"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #12/13-048
Hola everyone!! Hope you've been having a conetastic week. It's around this time of year that Late Night gets all swanky. I've been watching all those old tapes... to make me feel how my mother would term "all krimmissy" so that I can face all the shopping - and I would pass on "sweeps" everytime to say that The Holidays is my favorite "Conan Time". All the best acts appear on the show at this time of year, and somehow everything is brighter, cheerier and funnier, except when The Joel is depressed. And there's a lot more singing too, which I personally, dig.
Biggest thing to happen to me this week. I've discovered that I've been mispronouncing the name of Neeha's most swanky and longest serving writer "Micah Honees". It's Meeka! All this time, none of us knew.... It's his birthday this week too, so I know everyone of you out there would join me, unless it's against your religion, in wishing him many gazillions of happy returns, and birthdays too. Just let it be swanky say I.
I'm still looking to hear more of your what's hot and what's not favorite Late Night Memories from 1998... If you haven't done so already, puh-leaze get writing...
Well, I'm going to return to my most non-conetastic personal shopping hell now. Have a super swanky swell and sweet week everyone, don't forget to check out our new quotes column: send your best Late Night quips to Goddess Of Odd whenever you get the chance..... and now, let's get it awn!
Late Night Linzi
Editor
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CONTENTS -
LATE NIGHT NEWS
LATE NIGHT POLL
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Meeka Honees
UPCOMING GUESTS - December 14 - 18 1998
THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
WEEK IN REVIEW By Quinn Collard
FYI
END QUOTE
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LATE NIGHT NEWS
1999 HAS BEEN CANCELLED!! Yup. We were soooo looking forward to having a swanky Late Night With Conan O'Brien calendar for 1999, but now Amazon and Andrews McMeen - who were the alleged producers - have announced that it never was and never will be published. Krunkers!!
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, E STREET BAND TO REUNITE FOR CONCERT TOUR
(AP) New York, Dec. 9 (Bloomberg) -- Singer-songwriter Bruce Springsteen will reunite with the E Street Band for a worldwide concert tour starting next summer, the Associated Press said, citing Springsteen representative Jon Landau Management. The concert tour will mark the first time that the singer and his old band have performed together since the 1998-89 Human Rights Now! Amnesty International tour, and E Street Band members have gone on to other jobs, most notably drummer Max Weinberg, who is the music director for NBC TV's ``Late Night with Conan O'Brien.'' Landau Management will release more details about Springsteen's tour next year, AP said.
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With the news of the E Street Band reuniting comes the inevitable question, one we've asked many times, will Max Weinberg be joining them? Will he quit Conan to tour with The Boss? And will Andy go back to cleaning his pool?
I think Max should go on tour with the E-Street Band. This is a once in a life time opportunity for him. Not to mention a license to print money, who could turn that down? Max *has* to be a part of the band when they tour again simply because he owes it to Bruce, his fans, and to himself.
There's no way in hell Conan, or NBC should make him stay. I think it would be a travesty, if someone else were to take his place. How could he sit back and watch someone else take his place? Why should he? Late Night could give him the time out to do the tour, paving the way for Jimmy Vivino to take over as band-leader and director...
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**NEW TO NEE-HA!"**
LATE NIGHT QUOTABLES By Goddess Of Odd
Hi folks! Drumroll please.... I'm pleased to announce the start of a new Neeha feature, one which requires audience participation. I want you guys to send in your favorite quotes from Late Nights past. Please tell me who said it, where it's from, and an approximate date. I'll pick the best ten or so per week for your viewing pleasure. This idea won't work without you folks helping me out, so start scanning those videos for those classic Late Night moments and emailing them to: goddess_of_odd@hotmail.com
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LATE NIGHT POLL
THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: If "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" were to be made into a movie and you were in charge, who would you cast in the lead roles?
Send your response before Thursday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
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LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What would be your Christmas wish for the show?
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Matt Arens, Loyal Conan Watcher -
What I want for Christmas from Late Night...
ALL SHOWS ON PRIME TIME!!!
And make them 2 hours long each.
A show filled with endless sketches...
An appearance by Pimpbot 5000!! He's never on anymore!! Why!?
An appearance by the comedian Dave Chapell (sp?)
A musical appearance by the Brian Setzer Orchestra
Special Christmas Public Service Announcements
A parade of Characters
An appearance by Foam Rubber Andy and Foam Rubber Conan
Another visit with "Buffalo" down in Houston, TX would be nice
A W.W.C.D. sketch... "What would Conan do?"
An appearance by Al Roker
An appearance by Darrell Hammond
An appearance by Dana Carvey
A reincarnation of Carl "Oldy" Olson
The annual Christmas party highlights
A sketch of "In the Year 2000..." What's going to happen to this once we doreach the year 2000?" Will it be, "In the Year 3000?"
A "Surf the Channels" sketch in which they visit the channel called, "TheInappropriate Response Channel." In-ah-pro-pree-it!!!
Drawings from the "children" who visit the studio.
That's it for now...
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IGNACIO -
I would want to see 7 foot groucho, and Oldy back on the show Also, I would wanna see Page and Plant do the Wanton Song on Late night We need more of the "Where in the building is (HUH!) Andy Richter?" Maybe he could go to the boiler room, God knows what's happened in there.
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Steve -
I want to see more comedy bits with the writers! Such as Bulletproof Legs, Seque Sam, The Be Yourself Gang, etc.
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Scott -
Andy wins a staring contest!
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Kate -
A heated, padded toilet seat for the robot.
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Stavros -
I'd like to find a way to watch all the week's shows. I'm kind of desperate. I just want to Keep Europe Conetastic!
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Jason -
For my Christmas wish list I would like Andy to dress up like a girl for the whole show.
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Ali -
My only wish for Christmas on the show is that all the characters get together and do a secret Santa thing. That would be a great skit. I hope Triumph gets Segue Sam and Stacey gets Clutch Cargo Clinton. Heh heh.
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Nicholas -
I would have to say the Conan Calendar...... Ever since I found out about how this is a one a day Calendar I just had to have it so every day can be filled with Conan Memories........
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Sarah -
I'm going to New York to see the show live on the 29th, so I'm thinking that if Conan serenades me with a "spontaneous" song, then growls at me, that would make for a really excellent Christmas and birthday present. (My birthday is Christmas Eve). Listen for me to profess my love to him everyone- the 29th- remember!!!
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Julie -
My Christmas wish for the show is that they would have some kind of #1 fan contest. Where you send in a 2 page essay on why you love the show so much. And kind of like Oprah does with her make your dreams come true thing, send someone to New York to meet Conan and Andy and get a tour and watch a show taping. Only it would have Conan's twist with it. This is my great dream. Make it come true!
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Dear Santa!
Please get Conan back all over Europe and make the coming Christmas the happiest ever.
Johan (Agreed 100% - Linzi)
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Sean -
I would like to see more of the "The more you Know" and "The year 2000 skits". Those are hilarious.
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Tara -
It should be one earlier!!!!!! I'm too sleepy to watch it!!
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Fish -
My Christmas list for the show is...
1.More close-ups of Conan
2.More close-ups of Conan
3.More close-ups of Conan
4.More close-ups of Conan
5.Oh and so much more Conan-iny goodness, more Pimpbot, more, more, more, and oh-so much morrrre.....
6.How about Max with a ball in his mouth more often? That rocked
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Karen -
Uhm... I want puppy Hudson to make another appearance, I want Clutch Cargo to go into retirement for a while, and I want Conan to sing a song for me the next time I go see the show, where of course I'll get to sit on the aisle and dance with him... I just want it all, don't I?
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Melanie -
This is not really for the show, but for Conan, Andy, and Max. I would love if they would all host SNL. I think that even if just one of them would host it would rock.
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THE BONE OF CONTENTION
By Meeka Honees
Irreverent.
Rumpled.
Overweight.
No, these are not adjectives used to describe 90% of the pro wrestling fans I've met, they are words used to introduced this week's FREAK OF THE WEEK, the irreverent, rumpled, and nattily-attired "TV Nation" icon, Michael Moore.
Moore, who has made his name by being rumpled and irreverent and in the faces of America's Power Elite(tm), showered the Late Night set to plug his new TV show ("The Awful Truth" on Bravo-a network not carried by my cable provider) and to make his intentions known toward everyone's bestest friend, the statuesque Linda Tripp.
Yeah, I was creeped out by it, too, at first. Then Mike made a fairly good point. No one, it seems, likes someone who rats out her friends. Or, as
Moore himself put it, "everybody hates her." Moore hatched a plan that he conveniently wanted to put on his TV show. He and his crew crashed a party at a swank hotel in DC where Linda was "appearing". He figured he would show up and ask Linda Tripp if she wanted to go dancing. Alas, he was not able to get closer than three feet to the woman more manly than me before "her people" grabbed him and escorted him to the door. ("That's like your career: getting grabbed" chimed in our host.) Moore also wasn't able to collect the hundred bucks his crew collected if Moore could get a kiss from Lothar-I mean, Linda. Too bad. That would have made for some truly disgusting TV. He did have one last salvo for Tripp's people: "Why are you interrupting love?"
Another festive moment came later in the same show and trust me, this guy would have been TFOTW if he had a longer segment. Beer expert (and co-writer of "We Are The World" with Lionel Richie) Michael Jackson plugged his book and slammed some beers with Conan, Andy, and functional derelict Rich Hall. Conan accused him of being drunk many times and it sure looked like he was even though Jackson claimed to have only had "8 or 9 beers" before appearing on the show. The real drinking was to start at about 6:30 it seems.
That's not to say that the author of what Conan called "Homer Simpson's coffee table book" wasn't funny. Some drunks are. I admit to laughing out loud twice. The first time was after trying to get Conan and Andy to try Hot Rocks Ale where the guest blurted out "You get hot rocks if you wear short shorts," an allusion to a previously unfunny sketch. The second came when Conan asked him to try a little something we in America refer to as OE-Old English Malt Liquor. Jackson took it all very seriously, sniffing the beer before proclaiming it to be bland and too sweet.
Right. That's why everybody picks up a 40 of OE. For the taste. Funny stuff anyway.
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Rich Hall's shocking footage of one of the Keystone Cops getting a little something of what Hugh Grant paid for. Now that I have, I give you my leave. See you in seven.
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UPCOMING GUESTS - December 14 - 18 1998
MONDAY The 14th (First shown on 10/9/98):
Annabella Sciorra,
Jon Stewart,
Louis CK
TUESDAY The 15th:
Robin Williams,
Rebecca Stamos
WEDNESDAY The 16th:
Salma Hayek,
2-year-old golfer Jake Evans
THURSDAY The 17th:
Elijah Wood
FRIDAY The 18th:
Bill Paxton,
The Flys
LUST SEE TV? Tuesday, Robin Williams? I am impressed... the guests seem to be getting bigger and bigger (not that size matters to little ol' me). Am I right in thinking that Rebecca Stamos is the artist once known as Conan's favorite Ubermodel? Rebecca Romaijn, we like her. But why oh why would they continue to invite someone back who misbehaves? Salma Hayek for egg sample? Lets hope she doesn't ignore Andy this time. If she does it again... it's time to start not booking her. Come on, she's not even that_great_a_guest. Big guests and little ones too this week. Sorry Conan, I don't care how cute they are. I don't think you should have kids as guests. Leave guests like 2-year-old golfer Jake Evans to Leno to deal with.
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THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
Repeat of December 19 1996 - Monday December 15 last year saw guests Whoopi Goldberg, Jack Palance, and Simply Red appear on the show. Conan and Andy Take the Desk for a Drive through a local mall, ending up knocking over some Santas who give chase around NY. Jesus' makes a very special appearance on the show asking people to remember it's his birthday, not just Christmas. He has a Gift List and asks for, among other things, a belt for his robe. David Copperfield also works his "magic" around the streets of New York.
Show number 863 - Tuesday, December 16 1997 saw guests Tom Brokaw, Jerry O'Connell and music from Los Strait Jackets. In a Clutch Cargo segment we talk to Clinton about his new puppy. Hank Christ - Jesus' Younger Brother played by Brian McCann comes on to talk about his insecurities due to having you-know-who as a brother and what he'd like gift wise for Christmas.
On Wednesday 17th Conan dressed up as Santa Claus to grant the wishes of some Children in the studio. Guests were actor Quentin Tarantino, boxer Prince Naseem Hamed, and Mike "The Lip" Lupica. Later on in the show Late Night is giving away $1,000,000 to one lucky person - the only catch is, that the Masturbating Bear is grabbing the money for you in this machine... could he concentrate on the money? Could he hell!
One of our favorite memories from last year... December 18, guests Tony Bennett makes his annual appearance singing "White Christmas", Al Roker and Kelly Lynch also appear. Plus the creepy yet loveabubble Ventriloquist Dummy Choir celebrate Christmas with a medley of songs.
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WEEK IN REVIEW By Quinn Collard
With help from Karen Mitchell
MONDAY, December 7 (First shown on 10/8/98):
Jeff Goldblum,
Star Jones,
Barenaked Ladies
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TUESDAY, December 8:
Bob Dole
Annie Potts
Guster
Andy wears a nifty red jacket! During the Conologue, Conan reveals that "I too have a Furby...not sure what that is... might be talking about something different." Conan and Andy discuss "Titanic"-inspired cruises and Conan's recent visit home. (Fun fact: his childhood bedroom was in the attic!) Children's drawings... Conan explains the absurdity of UNICEF stealing money from suffering NBA players. Dooooooole! 'Nuff said. During a "Late Night Newsbreak," Joel tells us that "The news is my hooker, and truth is her pimp," and then declares "Taters for everyone!" Annie Potts introduces the fine art of frog giggin' to Conan. Boston-based Guster rock the house
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WEDNESDAY, December 9:
Michael Moore
Rich Hall
Michael Jackson
Conan reveals his #1 fantasy: him, Andy, Rich Hall, and Michael Moore, drinking beer, naked. A glimpse into Conan's autograph book, my personal favorite of which is Debbie Mettanoupolous' "Sorry I did something stupid" stamp. Andy plugs Levi's. Paul Evans performs "Short Shorts" (or is that "Short Strohs"?) Rich Hall discusses why we should leave Casavo alone, among other things. Beer expert Michael Jackson (the *other* one) gets the panel to loosen up.
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THURSDAY, December 10:
Tom Hanks
Roger Daltrey
The similarity of Conan's and Andy's complexions to flowerpots is noted. Bubba flips out in Clutch Cargo. (C'mon, you knew they had to do it sometime, give them credit for holding back this long.) Tom Hanks offers Conan the chance to be his running mate, on the Bad Haircut ticket. "That's right folks--Tom Hanks. I feel like I've died and gone to 11:30!" The UNICEF/NBA atrocity is discussed again, with statistics this time. Roger Daltrey waxes poetic on cherry bombs and other Who memories. Comic/Late Night writer Brian Kiley gets bumped.
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FRIDAY, December 11:
Alec Baldwin
Jordan Brewster,
Trans-Siberian Orchestra
(Horror of horrors, I didn't get my VCR set to record Conan! I do have this helpful summary from Karen):
Right after the Conologue, Andy points out that Conan mispronounced "The Max Weinberg 7", they go to an instant replay, shows Conan tackled by a football player. First bit is "If they Mated"... kinda stale. Alec Baldwin is the first guest, talks about shooting a movie in Africa, gets a little spastic over the impeachment proceedings, Conan produces a canister of oxygen for him from under the desk. Andy takes a hit of it.
Second bit, they're talking about that movie the Faculty, Andy starts hearing a voice telling him to kill Conan, he resists. The voice asks Andy to punch Conan, push him, etc... Andy won't do it. The voice leaves, to Andy's relief. Then we hear "Conan, kill Andy." Conan jumps up and starts strangling Andy, they wrestle around the set till commercial... Conan lurches around like Frankenstein.
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FYI
HOW TO GET TICKETS FOR LATE NIGHT:
Call: (212) 664-3056/3057
It's a good idea to call 2 - 3 months in advance of the date you'd like, just to check availability.
"NEE-HA!" #48 was edited by Linzi Gallacher who is no friend of Salma Hayek. Cheers thanks a lot to Micah Honees, Robin Banks, Goddess Of Odd and Quinn.
"NEE-HA!" is on the web at:
http://www.angelfire.com/ny/lacob/conan.html
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END QUOTE
"Rehearsal, schmearsal, that's what cue cards are for!"
- Andy Richter
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