My Role-Model is a Lesbian

Something happened to me today that I thought I'd share with you all because I can't really tell anyone else. I live in Dallas, TX, and I go to a private college prep school, I'm going into 11th grade. Anyway, this has been a very hard year for me, my parents are having problems, school is more difficult, and also some relationship problems. Anyway, I felt like my life was sort of crumbling around me until I met a lady (we'll call her Ms. Jones) that works in the administration. I'd always admired her, though I never really knew her. She seemed like she had nearly everything she wanted, money, a job she loved, a fantastic reputation and the respect of everyone that knew her. I talked to her now and then and tried to make a point of getting to know her better. She seemed to like talking to me, though she was always in a hurry and didn't really have much time. The more I found out about her and her accomplishments, the more I liked her. She became my role model and ! I practically everything I did was infulenced by her, thinking about what she would think or do in my situations. The idea of trying to reach her high standards pulled me through the year with confidence, despite the bumpy ride. Anyway, obviously, I had more respect for her than anyone in the whole world. Today I found out something about her. It happens to be the absolute last thing I would ever have associated with her, she's so conservative, so republican, etc. She is a lesbian. How I found out is beside the point. When I heard, I felt like I was going to vomit. Okay, I know there's nothing wrong with being a lesbian, but it was really shocking to me and so unlike the person I thought she was. I felt betrayed and let down, like my whole world was about to fall. It's hard to explain the feeling, but I guess it's almost like finding out the guy of your dreams, your fiancee committed the Jeffery Dahmer murders. I know being lesbian isn't a crime, or necessarily bad, but....! Does anyone understand? I really don't mean to offend anyone that mig ht be lesbian, so I hope no one takes offense. But the main deal is that this woman, who has pretty much been my guiding light through the dark tunnel, is really not the person I thought she was. I don't really know what to do now. This is such a conservative school, too. I mean, is it wrong or prejudice of me to feel this way? Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against lesbians or gays. It's just that I was modeling myself after this woman who I wanted to be just like and now I find out that....If anyone has some advice for me, I'd really appreciate it.
ADVISOR REPLIES: I understand how you feel but I really think you should use your cognitive ability and indomitable spirit to get through this one. Let's reverse the situation for a moment: Let's put you in Ms. Jones' place- has all of the qualities that you mentioned and the fact that you are a homosexual. You have this girl who really admires you but then she finds out that you are a lesbian and thinks that you have let her down because of this. What to do now? I'm sure you would feel very heart-broken that the person who feels that you are their inspiration has now decided that she doesn't think of you as her role model because of your sexual preference. See what I mean? Just because of her sexuality- you've decided to stop modeling yourself after her? If I were you, I would want her to be my role-model even more...It's not that I am a homosexual but the fact that she was a well respected woman and a lesbian is a lot more than just an inspiration being that society doesn't except homosexuals. Look at all of her accomplishments and look at what she probably had to endure just to go through life as a homosexual. Let's face it, our society is really old-fashioned when thinking this way and has given homosexuality a bad name. You said that the school you go to is so conservative- being a lesbian does NOT mean that you are not conservative. Actually the school you go to isn't conservative but old-fashioned and ignorrant to portray homosexuality in this way. Re-examine the situation: SHE STILL IS THE SAME WOMAN! SHE JUST HAS A DIFFERENT SEXUAL PREFERENCE THAN YOU AND WHAT YOU THOUGHT SHE HAD! Maybe the thing you need to do is model you life after hers in a lot of ways except when it comes to your sexuality. I wish you the best of luck. Modern Teen Advisor,- Em I read your story an I think nobody can give you any advice only some thought you should consider. First of all I'm male and not gay. About your story. If you're looking up to people you're tempted to think they're perfect. The problem with this is that they'll have to meet your standards. There's no way up for them because they're at the top already. So the only way for them to go is downwards. Since nothing and nobody in this whole world is perfect everything and everybody has some charcteristics which are not perfect. As soon as you find out you're dissapointed about them. There's no need for that. Remember that there's no light without the dark. If you want one you'll have to accept the other. This doesn't make the one you want less better. All this is part of life and the universe around us. You see these people completely as they really are. The only thing you can do is being reasonable and accept them the way they are. They haven't changed; you have. In your story this woman didn't change because you found out that she was a lesbian. You changed! She's still the same person she was before, not better and not worse. I think you should have a serious talk with yourself whether you're being realistic or not. I hope you can profit from my words.- Wim.