"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #11/01-043
Happy belated Halloween everyone. Well, unless you've been sleeping under a rock you'll have noticed it Andy was 32 last Wednesday. I'm still sh-lightly hungover... I did have to celebrate it in my own way you know. And spying on Conan-country with my binoculars it looks like it's been kind of an Andi-fied week too. So, in the "Spirit Of Andy" (a cologne worn by our very own Robin Banks, you too can smell like Andy) you know you want more, check out these fab websites for the fix that you don't quite get on the show.
Andy Richter's Firearms Emporium and Mercantile. The longest standing Andy site around. http://www.afn.org/~ejw/andy/index.html
Brandon's tale of the tour: http://members.aol.com/Goats37/andy.html
Just a couple to start you off... once you've been there come down and visit the newsgroup too.... Alt.andy (or alt.andy.whine.whine.whine)
Mucho thanks to Al Bell this week for the interesting - if heavy reading - Excerpts from Conan's bachelor thesis, something every Conan fan should read (twice). Cheers to Late Night for the Dole revival - he has the greatest songs ever!! Have a great week everyone and remember, in space, no-one can hear you Dole!!
Late Night Linzi
Editor
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CONTENTS -
EXCERPTS FROM CONAN'S BACHELOR THESIS
LATE NIGHT POLL
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
UPCOMING GUESTS - November 2 - 6 1998
THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
WEEK IN REVIEW By Stephanie
FYI
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EXCERPTS FROM CONAN'S BACHELOR THESIS
Edited by Al Bell
The 'Old Child' In Faulkner and O'Connor
By Conan Christopher O'Brien
Presented to the Committee on Degrees in History and Literature in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of Bachelor of Arts with Honors
Harvard College
March 1, 1985
INTRODUCTION
How do we relate to our myths? The question is asked by almost every culture at some point in its history, not to find out specifically where it has been as much as to locate itself in the present. The legends and beliefs of our origin are compelling because they invite comparison. They tempt us towards self-examination because -- at a distance -- they appear so starkly absolute and resolute: so resolved. In a Utopian view of the past many anxious questions arise about the present. Are we as good as our fore-fathers? Have we made progress? Have we fallen? The farther we move away from the past the more it commands our attention and forces us to re-negotiate our personal and cultural identity.
The American South has undergone such a period of self-examination in the early and mid-20th century known as the Southern Literary Renaissance. During the Renaissance, historians, fiction writers, and sociologists began to search for a sense of regional character by sorting through the stories, ideals, legalisms and codes of the Southern experience. The search invariably forced these intellectuals to decide which visions of the Old South to keep, which to abandon, and which to re-write. The answers have varied widely but the essential question has remained the same: How should the South's notion of what it was determine its new identity? The purpose of this thesis is not to find the answer but to examine the power and prevalence of the question.
W.J. Cash argues that the South is a child, indulging itself with comfortable myths of innocence, while C. Van Woodward maintains the South is a pre-maturely aged region, stripped of its childhood legends by a series of bitter, awakening defeats. Although they disagree, both men associate the South's old myths with the metaphor of childhood. This image seems appropriate because children need to forge a sense of self and they rely heavily on myths for spiritual sustenance. In their years of rapid growth children thirst for beliefs and ideals as a foundation for their newly-forming identity.
This association between childhood and myth can also be used to analyze Cash and Woodward themselves. As intellectuals of the Southern Renaissance, they too are feeding a New South's craving for self-definition with myths and revisions of myths from the Old South. As writers from the first prolonged period of Southern self-criticism, they have the child's impulse to organize, choose, and interpret past legends in order to construct a new identity. This analogy holds not only for historians but for Southern fiction writers of the Renaissance as well. According to Louis Rubin, these writers intensely re-examined their region's character and were disturbed by what they found:
"These new writers were, in short, modern Americans who were Southerners; and because that identity posed complex problems of self-definition and was fraught with incongruity, discrepancies, oppositions and divisions, and loyalties and contradictions that were rooted in the circumstances of their time and place, their writings probed beneath the everyday surfaces to get at the universal human problems of definition..."
In their child-like forging of identity, these writers encounter traditions unique to the South which contrast with many ideals of the New South. The most obvious of these problematic traditions is that of racism. Most Southern Renaissance writers have had to question how the racial tension in the South's history affects the New Southerner in his youthful state of self-definition.
According to Lilliam Smith, this racist tradition has marred the Southerner, but specifically it has damaged the children of the New South. Smith argues that all Southern children are "stunted and warped" by racial conflict and that it "cruelly shapes and cripples" the personality of the child. In her shocking image of a child "crippled" and distorted by this Southern tradition, Smith is really symbolizing the dilemma of many Southern Renaissance writers. In their child-like state of forming a self, these writers are tortured by the contrasts between powerful Southern traditions and the need to abandon or re-write these traditions in the forging of a New Southern identity. These Old South myths of honor, invulnerability, racism, innocence, and bravery can distort and "cripple" the writer during his formative stage of identity construction. The distinct relevance of this warped child image to Southern intellectuals raises an important question: Have other writers of the Literary Renaissance voiced their innate sense of discrepancy through this image of a warped child? I believe that they have.
I have found that several Southern Renaissance writers have articulated their regional sense of contradiction through what I have termed literary progeria. Progeria is an often fatal disease that strikes children and ages them pre-maturely. In the works of several Southern writers the child protagonist becomes "old" long before his time because he is tormented by the same anxiety over myth which troubles Cash and Woodward. In an effort to construct an identity the child is drawn to past myths and builds the foundation of his character on archaic beliefs. The result is that this child caries the vast experience of these myths as burden; he or she becomes an "old child" who tries unsuccessfully to reconcile his elderly identity with the modern world. I have found variations of the "old child" who tries unsuccessfully (sic) to reconcile his elderly identity with the modern world. I have found variations of the "old child" symbol in Katherine Anne Porter's _Pale Horse, Pale Rider _ as well as in Caron McCuller's _The Heart is a Lonely Hunter_ and _A Member of the Wedding_, but these authors do not explore the symbol extensively enough to establish its characteristics and thematic significance. Both William Faulkner and Flannery O'Connor do develop the "old child" symbol extensively, however, and although they differ in their specific fictional concerns it is clear that the image emanates from similar regional instinct. Each author places the "old child" in the center of generational argument over the value of past myths and the child, unable to reconcile opposing views, represents experience and thus an anguished state of conflicting loyalties. The extreme generational attitudes towards myth resemble the same extremes Cash and Woodward delineate in their argument over the South's relation to the past. The myth Faulkner's children turn to is the myth of the Old South and his "old children" suffer from a spiritual progeria. O'Connor adds a second layer of significance to the symbol by incorporating the myth of Christian redemption and this increased complexity produces in her children both a spiritual _and_ a physical progeria which borders on the freakish.
By establishing a close correlation between such disparate Southern Renaissance writers as Faulkner and O'Connor we can begin to appreciate the power of the "old child's" significance. This is not a paradigm which has been examined in detail in the critical literature, but the motif merits our closer examination -- first because it is a figure which recurs throughout the literature of this period and second, because the "old child" represents these Southern Renaissance writers need to dramatize the the bitter argument that rages within them.
Excerpt from THE CONCLUSION
Flannery O'Connor's fiction also explores this distinctly Southern paradox through the symbol of the "old child." Like Faulkner, she creates child characters who are disillusioned by the inactivity and lack of belief in their parent's generation and subsequently construct their identity on the model of an elderly figure, only to suffer a tug of loyalties between the past and the present which embitters the child. The difference with O'Connor is that the discrepancy she seeks to capture is not between the Old South and the New South but between the Christian promise of Redemption and a modern nihilism and as a result her "old children" suffer both a spiritual _and_ physical progeria. Her "old children" are more freakish and grotesque than Faulkner's but they still emanate from the Southern question of how to incorporate past myths in articulating an identity in the present. . . .
The Al Bell Late Night Take-Home Exam: Compare and contrast Conan's on-stage persona when he interviews people who knew Elvis and John F. Kennedy with O'Connor's old children.
Al Bell's Bell Jar - http://users.vnet.net/allbell/belljar.html *
"I'm just crazy about it." - Sylvia Plath
Featuring: "Terror at 30 Rock (or: The Peacock Had Fangs)"
allbell@vnet.net *NOTE CHANGE IN ADDRESS
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LATE NIGHT POLL
THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: If you could change one thing about Late Night what would it be?
Send your response before Thursday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
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LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What do you think will happen to the "In The Year 2000 Skit" in the year 2000?
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Kate -
They could probably get some killer remotes, going out and trying to prove their predictions true. Other than that, I don't think there will be too much they can do.
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Jessica -
I luv watching that skit and I have often wondered what they would do when the clocks hit the year 2000. I think they should do a skit called "Look at all the crap that happened before the year 2000" I would watch that.
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Scott -
Simple: One of two things will happen. The skit will either be cut or the date will be moved to 2005 or 2010, something along those lines.
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Ali -
I think they will probably have some really official and solemn ceremony where they change it to..."In the year 3000..."
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Calmly -
The best way to deal with the bit situation is to just keep on doing it man and ignore the fact that the year has come....at least that's the way I would do it. Why look back on the past and make fools of themselves? You never know, the last day of the year 2000, I Cant Believe Its Not Butter may just change its name to the aforementioned.
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Foolio-
They'll probably do away with "in the Year 2000" skit in the year 2000 or maybe spring the years up a bit. For example, instead of the 2000 skit, maybe 2050 or 3000. Who knows. they'll probably have a show dedicated to the memory of the year 2000 skit.
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Sarah -
In the year 2000, the "In The Year 2000" skit will... probably be changed to the "In The Year 3000" skit and Conan will explain it by saying "Well folks, we've made it to this millennium, who say's we won't make it to the next?" and they pick up right where they left off, plus 1000 years.
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Jordan -
I think in the year 2000, "in the year 2000" will become a hilarious historical piece (according to the guy who will come up with the idea). It will last 2 weeks. Incidentally.. I need a .wav file of 'the future, Conan?'.
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Miayyin -
They very well might pithily make fun of them selves...like it's not the year 2000, and dis the embarrassing status quo...it would be neat now with our unbelievable president, Bill Clinton...we have alot to make fun of ourselves for, sadly...It would make me laugh...
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Scott -
I think that Conan will realize that he now has the power to actually command what will happen at any moment. Knowing this, he will become a tyrannical dictator who will make slaves out of all people without freckles and read hair. The cast will be spared, except Max will be used as an example.
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Mollie -
The whole show will be done as if it was the skit. Interviews will be done with Conan and Andy holding a flash light in their faces and Max holding one in the guests face.
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Valerie-
In the year 2000...the accuracy of past predictions will unravel the very fabric of the Late Night space-time continuum, thus causing the show to collapse in on itself.
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Steve -
Everything they said would happen in the Year 2000 will happen. Everything.
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Thurston -
I think that they wont be able to say "in the year 2000" anymore (obviously) so they just wont do it anymore. They can come up with something else that's just as funny. But, maybe this is a sign that the world really is doomed in the year 2000 because this classic skit can not exist anymore!!!! Everyone will go crazy!!! They will miss it too much!
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THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
Ah, Andy's birthday. A great day, indeed, but what does it all mean to us? Not very much for you all since none of you had any special wishes granted. Sorry to tell you this but no matter how much you beg you're not getting a couch-cooler full of Budweiser and crossword puzzles. You probably aren't going to give birth to a puppy, either. But for me it was truly magical. It was the night Sam Donaldson mentioned a fan letter I had written to him on the air.
Sam, a television institution not unlike Andy Rooney, Dan Rather, or Captain Kangaroo, was asked about how he deals with criticism he hears from colleagues and news geeks. Donaldson proudly proclaimed that he has kept two letters he received and how he tacked them up on his door like some kind of ersatz-Martin Luther; albeit one less receptive to change. And that, my friends, is when he read an excerpt of my letter. To wit:
"Dear Mr. Donaldson: Until this morning I only thought of you as a loud-mouthed ignoramus but after watching the David Brinkley show, I've learned that you have other despicable qualities as well..."
That's where he ended his reading but there was more. In the spirit of good faith and freedom of (falsified) expression, here's how the rest of it went.
"...your eyebrows-peaked so strangely that they remind me of some building structures found only in photographs of old castles I've seen in Scotland-scare small children and lower species alike. I've often found you to be cantankerous and stiff but much to my surprise I was only barely able to see the puppeteers move the sticks as you expressed yourself and could scarcely notice another man's hand up your ass working your mouth. Keep up the good work you silly, silly man. PS: Can I have Janet Reno's phone number?"
Then I signed it with my nom de plume. Why involve the feds? I say. Always go with the fake.
Hilarity and backbiting aside, I found Old Sam to be kind of enlightening. Look-there's no way on God's grey Earth I'd ever watch a show with Sammikins on it if it wasn't "Late Night with Conan O'Brien"-not even if he hosted a Very Special Edition of "MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch". But the guy was pretty funny with his off-handed Lewinsky jokes and tales of cutting the rug with Madeline Albright, a woman with a name so tight she has to be moneyed--and therefore, Republican. To be honest, I'm not for sure what a Madeline Albright is but what does it really matter anyway? Old Sam was the star here. And I really, really was half-hoping he'd bust a move behind Motley Crue as they performed later in the show. That alone is enough for this uninformed voter to make Sam the Man our long awaited FREAK OF THE WEEK.
You may now read what's next in our newsletter. Good night.
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UPCOMING GUESTS - November 2 - 6 1998
MONDAY, November 2 (Repeat of 11/12/97):
Matt Lauer,
Lisa Rinna,
James Ellroy
TUESDAY, November 3 (Repeat of 2/27/98):
David Schwimmer,
Kurt Loder,
Ed Byrne
WEDNESDAY, November 4:
David Spade,
Kiefer Sutherland,
Everlast
THURSDAY, November 5:
Adam Sandler,
Jonathan Taylor Thomas,
Frank Pellegrino
FRIDAY, November 6:
Fred Savage,
Mother Love,
Canibus
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UPCOMING MUSO GUESTS
Gomez (November 10)
Al Green (November 13)
R.E.M. (November 17)
Everclear (November 20)
Garth Brooks (November 24)
Elvis Costello & Burt Bacharach (November 27)
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THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
Tuesday, November 3 1997, a repeat of a show from August last year, guests were Actors Wayne Newton and Madison Michelle, music from Southside Johnny. The late Oldy appeared as a scab on Conan's Focus On America: UPS Strike. Wayne Newton took to the street... and later on Public Service Announcements were shown.
Actress Molly Ringwald, comedian Lewis Black, and actress Mia Kirshner were the guests on the night of November 4. Andy showed us why he's the undisputed King of the SAT (he never gets any wrong does he?). And the Devil and the Bear failed to sort out Conan's latest moral dilemma.
Wednesday November 5, one of my favorite skits, If They Mated made fun of Winona Ryder (again)... Guests were the fabulous Cybill Shepard, Helena Boring Carter, and music from Royal Crown Revue. Conan and Andy looked at movie reviews for "Mad City".
Thursday November 6 last year... Could this have been a more perfect show? Nada!! Guests William Shatner, George Stephanopaulos, and French Stewart provided laughs and charm.... And since Shatner was on, who else but Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to ahem, compliment that. Possibly Triumph's greatest triumph was the night that he pooped on Shatner. Conan also showed his hilarious trip to Amsterdam, in which he checked out the local culture and hung out with Ozzy Osbourne.
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WEEK IN REVIEW By Stephanie
MONDAY, October 26 (Repeat of 7/22/98):
Jay Mohr
Brandy
BR5-49
Clutch Cargo
Jeremy & Ira
This rerun marked the very first appearance of "Jeremy & Ira," the guys in the corner of the screen. Mysteriously, Conan "guessed" both of their names, Ira on the first try. After much questioning the boys found out Jeremy and Ira were there just to see Brandy and get a picture of themselves with Conan and Andy.
Brandy was...not "Late Night" material, I suppose. She isn't the type to go on the show and talk well. She taught Conan a little slang and told him that a "dime" guy was a perfect ten.... Andy interjected with the fact that she might want a guy with FDR's head.....Conan thought it was Truman.... A squabble broke out, but by the end of the show Conan begrudgingly admitted Andy was right....All hail the king of the couch!
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TUESDAY, October 27:
Jeff Daniels
Christina Applegate
Robert Schimmel
SAT Analogies
Robot on the Toilet (with interpretative dancer)
The Great One On The Toilet finally returned--this time with an interpretative dancer. When the Robot "had trouble" the dancer did not know what to do....but all turned out well, and we got "too much of a good thing" as Conan put it over the sound of....the Robot doing his thing....
Christina Applegate came on the show for the second time this year--what a gal. She promoted her new sitcom "Jesse" and talked about her tattoo on her leg, which she said hurt like hell but was "pretty." Robert Schimmel shocked and horrified us all with great jokes about life threatening illness--true stories at that.
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WEDNESDAY, October 28:
(Happy Birthday Andy!)
Sam Donaldson
Bob Odenkirk & surprise appearance by David Cross
Motley Crüe
Andy's Birthday Wishes
Late Night News
Yea! Andy Richter turned a big 32 today! And Conan set out to grant him every wish he could--a beer cooler in the couch, an Amish man using a microwave, the skeleton of Andy's old dog Buddy, Andy dancing with the Teletubbies, Andy giving birth to a "baby" that turned out to be a dog--a golden retriever puppy to be exact. There is much debate as to whether this puppy was Conan's very own Hudson (who is...a golden retriever puppy.) I guess we'll never know...
Sam Donaldson, like every newsman, was surprisingly entertaining. He told a few Clinton/Lewinski jokes (he works at the White House, he had to have a couple) and revealed that yes, even for him it's hard not to laugh when seeing ol' Bubba with a cigar.
Bob Odenkirk, friend of Conan and guy with his own show ("Mr. Show with Bob and David") showed a tape of himself showing how much "better" NYC is these days. David "David" Cross, was with them when they returned, reading a magazine. When Conan said hi to him he glanced up briefly and replied "I thought I wasn't supposed to talk." in his hoity-toity way. And THEN....Motley Crüe, who surprised me, a fan of their older stuff by playing....older stuff. But it was ruined by cheesy camera effects that the band apparently insisted on...but that is explained the next day....
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THURSDAY, October 29:
Ray Romano
Reese Witherspoon
President at John Glenn's launch/monkey porn
Making fun of Motley Crue's camera effects
New Channels
Scared and lost Dancers
Normally there aren't so many comedy bits...but the long list will be explained in full. We'll start with good ol' reliable Monkey Porn, which was apparently what Bubba Clinton was looking at instead of the space shuttle launch. We haven't seen the Monkey Porn in a while, so it was nice to see it again. That was just the Conologue. Next, at the desk, they proceeded to make fun of Motley Crue's camera effects from the night before by using it on themselves (included was a flashing red light). *Now* for the first comedy sketch. Channel surfing. Included were: The 24 hour Chapstick Network and the Gary Numan Music Network, in which they showed Gary Numan's hit "Cars"....over and over again. We also got glimpses of The Pig Stalker Channel (the pig does the stalking) The Bad Proposal Channel (included a guy proposing with a Hitler puppet and a zombie) to which Conan stated "When I finally do it I'm using the hitler puppet." And the debut of "Heavy Metal Cross Dressing Country Club Hogs."
Ray Romano was funny as ever, showed a clip from a home video--a game for kids of all ages. He sets his 8-month-old baby on his couch and everyone guesses which way he will fall.... Reese Witherspoon (from "Pleasantville") was as normal and average an interview as they come. She talked about making the movie and things that have happened shooting a new movie in NYC.
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FRIDAY, October 30:
Martin Short,
Halloween expert Jimmy Blaylock,
Cheap Trick
Clutch Cargo
The Fired Writer
All systems Dole! John Glenn was on first, and, in attempt to be hip and cool, was cussing up a storm and told Conan "Chill out, punk ass!" Hurray! We got a visit from good old Dole. Dole had a John Glenn/Walter Cronkite/Katherine Hepburn lead-in, but Dole threw them all off the space shuttle and threatened Conan with "In space, no one can hear you Dole." He took us to commercial with a "new" song called "Ground Control to Major Dole," even the MW7 chipped in. Personally, I think "Ground Control to Major Dole" should be on the next "Live From 6A" CD. By the way, I was hoping that Max would have a costume on...but no....
Comedy icon, comedian extraordinaire, important guy in Canada Martin Short was great. He predicted that Conan would be on 40 more years, and talked about the ONE time he did stand up comedy....it sounded horrible, I'm glad he's sticking to what he does best.
Normally I wouldn't cover the college band search thing, but even that was funny. Andy was overly enthusiastic, and he "presented" the nbc.com address for us. Plus we got to see the old "Oooo..oooo...." "Ahhhh...Ahhhh" lady. It's been a while since she's been on.
Then...Conan had some bad news. NBC is making cutbacks, and he has to fire a writer who's been on the team for three weeks. As a tribute Conan showed a montage of clips of his writing (Conan getting eggs dumped on him, the wheel of celebrities with small wieners...all Conan's name, Conan getting beaten, and my favorite, God shouting over and over "I hate you! I hate you!" to Conan.) After the montage Andy said how he had heard that there was actually a budget *increase*, and Conan explained that the news had just come out and smacked Andy for almost giving the secret away.
Jimmy Blaylock was one of a kind. He showed us a mask that was two fingers giving a peace sign, and Conan acknowledged that if you lose a finger you get a New York cabbie sign. Andy also put on a Monica Lewinsky wig. And, last but not least, the Clinton erection doll. See, it was like one of those boxing nuns but instead you put your finger.....in another place. Andy covered it up and Conan grabbed it from Jimmy and hit him with it. Cheap Trick is gonna kick some ass tonight! (so says John Glenn) and they did. Conan even got to play with the guitarists guitar at the end....although they cut it off and showed some of the sketches....*sigh* NBC will never understand what it is we want....
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FYI
"NEE-HA!" #43 is edited by Linzi Gallacher with thanks to Micah Honees, Stephanie, and Al Bell.
"NEE-HA!" is on the web at:
http://www.angelfire.com/ny/lacob/conan.html
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END QUOTE
"Lose one finger and it's a New York cabbie mask"
- Conan O'Brien talking about the peace-sign Halloween mask
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