A Note from Phil's Desk

English is stupid! Have you ever come across a few dumb sayings in English? Here are a few examples.
Fat Chance or Slim Chance
They both mean little hope. How can two oppisites mean the same thing?

Needless to say....
Then don't say it you shmuck!

I love my wife. I also love dounuts.
How come we use the same word to show that you love your wife, as the same word we show we love food? Spanish doesn't do it. French doesn't do it.

It was the largest bottleneck traffic jam in history.
The bigger the bottleneck, the faster traffic should go. That's dumb! How can a bigger opening mean less is comming out?

Its a cake walk/piece of cake
Cake walk? Where are you taking the cake? To see the other cakes at the bakery? I think that cherry pie has eyes for your Lemon Twister.

A,E,I,O,U, and sometimes Y
Sometimes Y? Does someone hold a personal grudge with Y? Don't quote me on this, but I think King Henry once said, "As long as I'm king, Y will never be a true vowel!"

A poor man would pick up a nickel at the drop of a hat.
"The drop of a hat" is supposed to mean something that happens fast, or spontaneously. Who said that if a hat were to fall, it would be fast? Did someone time it? I doubt people sat with a stopwatch to time a hat and how fast it fell.

Killing two birds with one stone.
Yuck! It is supposed to mean doing two tasks at one time. But how did stones and birds get involved? Killing birds with stones is nasty enough. Killing two of them, is a one way ticket to hell.

The two cars had nearmissed each other.
It means the cars almost crashed. But take a closer look. Nearly missed? That means they almost missed...but didn't. So, it really says "The cars almost missed each other", even though we interpret it to mean something else.

I read the book last year. I am going to read another now.
Same spelling, different tense. Not much to say, except English is dumb.

Yes, English is stupid (back)

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