, box
shaped Bronx County Building.
In a poke of polished eccentrics, Bob "Baby Fats" Bonbonelli
distinguished himself. And his huge belly would rumble as he savored every
retelling of the legend.
Stumbling across cobblestoned East 161st Street after guzzling martinis
like soda pop, 350 pound Bob summed a rape case:
"Most rapes are private. There's only one witness to give you.
Happily, this is not the case."
The eyes of the jury drifting into an afternoon siesta opened wide. The
pompous Judge peered over through halfmoon reading glasses to admonish Bob.
"There's nothing happy about a rape case, Mr. Bonbonnelli, nothing."
Leaning his head to one side as an innocent expression swept across his
face, Bonbonelli apologized, "A poor choice of words. I'm sure the
defendant", Bob's eyes flashed, piercing blue-gray circles penetrated the
accused, "himself agrees. Nothing about this rape was happy."
Ten seconds later, the defendant pled guilty.
After expressing appreciation for the defendant's sudden honesty, the
Judge castigated Bob for "lack of reverence for the law". Calmly closing his
files, Bob replied, "I'll show respect for Law when Law gives me something to
respect it for".
"Only you could get away with that", the Judge snapped.
Bob's quick wit and sense of timing pulled him through many difficult
cases, but Bob sat on his greatest asset. Bob used his weight as a prop
rather than a weapon. In court arguing legal points, he'd chuckle and say,
"And if you don't see that the weight of authority falls on my side -- my
subtler contentions might -- escape your attention". Assaying his
performance, Bob observed, "I threaten no one. I'm a cute, cuddly teddy
bear". Bob credited success in court, and with the ladies to the perfection
of this technique.
Skell City here we come,
A natural showman loving the center of attention, Bob took up teaching
part time. To bolster the legend, Bob sought out Skell City College, a small
seedy junior college in an old red brick factory in the South Bronx, the very
heart of hell. Rumors flew around the office about his reckless
misadventures -- stopping on Southern Boulevard after dark to adjust a
windshield wiper.
Bob bragged of prowess with college belles. The legend reached the
limits of its credibility. "What", the office demanded, "could be going to
Skell College"?
Past legends endure forever; living ones must prove themselves. The
challenge could not go unanswered.
Alicia, a shapely blond, asked for Bob at the reception desk. Treated
like visiting royalty, Alicia was introduced to everybody including the
District Attorney. At the end of the day, reminded of his teaching
commitment that evening, Bob shook his head. "Naw, Alicia and I'll head to
the Yankee Clipper Tavern and find some No-Tell Motel to crash out in."
The next morning one would have expected a glowing account of the
evening, but Bob quietly, furtively slinked around the office with that
anxious look of a defendant -- a guilty one.
I insisted he tell me what went wrong.
"I don't know what to do. I was driving her home, she said to Edgewood
Road. `There's nothing on Edgewood Road, except', I told her some `burnt out
factories -- and a prison'."
"She was on a work release from the prison to go to school --", I replied.
"The warden may call to figure out what the prisoner was with an ADA till
3 a.m. for."
Skell City here you come
I whistled.
Bob's wait was not long. As he listened to the warden state the purpose
of the call, worry evaporated from Bob's face.
"I can't discuss the details. She did help the DA's office on a long
term deep cover operation."
Hanging up the phone with an evil smile, Bob sang:
Skell City here we come
The legend survived.
Read more about the adventures of Big Boy Bob Bonbonnelli in IF ALL MEN WERE
ANGELS now at .Denlinger's on line
Riding through the bronx
Skell Cities rising son,
In Skell City his day begun
Skell City's all that's fun,
In Skell City I'm Number one!
Skell City's alot of fun
But when you're caught,
you're undone!
In Skell City a world to be won,
Crushed, you say, by an inmate date?
Where you think we is? Upstate?