"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #11/08-044
Helloooo everyone!! This is going to sound bizarre, but I've been so distracted this week, so much so that I have not even thought of Conan. (Scenes of people fainting with shock). Apart from on Friday, when I suddenly found myself singing Bob Dole and Bulletproof Legs songs all day much to the amusement and bewilderment of everyone who saw me. Dole always did have the greatest songs.
Neeha, is much shorter too this week.... No Stephanie to do our usual Week In Review for us!! Someone spotted her buying a chicken in Arkansas (for me apparently!?!) but nothing since... hopefully she'll be back next week. HINT!! But thanks to Keri-Jade, Damone and Micah for this week's Conan articles.
Q&A... What's happened to "Ask Conan" at the official site? More and more people seem to keep asking that, so again for anyone who's still wondering, the official answer is that Conan was too busy to answer questions on a regular basis, so they had to pull the section. Bummer eh? I think we need to come up with some other ideas here... make 'em listen. We want our Conzie!!
Have a great week everyone and let's get it awn!
Late Night Linzi
Editor
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CONTENTS -
THE WEASELS LEAVE TOWN By Damone
WHY CONAN WON'T WORK MONDAYS ANYMORE
LATE NIGHT POLL
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
UPCOMING GUESTS - November 9 - 20 1998
FYI
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THE WEASELS LEAVE TOWN By Damone
NBC weasels. The name conjures up images of rat-faced men in too-good suits, or maybe just the security guards giving David Letterman the "GE Handshake." The name comes from Letterman's tenure as host of "Late Night" and is still applicable today because of the fiasco that resulted when Letterman bolted to CBS in 1993. Partly out of embarrassment due to Letterman leaving the network, the new incarnation of "Late Night" became a point of pride for the network and resulted in incredibly vigorous micro-management of the show. One of the key figures behind these changes was Don Ohlmeyer.
Don is more commonly known for two more recent public developments, one related to the other. The first is his vocal and energetic defense of golfing buddy and acquitted-murderer-yet-curiously-legally-responsible-for-the-deaths, O.J. Simpson. Don was one of the few vocal defenders of Simpson before, during, and after the trial and was the one responsible for setting up Simpson's first post-trial interview on NBC, ensuring that only softball questions would get asked (although, thankfully, that interview fell through at the last minute). More recently, he was known as the point man behind the firing of popular "Saturday Night Live" Weekend Update anchor, Norm MacDonald, supposedly because of his dogged attacks on the wife-beating ex-football player.
The history of "Late Night" has been friction between the NBC's West Coast entertainment executives (of which Ohlmeyer was president for seven years) and the East Coast talent. The West Coast people had always been behind the more family-friendly and middle-of-the-road audience popularity of shows like the "Tonight Show." Letterman's "Late Night" was ignored for so long that NBC didn't have much leverage against him when it became a hit.
Not so Conan's "Late Night." From the very beginning, his show was under the closest of scrutiny. Sometimes the network execs would criticise the show on a minute-by-minute basis, watching the fluctuation of the ratings and making "suggestions" to the show. (The show did a recurring sketch several years ago called "Network Feedback" where a network executive sat in an inset box on the screen, constantly telling Conan to change everything he was doing. Art imitates life, no doubt.) The laundry list of "suggestions" that Conan was subjected to range from the quibbling ("Change the hairstyle"), to the aesthetically challenged (the slaughter of the opening and closing credits), to the terminal (the show was actually cancelled for a night). And all of it happened either at Ohlmeyer's command, by his hand, or with his approval.
But the weasels are abandoning ship. NBCs top management, including Warren Littlefield and Ohlmeyer, are transitioning out. By the end of next year, there will be a new regime in power. It isnt clear if this is involuntary, due to NBCs declining fortunes, or a case of top executives taking a golden parachute before they get blamed for increasing troubles. Before Conanites celebrate too soon, Ohlmeyer's replacement is a protege', Scott Sassa, who has an extensive history with Ohlmeyer. One can only hope he takes a more hands-off approach to the programs.
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WHY CONAN WON'T WORK MONDAYS ANYMORE
According to Keri-Jade Ruddick
Once there was a poor little boy named Conan. His family was so impoverished, at Christmas he used to steal raisins from Ye Local General Store. And when his younger brother Timmy broke his leg, Conan fashioned a crutch for him from part of a fender from an '82 Camero that he had found on the side of the road while collecting empty beer bottles.
One day Conan passed by a billboard displaying a cigarette ad with a rich man on it. The man was in front of the Chrysler building and wore a brown suit with a red tie and was surrounded by women. So right there and there our hero Conan decided he would go to the big city in search of wealth.
That was almost fifteen years ago, and now our Conan spend his days passed out in his messy office, tequila drooling from his mouth. What went wrong you ask, friends? Apparently our dearest Conan found out that wealth doesn't buy happiness. (Something he would have known all those years ago if only he had known that the guy on the bill-board was a pre-opt transsexual, the women were prostitutes and the Chrysler building in the ad was just actually a backdrop.
So three weeks ago (remember all those re-runs?), Andy and Max decided to group together with the 7 and do some tough love therapy on Conan's behalf. Well, Conan got angry at their ultimatums and fired them all. But his best friend Andy wouldn't be swayed that easily. In a fit of rage, he dragged Conan out to his car and strapped him in for a long ride. Conan passed out again, but when he came to, he was back in the town were he grew up in. Andy took him back the very house he had grown up in. There he saw his mother and father and his brothers and sisters and even little Timmy. They embraced like a home-town hero and Timmy showed him his Late Night mug and Conan T-shirt and a scap book he kept of all the great and wonderful things his brother Conan had done in NYC before becoming a drunk. Conan began to cry and vowed right there and then he wouldn't touch a bottle again. He and Andy stayed with his family the rest of the week and then drove back to the big city together.
And so far, Conan has kept his promise. He did stop drinking.
So why does he now take off every Monday?
Well, Friday nights after the show, he meets up with his crack dealer (coincidentally the pre-opt transsexual from the billboard). On Saturday Andy and his start free-basing. By Sunday the drugs are all gone, but it takes them Monday to recover. Now Conan wonders why he ever started drinking in the first place - crack is a much better high!
Or, I could be wrong....
PS. Conan, the stories will keep coming unless you reinstate Monday and Tuesday shows. (Down with re-runs!) Sooner or later darlin', they're going to start to wonder if they are true.
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LATE NIGHT POLL
THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: If you could live as one of the characters, which one would you choose to be?
Send your response before Thursday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
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LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: If you could change something about the show, what would it be?
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Jason -
If I had the power to change one thing about the conan o'brien show is that I would have more jokes at the beginning.
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Scott -
If I could change one thing about "Late Night" I would have more "talking faces". Why you ask? Two simple words: Bill Clinton. 'Nuff said.
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Jessica P -
I think they should drop the "interviews" with Clinton via satellite. I love all the skits they do before the actual interviews, but this is the one thing I'm not crazy about. I just don't find it that funny. Who knows?
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Conanina -
I would like to see more guests that require Conan to stand in front of the blue curtain...cooking segments, weird new products, or guests like "The Gadget Guru." They seem to always make for some funny segments. They always make Conan do unusual things like drink sauerkraut juice or ride a skateboard across the studio with a fire extinguisher in his crotch.
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Brendan -
I would get Andy more involved maybe have the monologue jokes switch between the two of them. It gets me kind of pissed off when hot shot guests almost turn their backs to Andy and face Conan, I think they forget he's there. Also I'd add more of Pimpot, he's been gone for a long time, except for the 5th Special.
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Thurston -
One thing I would like to see on the show is more interaction with the audience. Something like "know your current events" from letterman. I think the people who are in the audience are probably pretty interesting and I would love to see Conan interact with them in some sort of game or something maybe once a week. Another thing I would like to see is Andy host a show, but that will never happen I'm sure. Conan should talk to his audience though! And id love to see Andy and Conan out on the streets talking to people because those adventures they take are always hilarious.
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Ali -
If I could change one thing about Late Night, it would be that Conan and Andy would alternate every night. Conan would be host one night, Andy would be another. Then they'd change the name to "Late Night With Conan and Andy"!
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Chantale -
I would put Andy on the OTHER side of Conan's desk so the guests could chat with him too. Poor guy gets people's backs turned on him far too often;o(
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GlittrMnky -
If I could change anything about the show I'd make it longer. That is the only way to make it better.
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Kate -
I would make the show much longer, and they would do more of the lesser seen sketches, rather than so many clutch cargos. Also, I think Conan and Andy should do a remote of them learning yoga. I think Conan would look awesome in the lotus!
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SGusta4370 -
Random drum solos by Max Weinberg and maybe some guest hosts (like Carson used to do).
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Jack -
I would love it if the show was 90 minutes long. It'd also be nice if Conan had Leno's Guest list. Bigger stars for the better of the two late nightshows on NBC, you know.-Jack
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THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
If David Duchovny and a woman who looked like David Duchovny had a child-"If They Mated, if you will-would that demon seed look like Jonathan Taylor Thomas?
Thursday's show opened with the under-prepared (and yet mildly entertaining) Adam Sandler. Now let's get one thing straight: I think the guy is one of the funniest former ridalin children in this great land of our's. Sure, he basically is the same person in every movie he's ever made but if you have a grade-four sense of humor like I do (sad being that I am pretty old...and getting older each day) Sandler is the greatest star in Hollywood. His movies are must-sees for me; only Jackie Chan gets me to the cinema faster. That having been said, I looked forward to his guest shot on Late Night more than I usually do. And he didn't disappoint. Sandler just kind of enters the alter-reality of stream of consciousness where you don't really understand where the hell he's going and sometimes you wonder where he is driving to, but it's fun nonetheless.
Next came the return of Mick Ferguson and his monkey-heart generated bulletproof legs. Good to see Old Mick. Where we had highs we had highs. Where we had lows we had JTT-Jonathan Taylor Duchovny Thomas for those without teenage siblings.
JTT as the youngsters call him has been on more teem magazine covers than Conan, myself, Jesse The Body, and yes, Andy Richter combined. How do I know this? Well, every good journalist-or crappy back-biting humor writer-has their sources. Mine is that I buy a newspaper every day. Anyhoo, what would the week be if not for another clueless celebrity to be anointed (or cursed) THE COURTENEY COX NACOLEPTIC INTERVIEW OF THE WEEK. It isn't that Randy-er, I mean, Jonathan-had nothing to say it's more along the lines that he was smarmy and boring. Also, I don't think his core group of fans (girls aged 13-14) can stay up late enough to see him on Late Night; Thursday being a school night and all. And if they did stay up that late, not only would they fail a math test the next day but they would get to hear enlighteningly bo-ring stories about his cool Hummer (it's a truck, people!) and how he made a Christmas movie where he plays, you guessed it, a kid in a Santa Claus suit. Makes me wanna run right out to my local cineplex and go see it-the new Adam Sandler movie.
So, when you add it all up scientifically, I think you can see from this flow chart that teen idols equal "bad" and guys in their thirties who act partially retarded equal good. Class dismissed. And if you're 13 and stayed up late to see Randy from "Home Improvement", you fail.
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UPCOMING GUESTS - November 9 - 20 1998
MONDAY, November 9 (Repeat of 3/6/98):
Frederique,
Boyd Matson,
Finley Quaye
TUESDAY, November 10:
Kate Mulgrew,
Gomez
WEDNESDAY, November 11:
Luke Perry,
Ice Cube
THURSDAY, November 12:
Tom Everett Scott, Mountain bike racer Missy Giove
FRIDAY, November 13:
Al Green
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MONDAY, November 16 (Repeat of 1/9/98):
Minnie Driver,
Richard Belzer,
B.B. King
TUESDAY, November 17:
Alyssa Milano,
R.E.M.
WEDNESDAY, November 18:
Lisa Kudrow,
Jerry Stiller,
Dr. Drew Pinsky and Adam Carolla
THURSDAY, November 19:
Jennifer Love Hewitt, Marc Maron
FRIDAY, November 20:
Jerry Springer,
Charlize Theron,
Everclear
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FYI
"NEE-HA!" #44 is edited by Linzi Killie with thanks to Micah Honees, Keri-Jade Ruddick, and Damone.
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END QUOTE
"Where's Sonny Bono when you need him?"
- Andy Richter
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