Glossary

Following is a directory of some recovery words, you may
not find in a dictionary.

Spirituality - Spirituality is not religion it is
about our spirit, our personal relationship to a Power greater than 
ourselves, and our relationship with ourselves.

Shame - This is that dark feeling of unworthiness and guilt. Most of us
have so much of it that we think its normal.

Sharing - This doesn't mean we let others drive our car. It means we open
up about who we really are.

Victim - Is someone who suffers--voluntarily or not--pain or harm inflicted
by self or others. 

Insanity - This is a term we use to describe the unmanagability in our 
lives. It is not used to describe a typical psychotic state: We use it 
loosely to describe our crazy, self-defeating behaviors.

Denial - Denial refers to our ability to ignore what is happening, even 
when it is right before our eyes. We do this to protect ourselves until we
are ready to face the truth. Part of us knows what's true; part of us 
knows what's real.

Owning our power - Our power is our ability to take responsibility for 
ourselves--to think, feel, solve problems, and find our direction. Our
power lies in speaking our truth, setting appropriate boundaries, refusing
to tolerate abuse or mistreatment, and sometimes, being vulnerable. Our
power means discerning what is real and right for us. Owning our power does
not mean controlling others or having power over them. It doesn't mean
allowing others to control us. It doesn't mean reacting to others out of
fear or a need to manage them. It means finding that centered place within
us and acting from that place.

Guilt - Is the feeling of self-reproach we experience when we blame
ourselves for things that happened or feelings we've had.

Obsessing - We find that we can't stop thinking about someone or something.
That person or circumstance has gained control of our minds and sometimes
our lives.

Resentment - Resentments are angry feelings that we haven't dealt with,
resolved, or let go of.

People-Pleasing - Means doing things simply to make people like us.

Nurturing - Nurturing acts are those that cultivate growth and good feelings
in ourselves or others. Nurturing activites include: Hugging, positive 
touch, dancing, playing, rocking, going for a walk, sleeping with a Teddy
Bear, picking a flower, taking a hot bath, and getting a back rub. Any 
treatment of ourselves that makes us feel comforted, helps us play, or is
pleasurable, is nurturing. Nurturing can be a well-timed gentle word, a 
feeling, an activity, a touch, a gift.

Manipulation - This behavior is closely relateed to controlling. It means 
that we try to get what we want indirectly or in a dishonest fashion. We
may try to seduce, control, trick, or trap people into doing what we want
them to do because we are afraid to ask and be direct or hear a "no".

Detachment - It means we let go of others; we release them with love. If
we're too angry to detach in love we detach anyway; we work on our angry
feelings and let love and compassion come later. Detachment means we stop
trying to make someone or something different. 

The Child Within (Inner Child) - Regardless of our age, we each have a 
young child within us all the feelings, fears, complexities, simplicities,
and needs we had when we were that age.

Compulsive - When we act in a compulsive manner, we do things because we 
feel that we have to.

Controlling - When we are trying to force things to happen, trying to make 
people do what we want them to do, and trying to make life happen the way
we think it should.

Crisis (Chaos) - Chaos is the ongoing state of unmanageability in our 
lives. When a critical stage is reached, crisis occurs.

Hidden Agenda - This refers to a secret plan or list of needs that one is
not talking about but that is nevertheless controlling one's relationships
with others. It means that things are different than they appear.

Being Who We Are: This means being true to ourselves, letting ourselves be,
and loving, cherishing, accepting, and nurturing ourselves.

Addictive - Refers to behaviors that are out of control and causing 
negative consequencees in our lives, but that we persist in anyway. 
We can be addicted to a substance, such as alcohol or drugs, or to a 
behavior, such as sex or gambling.

Boundaries - Our boundaries are our limits: how far we go with others, how
far we allow them to go with us. 

Caretaking - It means taking responsibility for others, and ourselves.

Dealing With Feelings - It means we stop running from our emotions, from 
what's really going on with us. We stand still and feel our feelings. We
avoid blaming our emotions on others.

Family-of-origin work - This phrase refers to the process of looking at our
pasts to learn what behaviors we brought forward to our present.

Pain - In recovery the word pain refers to emotional pain, like anger,
guilt, and hurt.

Surrender - This means to accept, give in.

Unfinished Business - Refers to unresolved matters, feelings, past 
incidents, that constitute issues that we still need to address.

Taking care of ourselves - This is when we give ourselves physical and
emotional care and support. It means taking loving and appropriate 
responsibility for ourselves, and our responsibilities, including 
appropriate responsibilities to others.

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