"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #08/23-035
Hello everyone!! Well what an interesting week this has been. Bubbawannaburgerchiefbootyknocker (I so hope I got that right) gave a couple of speeches to America. And for a newsfreak like me, who was watching, it was conetastic. (Wow, I think that's the first time I've admitted that Conan's "conologue" is not my only source of news.) Anyhoo, I was glued to the TV for this. I don't know about you, but I love watching Bill Clinton and his speeches. I'm just hoping (praying even) that one day he'll break the monotony and jump up and say: "Neee-haaaaa!" A big one or a small one, I'm not fussy. I'm just waiting for that moment. Bubba is still Conan's #1 fan too. So sweet, that was swell of him to get the "inappropriate" thang in there, just so that the fans know, despite his obvious political and personal problems, he is still one of us.
NOTE THIS: Conan will be appearing alongside Denis Leary tomorrow night (Monday) on Tom Snyder. It's a repeat showing of a show from April 22.
People online this week ran an article about Bruce Springsteen's upcoming tour. The question on everyone's lips (round here anyway) was: "Will Max Weinberg be leaving Late Night to tour with The Boss?" The answer to that is a resounding NO. Thank goodness. There's no way they could ever replace Max with another drummer, even for a day. Who would they get to carry off those "I'm a screaming pervert" Public Service Announcements the way only Max can? No one, and that's the bottom line. Conan O'Brien on Bruce Springsteen: "He's not the boss. I'm The Boss!!"
Have a Conanderful week everyone and let's get it awn!
Late Night Linzi
Editor
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CONTENTS -
BRIAN McCANN: PART TWO, A - Z
LATE NIGHT POLL
THE COB SOURCE With Dez
THE TALE OF THE TAPE by Micah Honees
UPCOMING GUESTS - August 24 - 28 1998
THIS TIME LAST YEAR...
WEEK IN REVIEW - August 17 - 21 1998
FYI
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BRIAN McCANN: PART TWO, A - Z
A "Annoyed" - what really bugs you?
Drinking lots of beer, intending to get drunk, only to be left feeling bloated and with a sneaking suspicion that I've once again, made an ass of myself.
B "Beginnings" - where are you from?
Wheaton, IL. A small suburb of Chicago.
C "Career" - what's the worst job you ever had?
Right after college I took a job where I drove a truck containing all the booths, games and supplies for a renaissance fair which was put on by companies that sell office supplies. Me and one other guy had to drive it from city to city around the U.S., setting it up and taking it down every day.
D "Dream Date" - who's your ideal date?
Yasmine Bleeth.
E "Embarrassed" what was your most embarrassing moment?
Visiting my girlfriend's family for the first time, borrowing their car and totalling it.
F "Funny" - who makes you laugh?
Andy Kaufman, Don Knotts, Jackie Gleason, David Letterman, Jack Benny and Tina ("Family Ties") Yothers.
G "Goals" what are your goals?
To continue learning my craft up until the point that I feel I'd have no problem replacing Max Weinberg.
H "Heroes" - who do you most admire?
See: "D: Dream Date"
I "Improvisation" - are you still doing it?
Yes. Although not nearly as often as I used to, so I think I'm slowly beginning to suck. When I can, I play with the Upright Citizens Brigade in New York.
J "Jokers" - who's the biggest you've come up against?
Probably the person that couldn't come up with anything better for the letter "J" than the topic of jokers.
K "Krunk" - what do you say when you're mad?
Here is where I differentiate myself from the common man. I usually come up with something like "shit," "fuck," or "God Dammmit."
L "Late Night" - how did you get the job?
I submitted three times over the first two years, and then I finally held Conan's mother hostage.
M "Music" - who do you listen to?
XTC, the Grateful Dead, James Taylor, Billy Bragg, Wilco, Willy Nelson, Horace Silver and Louis Prima
N "Nicknames" - do you have one?
Yes, most people call me "McCann." I think it's because my dad's last name in the Army was "McCann."
O "Of all your decisions what was the best?"
That's a toughie. However, I can assure you it wasn't sitting down to answer "Brian McCann A-Z" at 2:30 in the morning after a long, long, long, long evening of writing Bill Clinton interview jokes.
P "Proudest Moment" - what was yours?
The birth of my daughter.
Q "Quotes" - what words do you overuse?
Fore! My Fault. Sorry. This has never happened before. I'm not sure where that lipstick came from. No, Conan, I'm not drunk. Officer can I call my lawyer?
R "Rituals" - do you have any superstitions?
I pick up every penny I see.
S "Sexy" - do you think you're sexy?
Yes, but it's rarely corroborated.
T "Time Out" - where's your favorite spot for a vacation?
Currently since my daughter has been born, I just want to stay home.
U "Unwinding" - how do you relax?
Music, beer, pot, golf and watching basketball.
V "Vices" - do you have any?
Yes.
W "Wish" - if you had one wish what would it be for?
That I could finally get something I wrote on the show.
X "X-file" - tell us something no one knows about you.
That there is a magazine called Nee-Ha actually interested in finding out intimate details about me.
Y "You know someone is about to pull a prank - would you tell the victim?"
No.
Z "Zzzzzz" - what bores you?
Any movie starring a cast member of "Friends."
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LATE NIGHT POLL
THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What's been your favorite spontaneous song by Conan? "Call me when you're legal" or "Me no speaky English" or something else?
Send your response before Thursday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
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LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What's your favorite character as played by Brian McCann?
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ToadMan84 -
Brian McCann was so funny as the Bullet Proof Legs guy....when he came out singing that song when they introduced him in the Spring, then he got shot in the chest, I couldn't breathe I laughed so long.
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Chris -
Pimpbot 5000 easily. Altho, last week, when they showed the "average Conan viewer", and Brian was farting in the bathtub, that was pretty funny too :)
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Janet -
Anyone who can say "gots to carry lotsa cash to bail out tha ho's" or "mess with any of my ho's and I'll cut you" with that much emotion in a suit such as that, he brought out the character and love in the Pimpbot better than anyone could.
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Ali -
Oh, come on! You all know it's Pimp Bot 5000. I worship the Pimp Bot5000!!!! More than just a bucket of bolts, he's also fully programmed in pimping!
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Karen -
Hmm... I gotta go with the Bullet Proof Legs guy... because every time someone mentions it, I get the damn song stuck in my head, and because the various Loser characters remind me of people that live in the neighborhood. They sicken me, you know. =)
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Miss_Krunk
I like Pimpbot 5000 the best, because it always makes Conan laugh or say something that'll have me cracking up until morning!
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Michael -
Gosh, that's a tough question. Brian brings so much life and wackiness to all his characters. I'd have to say that the Loser At The (insert place here) is really good because, as repetitive as it is, it can manage to stay so funny based solely on how funny Brian can act. A lot of his miscellaneous characters are funny, too. Like the usher was pretty funny and all the random stuff he's done as one of the "New Characters" or an alien. Plus, there's all those ones that you don't really know about. For example, you can't tell that he's Pimpbot, or even the Robot on the Toilet (whom we haven't seen for awhile...). Brian's just a funny guy that does a lot of characters, but if I had to put my money on one of them, it would either be the Loser or the Devil. Both very funny.
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Rabbart1 -
May fave is the loser. The guy with bullet proof legs is a close second though.
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Kevin -
BOt of course. who is the most pimpin out of all of them? Pimpbot of course so therefore he is the best character. Oh boy am I drunk..........
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THE COB SOURCE With Dez
Hi, my name is Dez. I'm a HUGE fan of LNWCOB and I've watched the show almost religiously since the very beginning. I think I know everything there is to know about the show and I'd like to help answer any questions you might have about it. If I can't answer your question myself, I'll do my best to find you someone who can. You'll see...
So, if you've got an unanswered question about Conan O'Brien or Late Night write to me at: AgentLA@AOL.COM
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From SSS -
Do you have any idea who are the people in the portraits on the wall right to Conan's desk (as we see it)?I have only recognised a Letterman's picture from the eighties.
Dez sez: The people in the photos on Conan's walls are other talk show hosts and legends. Steve Allen, Jack Paar, Johnny Carson, Ed McMahon, David Letterman, Jerry Lester are among those I've spotted. Don't think I've spotted Leno though.
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From Danielle -
I was taking the fan purity test and i felt like such a traitor. One question was "do you use "afcob" in your sentences?" and I didn't know what it stands for. I figured out cob (conan o'brien) but I'm not sure what 'af' is. Could you please tell me?
Dez sez: "Afcob", is an acronym for alt.fan.conan-obrien - the Late Night fans newsgroup on Usenet.
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From Christine -
Nice to know you're there to answer Conan questions. More on Lynn Kaplan please, dude, how serious is this, or can a girl still get in there?
Dez sez: Jeez I hate to be the bearer of bad news girlfriend, but from where I'm standing it looks like they're extremely committed to one another. They've been together for four years, they share an apartment and I don't think that'll change. According to reports they have discussed marriage, but whether they do tie the not or not, they're definitely together.
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From Doreen -
Whats on Conans mug?? I must know!
Dez sez: Greg Daniels (The Simpsons, King Of The Hill) made the mug for Conan. The words that are on it are rumored to be words that Conan used all the time during his college years. What's been spotted on the mug are the words: "Yesh!" "Jub-Jub", "Ointment", along the top of the mug is a sentence that begins, "If you should...." There's also something written at the bottom that I haven't been able to make out. If anyone out there reading this knows the answer, please write in...
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THE TALE OF THE TAPE by Micah Honees
Yeah, I know I promised a Freak of the Week but bare with me. We're trying something new to these pages but completely stolen otherwise. With apologies to Nick Bakay (and to my friend Vicpac, who is probably the only one who remembers Nick doing this on ESPN2) let's begin our first in a series of THE TALE OF THE TAPE.
Everyone has their favorite types of guests on Late Night. Two of my least favorites fall into two categories: COOKING SEGMENTS and ANIMAL SEGMENTS. Let's see what happens when chefs like Emeril Lagasse match up with The Bug Lady and Clyde Peeling.
1--GIMMICK:
Chefs: Emeril Lagasse's trademarked BAM! Shouted at decibels normally reserved for The Who when he throws some dry spice onto his completed dishes.
Zoo dudes: "Whoopsie! Monkey pee!"
WINNER: Gotta go with the animal people on this one. It's a BAM! Without rhyme, reason, or audience consideration. My advice: Scotchgard those chairs, fellas!
2-APPEARING ON LATE NIGHT BECAUSE...
Chefs: Emeril can hawk his series of books, restaurants, and spices with such festive names as Rustic Rub and Bayou Blast.
Zoo dudes: Actually try to educate the host and crowd into the intricacies of the South American Belching Turtle. (He doesn't just belch, you know.)
WINNER: Always bet on Emeril. Commerce is, as any good chef would tell you, the cheese, baby! Nobody buys tickets to the zoo because some guy was on TV showing off bugs.
3-THOSE GUYS WHO MADE DESIGNER DOG BUSICUITS ARE...
Chefs: Outside of the obvious, really into treating their dogs well-perhaps too well, if you know what I'm saying.
Zoo dudes: A little confused about the relationship between those Biscuit Brothers, too.
WINNER: Biscuit guys. Hell, Conan actually ate a part of one. He never eats anything from the lizard cage. No way at all.
4-AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION
Chefs: Throwing food into the crowd when it becomes really effing clear Conan would rather goof around.
Zoo dudes: Crowd runs in fear when Snaggletoothed Amazonian Mauling Elk runs amok in Studio 6A.
WINNER: Push. There are no winners here. Emeril is just leaving scraps for the cockroaches that escaped a few months back. Stupid Bug Lady!
5-HOST'S DEMEANOR
Chefs: Conan is mildly attentive, waiting to poke fun, biding his time.
Zoo dudes: Fear and desperation.
WINNERS: Home viewers. No one cares about the chefs and at least we get to see Conan and Andy squirm like fifth graders getting kissed for the first time when a Salsa Shark is placed on his desk.
So you see, it's all quite simple when you break it down scientifically. The winner, by an apron string, has to be the chefs. Late votes for Isaac Hayes came in just at the deadline, the coolest Chef of all time. I mean, really. Who can argue with Black Caesar??
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UPCOMING GUESTS - August 24 - 28 1998
The list of upcoming guests is a provisional list, subject to change:
MONDAY, August 24 (Repeat of 5/15/98):
Barbara Walters,
Maria Pitillo,
Betty Faber
TUESDAY, August 25:
Bill Bellamy,
Sprung Monkey
WEDNESDAY, August 26:
Amy Brenneman,
Mike Lupica
THURSDAY, August 27:
Salma Hayek,
The Dixie Chicks
FRIDAY, August 28:
To be arranged
TWO WEEKS OF HIATUS FOLLOW THIS WEEK'S SHOWS!!
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THIS TIME LAST YEAR...
This week last year can be summed up in one word; hiatus, hiatus, hiatus. OK, that's three, but you know what I mean. And it seems like there's been so many hiatus weeks recently. What's good about hiatus? You get to see all those great shows again.
On Monday, August 25 last year NBC showed a repeat of the November 26 1996 show. Guests were Conan's former SoHo neighbor, megamannequin and superstar in her own right, Cindy Crawford. Julia Sweeney and musical guest Chris Issac also appeared. Conan and Andy showed us what some celebrities look like before they had plastic surgery. The Wussy Wagon was seen going through the streets of Manhattan and when they arrived at studio 6A, they took Max. Who would have guessed?
Tuesday, August, 26 was a repeat showing of the May 14th show. Guests were former US senator and one-time presidential candidate Bob Dole, magician David Blaine, and musical guest Tisha Campbell. Bob Dole appeared "Live Via Satellite" and met the real Bob Dole - a sweet moment indeed. Conan, Andy and Max perform Public Service Announcements. Conan is fascinated by David Blaine's card tricks and says to him: "You're the devil." Blaine's reply: "I am NOT." Conan remains unconvinced.
Wednesday, August 27. In an ongoing advice segment more suggestions were made to NY Knicks player John Starks as to what he can do with his middle finger during the off season. More celebrity "couples" are targeted in If They Mated and Conan sings a lullaby for all the babies who are watching with their parents. "Tim Russert will be up next, mom and dads now go have sex..." Guests were Kevin Nealon, Meet The Press' Tim Russert and sex columnist Anka Radakovic.
Thursday, August 28 saw the charming Billy Crystal take Conan to Yankee Stadium for a spot of baseball, checking out the locker room, stealing players gum and reading their fan mail. Chef Wolfgang Puck was their other guest. Clinton And Eddie Murphy got together in a Clutch Cargo segment and Conan faced Super Computer "Deep Blue" in a talk show hosting competition.
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WEEK IN REVIEW - August 17 - 21 1998
Monday, August 17 (Repeat of 5/14/98):
"If I were gay, I'd sleep with Conan" -"Seinfeld"
Rosie O'Donnell
Patrick Warburton
Dave Attell
Conan shows rigged scenes from the last Seinfeld
Slide Show
Monday reviewed by Audrey: The show did not start out normally; instead, it started with Conan telling everyone how this was going to be a big show as it was ER's season finale and Seinfeld's Sein-off day. It showed people watching people watching him on their TV's, sound asleep. A dog finally ended it all by turning it off. A slide show kicked the show off. Conan, Andy, Max, and Oldy were picnicking in Central Park. Along the way, Oldy gets eaten by ants, and once again, Max is called a pervert. I admire his good sportiness!
Rosie O'Donnell brings back Max's shirt issue (from the St. Patrick's day Rosie O'Donnell Show with Conan as a guest, for those of you who don't remember) "Max is wearing a shirt! Yay!" and Conan and Rosie, in a brotherly/sisterly conversation, get into the very strange subject of transporting cocaine via dolphins and jiggly butts and Sea Doos.
Patrick Warburton, Seinfeld's honest Puddy, told the sad tale of "parent hate mail" (you see, his parents are strict Mormons, and Seinfeld can get a little racy).
The show dwindled down to a comical finish with frequent Late Night visitor, Dave Attell. Funny thing was that Dave brings up a stain topic (has a stain on his jacket from a drink). Although it was taped in May before the whole Monica Lewinsky/Clinton fiasco, it was funny how this was aired the night of the Clinton Testimony.
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Tuesday, August 18:
"May I sniff your butt?" -Triumph to Don
Don Rickles
Tracey Lord
Emmy Lou Harris
Clutch Cargo
Triumph
Tuesday reviewed by Audrey: Conan doesn't have a girlfriend! La Bamba is Jewish! Jack Lord's pompadour! La Bamba is Jewish! Count Chocula? This hour was filled with madness of all sorts. Before the usual preliminaries, Conan spoofs the Clinton Testimony, saying that he doesn't know any girls. "I don't have a girlfriend" he says, but sorry ladies, I think he was kidding. The desk bit was Clutch Cargo, but all of the sudden, President Clinton turns shy on us. Conan asks why he won't come down, and Clinton's response is "Everybody hates me...I'm such a dumbass. Dumb, dumb, dumbass." The interview's high point was when an audience member unexpectedly shouted "Nee-ha!". Clinton told him to shut up. After hearing that, Conan tried to coax a great big "NEE-HA!" out of Clinton, but as he was out of the mood, he could only squeak three miniscule nee-ha's.
Don Rickles, the absolute king of insult comedy, insulted almost everyone, even going as far as insulting unwitting audience members! "What is it? Chop Suey Louie?" Don asks of a Chinese audience member. Truimph comes on and tries to insult Don, but he finds he can't. "Please! Poop on me! Please Don! Poop on meeeeeeee!" Truimph desperately screams (out of a potty-training toilet and toilet paper) to Don. All this time, Clinton lingered on the top of the set, until Tracey Lord came on.
Clinton was pretty upset when Conan forced him to go back up top. The interview was pretty strange; it jumped from one weird topic to an even weirder topic. One minute they were talking about Count Chocula cereal (Conan asks why a vampire that drank human blood would look so happy and friendly, and Andy says: "I think that he was a vampire addicted to chocolatety marshmallow goodness") and the next about Jack Lord Pompadours. Tracey addresses the question that has probably popped up on many of our minds: Why is his hair flat now? As usual, Conan can't give a straight answer. Last up was musical guest Emmy Lou Harris.
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Wednesday, August 19:
"They should learn about the way they should! From the President!" -Al Roker on Sex Education
Al Roker
Darryl Hammond
Musical Guest Rufus Wainright
Celebrities Before Plastic Surgery
Late Night News Break with Joel Goddard
Wednesday reviewed by Audrey: The show started to an "uplifting" beginning with the old yet new bit, before plastic surgery. The audience seemed to love it. First up was Today Show weatherman, Al Roker. Since this Wednesday's show is aired in the wee hours of Thursday morning, Conan reminds us that it is Al's birthday. Happy birthday, Al!
Then there was the comedy bit, "Late Night News Break with Joel Godard". It was meant to provide top stories, but as Joel was having a physical/emotional breakdown, the stories each ended with a little twist.
Darryl Hammond, Saturday Night Live's "Impression Jukebox" was up next. He did impressions of his dad, who seemed to say "sonofabitch" with every noun, and I was happy to see that Conan, unlike most other interviewers, did not try to get Darryl to do impressions of everyone. The enjoyable Rufus Wainright was last.
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Thursday, August 20:
"Just stay here and keep being a giant cob of corn." -Conan, when Cob confronted him with his career dilemma
Vanessa Williams
Al Franken
Comic David Feldman
Conan sends a TV signal
Actual Items
Character Profiles
Thursday reviewed by Audrey: Tonight's show started off weakly - the audience did not seem to respond well to Actual Items. Fortunately, it just grew stronger and stronger with every segment. Vanessa Williams was a wonderful guest. She talked about dancing, people who shared the same name, and of course plugged her movie.
Late Night then did character profiles, profiles of their recurring characters. Pimpbot 5000 is a kindly hospital intern, foam rubber Conan is a horseman, and Cob is a Rabbi in the making. All three insult Conan and the show. Al Franken gave his take on the whole Clinton shebang, and complained that it was hard to explain it to his young children. Comic David Feldman ended the show to a hilarious note.
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Friday, August 21:
Colin Quinn
Alexander Chaplin
Angela Amada
Cheer up Bill Clinton
What Would Conan Do
Friday reviewed by Stephanie: I didn't expect much from the show tonight--thankfully I proved myself wrong!!! Once again, there was Conan, his hair brushed back a *little* far, but there's no point in hiding a receding hairline. Of course the "Cheer up Bill Clinton" segment gave us all a special feeling, and never forget that when you pet it, it goes away. Colin Quinn was....Colin. I mean, after his St. Patties day appearance, he couldn't really top himself. I was hoping they would make a reference to it, but they spent....or rather, Conan spent, his time talking about the curse of the Irish head.
Then, all Conan had to say was "help the kids...." and I shouted "WHAT WOULD CONAN DO!!!!!" it lived up to all expectations--it was just as great as last time. I need me one of those bracelets!
Alexander Chaplin was great--and we have the same last name so that's cool. He, uh, sang somewhere over the rainbow--as a joke--but before he got to the funny part I have to say he has a good voice.
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CONAN FYI
A QUICK REFERENCE GUIDE
This Conan FYI was compiled by Audrey and Linzi after reading several repeated emails and posts in the Conan newsgroup that requested the same information. Hopefully this will be useful to some of the newer posters and lurkers of afcob. This is not meant to be a substitute for the *real* FAQ, just an info filler until the FAQ is updated.
AUTOGRAPHED PIX
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
GUEST LISTINGS
HOW TO GET TICKETS FOR LATE NIGHT
KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!
WHERE TO GO TO BUY CONAN STUFF ONLINE...
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AUTOGRAPHED PIX
Write to the address below. Include an 8x10 self-addressed envelope, this does not have to contain postage. Then all you have to do is wait. And wait... Sometimes--depending on whose picture you want--it can take a while.
Conan O'Brien (Or name of whoever's pic you want)
c/o Late Night With Conan O'Brien
NBC Productions
Suite 901W
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien FAQ is posted monthly (around mid-month) to the newsgroup (alt.fan.conan-obrien) by Damone, who is the keeper/editor. Although this is not the most up-to-date version online, there's tons of information in here, and it's a recommended read for all newbies. It's a good idea to either bookmark the web page, or download a text copy from the newsgroup for your own future reference.
http://idt.net/~damone/gconanfaq.html
http://www.ios.com/~damone/gconan.html
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GUESTS LISTINGS
Listings up to two weeks in advance:
http://www.interbridge.com/lineups.html
For Late Night's musical guests go to:
http://www.nbc.com/NBCconan/index.asp?section=musical
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HOW TO GET TICKETS FOR LATE NIGHT:
Call: (212) 664-3056/3057
It's a good idea to call 2 - 3 months in advance of the date you'd like, just to check availability.
OR WRITE TO:
NBC Tickets
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
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KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!
Due to changes on NBC Europe/Asia Late Night With Conan O'Brien is no longer available in Asia or certain areas of Europe (listed on the site below). NBC Europe encouraged their viewers in these areas to retune to CNBC Europe (available on cable or satellite Astra 1D).
However, CNBC Europe are only show Late Night at weekends. As part of the ongoing "KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!" campaign I would like to ask everyone who watches Late Night to support those of us who have lost out by emailing CNBC Europe and asking them to broadcast the shows just as NBC do (one day later than their US air date) instead of just at weekends as they intend. I thank you all in advance for your support!!
Please write to: feedback@cnbceurope.com
KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!
http://www.angelfire.com/ny/latenightnews/frontpage.html
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WHERE TO GO TO BUY CONAN STUFF ONLINE...
http://www.nbc.com/shop/
NOTE: Still not serving international customers.
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END QUOTE
"I think that he was a vampire addicted to chocolatety marshmallow goodness." - Andy on why Count Chocula looks so happy.
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"NEE-HA!" #35 is here with much thanks to Brian McCann, Micah Honees, Robin Banks, Audrey, Stephanie and Dez.
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