"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Unofficial Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #12/21-004
Hola everyone. How are you on this fine December day? Feeling fine and cherry wine I hope. I certainly am. Neeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaw! That's just the way I feel. I want to wish everyone happy holidays!
It's been a good week for Conanites, a week with many highs and some lows. The lows being Ozzy Osbourne no show, show and the sad death of Conan's friend Chris Farley. Thursday night was an excellent show, despite the staff hearing about Chris just an hour before they went to tape it. Thanks to Conan's dignity and professionalism home viewers remained unaware of the fact until Conan's moving tribute at the end of the show.
The highs were high. Publicity shy (NOT) English boxer Prince Naseem Hamed was on the show. He won by the way. Ozzy would have kicked his @ss! And the subject of many jokes, Bill Clinton revealed the name of his new dog 'Buddy' during a press conference. He was going to call it 'Dis' which would have been short for 'Distraction from the fact that I've got massive legal troubles. So the press get off my back cos I got no real plan for the country and I gotta avoid impeachment.' Actually I think I prefered 'Dis.'
I have the best news for European Late Night fans. Check it out in the NEWS section. Legally, this will make you a bit too happy, but go there anyway. Two words; 'Conan' and 'Competition', happy yet? One, two three - Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Do that a few times before you proceed. Note: Don't hold for too long! I'm not responsible for any injuries you cause yourself over this :-)
We're in two parts again this week as the newsletter is too long to send all at once through AOL.
Next week as a sort of 'End Of Year Special' I'd like to include your favorite moments on Late Night of 1997. Send them on in asap Let's get it on!
LA Gallacher
Editor
*******************************************
CONTENTS PART 1
DEAR DIZZA
THE IDEAL HOLIDAY GIFTS FOR A LATE NIGHT FAN
INTERACTIVE QUESTION OF THE WEEK
LIVE AT 6A - read Engergia's story
MONOLOGUE JOKES: QUOTING CONAN by Roost-A-Hed
NBC EUROPE NEWS - CONAN COMPETITION
NEWS - Regarding Houston
CONTENTS PART 2
THIS SPACE FOR RENT - by Micah Honees
TOP TEN LISTS - from Red
TRANSCRIPT OF CONAN'S APPEARANCE ON VIP ON NBC EUROPE - 2
UPCOMING GUESTS
WEBSITE REVIEWS by Chris Sutton
WEEK IN REVIEW
END QUOTE
FYI
*******************************************
DEAR DIZZA
Dear Dizza is recognized and accepted as a skilled and talented counsellor for Late Night Addiction. Her experience includes, but is not limited to, weeks of intense education and training in coping with the devastating but fun effects of Late Night Addiction, which she herself openly admits to having.
Her advice is sought out by thousands (well, at least twenty people anyway, but potentially it's thousands) who suffer without hope. She welcomes your pathetic cries for help as she "leads you down the Conaningly-crazed path to a happier-yet wackier future!"
*******************************************
Dear Dizza,
This is way embarrassing. The 411 on my problem is that I can't stop laughing at Late Night skits and monologue jokes whil I'm having sex. It first started when Conan showed that skit where he went to Cologne, Germany. In the skit he said that the city was formerly known as "AFTERSHAVEN"! I couldn't stop laughing at that, even now when I'm writing you with this heinous problem I'm about to wet myself. So, that night after watching, I laughed solid for two hours and later in the morning I had sex with my boyfriend, got distracted and started laughing.Now he thinks it's his problem too and he won't have sex with me anymore. I love him and I don't know what to do.
Horny in Houston
Dear Horny,
Believe it or not, you've helped to diagnose yourself with the key words: "got distracted." I'm sure all your tests will come back showing you test postitive for CHROLATE NITEDIST (Chronic Late Night Distraction.)
Laughing uncontrollably at inappropriate moments due to flashbacks of a Late Night monologue or skit is just one of the many common symptoms of CHROLATE NITEDIST. Other Symptoms may include:
1. CRYING: When forced to listen to Endless Love you suffer a flashback to poor Conan at his prom. :(
2. SINGING: Breaking into a verse or two of Puff the Magic Dragon or for some unexplainable reason singing:"Ya gotta' help with your hands and help with your heart and help with your head and your hair."
Feel free to contact me for the full list of CHROLATE NITEDIST Symptoms, and tell your boyfriend he'd better learn to cope with this because there is no known cure!
Dear Dizza,
My girlfriend who happens to be a Late Night fan is making me take this stupid personality test. She over-analyzes and reads way too much into EVERYTHING. I'm really scared krunkless to answer the questions. Can you help me with this one: If you were a kind of fruit, what kind would you be? The answer could make or break my relationship Dizza. Help me.
Scared Krunkless in Kingston
Dear Krunkless,
Steal..... I mean "borrow" your answer from the great Andy Richter himself! Here is his answer to what type of fruit you should be: "Something exotic...with a hard exterior but a soft fleshy inside...a pleasing aroma, and tiny little seeds...that are easily choked on." That'll give her something to analyze!!
Dear Dizza,
I have a problemo. The relative I adopted for the Christmas holidays after seeing the Unwanted Relatives Drive has started fighting with the one I got during Thanksgiving, who never left. It's not even christmas yet. How can I get through the holidays without cracking up?
anon
Dear Anon,
Try getting them to sit down quietly and play games together. What better way to keep them busy for hours than AN OLD FASHIONED STARING CONTEST? If that doesn't work.......remember the other "fun" game......THE TOURNAMENT OF DEATH??? I'll say no more.
*******************************************
THE IDEAL HOLIDAY GIFTS FOR A LATE NIGHT FAN
Sometimes you just don't know what to get for some people. Here's some ideas, which may be difficult, but not entirely impossible to get.
An all expenses paid trip to New York City, with tickets for the show.
A Christmas Card from Conan and Andy.
The Max Weinberg Seven to play the music at your house on Christmas Day during dinner.
The CD LIVE AT 6A for the fan who likes their music live.
Wearable items. Baseball Caps, T-Shirts, Jackets.
All cool to wear, but unfortunately unavailable in brown.
A desk for your bedroom that can take you from NY to LA in under three seconds.
A car bumper sticker that says: I BREAK FOR OSTRITCHES!
(the sincerity in that sentiment really moves me)
A hotel room in a different State - to hide from those people you adopted during Conan's Annual Unwanted Relatives Drive.
Warm up guy Mike Sweeney to stand on your dinner table and entertain you with some great jokes long after everyone else has fallen asleep.
A giant foam rubber Conan and Andy head.
More fun than Barbie and Ken dolls anyday.
A cape , a mirror and a flashlight for when you're doing 'The Year 2000.'
A years subscription to the internet service of their choice.
To keep them connected to bitch dot com and other Conetastic websites.
*******************************************
INTERACTIVE QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Stacy is our winner again for the second week in a row. She beat Pimp Bot and now she triumphs over Loser @, who lives up to his name, only scoring 34% of the votes.
Comments this week included, 'No Contest,' 'Stacy is the best,' and 'No, I'm not a girl, but I think Stacy rules.' Well she does rule!
Due to the holidays there won't be a poll for this week or next week, but we'll have more in 1998.
*******************************************
LIVE AT 6A from Engergia
I was all excited when I arrived at NBC studios around 3pm & checked in at the front of the line for Late Night to get my tickets which I ordered over the phone. It wasn't till about 5pm that by groups of 10, people had to go through the metal detectors & were taken upstairs, lined up in a hallway, awaiting to be seated in the studio. Which happened around 5:30pm.
One word of advice, to get front row railing seats, you must get there before 3pm. Seats are 1st come, 1st served, no matter if you had already ordered by mail months in advance for your tickets.
So, everyone was seated (I got seats in the center, middle row) & the pre~show warm~up began with one of the writers of the show who was asking if anyone was from NYC, NJ or another country... making fun of peoples clothes, what college they were studying at currently. He was pretty good.
The funny thing is, a couple of minutes into his act a girl sitting in the front row in the center, threw up all over her seat, her friends seat, the floor & her coat. The girl & her friend left, the mess was quickly cleaned up & 2 people were brought in to replace the 2 audience members that left. When they came & sat in the seats, everyone either laughed at them or said Ewwwwww!!, but I don't think they were told those were the vomit seats because they turned around & looked at everyone with this 'What's so funny?" expression on their faces.
Then the writer introduced Conan, who came into the studio to the tune of 'Hunk of Burning Love' & took an audience member 'Ruth' out of her seat, told her to dance while he sang 'Hunk of Burning Love' & saying "Shake it baby". She was dancing what looked like a cross between the jerk & the twist! *ROTFLMAO* Conan was getting really into it dancing, Conan gots the moves!! He may joke about being a pastey white boy on the show, but he can dance!
It wasn't till after this that Conan explained to the 2 replacements what happened in their seats before. I believe he said 'Never in the 3 years taping shows has anyone ever vomited in our studios.' Afterwards, Andy, Max & the band got introduced.
Then the show began with the skit called 'Hidden Celebrity Talents' which my fav part was Michael Jackson's talent of making slides on his bed. *G* During commercials, Conan & the writers would do re~writes. Andy would mainly sit & stare at the monitor until the director did the countdown for the show to start.
Next, came Helen Hunt who was gracious & witty as always. Nothing much happened during commercial time. Helen made idle chatter with Conan, but looked a little nervous. The next segment with Helen was good & when the commercial came she got up & waved to the audience, leaving through the side door.
Later came comedian Todd Barry, who did ok, but the next guest, actor Fischer Stevens from the show 'Early Edition', was the funniest guest. His stories about the trip he took to Indonesia, the cockfights *G* & his pet tortoise was hilarious!
When the show ended, Conan then made the promo for that nights show. All together the show was great!! I think they should use the stuff that happens during the warm~ups for the show, it was so damn funny!!!!!
Whew!!!...very looooong story! I hope everyone enjoyed it...:)
*******************************************
MONOLOGUE JOKES - Compiled by Roost-A-Hed
**Conan O'Brien on SANTA CLAUS**
"The company that trains Santa Clauses for New York says that this year there will be more female Santas. Apparently, you'll be able to tell, because they'll be asking kids, 'Do I look fat in this suit?'"
**Conan O'Brien on DIAPERS**
"Yesterday, the inventor of the first disposable diaper passed away. He'll be buried tomorrow, but he isn't expected to decompose for over 200 years."
**Conan O'Brien on KEITH RICHARDS**
"Keith Richards claims that once at a party, Al Cowlings told him what really happened with O.J. on the night of the murders. But folks it turns out, Richards wasn't talking to Cowlings he was actually talking to a floor lamp."
**Conan O'Brien on JIAN ZEMIN**
"Tomorrow, China's president Jiang Zemin is going to be meeting with President Clinton at the White House. When asked why he's meeting the President he said, 'Every now and then I like to check in on my employees.'"
**Conan O'Brien on PRESIDENT CLINTON**
"A woman who was President Clinton's childhood friend is going to testify about the distinguishing characteristic on his genitals. The woman said, 'I saw his genitals because once, when we were kids, we played president."
**Conan O'Brien on PLASTIC SURGERY**
"A Beverly Hills plastic surgeon is being accused of fondling celebrities breasts while they were under anesthesia. In response the doctor said, 'I had to fondle their breasts, I was installing them.'"
**Conan O'Brien on SEX**
"In a recent survey about how often people have sex, the United States ranks second in the world. And after hearing this President Clinton said, 'I won't rest until we're No. 1.'"
**Conan O'Brien on THE SPICE GIRLS**
"People in the music industry are saying there are at least 12 bands who are currently imitating the Spice Girls. In response, representatives for the bands said, 'We're not imitating the Spice Girls, we just happen to suck."
**Conan O'Brien on MIKE TYSON**
"Mike Tyson was in a minor motorcycle accident yesterday. Apparently, he's a little banged up because now he has to eat ears through a straw."
**Conan O'Brien on KEITH RICHARDS**
"The committee investigating campaign finance abuses now says they want access to a minute-by-minute diary that follows President Clinton's actions. After hearing this Hillary said, 'Hey, I'd like to see that, too.'"
**Conan O'Brien on CLINTON**
"After taking surveys on what to name President Clinton's dog, the most popular suggestions are Brownie, Fudge and Big Mac. Unfortunately these names have been rejected for fear that President Clinton might eat the dog."
**Conan O'Brien on HANSON**
"It was reported today that the group Hanson is going to get it's own sitcom. It's going to be called, 'Mad About Puberty.'"
**Conan O'Brien on FRANK & KATHIE LEE**
"Frank Gifford made an appearance on Kathie Lee's annual Christmas Special. I think she has her holiday's confused though, she was nailing Frank to a cross."
*******************************************
NBC EUROPE NEWS - CONAN COMPETITION
Yes!!!! This is what you've been waiting for. NBC Europe are running a competition for you (and a friend) to win the trip of a lifetime to New York, NY. The winner gets FIVE days accommodation in a top Manhattan hotel (unamed as yet) and the best part? TICKETS TO SEE LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a competition exclusive to the subscribers of their newsletter and will not be advertised on TV. Point your browser at the address below. Enter the competition and then subscribe to the Peacock News.
The closing date for this fabulous, wonderful competition is on Dec. 31 enter before then or you'll lose out.
Enter the competition at: http://www.nbceurope.com/Newsletter/index.htm
And if anyone of NEE-HA! Subscribers win and I promise you I will find out, I want to hear everything. EVERYTHING! Good luck!
*******************************************
NEWS - Regarding Houston
The news it - there is no news. Nothing in Houston has changed apart from Late Night being on even later than 2:40 (the advertised time) on some nights.
Most of you will be aware that the Houston affiliate KPRC-TV broadcasts Late Night two hours later than they do in most other channels. Some of you will also be aware of Quinn's petition and her campaign to change this.
After speaking to Quinn, I decided to Email the Program Coordinator myself and ask her what's up. To their credit I received a reply really quickly. Here's a large quote from her reply.
"When Conan O'Brien came on the television scene, he was on the Channel 2 Late Night schedule following "The Tonight Show". For approximately eighteen months, it remained there struggling in the ratings, so the program was dropped and replaced by talk shows. Immediately, the ratings for our late night schedule went up showing that the decision to remove Conan from the schedule was a good thing for the station. After two years, we brought Conan back on the schedule at 2:40AM. Conan has recently had his contract renewed for five years by NBC, and we are aware that he has won several awards. However, there are no plans at this time to move him to an earlier time period. He will remain in the 2:40-3:40AM time period for the 1997-98 season. Channel 2 regrets your disappoinment, but appreciates your interest in NBC programming."
Patsy Harris
Program Coordinator
Now we are all aware that Conan was not popular in it's first year, but since then, both ratings and reviews of the show have improved dramatically. Nothing in Houston is going to change unless the viewers show their support. I don't live in Houston and I can't watch KPRC, which could be WCRP for all I care, but they don't know that. I'd like to suggest that readers of "I Said NEE-HA!" show their support for Late Night even though they may not live in the Houston area. You can write or Email them and let them know that you would support a change in the time they show Late Night. That's the only way anything is going to happen. If you don't tell them - how will they know!
You can snail mail her at:
Patsy Harris
Program Coordinator
KPRC/TV2
PO Box 2222
Houston TX 77252-2222
You can Email her at: pharris@kprc.com
news2@kprc.com
*******************************************
THIS SPACE FOR RENT by Micah Honees
Every so often, this column will attempt to perform a public service. This selfless act will be a little feature called "Freakiest Guest of the Week." It will be totally arbitrary and of course, be my opinion only. That's what arbitrary means. The great thing is that you don't have to agree with me but in most cases, I think you will.
This week's Freakiest Guest has to be the one (and thank God, the only)Donald Trump. In his interview with Conan, we learned a lot about Mr. Trump; info that really shed some light as to why the man has been married and divorced so much that he is reportedly up for the coveted role of a Gabor sister.
Let's see...where to start? Well, let's begin with the disclosure that The Donald has a severe fear of germs and yet allows his eyebrows to grow the way they do. Ol' Don isn't one to shy away from ceremony--as his Lonely Guy's Dream of buying every beauty pageant known to man will attest to (and what is THAT about?)--unless he has to shake hands. No, siree, Donald Trump will have none of that. Too many diseases are transmitted that way, he says. Not a big handshaker. Washes his hands constantly. Twenty times a day, according to an article I read in USA TODAY.
OK, I know what you're saying: cleanliness is not all that bad. In fact, I'd say if you were going to have a phobia, make it about being clean. Nothing wrong with that. Normally, I'd be inclined to agree. I like being clean too. In fact, I never was so clean in my life as I was coming out of that car wash for the third time after watching Donald Trump whip out a condom from his suit pocket.
Let me ask you: what's more freaky? A guy who can probably buy and sell each one of us over and over until he's tired of batting us around the way a cat whacks a ball of string around OR the mere fact that this self-described germophobe produced a condom on international television and held it up like the Olympic Torch and proclaimed for all to hear "Safe sex, everyone!" with a huge grin and furry Oasis eyebrows on his face? (For you scoring at home, it's a push. There are no winners here.)
Next Freakiest Guest Award has to go to the overtired and not-quite-so-friendly Courteney Cox. Courteney, who was making her first appearance on Late Night to push her new flick "Scream 2: Electric Boogaloo", looked like she'd rather be hanging out with Trump than in Studio 6A with Conan and Andy that night. In fact, with her reaction time to some of Conan's questions, I thought she was on a job interview to work at the DMV. Anyway, the thing was going nowhere until Conan mentioned tabloid reports that they were allegedly (adjective of choice when talking about the tabloids) a "hot item." Woo-hoo!!
My thought is this: if I were famous and being interviewed on TV, I would like to think that I would be awake for that sort of thing. I mean, really. One of my sychophants could poke me with a stick or something. Maybe my publicist could get me one of those little Italian coffees. Either way, an effort would be made or people would be fired.
Then again, I have never had to try and answer the same three or four questions over and over and over and over; unless I was at the DMV and the chain-smoking Springer audience member behind the counter hadn't turned up their hearing-aid.
*******************************************
TOP TENS FANNISH BEHAVIOR FOR CONANISTS
Red from Scotland writes.
*******************************************
TRANSCRIPT OF CONAN'S APPEARANCE ON VIP ON NBC EUROPE
PART TWO
CAT: Welcome back to VIP where I'm in the presence of comedic genius Conan O'Brien, who's going to be entertaining us some more.
Obviously there's a lot of spontaneous comedy on your show, but people wonder whether a lot of it is rehearsed.
COB: No it's very, I was joking earlier when I said it was unprofessional. There is something good about a show having rough edges and having that human element in it. I haven't been doing the show that long, and sometimes it shows and I think in a good way, because I pretty much have to feel that way about it. But, I mean we don't know exactly what's going to happen. The funniest things just happen naturally. I mean, you can't you know. We had Fran Dresher on the programme once recently....
CAT: From the nanny?
COB: Yeah, she's from The Nanny and we're having a really good interview, and it's funny and at one point I start laughing and I put my feet up and my chair flips over backwards. It sounds moronic and it is, but it was just this big funny moment, and I climb up from under the desk and my hair's all a mess and she starts petting my head as I'm going Grrrrrrrr. I don't even know what the hell was happening, it was just a very odd moment, very funny and real...
CAT: Cos it's very much, your show is about visual comedy...
COB: We do a lot of visual comedy, because we assume that most of our viewers can't read. We've chosen to go very visual. We put lips on the President, or important figures. We play strange games, we act out sketches and...
CAT: You like to get physical on the show?
COB: Yes. Very physical. (laughs) Hi I'm a creep!
We like to, um...
CAT: We've established that!
COB: Thank you. That was in, you mentioned that up top. Our next guest is a creep.
I'm a big believer that comedy, that people shouldn't be snobs about comedy. That something that's funny to a four year old can also be funny to someone who's fifty years old and things that are funny just have an inherent comedy to them, you can't judge it, it just makes you laugh. Don't think about it.
CAT: You mentioned president Clinton and the lip sequences, I also know that Clinton is one of your greatest fans.
COB: Well, I don't know if he's still our greatest fan, we've continued to hammer away at him since he... He sent me a fan letter a couple of years ago. He said that he really enjoyed the programme, said that it was his favorite late night show, he never misses it. We thought, I can't believe that and he said it was very innovative and congratulated us and then subsequently he invited me to the Whitehouse to a gathering of prominent Irish Americans. Which meant nine of us were up at the Whitehouse throwing potatoes at each other in the east wing. We had a good time and subsequently I performed for him at the Whitehouse Correspondents Dinner and that seemed to go very well. I don't think I'm a good friend of his...
CAT: So that you could call him and say the ratings went down?
COB: Yeah and he'd say, 'Conan who?' He's a politician so if things start to get dodgy for me, he's gone. I think we've established that. I think he's aware of who I am, but we're not good pals.
CAT: You live in New York and I gather you share your apartment block with some supermodels?
COB: I'm one of the glamour. One of the glamouratti. Yes, some supermodels live in my building and I've never met them which is very frustrating to me.
CAT: They don't keep the same hours as you probably.
COB: No, they do. They just have no interest in seeing me in the hallway, because like I say, I'm not Mr. Cool and so um...
CAT: Isn't there a good chance you could go up to someone and say 'hey would you like to come on my show?'
COB: Yeah and after I wipe the mace out of my eyes, I continue the conversation. I haven't seen any if them in the building, I don't know why. I think they see me coming and they do that quick turn back into their apartment.
CAT: You get a lot of celebrities obviously on your show are some of them worried that they might be out funnied by you?
COB: My phillosophy is, I try to make the guests look good. I don't like to have... I don't like to be funny at the expense of the guest, I like to have a good time with the guest and I like for the two of us to create some funny moments. That's my philosophy on what an interview should be and that's my style. So I think one of the reasons we get better and better guests is that Sting came on the programme and had a good time. He mentioned us to Elton John while they were out racing their giant yacht, you know, in a circle round the rain forest. That he should do our show, and Elton John then does it and Paul McCartney hears that Elton John did it, and they tell two friends.
SHOWS A CLIP FROM DAVID BOWIE'S APPEARANCE ON LATE NIGHT
-Buck-Toothed Wizard period
-Corn on the cob period.
SHOWS A CLIP FROM ELTON JOHN'S LAST APPEARANCE
CAT:
COB: Oh yeah, as you all know, we get all the stars. It's tough, it's so pathetic getting talent for these shows. It's difficult to get anybody to come in. And there are days, we'll have a week when all the biggest stars in the world will come on and you'll think we've got it made, we've licked this problem. And then the next week it's all local wethermen. You can't get anybody.
CAT: Great variety.
COB: Yeah.
CAT: Music's a very important part of your show you seem to have a knack for breaking new bands.
COB: We've had some great, we've had Sheryl Crow on the programme before anybody knew who she was. Greenday came on our programme when they were complete unknowns. And Everclear, we've had a bunch of groups that have been with us. Jamiroquai, came on the show and at the time they were completely unknown in America, they'd had success in England, but not in America.
CAT: Do they all write you thank you letters?
COB: No they don't as a matter of fact. Occasionally they send fruit baskets. I'm not kidding, Garth Brookes sends a nice fruit basket, he really does.
CAT: Are you a healthy sort of guy?
COB: No. I'm the unhealthiest person you'll ever meet. I eat way too much meat. Way too much cholesterol and I'll probably have a heart attack five minutes after this interview is over. So I hope there's a defibrilator here. I need one.
CAT: What are the luxuries you afford yourself in life?
COB: Hair care products. I like to just luxuriate. I love to put very expensive creams and emollients in my hair.
CAT: Is that because you're afraid it might fall out or...
COB: No, I'm just hair obsessed. I've spent this whole interview looking at your hair. Very good hair by the way. I'm obsessed with hair. My own hair, I'm always styling it, in the mirror in the morning, making crazy shapes. It's like I build a wedding cake every morning and then it falls apart during the day.
CAT: Other than that, you're very keen on guitars.
COB: I love guitars. I love gretsch guitars and classic rockabilly guitars. I just got a 50 Telecaster for the first time and so I love having them and I love trying to learn to play them. I'm a frustrated player. I don't think I have a handful of talent, but I try.
CAT: You pick up a few tips from some of the guests on your show.
COB: Yeah. Yes I do, I bore them to tears. I made Sting show me base line. He's like 'I've really got to go,' 'No come on, show me how!' And we have a great guitarist on our show. Jimmy Vivino.
CAT: You have a great band as well.
COB: Terrific band and the guitarist often shows me little tricks.
CAT: Now on the show, you have Andy, who's your sidekick. Why do you need one?
COB: Yeah Andy. Andy adds a whole depth to the show that we wouldn't have otherwise. I think no matter how successful one single host can be, you get tired of hearing one voice. You just do, and it's nice to hear another voice on the show.
CAT: Do you get along off camera?
COB: No I hate the guy. He's a terrible person. He doesn't bathe, he has no hygiene. Terrible gambling problem. Wish we could get rid of him, but it's contractual now. No, our relationship, what you see on the air is what it is. We don't, we're not sort of E! we're not Entertainment Tonight, I don't know if you know that programme, but that kind of, 'Hey there Andy, how are ya!' 'I'm doing fine Conan. And speaking of fine, have you seen the movie She's So Fine?' 'I have and it's a winner! We'll be back after this.'
We're just people that don't like that kind of television. People speaking in fake voices and looking into the camera and arching their eyebrows, and saying things they don't really mean and smiling. That's just abhorrent to us. So we have a very real relationship on the air and if I say something and he disagrees with me. He disagrees. And if I say something really unfunny, which happens occasionally, he doesn't laugh. His job is not to sit there and laugh. It's to be a real person so I think that's why it works.
CAT: I wonder whether women's attitudes towards you has changed now that you're famous?
COB: Yeah, they look at me now, in the eye. It's really a refreshing change. They used to just look away a lot and say, 'I can't I have to wash my hair that night.' But now they look me in the eye and tell me, 'I can't I have to wash my hair that night.' It's changed, it makes you more confident, you have a TV show and it's already established that you have a good sense of humor.
CAT: It's one of the most attractive things about a man or a woman is if they've got a sense of humor.
COB: That's what I say, not physical beauty. Please don't let it be physical beauty. Let it be a sense of humor. I have found that I, when I used to go out with women and was trying to get a woman's attention it would be by showing that I have a sense of humor. What's nice now is that if they know me or know the show at all and like the show, I'm starting ahead of the game a little bit.
CAT: You're very successful now, but television is a fickle world, if it all went away, would you be prepared to retire quietly behind the scenes?
COB: No! You get addicted to it. You get addicted to certain aspects of doing a show every night. I love working with a live audience and think that's what I'm supposed to do and I'd like to certainly get better and better at it, but I don't see myself going back behind the scenes. I don't think I'd be happy doing that. So whenever this show ends, even if it means going in front of a smaller audience, I'll probably do that.
CAT: Conan, you're doing a great job. Keep us laughing.
COB: I'll try
CAT: And join us again on VIP I hope.
COB: I'd love to that would be great.
CAT: Thank you very much.
COB: Thanks for having me.
CAT: Oh shake hands I suppose. Awww!
COB: How about an arm wrestle.
CAT: Join me again on VIP soon when I'll be meeting more stars from around the world.... Bye bye!
*******************************************
UPCOMING GUESTS: December 22 - 26 1997
The list of upcoming guests came from the NBC website:
http://www.nbc.com/entertainment/shows/conan/guests.html
MONDAY:
Leslie Neilson, Rich Hall and Ricky Scaggs
TUESDAY:
Lewis Black
(Conan is not taping on 24, 25, and 26 Dec)
WEDNESDAY: Pre-empted
THURSDAY: (Repeat of 12/10/96)
James Woods, Jay Mohr, John Pizzerelli
FRIDAY: (Repeat of 12/12/96)
Kevin Bacon, Bonnie Hunt and J.R. Havalan
*******************************************
WEBSITE REVIEWS by Chris Sutton
This web page is the best I've ever seen!!! It's awesome. When you first look at it, you think ' This is NBC's site' because it looks SO professional! There are many links to almost anything that says "LNwCOB" on it. He's got to have at least 100 downloadable clips of Conan monologues, quotes, and guest appearances (such as Conan on the Tonight Show). He also briefly mentioned his reason on how he started watching Conan, but probably not as good as some stories in HOUSTON where it's on at 3:00 now. Anyway, he also gives a link to the alt.fan.conan-obrien newsgroup, I think we are a world known thingy (that might be 'phenomenon' - LA) now! This is a very good, well laid out page... and I see nothing wrong with it.
This site is at: http://www.icontech.com/~bobw/conan.html
****
*******************************************
NOT REALLY A WEBSITE REVIEW
I'm told this could be filed under 'fannish behavior,' but I thought it would be more appropriate in here with the website review. Kevin has made up some Late Night inspired icons that can be put on your desktop or website. The icons include pictures of Carl 'Oldie' Olsen (I know people are monitoring the spelling of his name, but that's the spelling my spellcheck told me was correct), Pimp Bot 5000, several pictures of Conan O'Brien, a Conan character picture, Grady, classic bumpers and more.
To preview and download the icons point your browser to:
http://www.geocities.com/televisioncity/5274/theme.html
Would you like Chris to review your website? Let me know and I'll pass it on.
*******************************************
WEEK IN REVIEW: December 15 - 19 1997
MONDAY: (Repeat of 12/20/96)
Whoopi Goldberg, Jack Palance and music from Simply Red
Conan & Andy take the desk for a spin around Manhattan in an attempt to get some last minute Christmas presents. Jesus makes a special guest appearance to let people know what he want's for his birthday. 'David Copperfield' shows us some amazing illusions, including, an umbrella opening, Christmas tree lights flashing and then he appears in the studio. The Max Weinberg 7 perform 'Money's too Tight to Mention' with Mick Hucknell of Simply Red.
TUESDAY:
Jerry O'Connell and Los Strait Jackets
Live via satellite interview with Bill Clinton
Hank christ, Jesus' brother appears.
Andy Sings Goldfingah!
WEDNESDAY:
Quentin Tarantino, Prince Naseem Hamed (Naz) and Mike Lupicia
Ozzy cancelled
Masturbating bear appears
THURSDAY:
Tony Bennett
Al Roker
Actress Kelly Lynch
Guests we'll never have back including the oldest woman in America. 121 year old Betty James, she dies during interview. So they don't have a choice in bringing her back really. Ventriloquist Dummy Choir sing 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas'
Conan plays a tribute to the late Chris Farley, he shows a skit called 'I'm a Clown, But I Cry.'
FRIDAY:
Colin Quinn, Thayne Maynard and Southern Culture on The Skids.
(highlights unavailable)
*******************************************
END QUOTE
I want to thank Grant for putting a bit on his website where people can subscribe to the newsletter. Also thanks to the contributers Dizza, Energia, Chris Sutton, Micah Honees.
Before I go I just want to say that Conan led a very moving tribute to comedian Chris Farley on Thursday night. His voice was cracked with emotion and it was obvious he was trying his best not to lose control and break down in front of his audience and co-workers. As someone who only knew Farley through his appearances on Late Night I'd just like to say I feel privileged to have seen him in action. I think I speak on behalf of all of us when I say, may he rest in peace.
LA Gallahcher
Editor
"This time of year stinks with joy."
- Conan O'Brien
*******************************************
FYI
Comments and Queries to me: LACoB@aol.com
Your answer to the Interactive question to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
Your dilemmas to Dizza: Dizza@aol.com
Email Patsy Harris: pharris@kprc.com
*******************************************