"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #08/09-033
Hello everyone. It's good to be back. Did you miss me? I know at least two people did. (Cheers thanks a lot for emailing me).
A whole big bunch of Late Night related stuff has transpired since "NEE-HA!" #32. First-up, get out and grab yourself a copy of "Entertainment Weekly" the oh-so-solar-sensitive-one is featured along with the world's #1 Side Kick in the latest issue (#445, dated August 14, 1998). I have to thank Henry Nunes, who very kindly sent me a transcription of the articles from EW. Sadly I'm out of space to put it in "NEE-HA!" this week, but if you're unable to get your mitts on a copy, for whatever reason, I'll be happy to email it to you if you ask.
If you haven't been to see the new NBC Late Night website yet, you should check it out. There's a ton of new stuff, it's all spiffy, slick and fabulous, and reviewed by Robin Banks for you today in "NEE-HA!" You've got to get your hands what I can only describe as a lust-have Late Night Screen Saver. I can watch it for hours. We should all thank the Swell & Swanky Web Dude John "JK" Knox [John.Knox@nbc.com] for all his work on it. He's done a conetastic job.
Have a Conetastic week everyone and let's get it awn!
Late Night Linzi
Editor
********************************************
CONTENTS
LATE NIGHT'S NEW SITE By Robin Banks
DEAR DIZZA...
LATE NIGHT POLL
"CONOLOGUE" & QUOTES by Nos4a2
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
UPCOMING GUESTS - August 10 - 14 1998
THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
WEEK IN REVIEW By Audrey Zwingli
END QUOTE
FYI
********************************************
LATE NIGHT'S NEW SITE By Robin Banks
I was veeeeeery excited when I saw the new NBC Late Night site on Friday. Like many of you out there, I've been waiting a long time for this. After some frustrating technical delays for NBC it was "all go" last week. On my first glance of the main index page I could tell it was going to be a thoroughly slick and thrilling ride. I needed someone to hold my hand in case I puked. Well, maybe not. I spent hours and went all googlie-eyed just sifting through it this weekend and no one could have torn me away from it.
Over four months ago Late Night's Swell & Swanky Web Dude John "JK" Knox invited fans through "NEE-HA!" to submit their thoughts and ideas for the website content. My personal thoughts were that Conan's official site should be inviting; somewhere that Joe or Jane Conan Fan would want to spend time. It should be a gorgeous celebration of all things "Conan". It should be easy to navigate and accessible to all fans on the web, even those with murderous snail-pace modems. It should be chock-full of pictures, information, video clips, sound clips, et al. It should be a million and a half times better than NBC's last effort. And it is.
The slickly laid out site--sponsored by 7-Up and Honda--has four main links on the index page; Click Comedy, Clips-A-Hoy, Fan Network, and Show Info. In addition to that there are real audio clips of last night's "Conologue", and a lust-have swanky screen saver. Hold your hair out of the drool and read on baby...
CLICK COMEDY: The domain of the desk-bit. When you Click Comedy you'll discover old favorites like New Stamps (I'm heading back to look for The Future Celebrity Scandals Issue later on today, they're my favorite), In The Year 2000..., If They Mated, Actual Items, and completely new to the web at NBC.COM Letters Never Delivered, and Buried In The Back Pages - a skit I thought we didn't see enough of.
CLIPS-A-HOY: Has a pirate theme running through it. Confused me at first, then I realized they're pretending the video clips they have are "illegally copied". (Shhhh, don't tell anyone at nbc about it). Click on Clips-A-Hoy and you'll discover an archive of Satellite TV Channels, The More You Know Public Service Announcements, Late Night Theatre-- clips from the opening sequences Late Night has had over the past five years--I loved that bike opening so much. Classic Conan has a skit from a classic show. I'm not sure how often this is to be updated. The one that was there when I checked (on Saturday) was: "How Did Conan & Max Meet?" All video clips are available in Real 28.8, Real56, NetShow 28.8, and NetShow 56 formats.
FAN NETWORK: Hey, it is what it says it is. A network of fans with Conan sites. Links to a fab, and conetastic group of people. You'll recognize them all here. Damone, Quinn, Stephanie...
SHOW INFO: Sadly there's not really any new information in here. Strictly for newbies only. You'll find, mini-bio's (apparently written almost a year ago) for Conan, Andy and Max. Ticket information, a full list of the show's credits. Links to the upcoming guest schedule, musical guests info and sketch comedy. ASK CONAN is located here. Submit your questions to Conan through the link and he will (hopefully) take the time to answer weekly.
What other goodies do they have in store for us? Well, never satisfied with everything, I'm the kind of grrrl who always wants more and in this instance I think I'm going to get what I want, what I really, really want. JK has said that there are plans for a Conan chat, hopefully that will make up for what will forever be referred to as "The Pasadena Incident". No date specified as yet.
A journey into Late Night and the land of Conan O'Brien that promised faithfully it would take us further than NBC had ever taken us before. Did they deliver? Yesh, they did indeedio. It's CONETASTIC!! Now, I'm off to entertain myself by watching the screen saver.
What are you waiting for? Boogie on down to: http://www.nbc.com/conan
********************************************
DEAR DIZZA...
Dear Dizza is recognized and accepted as a somewhat skilled counsellor for Late Night Addiction. Her experience includes, but is not limited to, weeks of intense education and training in coping with the devastating but fun effects of Late Night Addiction, which she herself openly admits to having.
Her advice is sought out by thousands (well, at least sixteen people anyway, but potentially it's thousands) and she welcomes your pathetic cries for help as she "leads you down the Conaningly-crazed path to a happier-yet wackier future!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Dizza,
Do you sometimes think the show goes a little too far? Like when Max said, "Here's where I buried the bodies of people I didn't like." Or "Why does every romantic relationship have to end in grisly murder?"
Right or Rong from Florida
Dear Right or Rong,
Nah......As Conan said in a recent interview, "I still believe in moral absolutes. Murder, for instance, is wrong....unless it helps the show."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Dizza,
I thought things would get better when my girlfriend stopped being so obsessed with Conan O'Brien, but now she's become obsessed with THE BAND, especially LaBamba and Jimmy Vivino. Help! Does this make any sense? It doesn't to me!
Baffled Brian in Buffalo
Dear Baffled Brian,
I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for you and your "situation." It makes PERFECT sense to me. Now just go play the JIMMY FACTOR GAME with your girlfriend and stop your complaining!! (Don't forget to score an additional 50 points if you can name a song the MW7 plays. )
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Dizza,
I'm trying to think of where I would like to go with Conan if I could travel anywhere in the world with him. Any ideas?
Tricia
Dear Tricia,
What about London?......Think about the excitement you could have as you hear him say to all the English, "Blimey Guvnuh.....Want to 'ave a chimney sweep? 'Ow about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Blimey! Ah-low there! Ah-low MATE!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
**Dear Dizza would like to thank Late Night Addict Mark for using his "Symptom 210" of the OFFICIAL LATE NIGHT ADDICT SYMPTOM LIST. **
********************************************
LATE NIGHT POLL
THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: Has watching Late Night changed your life? How?
Send your response before Thursday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
-----------------------------------------------------------------
LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What comedy skits, out of all in the past five years, would you nominate to be shown at the Prime Time 5th Anniversary Special?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Stavros -
First of all the dance lessons. Then the Arabic sun tan ad, the college speeches (...check this out...), last week's Andy's PSA and some regular skits as the desk ride or clutch cargo.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Stephanie -
well, I'd like to see the classics, Pimpbot, Stacey, in the year 2000 and we can fairly well say Clutch Cargo will be there..........But what I really want to see is some stuff from the first show, which I regrettably have not seen........people say it's bad but I have a feeling it's just "different". Another great one to come back would be Conan Can't Read, but I don't see how they could.....so how about INAPPROPRIATE!!!!!!!!? I think I'm trying to say that I don't know what they should bring back. I love everything :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Ravdriver -
Could it just be like, a Pimpbot marathon? All Pimpbot all the time? That would hold my attention...or else Pimpbot could be the "host" of it, introducing things and taking us to break instead of Conan, etc.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
ACW623 -
I never really watched the show 'til this summer, unfortunately. So, I would choose two recent skits- the inappropriate one and that WWCD?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Smith -
I think that there should be a small collage of the LN Travel Through Time week, featuring the opening song. I don't remember the words to the song, but I remember they found it because they were looking for a good hiding place, and went in the room they were told never to go into. I'd like to see that again on the anniversary show.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Foolio64 -
The best skit that they could have done would be the one with Adam Sandler a few years back. I can't really remember since it was such a long time ago, but I remember laughing my ass off!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Bartman387 -
I would nominate the skit where Conan and Andy are driving a Ice Cream truck and they follow that other driver and tell the kids that he has been drinking. It is just hilarious. I would love to see it again.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Yoda Hart -
I think what comedy skit would have to be any staring contest. Also when Conan had to decide to give the autographed baseball back, and The Devil, and some bear is there to help him decide.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
BunnyLnb -
Well... I definitely think at least one staring contest should get in there.... And you can't leave out the time that Goldfinger flipped Conan on his back! The unexpected moments are the funniest ones!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Karen, your goddess of odd -
Well, I've only been watching for 2 years... but there were so many good skits in those years... hmm.... I'll go with the Ice Cream Truck remote, the Conan's birthday slide show, and the infamous "Max on Max" skit. =)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
K.C. -
The comedy skits when Conan and Andy took out the ice cream truck, the trip to Dallas, Yankee Stadium with Billy Crystal, & the kids show group meeting...All of these are classics. They should be on the prime-time special.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Suprmann17 -
This is a no-brainer, but the Staring Contests! Although Andy is destined to lose every single match, and you know that he will, the situations that he is forced to watch are simply hysterical! It is fun to see a newcomer to the show witness a Staring Contest for the first time.... they cant believe that the sketch will be funny! Of course, that is the ultimate joke ;)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Kyla -
I'd love to see either Clutch Cargo or the desk Drive. They are my two Favorite skits in the world!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Kern -
I'd nominate Pimpbot! You ca NEVER go wrong with Pimpbot!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Molotov -
They MUST play the one skit from the Superbowl where Conan says: "Superbowl day holds the most spousal assult incindents" (or something like that) then they show that wife slaping her fat husband, saying "I said nachos! You Fat Whore!" absolutely hilarious!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Steph -
I Scream you Scream we all Scream for THE ICE CREAM BIT!!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Crystal -
I think the skit where Conan went somewhere out of state and went into peoples college dorms and went into a waiting room real late at night and was sitting by this old woman and turned the channel on NBC when he was on and that old woman would look at Conan and the T.V and freaked out. Then he was talking to a biker and he was like: "Wheres that short fat guy? You know its not a show with out that guy."
********************************************
"CONOLOGUE" & QUOTES by Nos4a2
"If you're a talk show a talk show host today, and you *don't* talk about Monica Lewinsky, you could be sued by the American people."
"66% of Americans today think that President Clinton had an affair with Monica Lewinsky. The other 34% think he just had an affair with her dress. -It's a very attractive dress!"
"President Clinton is vacationing in the Hamptons this week, and reportedly, a streaker was seen, with the words 'Clinton's Innocent!" written on his naked body. When asked about the streaking incident, Clinton replied, "Well, the hardest part was writing upside-down on my own chest.- Have you tried it? It's not easy!"
"The Hollywood Walk of Fame is suing a local church because the church gave Jesus a star on their sidewalk identical to the stars on the Walk of Fame. Yeah, and if that weren't bad enough, someone just donated the Shroud of Turin to Planet Hollywood. -It's a problem."
**QUOTES from the week of August 3-8th.**
Conan: "I HATE laser-boobies!"
ANDY: "Uh-oh. Look Conan, a spider! Be very careful...."
CONAN: "The claws are getting me...HELP!!!"
Conan: "Next time, we're buying unscented toilet paper."
**CLASSIC CONAN: FROM THE "CONOLOGUE"...**
"Today, scientists announced some shocking news about Jupiter's moon Europa. Apparently, it has salt water, it's capable of supporting life and it's gay."
"A 93-year-old woman has been arrested for selling heroin to 80-year-olds. When asked about it, she said, 'You haven't lived until you've watched 'Matlock' on smack."
"In a recent interview Dennis Rodman says the NBA can kiss his ass. Then later he asked the NFL to fondle his nipples."
"The other day Michael Jackson announced he named his son Prince. This morning the kid announced he's changing his name to 'The Boy Formerly Known as the Son of the Androgynous Freak.'"
********************************************
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
Well, there's a few things on my mind as we return this week. Let's bumper-sticker 'em and deal with the real stuff at the end.
--First, I really liked the Jeff Greenfield interview on Thursday night. I am Guilty as Charged as one of those people that Conan acknowledged about that only learn about the news and current events from watching his show. I never watch the news but like many Americans, I'll claim it isn't my fault. I mean really. I didn't tell the local stations to schedule "The Simpsons" and "Married...with Children" opposite the local news. That makes people like Greenfield quite important. He seems quite natural on these shows where he knows the target audience probably has no freaking clue as to he is. He keeps his credibility and talks in a language everyone understands. Generally I think these TV News-types are people who think they get it but really don't. Greenfield has an ability to be in on the joke-as he was with the whole Monica affair-and then explain the punchline without diluting the information or insulting the viewers. Good for him.
--Second, Dana Gould. This guy is pretty creepy. He tries so very hard to be liked and lucky for him, he kind of pulls it off. But there's an air about him...
--Lastly, and this is the meat-n-potatoes portion of a well-balanced breakfast, we have French Stewart. I'll be the first to admit to two things: one, I've never watched and episode of "3rd Rock from the Sun" and two, I did watch almost all of the episodes of the "New WKRP in Cincinnati" that was on a few years ago. For those with either lives or short memories, French starred as the whacked-out morning man at the station; kind of like Dr. Johnny Fever without the Dr. Johnny Fever. For just remembering that I nominate myself, Micah Honees, for this week's FREAK OF THE WEEK.
Anyhoo, I give French some respect for the whole Clamato situation. For those who don't know, Clamato is a too-good-to-be-true concoction allegedly available in supermarkets that dares mix the wonderful, full-bodied robustitation that is tomato juice with the watery, vaguely fisherman's slicker-esque clam juice. (I'm not making this up.) It takes balls the size of third-world countries to sign in to that one and it got me thinking: why not me? Why can't I cash in? I mean, c'mon-the guy is funny and all but...Clamato?
So I called My People. I have people, you know. What other award-winning smart-ass doesn't? And then My People called Other People and so on and so on until we all ended up in Satan's calling circle. Then we cancelled our long-distance provider and started all over again. What kind of products could Micah whore himself out for? What would be a good fit-synergy, as it's called in the bidness? It was a loaded question. A loaded question indeed. Hell, maybe it was even two loaded questions. Who has time for math. My People take care of that.
So we searched around. Companies lined up at my apartment door to pitch their ideas. Actually, I thought it was companies who were eager to have me promote stuff but it turned out to be my landlord. But they showed up at My People's offices. I entertained offers from various adult diaper companies (not to drop, um, names but does the name Depends ™ mean anything to you? Does to Leno) but the prospect of taking over for Bob freakin' Dole was too daunting, even for me. The guy made an adult diaper out of a baggie and a comic book once, for goodness sakes. Finally, after a lot of meetings that I never attended and memorandums I never received, My People and I came to a final decision.
Today I--Micah Honees--am the new spokesman for the entire Carefree ™ family of feminine hygiene products-and proud to do it as long as the check clears the bank! Not only do I feel safe and secure in every situation, but I can play tennis again with no worries! That's right, no worries at all even during those...well, you know what they are. I urge you all to go out and purchase copious amounts of Carefree ™ products. You'll be glad you did. Like me!
********************************************
UPCOMING GUESTS - August 10 - 14 1998
The list of upcoming guests is a provisional list, subject to change:
Monday, August 10 (Repeat of 4/24/98):
Actress Isabella Rossellini,
Actor Jerry O'Connell,
Musical guest The Derailers.
Tuesday, August 11:
Actor Gary Sinise,
Musician/actor L.L. Cool J,
Musical guest Jonathan Richman.
Wednesday, August 12:
Singer Jimmy Buffett,
Comedian Dwayne Kennedy.
Thursday, August 13:
Actor Ray Liotta,
Comedy troupe The Upright Citizens Brigade.
Friday, August 14:
Actress Anne Heche,
Mills Lane,
Musical guest Catatonia.
********************************************
THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
Monday August 11 was a repeat of October 31 1996. Halloween was the theme of the show. Conan, Andy and Max told viewers of their bad Halloween experiences. The second O.J. and a Frankenstein Sketch were performed by The Late Night repertory company. Guests were Dana Carvey and Garry Marshall.
Tuesday August 12th was a big show with one of the biggest guests the show has ever seen, Sylvester Stallone. Loretta Lynn and muso group Cool for August also appeared. Conan and Andy took a look at some Actual Items. And Loser was on the Golf Course.
On Wednesday 13th guests were Wayne Newton, Madison Michelle, and music from Southside Johnny. In Focus on America: UPS Strike was the main feature. Wayne Newton wenr on the street to ask people about it. And there was ever helpful advice in Conan, Andy and Max's new Public Service Announcements.
Late Night announcer Joel is depressed again on the Thursday August 14th show. Conan Andy have a focus group made up of children who were in the audience at the previous week's 'Kid's Show' in to discuss the show. Guests were actress Rosie Perez, Michael Rappaport, and music from Wilco.
********************************************
WEEK IN REVIEW By Audrey Zwingli
MONDAY, August 3 (Repeat of 4/23/98):
Regis "CoNAAN!" Philbin
Paige Turco
Ukranian National Dance Company Virsky
Conan and Andy Critique Art
Conan and his minuscule girlfriend
As a public service, Conan and Andy critique art and tell everyone about it... As a public disservice, they add special effects (one of them being a naked max running through a painting of blooming fields). Regis is the first guest up, and he keeps pronouncing Conan's name "CoNAAN" instead of the correct "CoNIN". On top of that, Regis criticized Conan's hair, and Andy too! The high point of the interview was when Regis commented on Conan and Andy's "sexual tension". After the commercial break, Conan tells Andy about his problems with his girlfriend's son. It turns out that the son is actually a tiny person that lives in a dollhouse! They squabble for a while, and Conan resolves the situation by throwing the house into the terrace, killing them all. The Ukrainian National Dance Company Virsky was next, and the dancing ladies (who didn't seem to be doing much, but I don't know) helped Conan learn some new Ukrainian dance steps. Paige Turco was the last guest. Paige prompted Andy to tell tales of government issue food, and Andy complimented the government issue cheese.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
TUESDAY, August 4:
"In the year....blah blah blah"-La Bamba
Jamie Lee Curtis
Dana Gould
Musical Guest Widespread Panic
In the Year 2000
Conan sings a spontaneous song for audience members
Before the first bit, Andy tells Conan about a softball game he was in. Conan didn't go, but he tells the audience that Andy hit two "Mammoth home runs" and proceeds to call him "Pure Power". After they show a clip of the game, they go to do "In the Year 2000". The first guest is Jamie Lee Curtis, and Conan questions her on Halloween's title, "H20". He keeps asking about "The Water Scene" but there is to be none (what I don't get is why they call it H-2-OH, instead of H-Twenty)..Instead, Jamie brings Conan a freeze-dried pumpkin with his head carved in it. (Carved by Hugh McMann). Conan thanks Jamie, Jamie leaves, and Conan does his "Make-up-a-song-at-the-spur-of-the-moment" sketch. It is a father, and his honor student daughter. All Conan can think about is "doing" the daughter (Sarah) and the father doesn't seem too happy about it. The sketch ends with the memorable verse, "Call me when you're legal, call me when you're legal, call me when you're legal, we'll have sex on the lawn!" (Sarah looked pretty happy too!). Dana Gould was hilarious, and Widespread Panic was the musical guest.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
WEDNESDAY, August 5:
"They're just trying to fathom a BIG Roseanne"-Tony Danza:
Tony Danza
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Patrice O'Neal
Progressive Patterns
Aliens in the Corner of the Screen
Monumental episode today: We find out what's in Conan's cup! Diet Coke! Moving along, the popular desk bit, Patterns, kicked the show off to a so-so start. It is usually a well-accepted bit, but the audience did not seem to respond too well. They made another Max-is-a-perv joke, and I'm happy to see that Max is a great sport about those things. Tony Danza came on first, plugging his Broadway hit. He dissed himself, which I thought was fun. Tony also followed up on Regis's Andy-bashing-fest from Monday, and assured him that Andy was doing a great job. The Aliens in the Corner of the Screen made a second appearance to the show. I did not like them that much at first, but this time they did a great job. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the star from 3rd Rock from the Sun, followed that up, appropriately enough, and took a great liking to the Late Night water. Conan was nice enough to let him keep the mug. Last up was Comic Patrice O'Neal, and he was funny in a vulgar sort of way.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
THURSDAY, August 6:
French Stuart
Jeff Greenfield
Musical Guest Monster Magnet
"Hey Conan, how do they mane 'em blue?" -"President Clinton" on blue tortilla chips in "Clutch Cargo"
Clutch cargo was the first (and last) bit of the day. French Stuart was a very amusing guest; he told us about his exciting Elvis wedding in Las Vegas. He also tells us about the new drink he's a spokesperson for, Clamato, a mixture of clam and tomato juice. The next guest--you wouldn't him expect to be interesting but he was--CNN correspondent Jeff Greenfield told Conan what a crucial role comics like himself played. The show was brought to an end with Musical Guest Monster Magnet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
FRIDAY, August 7:
Jim Fowler
Adam Arkin
Musical guest Tori Amos
Conan and Andy go Camping
PSAs
"Do you get up on a chair and go 'Eep! Eep!'?"-Conan O'Brien about auditioning for Halloween
Conan and Andy go camping and they bring a camera crew along. Can it get any better than this? Along the way, they meet a ranger named John and they make poor John put on a bear head and drive around in his little car. All in all, a very amusing bit. Jim Fowler, an animal expert brought in a sloth, a condor, and two baby servils. The sloth had creepy claws, the condor almost bit Conan's fingers off, and the servils were just plain adorable. The next guest was Adam Arkin, a male screamer in Halloween. PSA's followed that up, and the audience seemed to respond to it well. The last guest was Musical Guest Tori Amos.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Audrey's Must Sees: Monday, Friday.
If you have any questions, or want to 'dis me because I misspelled a name wrong, contact me at: Thepeacock@aol.com
********************************************
END QUOTE
IN THE YEAR 2000... "Years of sophisticated testing will reveal that the stain on Monica Lewinski's dress is actually mustard... mustard from Bill Clinton's penis!"
********************************************
FYI
HOW TO GET TICKETS FOR LATE NIGHT:
Write to:
NBC Tickets
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
Or call:
(212) 664 - 3056/3057
------------------------------------------
"NEE-HA!" #33 is here with thanks to the creature of passion Micah Honees, the mysterious Robin Banks, the swell and swanky and returning Dizza, the fab Audrey Zwingli, and the conetastic Nos4a2.
------------------------------------------
Comments & questions to moi: LACOB@AOL.COM
********************************************
THE COB SOURCE With Dez
Hi, my name is Dez. I'm a HUGE fan of LNWCOB and I've watched the show almost religiously since the very beginning. I think I know everything there is to know about the show and I'd like to help answer any questions you might have about it. If I can't answer your question myself, I'll do my best to find you someone who can. You'll see...
So, if you've got an unanswered question about Conan O'Brien or Late Night write to me at: AgentLA@AOL.COM
********************************************