"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #12/06-047
Hola from the Temple of Cone... I saw someone describe "NEE-HA" as that this week and it made me laugh. I'm sure she meant The Church of Conan O'Brien.... Coz that's where I'd go (not here).
You may not know this, maybe you don't want to know, but I'm going to tell you anyway, let's pretend that's what I'm here for. "NEE-HA!" is now a year old.... Yesh... we've been delivering Conan Krunk (TM) direct to your inbox for a whole year... (We have nothing better to do with our time.) And it's gone so fast, there's been some highs (The Fifth, the reappearance of the Gaseous One, Scott Healy losing the hat) and a few sad moments too (The Fifth, the reappearance of the Gaseous One, Scott Healy wearing the hat). Speaking of what's hot and what's not, I'd love to have as many people email me their favorite Late Night Memories from 1998 to add to our end-of-year issue. So, you know the address, write and tell me what rocked your year. Put "Late Night Memories" or something similar in the subject line please. Cheers!
Have a conetastic week everyone (new shows and all... and one with Bob Dole too you lucky people!) and let's get it awn!
Linzi Gallacher
Editor
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CONTENTS -
LATE NIGHT NEWS
LATE NIGHT POLL
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
THE COB SOURCE With Dez
UPCOMING GUESTS - December 7 - 11 1998
THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
FYI
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LATE NIGHT NEWS
NBC.COM/CONAN: Has a new weekly music trivia game that will be updated on Monday evenings. You can test your Late Night musical knowledge to help you determine if you really are the "Ultimate Conan Fan". (I personally got 5 out of 5). Webmaster "Crispy" says: "One of the coolest part of the quiz is that users will be able to listen to audio clips of the actual show performances of the bands who made their network debut on the show. All you have to do is click on the Civic Hint, and a real audio window will be launched." Not only that, but even swankier, they're giving away prizes for the duration of the quiz. You can win some CD's by entering the "Late Night Contractual Giveaway". Also at the swank-site of the year watch out for new comedy in the "The Year 2000" and "Actual Items" sections. "Crispy" also just got tons of new "Actual Items" stuff for the site, so watch out for those.
NEW MESSAGE BOARD: If you saw the last newsletter, you may have read about Trish's new messageboard. Well, forget about the last one. This is the new improved one. Trish says: " I know, I know....I can't make up my mind...BUT the new message board/forum I have created works MUCH better, is faster, easier to read, and requires no password."
Check it out at:
http://www.cgiforme.com/cgibin/ConanChick/wwwboard.html
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LATE NIGHT POLL
THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What's on your Christmas Wish List for the show?
Send your response before Thursday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
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LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What do think our boyz get up to during hiatuses?
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IGNACIO -
Andy probably lets his beard grow, cuz I know he wants to look like a lumberjack, you can just tell. Conan has to wait a few months for peach fuzz, let alone a beard. In the meantime, Conan probably watches reruns of Happy Days and listens to Tommy, by the Who. What about Max? You never ask what he does Max probably goes up to the catskills for his porn.
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Brian -
Conan spends his time working as a secret agent from home aka heated padded toilet seat, and Andy is a world champion kick-boxer.
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ABSOLFB7 -
Because I am such a damn loyal fan, I was at the 5th. Anniversary show in September. Wow. I know what they do!!!!!!!!! They get up and dance around like Laurel and Hardy and the Roxbury guys. Only the audience is privy to this part of the show. Conan tends to knock his hair around violently as well and look into the monitor. Then they come back and sit down to do 100 ass squeezes each.
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Ali -
I think Andy goes to Houston to down some beers with Buffalo and Conan goes to Amsterdam with his travel bong and talks to the Ozzman... I've just totally ruined my rep among this group...
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Deanne -
During hiatus, Conan probably works on his segues, so he doesn't need Seque Sam any more....(and if he doesn't work on them, he should). Andy, of course, drinks.
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Huskerann -
I think that Conan will travel to Hawaii and being mistaken for Jack Lord {his hair hero } he chases down some Samoan thugs to kick some Hawaiian @$$!! Andy just gets drunk and ruins thanksgiving for everyone.
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Nate -
Andy goes to his "other" job as a secret agent with the CIA, fighting villains all around the world. Conan, on the other hand, goes home and works on a 100,000 piece jigsaw puzzle.
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Mr Blue -
Conan will sit in his late night chair and cry and Andy will take his chair home and cry.
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Sofi -
That's an easy one: Max and Andy go on a bender in Amsterdam, and Conan spends a week cleaning his house. (C'mon now, I could sooo see Consie as a compulsive cleaner/hand washer, couldn't you?)
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Sarah -
I think that on their hiatus, Conan and Andy secretly sleep over each other's houses, Conan with his Barbie sleeping bag, play Twister with each other and stay up late like a couple of 13 year old girls. Oh, and they give each other makeovers too! :-)
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THE BONE OF CONTENTION By Micah Honees
Ah, the holidays. Nothing says lovin' like stuffing your face with turkey while watching the Detroit Lions in a haze of cranberry sauce and triptophane. Add in the Late Night bye-week and you have the perfect remedy to the evil Martha Stewart and her sweet morsels of chuckle chunks. What that means exactly I have no idea. Let's move past that and get on with the real bidness.
This week, instead of one FREAK OF THE WEEK we have the evil three-headed monster...and Wayne Gretzky. That would be four, I suppose.
Let's start with "Newsradio"'s John Lovitz, who according to Conan, might actually be retarded. Lovitz, to me, is one of those guys that you see on TV all the time and you kind of like him but you're still left wondering just how it is he got on TV and isn't in the loony bin. He's never boring and always juvenile. "Late Night" was no exception. Gotta dig it when the guest takes the time out of his busy schedule to write "Hi, Conan" on his middle finger just so he can flip the host off. It shows preparation. Never one to shy away from the song and dance, Lovitz also favored us with a dirty little number that had more bleeps than audible words before leaving us with a rousing rendition of "Chicago" in the world's biggest karaoke machine.
Second on the hit list-and on right after Lovitz-was the Uncrowned Softball Champion himself, Larry King. King, a man who looks like an extra from "A Bug's Life" more and more each day, actually set up our favorite sidekick for what I believe was simply the Greatest Andy Moment ever. King had taken to bragging about how tough native New Yorkers are and declared that "If you go to school in New York and you're a D student you're the mayor of Des Moines." Then the Viagra poster boy dared ask the cost and co-host where they grew up in an effort to prove his manliness. Conan replied Boston; Andy said Yorkville, Illinois. International Shootfighting Champion Larry King scoffed at the mention of such a petty little burg and Andy shot back that the difference between Yorkville-ites and New Yorkers is that "We're not delusionally egotistical."
Trust me, if you didn't see it you have to. I hit rewind like four times on that one.
Last but certainly not least was everyone's favorite freakshow, the enigma that is Scott Thompson. Scott, a man who actually claimed to spend a lot of time in public restrooms (George Michael-beware! The guy had a scene about that very activity in "Brain Candy"!!) was on the Thanksgiving Eve show ("I'm Canadian! I don't care about your stupid holiday!) to flog his "Buddy Babylon" book yet again and favor the crowd into shocked humiliation by talking about throwing rocks and beating his dog (which wasn't really his dog...it's a long-ass story), heated toilet seats in his hotel, the bidet with a videophone over it with which he tried to get his new French boyfriend excited, and a super-silly phone call ("Totally unstaged") to the woman who sold him his car two-and-a-half years ago. It was one of those rare moments in TV where you never knew what was going to happen next and Scott really got off on shockifying (to borrow a word from Don King) the crowd into a stunned silence...like every time he's on "Late Night".
Well, there you have it. It's all very simple when you break it down scientifically. Three heads--Godzilla's nemesis Ghidrah will tell you this-are better than one. See you in seven!
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THE COB SOURCE With Dez
Hi, my name is Dez. I'm a HUGE fan of LNwCOB and I've watched the show almost religiously since the very beginning. I think I know everything there is to know about the show and I'd like to help answer any questions you might have about it. No question too big or too small. I am here for you. If I can't answer your question myself, I'll do my best to find you someone who can. You'll see...
So, if you've got an unanswered question about Conan O'Brien or Late Night write to me at: cobsource@yahoo.com
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Carolyn -
I need to write to Conan but I don't want one of his people to read it, is there anywhere I can write where he will most likely be reading it himself. And I want the message transferred to Conan that my friend's aunt said she puked on him in high school at Brookline High. I'm from West Roxbury so I live around there.
DEZ SEZ: When writing to Conan at NBC most people are sussed enough realize that there will be other people to answer his fan mail. That's pretty much essential for him. Millions of people love him and write to him hoping the same thing: that he'll read their mail and reply personally. I think you should swallow your pride, accept that he's a very busy man and write anyway. I promise you anyone who's reading his mail has seen much worse than what you want to write. The address is in the FYI section of Neeha.
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Alex -
During the shows where Conan and Andy surf through the channels they get on the NBC super satellite do you remember the full tittle off the Polkadotted baby fighterpilots?
DEZ SEZ: You can catch these cute toons with the cool theme song on the Kids Action Hero Network, and their proper title is: Embryonic Rockabilly Polkadotted Fighter Pilots... They're Fighter Pilots who are embryonic... and are polkadotted... and like rockabilly. Get it?
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Sean
Exactly how tall is Conan? Where is he from? Does he actually pay his hairdresser?
DEZ SEZ: LOL Conan is 6' 4" not counting the pompadour. He is from Brookline, Massachusetts (Brookline is a suburb of Boston btw). And to the third question: I sincerely hope not.
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ConanFan -
When Conan does the "Me no speaky english" song, What is he saying between the "Me no speaky english" part? (like on the "You'll always be horny" song, in between he says "and you'll never have sex", and on the "call me when you're legal" song he says "we'll have sex all night long")
DEZ SEZ: I've consulted my more informed sources on this and the word up is that Conan sings: Me no speaky English - me no bother to learn..."
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Sarah -
I love Conan to death... I know practically everything there is to know about Conan... except his double- major at Harvard. History was one. What was the other???
DEZ SEZ: Conan attended Harvard from 1981 to 1985 where he majored in American History and Literature.
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UPCOMING GUESTS - December 7 - 11 1998
MONDAY The 7th (First shown on 10/8/98):
Jeff Goldblum,
Star Jones,
Barenaked Ladies (Cover your eyes children!)
TUESDAY The 8th:
Bob Dole, (I heard he'll be sitting in with the MW7)
Annie Potts,
Guster
WEDNESDAY The 9th:
Jon Voight
THURSDAY The 10th:
Tom Hanks,
Roger Daltrey,
Brian Kiley (is very smiley).
FRIDAY The 11th:
Michael Caine,
Trans-Siberian Orchestra (will look lousy next to the MW7).
THIS WEEK'S LUST SEE TV?: Let's all go get in a time machine and this time vote for Dole.... Maybe you can't do that, but he's an old sweetie in interviews, not to mention very funny. Check The Dole Man out on the show on Tuesday night, maybe he'll sing. Whatever you do, don't miss Thursday's Late Night. Tom Hanks, an old "Saturday Night Live" co-worker of Conan's, makes his first appearance ever. People are comparing this to the Letterman appearance that changed the show's fortunes in the ratings... Conanites, this is bigger than Sandra Bullock!
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THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
This time last year we were looking at a repeat. It was a Monday after all. First shown on April 4 1997, JeanClaudeVanDamme (it really is all one word - I looked it up) appeared as a guest on the show alongside Margaret Colin, and muso guest Johnny Lang. Conan and Andy had a good old fashioned staring contest and the lovely Joel was depressed again. JC demonstrated how he could kick Andy's Ass after Conan volunteered him. He also made them sit together to face him, because he wasn't all that comfortable having Andy behind him while he was talking to Conan.
Tuesday, December 9 last year was that show where "Friends" actress Courteney Cox made her Late Night debut... and enthralled us with her presence. NOT! The poor dear looked decidedly unfriendly and it was painfully obvious she never wanted to be there. All subsequent lacklustre interviews seen on Late Night have been named after her appearance: "THE COURTENEY COX AWARD FOR NARCOLEPTIC INTERVIEWS" so she did at least serve some purpose by being there. Also appearing on the show were Chris Kattan and Matthew Ryan. Conan and Andy looked to the future "In the Year 2000" and Carl "Oldy" Olsen was suspended from the show.
This was a week for the freaks to come out. Wednesday, December 10 1997, show #860, saw guest Donald Trump creep us out by whipping a condom out from his pocket on the show and declare "Safe Sex Everyone". He shouldn't be where there are other people. Also appearing were funnyguy Marc Maron, and Dog Biscuit Experts Dan Dye & Mark Beckloff who made us laugh and got Conan to eat some Dog biscuits. In a hilarious Clutch Cargo segment Conan discussed basketball star Latrell Sprewell's suspension from the NBA. Later on they started a campaign--which has apparently been abandoned--getting radio stations to promise not to play the song "Party Like It's 1999" on New Year's Eve 1998. With the date looming closer it seems like a good idea to me.
More relatives are paraded for the audience in the Annual Unwanted Relatives Drive on Thursday December 12 last year. Conan and Andy, know-it-alls that they are also let us sneak a peek at some Hidden Celebrity Talents. Guests were the always charming Helen Hunt, Todd Barry, and Fisher Stevens who got the Neeha "he's more entertaining that I thought he'd be" award.
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FYI
HOW TO GET YOUR HANDS ON AUTOGRAPHED PIX
Write to the address below. Include an 8x10 self-addressed envelope, this does not have to contain postage. Then all you have to do is wait. And wait... Sometimes--depending on whose picture you want--it can take a while, so make sure you're prepared. Gets some cans of soup in or something and lots of tapes of the show. You'll be glad you did.
Conan O'Brien (Or name of whoever's pic you want)
c/o Late Night With Conan O'Brien
NBC Productions
Suite 901W
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
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"NEE-HA!" #47 was edited by Linzi Gallacher who performed an amazing feat by editing with just one finger due to an injury sustained earlier in the week. Linzi--known as Late Night Linzi--would like to give respect and thanks to Micah Honees, Audrey, Dez H and Robin Banks for taking the time out of their busy schedules to be conetastic.
"NEE-HA!" has one of them funky website things; you can surf it at:
http://www.angelfire.com/ny/lacob/conan.html
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END QUOTE
It's Judgement Day, bitch!" - Stacy
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