"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #09/27-039
Hi all, hope you've had a conetastic week. As some of you know, I get some bizarre e-mail from time to time. Thought you'd like to hear about this one. Months ago a new subscriber joined the mailing list, and he had this "hobby," perhaps "passion" is a better word, that he wanted to share with the world through Late Night With Conan O'Brien. He asked me all sorts of things, like the address to write to for egg sample. A few weeks later he contacts me again, telling me that he's sent a video tape of himself to the show. A tape of him whistling. He never heard from the show... which might not come as a surprise (I wonder if he blamed me for that?)
Then even later, your buddy, your pal Brian McCann was put in a choke-hold and forced to answer some questions for us, one from this guy. Sadly, he was offended by Brian's answer to the question he sent. He took it really personally and got his friends to "flame" me for that. Then this week, so outraged by Brian's answer (weeks later) he decided he's so sickened he had to unsubscribe because I "remind him of how he was treated." Two days later he instant messages me... He got a call from Rosie. Watch out for him, he'll be the one who really blows.
Mucho thanks to the conetastic "Ultimate Swinger" for sending me the precious Anniversary tape this week. Enuff has been said already about this, personally I just wish it had been longer... but it did make me go from "Oooh oooh oooh" to "Ahhh ahhh ahhh!"
Have a conetastic week everyone and let's get it awn!
Late Night Linzi
Editor
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CONTENTS -
LATE NIGHT NEWS
IN THE YEAR 2000... By Brandon Soderberg
LATE NIGHT POLL
THE COB SOURCE With Dez
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
UPCOMING GUESTS - September 28 - October 2 1998
THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
WEEK IN REVIEW - September 21 - 25 1998
FYI
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LATE NIGHT NEWS
SATELLITE VIEWERS NOTE NBC EUROPE is now available seven nights a week via the Astra satellite, but digitally it remains part of the Spanish package, on CNBC, but is currently and has been for a few months broadcast in the clear. It can be received on the cheapest of digital satellite receivers, and may also be available on a Sky Digibox, but NOT as a part of the Sky package or even at the same digital orbital slot.
Parameters for Conan are:
Astra 1G 19.2 degrees East. 12.285 GHz Vertical
Video PID 00A2 Audio PID 0058
Channel name: CNBC/NBC
Conan is on at 10.15 PM UK time on weekdays, same as the rest of CNBC at the weekends. Audio language is English, subtitled (optional) in French and Spanish. As I always say with satellite, nothing is guaranteed. This may or may not still be there in 3 months time. Thanks to Adam Cartledge
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ON THE WEB
Executive Producer LORNE MICHAELS is featured in the current issue of TV Guide. You can check it out online at: http://www.tvgen.com/tv/magazine/980921/ftr2a.htm
KATIE SULLIVAN informs us of an update -- what will probably be the final update of "Letters to Conan O'Brien." There is a new letter up, an addition to a song and the other songs have been re-worked since she found the originals when she was moving. Go check them out at: http://www.angelfire.com/wi/ira1998/crazy.html
NY TIMES MAGAZINE pictures from last week are now available on the web. Go check them out at Gallery #8: http://www.geocities.com/televisioncity/set/8022/index.html
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IN THE YEAR 2000... By Brandon Soderberg
**NOTE: These are original Y2K predictions by Brandon (Goats37), no infringement of copyright is inferred or intended. Rating "L" for language.**
The Cookie Monster and Lily Munster will mate, spawning a super-species of Cookie Munsters.
Northern backwoodsmen will discover a deserted town in Montana in which the streets are in fact, paved in gold.
Andy Richter will leave his space on The Late Night couch to play a mildly retarded, transvestite nun in a made for TV movie.
The Ghost of Vic Tayback will be arrested in a Los Angeles nightclub after humping a Japanese tourist.
Screen legend Elizabeth Taylor will revive her floundering career by playing the Fatty Grandmother in Disney's presentation of "Cinderella: You Fat F***."
The world will be blanketed by darkness after a drunken Burt Reynolds p*sses out the sun. Sun visors, solar calculators and your mom will be rendered useless.
There will be a beautiful girl in Oklahoma who has a vagina and testicles. When the neighborhood kids hear about this freak they will taunt her with names like weirdo, scrote, and Jenny Jenny Testiclees
Richard Gere finally puts an end to ugly rumors when he reveals "he hates gerbils......but his rectum loves them!"
Hollywood agrees Walter Mattheau and Jack Lemmon's days of fame are over when their zany comedy "Unfunny Old Bastards" fails to bring in ANY box office revenue.
Music Mega-star producer Puff Daddy once again has the biggest hit in the country.. This time with his Rap Remix of REM's "Man On The Moon". Much like Michael Stipe dedicated his version to comedy legend Andy Kauffman, P-Diddy dedicates his to another comic genius, Yakov Smirnoff.
Archaeologists in New Mexico find the largest Tyrannosaurus Skull in North America. The science community rejoices.. until the founder of the skull announces: "If only all skulls were this suitable for f******."
The Eldest Hanson brother, Isaac, frustrated by the band's sudden fallout in popularity, resorts to a life of crime. In a psilocybin induced haze the horse-faced Hanson boy attempts to rob a bank with only a toothpick and a dildo. Sadly, his attempt was unsuccessful.
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LATE NIGHT POLL
THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What was your favorite of all the new fall characters and why?
Send your response before Thursday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
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LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: If you could chose all the guests for one show what would be your fantasy guest line-up?
Lostsa replies on this one... Conan clones, Andy Richter, Adam Sandler, Dana Carvey and Jennifer Aniston were your top people.
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Sam -
My fantasy lineup would be if Conan would interview the Late Night cast. First up Andy, Conan's comical sidekick. Then Max Weinberg and his Weinberg 7. And the ever-talented Brian McCann (A.K.A Mick Ferguson who's extremely proud of his Bulletproof legs.)
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Kyla -
I of course would have David Letterman, Richard Simmons, and Rich Hall; all the freaks would be out that night, I think that would be the most entertaining hour on TV ever.
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Jenna -
I would first bring out Salma Hayek so Andy could do a little ass-kickin' and make her wear a big dumb wig. I would then bring out Diamond Dallas Page so he could demonstrate the "Diamond Cutter" on that little hispanic whore. I would then bring out Triumph to poop on Salma Hayek.
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Clare -
I would have a "Jesus Christ, Superstar" reunion! Well, it's either that or a "Dirty Dancing" reunion. Everyone does reunions of TV shows, not movies. That needs to end!
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Melissa -
If any guest could be on Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien, then Adam Sandler should be on again, followed by the real Bill Clinton.....afterwards the Beastie Boys could rock the audience after the chilling Starr report is relived...
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Michael -
Perfect Line Up: Satellite TV, all of the Kids in the Hall, one after the other, then a nice three song performance from They Might be Giants, then an interview with them, a Kids in the Hall Sketch, some public service announcements, two more songs from They Might be Giants and a staring contest.
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Maria -
In my fantasy guest line-up, the only way to go is the bitter, cynical, and sexy. Norm Macdonald and David Spade would provide the evil humor, and, merely to satisfy my immoral desires, Gavin Rossdale of Bush would just sit there, grunting and beautiful, as jibes zip over his head. Oh, baby; now *that's* a show!
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THE COB SOURCE With Dez
Hi, my name is Dez. I'm a HUGE fan of LNwCOB and I've watched the show almost religiously since the very beginning. I think I know everything there is to know about the show and I'd like to help answer any questions you might have about it. If I can't answer your question myself, I'll do my best to find you someone who can. You'll see...
So, if you've got an unanswered question about Conan O'Brien or Late Night write to me at: cobsource@yahoo.com
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Jessica-
I've noticed this before, but it's been really bugging me recently -- during the conologue (and at other times) Conan appears to be chewing on something. Am I imagining this, and if not, what is it?
DEZ SEZ: No I don't think you're imagining things. It does appear that he's chewing something while he does the conologue. I'd have to guess here, but it's probably gum, either that or he's nervous and chews his own mouth. Yuk!!
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Sarah -
Do you think Conan and Lynn will ever break up? He says he's not ready for marriage, do you think that presents a problem in their relationship?
DEZ SEZ: According to People magazine interview a few months ago Conan is the one who brings up the subject of marriage most often. Obviously it doesn't present many problems or they wouldn't still be together after all this time. Would they?
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How tall, exactly is Conan?
DEZ SEZ: Conan is 6' 4" not counting the pompadour!!
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Barabrian -
I just started watching Conan this summer, and have been wondering three things. First, what in God's name are Pimpbot and the Ice Cream Bit?
DEZ SEZ: PimpBot 5000 combines the classic sensibilities of a 1950's style robot, with the street savvy of a 1970's pimp. One of the most prolific and funny characters on the show. The Ice Cream bit was a remote that Conan and Andy did about a year ago. They went out to be Ice Cream vendors and had a scream. It was a very funny skit. Watch out for it, in an upcoming repeat.
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Nos4a2 -
Do you have any idea where you can find the Conan O'Brien Got Milk Ad? Or see the new one starring Conan, Andy and Max?
DEZ SEZ: No new Got Milk Ads starring Conan have been made yet. In fact, our very own Audrey is heading the campaign to get our favorite trio to appear in one. Check out her site, where you'll also find both Conan's milk ads and she'll tell you how you can vote for Conan, Andy and Max to appear together in a Milk Ad.
Go to: http://members.tripod.com/~ScienceFreak/CAMmilk.html
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Suzanne -
When was the original airdate of the Elton John interview? I'm pretty sure it was about a year ago. The other guest I know about was Tim Meadows.
DEZ SEZ: That show was first aired on Thursday September 25, 1997. See: "This Time Last Year".
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THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
Back to normal. Go ahead: take a deep breath. Let it get inside you. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. There it is. The FREAK OF THE WEEK.
Like all good things, this one was worth the wait. It's been a long time-to long for some-since we had a bonafide FREAK to call our own. This week, it arrived. Will Ferrell, come on down!
For those who missed it, Will Ferrell was a former contestant in the COURTENEY COX Olympics for the last time he appeared on Late Night. There have been, in fact, few guests who have been less entertaining than Will was the last time he put his ass on Conan's furniture. So, what did he do for the return trip? Well, Will Ferrell put his (almost) bare ass on display for the amusement, merriment, and shock of the viewing audience. He came out in what Conan called "European Speedos" (having never been to Europe I can't take the call on this one) that are featured prominently-along with his ass-in the commercials for the next big SNL flop, "A Night at the Roxbury". It takes balls the size of, well, professional bowlers to go out in front of a crowd like that. We'll give him three points for the attempt but we're gonna have to take two back because he does have a pretty lame ass, as asses go.
The highpoint for me was the Harry Caray (legendary Cubs' announcer) impression while doing a Henny Youngman (legendary bad joke teller) standard. I nearly peed myself on this one...and I don't know why. It's not like Harry Caray impressions are rare-every male comic from the midwest does one. I think the "I hit two perfect balls-I stepped on a rake!" delivery was just too sweet. Kudos to you, Will Ferrell. That movie's gonna suck the gas pipe hard enough to raise a welt but you certainly redeemed yourself in at least this critic's eyes.
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UPCOMING GUESTS - September 28 - October 2 1998
Monday, September 28 (Repeat of 6/19/98):
Marilu Henner,
Greg Fitzsimmons,
David George Gordon
Tuesday, September 29:
Fran Drescher,
D.L. Hughley
Wednesday, September 30:
Stanley Tucci,
Nick Turturro,
Billy Bragg & Wilco
Thursday, October 1:
Kelsey Grammer,
Chastity Bono,
Anfernee Hardaway
Friday, October 2:
Gina Gershon,
Dylan McDermott,
Squirrel Nut Zippers
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THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
Monday September 29th was a repeat of the July 11th show. Guests were Gina Gershon, Mike Veeck, and Gary Valentine. Clinton, Mike Tyson and Don King thrash out their issues in another stunning clutch cargo segment. Conan's campaign to have the greatest movie of all time "Dirty Dancing" re-released for its 10th anniversary - a scene is re-enacted by 'Oldy' and an actress from NY.
Poor old announcer Joel is again depressed on Tuesday September 30. Conan shows a clip from Andy's appearance on The Tonight Show and it looks like he's trying to get a new job. Children's Drawings is the desk bit. Guests are the fabulous Fran Drescher, Paul Rodriguez and Nikki Cox.
Some bizarre events happen on Late Night, maybe none other than what happened on the show on Wednesday October 1st. Max Weinberg performing in red lingerie. I'll say no more. Conan and Andy listened in to what serial talk show guest Fran Drescher was saying when she forgot to remove her microphone from the previous night's show. Polly the NBC Peacock talked down some of the new fall shows. Guests were Jon Lovitz who performed a "Peanut" song, Kate Capshaw and muso guests Our Lady Peace.
Thursday October 2nd, saw guests Jim Breuer, LA Confidential's Guy Pearce, and Mark Straussman. Conan showed a remote of his day as a bike messenger. Public Service Announcements from Conan, Andy and Max gave us some great advice and The Shirtless Moron showed us why we should enter the 12th Annual College Band Search.
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WEEK IN REVIEW - September 21 - 25 1998
By Stephanie
MONDAY, September 21 (Repeat of 7/17/98):
Chris Elliott,
Larry Holmes,
Joey Green
Actual Items
Buried in the Back Pages
The night started off with some quirky actual items, same as always. You can't make this stuff up. Hats off to the Late Night Research Team. Chris Elliot, "Late Night With David Letterman" alumni brought back some old memories of "The Guy Under The Stairs". His segment ended tragically though, he returned to his cobweb-covered home under the stairs, depressing himself and then shooting himself.
On to the best part of the show. Joey Green showed us some unusual ways to use regular stuff while camping. Conan made a fairly disgusting joke involving tampons and money and defended himself with the unstoppable "It's 1:20!" Then Joey poured a can of beer on Conan's head to demonstrate that it made a great mousse...after the oatmeal of course. By the end of the segment Conan had mustard on his chest and water all over him too, and declared Joey Green the guest he hates the most in five years. What an honor!
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TUESDAY, September 22:
Will Ferrell,
Ken Olin,
Bonnie Raitt,
Celebrities Inc.,
PSA's
This show was mmm mmm good. We finally got a small glimpse of what it might be like to see Conan do the show drunk--all because of good ol' NyQuil. Conan, the manly man that he is, apparently forgot that it's better to take DayQuil when operating heavy machinery or talk shows, and guzzled quite a bit of the night-time sniffling sneezing knock you out for six days medicine. Conan's sick, Andy's sick, a few other people are sick...damn that El Nino!
After Conan 'fessed up to overdosing on NyQuil, we looked at celebrities and their production companies, in a segment we like to call, for no particular reason, Celebrities Incorporated. I was not surprised by even one of these, but still delighted. And Monica needs to get a better name then "Rugburn Inc."
Conan gave advice about grandmothers and money in a PSA. Andy, because studies show "nothing has more of an effect on the youth of today then the words of a talk show sidekick," served us with the fact that he was acting locally.... in "The Music Man."...
And Max threatened Conan about a raise. It's all to help the kids, folks. "You'll get your money Weinberg!" The lovely Ken Olin and The Legendary Bonnie Raitt (who just *loves* our Conan) topped off this wacky show.
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WEDNESDAY, September 23:
Martin Sheen,
Alicia Witt,
Local H,
Closed Captioning,
Pissing Off Martin Sheen
I have been wondering lately what happened to good ol' Closed Captioning. I missed it. We got to see what else was on, then flipped back to "Dork TV," and the guy typing told us how Conan thinks he's a big shot since he was on the cover of EW..... the second choice was Yanni as the "King Of Cool." It all ended with the guy showing off his new graphics software and erasing Conan......a confused Andy said that he would be back rocking out to Sabbath with Martin Sheen.
Without explanation, damn them, Conan was back after the commercial. Martin Sheen, a very cool guy, talked about how he has been arrested 57 times and his new movie "Monument Ave," (or "Avenue" but Denis Leary, the co-writer, prefers "Ave") He also made two predictions. First, that his next arrest would be on November 11th, and second that Denis Leary would be nominated for an Oscar for his acting in "Monument Ave". We'll hold him to this.....
As they returned Conan told us that there was such a great show tomorrow that they had to show a clip from it....the clip, of course, him and Andy talking about how horrible Martin Sheen had been (and smelled) the day before. As Martin stared at Conan he slowly got up claiming he had to check on something in his dressing room.....Martin stared at Andy until he pointed at something and bolted. Martin the looked at the camera and said "We'll be right back with Alicia Witt.....and I've got some butt to kick." He then went after Conan.
Alicia Witt, formerly of "Cybil" (ooh ooh! Conan's sister Jane used to write for that show) is a cool, redheaded, VERY pale woman....and we thought Conan was white! Yikes! She talked about her new movie "Urban Legend" and being on Celebrity Jeopardy....to which Conan revealed that he has been *asked* to be on Celebrity Jeopardy.....once again, damn him! Personally I would love to see him kick a bunch of dumb stars asses, but hey, that's me.
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THURSDAY, September 24:
Denis Leary,
Judge Judy,
Jimeoin,
New Fall Characters
The new fall characters. All I can say is I feel sorry for Brian McCann, even if it wasn't real salt and pepper he was pouring in his mouth, it had to be disgusting..... Mummy at the County Fair and The Awkward Vampire were also crowd favourites. And although I was gagging, I have to go for Salt/Pepper Mouth as my fave. Extra points for whatever it was Brian was pouring in his mouth.
Now, on to what is important. Guess who my second favorite person in the world is? (Conan being first)... You got it, Conan's very own alleged cousin, Denis Leary. Denis was as enlightening as ever, telling us about "Monument Ave". Judge Judy was surprisingly entertaining, and she seemed to like Conan. And making this a truly "Irish" show was the very Irish comedian Jimeon, who was hilarious, and gave us some really deep thoughts concerning coat hangers.
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FRIDAY, September 25:
Janeane Garofalo,
John Waters,
P.J. O'Rourke,
Clutch Cargo,
Weird guy sitting in with the band
The show began with a nameless stranger sitting in with the band, and Conan reusing a few hours old piece of gum....and then spitting out on the floor....what a guy..... The President is in crisis, Jimmy Carter joined the prez to talk to Conan, the issues of the day were never addressed. Poor Conan. He'll get control over ol' Bill one of these days. All through the show a mysterious person sat in with the band....and when the question of who he was came up he just ran....guess it will always be a mystery.
You can't lose with Janeane Garofalo, ever. She talked about her new movie "Clay Pigeons", and how she's been tricked into getting drunk during bar scenes in movies. John Waters, director of "Pecker" (which Conan could not seem to say with a straight face) got some suggestions from Conan as to who should play "Divine" in the sequel to "Pink Flamingo,"and while Al Roker and Mark Maguire make fine Divines, I have to agree that Andy Richter is the best candidate.
Author PJ O'Rourke was surprisingly entertaining.....so entertaining that I went out and checked out one of his books......see what an influence this show is? Now I will be intellectually stimulated and entertained because he appeared on Conan..... Of course, that may also be evidence that I need a life, but what the hell...
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FYI
"NEE-HA!" #39 is here with thanks to Adam Cartledge, Brandon Soderberg, Micah Honees, Stephanie and Dez.
"NEE-HA!" is on the web at:
http://www.angelfire.com/ny/lacob/conan.html
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END QUOTE
"I don't get it. What's the big deal about an owl-themed restaurant?"
- Andy "Pure Power" Richter
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