Although the dates don't relate to their martial status, I figured I would do it anyway. So if you see that George is married to Olivia, but John is still alive, you know something is screwy. But all names and number of family members in total is correct. Basically, the only problem is that John is still alive and they are recording Abbey Road. I hope you like this story!
Scrumpdiddlyumpshish
By QYBA (<- Screen name)
Ringo and his family had their weekend planned out. They were all going to Vermont to sight see and remind themselves of England. It was really beautiful. The weather was just right and the people were friendly. Except the fans who tried to pick them apart piece by piece. Lee didn't have to worry about anything because she's very unpopular. Nobody really knows who she is. Or for that matter Jason. Jason is also unpopular. So those two got along fine. Gianni was a whole different deal. He was only related to Ringo by marriage. Anyway, Barbara and Ringo left the kids at the motel and pushed past all the fans to get into their car. Ringo sighed in relief and drove to the University Mall in Burlington (they happened to be staying in Burlington). Ringo was driving around and decided to make a conversation with his wife.
"Hey, Barbara, what are you planning to buy at this mall? We've never been here before," Ringo said. Barbara stopped drawing funny faces in the windows of the car and turned toward him.
"I'm going to buy a pretty dress. Maybe some jewelry, perfume,..." She went on and on. Ringo turned back to his driving and listened to his wife ramble on and on. Sorry I asked, Ringo thought. Giving your wife half of your royalties isn't such a good idea. As he was thinking that, he missed the turn to the mall. Barbara hit him.
"Richard! You dolt! You missed the turn!" Barbara yelled. Ringo shrunk into his suit.
"Sorry. What do you say we go down town instead?" Ringo suggested. Her face lightened up.
"All right." Ringo smiled and pulled his head out of his neck. They drove down town and found a few shops. Barbara and Ringo found themselves on the street looking for something else to do. Ringo had to hold all the crap Barbara had bought. His tiny knees were giving out on him. Barbara pointed.
"Over there, dear! There's a pretty mini mall!" She said. Ringo looked beyond the box of clothes that he held and saw a small department store. He sighed and the two crossed the street. Barbara took the boxes from him.
"I'll take these," she said. He noticed she was much stronger than he (probably taller too!) He nodded as she went off. He looked around. A candy shop! YAY! He licked his face and went to the desk.
"Look at all this candy! What brand is it?" Ringo asked. The salesperson pointed to the sign. It said: WONKA. Ringo gasped. He remembered the movie! He looked at the salesperson.
"Don't worry, sir. This company just rips the name off of the movie. All this is harmless, like these Nerds. They're yummy," the salesperson said. Ringo smiled. It was silly to believe that.
"Give me some of each and every candy, please," Ringo said, reaching for his wallet. I'm going to bring the guys some candy. I don't think that their wives like it, so I'll get some for their kids. Kids love candy. Ringo thought.
Zak, Jason, and Lee whined and moaned on the flight home. They loved Vermont and wanted to stay. Gianni really didn't care. He fell asleep.
"It's just like home! Come one, dad," Zak pleaded.
"I won't be scared of the cat anymore," Jason added.
"You're afraid of everything, Jason!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"You are too, Jason! Give it up!" Lee cried from her seat on the plane.
"I am not!" Jason yelled.
"Look, Jason! A feathered pillow with teddy bears on it!"
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Jason screamed and ducked into his seat. Lee smiled.
"Are too," she finished. Ringo turned to the kids.
"You guys be quiet or I'll turn this plane around!" He yelled.
"YAY!!!" They all cried in chorus. Ringo grumbled to himself and sat back in his seat. He pulled out his bag of candy and handed a small bag to each kid.
"Don't eat this until we get home or I'll have the pilot tie you in the cargo bay," Ringo said. They shut up and stuffed their bags into their pockets. Zak gave his back to Ringo.
"No thanks, dad. Not a big fan of candy," Zak said. Ringo shrugged and put it back into his large bag.
It was late when they got home and they all went to bed. Ringo went to sleep downstairs. He looked at his own candy.
"I wonder what..." He stuck the thing to his mouth, but before he could put it in, Zak came downstairs.
"You'll be up all night," Zak warned. "And you have a recording session tomorrow."
"Good point." Ringo put it back and fell asleep in his chair as Zak went back upstairs.
Ringo went into the studios with his bag of candy. The guys welcomed him back with a look and a gesture, but no more. He lost his smile and brought the bag to John.
"What you got there?" John asked.
"Candy. I got enough for you and your kids, but I didn't think your wives liked candy," Ringo said. The others gathered around the tiny man and looked into the bag. Ringo gave them all their little bags of candy. They all said they'd eat it at home.
"What kind of candy?" Paul asked.
"It's called Wonka candy, but its not the movie stuff," Ringo replied.
"Or so you think its safe," George said, studying his candy. He shrugged. They all sat down and started working on Abbey Road. After much time was wasted on one song, They went home with their candy. George arrived home first and dug into his bag. Olivia came to see what he had.
"Ringo brought candy from Vermont, USA. This is my piece, the other is for Dhani. Ringo figured you didn't like candy, so..." George shrugged. Dhani heard his name mentioned and went to his room with the candy. Olivia saw the candy.
"Strangely shaped, isn't it?" Olivia said. George shrugged again and popped it in his mouth. He chewed for a while a swallowed it.
"Not bad, could use something, though. And I'm getting a funny feeling in my...stomach."
Paul was the next to get home and he immeadiatly handed out the candy. He grabbed his piece and popped it in his mouth.
"I'm the oldest, I eat it first," Paul said. He swallowed it and licked his mouth. "Different..." The kids ate their candy right after, but realized it was a bad idea.
John came home and threw himself face down on the couch. Yoko looked through his coat for money and picked up his bag of candy.
"What's this?" She asked, showing him. He grabbed it and looked at it.
"Some candy. I'll eat it after dinner. What are we having?" John croaked from the pillow.
Ringo got home and slammed his door as he went into his room. Barbara shrugged and thought he had had a bad day. Then the phone rang.
"Hello?" Barbara answered.
"Is Ringo there?" Olivia's voice asked.
"No, he went straight to his room. What's wrong?"
"Well, George came home and Dhani and him ate the candy Ringo gave him. George started turning blue, the he swelled up! It was too late for Dhani and he turned into a wolf!"
"Oh my God! But they said it was safe! Are they all right?"
"George is kind of bloated and blue, but otherwise fine, Dhani is sniffing the dog (Dhani stop it! Bad! Go lay down!), but he's okay."
"I'll get Ringo right away! Good bye, Olivia." She hung up and the phone rang again before she could call for Ringo.
"Hello?" She said.
"Barbara? Where's Ringo?" Linda asked calmly.
"He's upstairs. Did you eat the candy?"
"No."
"Oh, thank God!"
"Paul, James, Heather, Mary, and Stella did."
"Oh no!! What's happened?"
"Paul is 200 feet tall, James is a caterpillar, Heather is a dodo bird, and Mary and Stella are spoons."
"Why are you so calm?"
"I'm going to faint the moment I..." The phone went dead and Barbara hung up. It rang again!
"Hello?"
"Ringo there?" Yoko asked.
"No, Yoko. What happened to your family?"
"John's floating and spitting up bubbles."
"What about Julian and Sean?"
"They aren't here this weekend."
"Oh. I'll try to get Richard, but the phone keeps ringing!"
"Who ended up the giant blueberry?"
"George." There was a sudden burst of scary laughter and the phone went dead. Barbara ran from the phone and went to Ringo's room.
"Richard?" Barbara called. "Richard. The candy was Wonka. It turned everyone into something." There was no answer. Barbara creaked open the door. "Richard?" She went in. He was gone! It was a second story house, so he couldn't have gone out the window. "Richard? Where are you?" She looked on the bed and gasped.
All the families got together at Paul's estate in Highland. He was huge. Olivia and Yoko yanked George from the car and everyone laughed.
"Shut up! It's not that funny!" He yelled. A wolf jumped out of the car and sniffed George and it lifted its leg. "Don't even try it!" The wolf slinked away. Paul bent down and poked George until he fell on his side. His feet and hands wiggled and turned. Olivia defended George.
"Mind your own business!" Olivia yelled. Paul smirked.
"You do know how easily I could step on you?" Paul boomed. She stuck out her tongue and stood George back up. Linda was being revived by John, who was tied down with a rope and hiccuping bubbles.
"Come on (hic) Linda (hic)," John said, fanning Linda. Barbara showed up on the scene. Zak was with her. They all looked at him.
"Hey! Zak is the only kid that didn't turn into something!" Paul yelled.
"So?" Zak stood akimbo. Zak looked around in amazement. Yoko held a caterpillar, a dodo was squawking at a wolf, Linda was limply holding two spoons, George was swollen and blue, Paul was a giant, John was tied down with a rope and surrounded with bubbles, and Ringo was no where in sight. Zak opened his hands.
"What are those, Zak?" Barbara asked.
"Lee turned into a photograph of herself, Gianni is a happy face pin, and Jason is a piece of lint," Zak said. Barbara's eyebrows raised. She picked up the happy face pin.
"This is my little Gianni?" She said. Zak walked away with the photo and lint and put them in his pocket. He walked around and saw all the freaks and objects. He motioned Paul to pick him up. Paul sat on the ground and lifted Zak just under his chin.
"Everyone! Stand with your families!" Zak said. So now there was Linda, a giant, a dodo, two spoons, but the caterpillar was missing. "Where's James?"
"Right here," Yoko said, giving Paul the tiny caterpillar. Paul let the bug crawl along his huge leg. There was a blueberry, a wolf, and Olivia. There was Yoko and a bubbly John. Then there was Barbara and a pin. Zak handed her Lee and Jason. "Barb, where's dad?" Barbara sighed and went back to the car. She pulled out a tiny, beautiful crystal statue of Ringo. "Didn't he have two pieces of candy?" Barbara nodded. "I'm not even going to ask. Okay, George, you're "mystical". Can you help us?"
"I'm mystical, not a miracle," George frowned. John grabbed George's pudgy chest and held a fist in his face.
"Do it (hic) or I'll pop you (hic) and sell you to Smucker's!" John yelled. George saw the seriousness in his face and began to sweat blue drops.
"Well, when you put it that way...But how can I do it in this form?"
"Mystic yourself (hic) out of it, duh!" George closed his eyes and grunted.
"Its not working...I need my potions."
"Potions?" Everyone chorused (except John, who followed with a hiccup).
"At home. In my lab. I can fix myself if I only had those."
"Let's go!" Olivia said, pushing George back into the car. They sped off towards home. Everyone was still trying to think of George with a laboratory for making magic. It would be a while until they got back. Zak jumped down and went to Barbara. She was crying over her little statue. Ringo was in a nice pose, but crystallized and still. Zak took it from her.
"At least he's pretty," Zak said, trying to make Barbara feel better. Paul looked at it.
"Let me see him!" Paul bellowed. John ran up.
"I (hic) want to!" He yelled. Everyone grabbed a part of him and pulled. Barbara was pulling him back towards her.
"Let go!" She yelled. They did suddenly and he went flying. They all gasped as he smashed into a hundred or more pieces against the side of Babara's car and fell to the ground. They all started blaming each other. Barbara bawled and moaned. The children would have, but they were all something else. Zak screamed loud enough to shut everyone up.
"You bastards! How could you? You murderers!" He screamed. They looked away and mourned the little drummer. Soon, George was back and being hauled out of the car again. He noted all the faces.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"We killed Ringo," Paul said. George looked to where John pointed and saw the crystal pieces. He took a vial from the car and poured it on the glass. There was a whirl of wind and piece by piece, Ringo appeared in his normal height, form, and substance. Barbara cried and ran to him to lock him in a lovable hug. Ringo looked around.
"Did I do something wrong?" Ringo asked. "I...I mean, why am I here?"
"Nevermind! You're alive!" Barbara cried. He shrugged and hugged her back. Ringo looked to George and lifted an eyebrow.
"I'll fix them as well," George said. Ringo looked at everyone. Paul scared him.
"Where are my kids?" Ringo asked. Zak handed him the ball of lint and the picture of Lee. "This is them?" Zak nodded. Ringo handed them to Olivia. Olivia set them on the ground and George poured the potion on them. Lee and Jason were sitting there on top of each other.
"Now I'm afraid of Zak's pocket and candy!" Jason whined. George began pouring the potion on everyone and they return to their normal state. He brought a special shrinking potion for Paul. Paul returned to his normal size and yelled at Ringo.
"And another thing! You ever give me foriegn candy again, I'll...HEY!" Paul felt that George was pouring more shrinking potion on Paul. Paul shrank until he was about Ringo's knee height. Ringo smiled and bent down.
"What were you saying?" Ringo said, putting a hand to his ear. Paul walked back to the newly awakened Linda. George finally poured the last of the potion on him and he returned to his normal size. He sighed and looked to Olivia. Olivia was laughing, and everyone else was, too.
"What?" George asked. Olivia pointed to his pants that had fallen to the ground. He pulled them back up and held them there. "Must of stretched them out." Everyone laughed and pointed, but they were all happy. George made Paul normal again (don't ask me how) and everyone went home. Ringo sat at the dinner table eating the pie Barbara made. His kids and Barbara were sitting with him.
"You had two pieces of candy, right dad? Did you eat both?" Lee asked.
"Yeah," Ringo said.
"What happened?"
"The first one made me shrink really teeny. I thought the second would make me big again. Although I realized the candy was too big for me to swallow whole, so I ate it bit by bit. As I finished it, my arms and body started turning into crystal. Then I can't remember anything after, except that George was a fat blueberry and I was wet." Ringo took another bite of pie. "What kind is this?" Barbara smiled and said:
"Blueberry."
THE END
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