"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #05/10-022
Helloooo everyone!! Welcome new and old subscribers and old alike to "NEE-HA!" number 22. Hard to believe it's been almost SIX months since I first started doing this newsletter. It seems to have gone in really quickly. How time flies....:)
With the impending de-Conanization of Europe (which I like to affectionately call "the shadow of doom") again I would like to thank everyone who has wrote to me this week in support of European Conan fans. One good-ish thing to happen to NBC Europe viewers this week is that NBC have made a slight adjustment to their program schedule which puts Conan back on the channel on Saturday nights (2300H CET). Which means that we don't have to wait until Monday to see a Friday show. Whoo-hoo!! Happy girl!
I want to take the opportunity to tell the web masters among us that you can feel free to advertise changes to your Conan site in the newsletter if you want. Just let me know.
I also would like to ask if anyone out there is interested in joining the new Conan fan fiction writing circle. I have a couple of people interested already. I'd like to have more fan fiction for the newsletter, and this seemed like a good productive way to get it. The basic idea is that you get together with a few other people and share ideas, and then come up with a story that you all write together. If this sounds good to you, then drop me an email, please put "Fan Fic" in the subject line.
Have a great week everyone and let's just get it awn!
Linzi 'Killie' Gallacher
Editor & Red Headed Fraud
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CONTENTS:
PEOPLE MAGAZINE ARTICLE: LATE BLOOMER
LATE NIGHT POLL
LIVE@6A from Robyn Shepherd
THE "CONOLOGUE" JOKES by Robin Banks
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
UPCOMING GUESTS - May 11 - 15 1998
THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
WEEK IN REVIEW
KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!
END QUOTE
FYI
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PEOPLE MAGAZINE ARTICLE: LATE BLOOMER
Transcribed by Robin Banks
Once an industry joke, Conan O'Brien is having the time of his life as TV's comeback kid
How does one meet supermodels? Let NBC talk show host Conan O'Brien, whose "Late Night" chairs have accommodated Vendela K. Thommessen, Rebecca Romijn and other megamannequins, answer: First, "Have a nationally broadcast talk show," says O'Brien, who has had his since 1993, when David Letterman moved to CBS, vacating the 12:30 a.m. slot. "I was not talking to a lot of supermodels before this." Second, "Have someone else supply the clothes. When NBC started buying suits for me, it suddenly got a lot better."
And so it has stayed. In the five years since the rangy, 6'4" O'Brien, 35, a then-unknown TV comedy writer with a Jack Lord pompadour, took the supreme gamble of trying to fill Letterman's shoes, he has planted them firmly in late-night soil with a brand of comedy all his own -- served up with easy, what-the-heck charm. There's the hand puppet known as Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog; a strange visual gag in which President Clinton speaks with "Clutch Cargo" lips; and O'Brien's chipper but nonsensical banter with his harmlessly gruff sidekick Andy Richter. The host's current audience of 2.6 million households approaches Letterman's NBC numbers, and O'Brien has a five-year contract worth a reported $2 million annually. "This is my world," he says at his office in New York City's Rockefeller Center. "This is my home."
Home almost meant bunking with Chevy Chase on the boulevard of broken talk show dreams. With virtually no on-camera experience, O'Brien was pelted with critical tomatoes after his Sept. 13, 1993, debut. NBC executives were hardly more enthusiastic. They gave him contracts in 13-week increments and bombarded him with memos on how to move his hands and comb his hair. At one low point he told head writer Robert Smigel (now at SNL), "I don't want to be a trivia question."
But, heeding a bit of advice offered early on by late-night liege Johnny Carson -- "Just be yourself" -- O'Brien eventually decided to sit back and enjoy his baptism by fire. "When someone gives you a beautiful Porsche," he explains, "and says, `We might come and take it away at some point,' you don't sit around and worry about when they might take it away. You get in it, you just drive it, and you have fun." As he loosened up on-camera, says his father, Thomas O'Brien, an associate professor at the Harvard Medical School, the real Conan emerged with his "mischievous humor, his amusement at things, his quickness." The naysayers began saying yea. The Washington Post's redoubtable Tom Shales, who initially called the show roadkill, now salutes "Late Night" as "the most amazing turnaround that I can recall in the history of TV." Even O'Brien's physique improved. "He works out more," says friend and King of the Hill coexecutive producer Greg Daniels. "He's looking very buff."
O'Brien's shaky start notwithstanding, his current success seems foreordained. Growing up the third of six children -- Neal, 37, an antique car collector; Luke, 36, a lawyer; Kate, 33, a teacher; Jane, 31, a comedy writer (formerly for Cybill); and Justin, 25, a business consultant -- in Brookline, Mass., "he was a nonstop source of jokes, made-up songs and babbling," says brother Luke. At Brookline High, O'Brien morphed into something of a nerd: good student, average sportsman, excellent tap dancer. "Even now," says his mother, Ruth, a retired lawyer, "he can dance as if he had legs of rubber." Says O'Brien modestly: "I could make people laugh, and that's how I made friends."
Lots of them. At Harvard, where he studied American history and literature, he was president of its famous humor magazine, the Harvard Lampoon. Graduating magna cum laude in 1985, he and fellow lampooner Greg Daniels headed for L.A., where they wrote for HBO's Not Necessarily the News. Itching to perform, O'Brien also took an improv class. "My first day," he recalls, "I start talking to this girl. Funny, smart. It's Lisa Kudrow." He and the future Friends star struck up a long-term friendship that briefly segued into romance. "It was," says O'Brien, who now lives with ex-Late Night talent executive Lynn Kaplan, 29, "a Sam-and-Diane Cheers kind of thing."
After spending three years in New York writing for Saturday Night Live, O'Brien returned to L.A. in 1991 for a plum assignment: producing and writing for The Simpsons. But he still longed to perform, so when SNL executive producer Lorne Michaels urged him to audition for Late Night, "the will and the drive and the desire were there," says O'Brien.
Through Late Night's downs and ups, his colleagues never doubted that Yankee work ethic. "I knew," says Michaels, "he'd give it everything it took." If anything, they've worried that O'Brien, who admits to having a "monofocused mind-set" about the show, needed to get a life. "When you're lying in that nursing-home bed," says Andy Richter, "having met David Hasselhoff 17 times doesn't keep the ghosts away."
But Lynn Kaplan is no ghost. The couple met in 1993, when he was hiring an assistant. Both agree that the attraction was mutual ("Although I was surprised," she recalls, "he was this collegiate-looking guy"), and they began dating about a year later. Kaplan, who left the show recently to raise money for charity, was the one who forced the workaholic to take vacations, even if the history buff's idea of beach reading is The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich.
The couple, who have discussed marriage ("I'm the one who brings up the topic a little more than Lynn," he says), divide their time between a three-bedroom Connecticut retreat and a rented SoHo loft, where O'Brien keeps a collection of guitars that once belonged to the likes of Eddie Van Halen and Les Paul. On a tour through his home, he pauses in front of a Vanity Fair photograph of him wearing a sandwich board that reads: "My name is Conan O'Brien and you don't know me. I was given the 12:30 a.m. talk show slot on NBC and I'm going to need your help." Now, he says, "I look at it and think, `You have no idea what you're in for.' "
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LATE NIGHT POLL
THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What are your favorite, funniest or most memorable quotes from Conan, Andy or Max?
Send your poll response before Thursday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
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LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: Who is your all time favorite character ever and why?
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From: Chantale
Besides the all wonderful Conan, Andy, and Max trio, I would have to say my fav character was Pimpbot. He's all chalked full of sweet Pimboty goodness. All hail Pimpbot, fool!
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From: Mark
While Triumph, Stacy and Joel always make me laugh, the two characters that I liked the most may not have appeared more than once.
The first one is the two Conan fanatics, who were depicted like Trekkies. They would say things to Conan like "Remember in episode 74 when you..." and Conan would have no idea what they were talking about. They also had made up lyrics to the theme song ("Here comes Conan, here comes Conan O'Brien {and Andy, too!}"). They were really funny.
The other one was the one man on earth who was the exact opposite of Conan, Brien Conano. I believe this was in the show's first few months. He was a successful radio personality ("I worked hard to get to where I am, though. Nobody just handed me a show"). And because he was the exact opposite of Conan, he would say things to allow Conan to have that shamed/embarassed look on his face ("I lost my virginity at an early age. A sinfully early age"). He even had the pompador at the back of his head.
I think the Conan fanatics and Brien Conano represent what is best about Late Night; it's a self-referencing show in which the characters couldn't exist anywhere else.
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From: Kevin
Randy, The Pyloric Sphincter from one "Guests we'll never have back" bit for three reasons: 1)The concept of a giant sphincter wearing a cowboy hat and showing the audience semi-digested food. 2) Brian McCann playing the character made it even funnier, the way he'd say lines like "Oh yeah! Randy's real happy now." and 3) Due to it being a memorable character named after a part of the human body, I always know what a pyloric sphincter is, and where it is, on Biology Exams.
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From: KC
Triumph, his material is killer. No one tops the dog man.
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From: EggiwegGrL
the gaseous weiner!!!!!
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From: Nick
Triumph is the greatest of all time!!! I have no idea where he keeps getting his material! Other notable mentions: Bill Clinton, Pimpbot, anything involving Higgins.
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From: Claudia
For me it has to be Stacy, Andy's little sister. The whole bit about her huge crush on Conan and the extremes she takes it to are a riot. I wanna see what she'll do next!
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From: Chickadee
I'd have to say it would be between Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and David Copperfield. Triumph's attitude pretty much sums up my view of life in general. And as far as David Copperfield goes, I just never could "get" the real one and this character verifies that it's just NOT ME!
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LIVE@6A from Robyn Shepherd
On Thursday, April 9 I attended a taping of 'Late Night with Conan O'Brien'. But rather than rattle off a play-by-play account of that wonderful, semi-spiritual experience, I have elected to provide a service for anybody who may be planning a similar pilgrimage. I give you Robyn P. Shepherd's personal Do and Don't list:
DO write or call in for tickets *at least* two months in advance. This saves you the agony of Will-I-get-the-durned-things-in-time syndrome. After two months, I suggest writing in. If you decide two weeks beforehand that you want to go, then call the ticket office immediately, and may God help you.
DON'T figure on seeing New York by walking around incessantly for three hours prior to arriving at 30 Rockefeller Plaza. This will create exhaustion. Exhaustion results in extreme discomfort when you have to stand in line for an extended period of time. Discomfort will hinder your enjoyment of the show, as you will probably enter the studio in a rather cranky mood and want to take a nap. Don't get yourself into that situation.
DO get in line *by the escalators near the shiny Channel 4 sign* no later than 3:00 if you want a good seat. This results in having to stand on your feet for about two hours, but such is the price you pay for true happiness.
DON'T sing or dance in line. I don't care how excited you are. It's not cute nor is it amusing.
DON'T bring scads of devices or doohickeys that will cause metal detectors to freak out. This will not please the NBC folks who are trying to shepherd you upstairs as quickly as possible so you can wait for another hour.
DON'T ask the warm-up guy if he remembers you from last summer. You
will quickly establish yourself as the 'Idiot of the Audience'.
(Ladies especially) DO try and sit on the right side of the studio on the aisle. This increases your chances of having Mr. O'Brien select you to come up and dance with him while he serenades you with Elvis' immortal "Burnin' Love". Of course, you are at the mercy of the NBC folks and wherever they put you. I do know that they seat twenty people in the first row. So I'm guessing you should try and be number 21. After that you're God's problem.
DON'T trip up the stairs when returning to your seat after dancing with Conan. He may remark on your sobriety (or lack thereof).
DO keep your eye on Andy throughout the interviews. One of the most entertaining parts of the show is watching him appear to get bored, tap his foot, check his fingernails, or appear to stare directly at the audience for up to five minutes on end.
DO occupy yourself during the commercial breaks with games such as "Ogle at Conan", "I'm Going on a Picnic", or "Guess Where Andy's Going When He Strides Resolutely Out the Studio Doors After Every Segment". Come up with your own games for double the fun.
DON'T ask the pages for a cue card. It won't happen.
DO know exactly where each exit of 30 Rockefeller Plaza leads in order to prevent confusion and hysterical sobbing while wandering the streets of NYC later.
DON'T wear open-toed sandals and a flowy skirt if you plan on sprinting to the subway station at 51st and Lexington in 30-degree, rainy weather. You run the risk of a bum in the subway telling you that you look like crap, which is not a big morale booster and could temporarily ruin your post-taping euphoria.
DO tape the show that night and watch for changes from the taping you saw (i.e. the exclusion of bits that got no laughs whatsoever, bleeped-out words, etc).
DO proudly wear a 'Late Night' shirt to school or the office upon your return and ignore the occasional "She's so weird" that will be directed at your turned back. You'll be glad you did.
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THE "CONOLOGUE" JOKES by Robin Banks
**Conan O'Brien on SPRINGER**
"Yesterday a senator in Indiana said that he is personally saddened and angered by the Jerry Springer show. Especially that one show entitled 'I'm sleeping with the senator's wife.'"
**Conan O'Brien on MICKEY DEE'S**
"The other day sixteen New York grade school students got sick after eating at McDonalds. A spokesman for McDonalds said, 'What can we say? Sometimes the surprise in the 'Happy Meal' is salmonella.'"
**Conan O'Brien on VIAGRA**
"Some people taking the new impotency drug Viagra are complaining that they now see everything with a blueish tint. So basically, Viagra makes you able to function again but you think you're having sex with a Smurf."
**Conan O'Brien on CLINTON**
"It was reported that Chelsea Clinton's new boyfriend is a junior at Stanford University. When President Clinton found this out he said, 'That's a coincidence, I'm dating a junior too.'"
**Conan O'Brien on THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS ODB**
"ODB has announced he's changing his name to Big Baby Jesus. When asked why he said, 'I suddenly realized the name Ol' dirty Bastard was offensive.'"
**Conan O'Brien on SENATOR ROBERT BIRD**
"Yesterday eighty year old senator Robert Bird of West Virginia became the first senator to cast 15,000 votes. Unfortunately his last 200 votes were for more apple sauce in the Senate cafeteria."
**Conan O'Brien on SAM DONALDSON**
"Earlier tonight on 'Primetime Live' Diane Sawyer interviewed Ellen DeGeneres and her girlfriend Anne Heyche. The interview was perfectly normal but for some reason Sam Donaldson asked if he could watch."
**Conan O'Brien on UNFAIR COMPARISONS **
"Apparently President Clinton told reporters at this press conference that they shouldn't compare him to Richard Nixon. The President said, 'believe me I get a lot more action than he ever did.'"
**Conan O'Brien on LEGOS**
"The company that makes 'Legos' announced they're building an amusement park for kids in California called 'Legoland'. Actually Legoland was built last year but an older kid knocked it over.'"
**Conan O'Brien on LAST WISH**
"In Rhode Island an elderly woman who passed away was granted her last wish and was buried in her car. The bad part is - she has a chauffeur."
**Conan O'Brien on AN EXPERIMENT**
"Earlier this week the space shuttle Colombia returned after taking 170 rodents into space. It was all part of an experiment to see how conditions in space would affect Richard Gere."
**Conan O'Brien on MOTHER'S DAY**
"This Sunday is Mother's Day - that's the day when everyone's mother hopes their children will visit - with the possible exception of mama Kevorkian."
**Conan O'Brien on GODZILLA**
"According to the Wall Street Journal in order for the movie 'Godzilla' to make any money it's gonna have to bring in $240 million. After hearing this the producers said: 'Did we mention the guy inside the Godzilla suit is Leonardo DiCaprio?'"
**Conan O'Brien on MARTHA STEWART**
"Martha Stewart is claiming that a former employee tried to extort money from her. Apparently he demanded $50,000 and 100,000 Toll House Cookies."
**Conan O'Brien on HAPPY DOLE**
"The other night Bob Dole told Larry King that he took part in a test study of Viagra and that quote 'it's a great drug'. Then it got a little awkward when Dole asked King to check out his package."
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THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
Welcome, my friends, to the show that never ends. That's right: everyone's favorite FREAK OF THE WEEK blew back onto the Late Night set, Mr. Repeat Offender himself, Al Roker. Nice to see old Al, even if he had taken it down a few notches. (Stupid professional ethics!) In fact, I think in a week lean with strange and big on sleepy, Al Roker wins almost by default; just like those guys who perennially are up for the same awards in sports year after year: it's all about reputation, baby.
Al favored us with some great old standbys like "When did 11 year-old girls start dressing like sluts?" and Superman trivia. OK, so he didn't almost tip over in his chair like last time or go to the well with the "sexual tension" issue that comes up here and again (thank you, Andy, for being on remote) but he did show us that he was animated into a Superman cartoon and also poked fun at Matt Lauer's (I think) ill-advised trek across The World.
But when it was over, I was left with only one question. No, it wasn't "Why wasn't Al funny?" or "Was he drunk the last time he was on?" It was "Why did they animate him to look all buff and stuff when he's really kind of dough-y?" I bet you all were wondering the same thing.
On the other end of the spectrum was Mark Wahlberg. A lot of great things have come from the greater-Bahston area like: "Cheers"; Ray Bourque; Ted Williams; Conan O' Brien; and clam chowdah. In the interests of equal time we must be fair and point out that a lot of crappy things have come from the Commonwealth as well. Here I'm thinking of the New Kids on the Block; those crazy Kennedys; and Marky Mark. Well, believe it or not, he's a big ol' star now-don't ask him to do "Good Vibrations"-and since he's a big star he has officially graduated from the COURTENEY COX SCHOOL OF NARCOLEPTIC INTERVIEW SKILLS with a major in MUMBLING LIKE MATT LEBLANC. Maybe it was just me but I couldn't understand a word the guy said. I expect he told the world what it was like to wear a prosthetic schlong or something; maybe what it's like to be related to a member of the New Kids on the Block. Who knows? Who cares?
The truth is that I have, in fact, seen "The Big Hit" and I have to tell you that the word on the street is that it's a big hit. All of the ads say how it knocked "Titanic" out of the top spot for a week or so and to the producers, I say "Thanks." In this Leo-intensive world in which we live in it was really nice to get a break for a week. And yes, Marky Mark is pretty good in the movie, too. Shoots people, he does!
To wrap it up, let's talk about some good things in Late Night. The whole "Where in the Building is Andy Richter?" series was excellent. My particular favorites were the one where Andy broke in to "Matt's car" (I just KNEW he was a DeBarge fan!) and helped himself to a little shrimp, courtesy of Matt's trunk. It was only three days old! I enjoyed the visit to Matt's favorite bar as well, although it was the ending of the skit was a little strange. Andy just kind of up and left. The best one had to be the quick breaking and entering of Matt Lauer's offices at NBC. Every time I have seen The Today Show-admittedly not often as I am gainfully employed-I always had my suspicions that Matt Lauer, pretty boy and close friend of former FOTW Bryant Gumbel, was in fact secretly filming himself having three-ways with Al Roker and, well, another person. Andy Richter, man that he is, has finally exposed Matt for what he is: a good sport.
And of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the swearing event. The first time was funny when Conan did it because he was genuinely embarrassed. When Andy complained about the show loosening it's standards, it was still funny. When Patrick Swayze said the dreaded B-word, it was still kind of cool. I guess the moral to this story is that when people mess up on television, its always a good time for the viewer's at home. Look at how popular "America's Funniest Home Videos" has been. Now if I could just con Linzi into letting me say **expletive deleted** more often in my column...
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UPCOMING GUESTS - May 11 - 15 1998
The list of upcoming guests is a provisional list, subject to change:
MONDAY, May 11 (repeat of 2-19-98):
Rob Schneider,
Tim Russert,
Alan Covert
TUESDAY, May 12:
Fran Drescher,
Joe Rogan,
Ray Davies
WEDNESDAY, May 13:
Halle Berry,
Robert Urich,
Todd Snider
THURSDAY, May 14:
Patrick Warburton
FRIDAY, May 15:
To be arranged.
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THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
This time last year on Monday May 12th Late Night was a repeat of the December 12th 1996 show featuring actors Kevin Bacon and Bonnie Hunt, and comedian J.R. Havalan as guests. The desk piece was "If They Mated" and Conan and Andy showed us just how much more freedom they had for the show on the cable channel CNBC--they performed the show naked. The Ventriloquist Dummy Choir performs a song for Hanukkah and Dizz does his thing.
On the Tuesday night, Conan and Andy performed a service for kids of all ages with the SAT Analogies. Conan had another moral dilemma and called in his Devil and Bear to help him out. Guests were SNL's Molly Shannon, actor Danny Aiello and music from Shawn Colvin.
Wednesday night former Senator Bob Dole appeared on the show and met his vivacious clutch cargo alias. Magician/illusionist David Blaine made his first appearance showing Conan and Andy some amazing card tricks. Conan called him "the devil" to which Mr. Blaine retorted, "I am not!" Tisha Campbell also appeared. And the desk bit was Public Service Announcements.
Thursday May 15th show was, in my humble opinion, one of the funniest nights ever. Norm MacDonald was a guest. He's always funny, but has not appeared on Late Night since then. He ripped into Melrose Place actress Courtney Thorne-Smith about her new movie "Board Games" suggesting to her that it was actually entitled "Bored Games". Conan revealed that he once had a crush on her. Collective Soul was the musical guest. Conan's Cabaret Show was the comedy piece. It showed him performing outside of Late Night in the Rainbow Room at Rockefeller Plaza. He sang and told jokes to an audience of elderly people. He also performed with a ventriloquist dummy that looked a little like Andy and made fun of him as unbeknown to Conan, Andy looked on from the door.
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WEEK IN REVIEW
MONDAY, May 4 (repeat of 02-17-98):
Tom Selleck,
Ana Gasteyer,
Alana Davis
Buried In The Back Pages
Triumph provides commentary as dogs from the "Westminster Dog Show" show off their talents.
TUESDAY, May 5:
Michael J. Fox
Dave Foley
Pleasing The Affiliates
Ventriloquist Dummy Choir performs a medley of Mexico's finest music
WEDNESDAY, May 6:
Teri Hatcher
Oliver Platt
Lisa Loeb & Dweezil Zappa
Progressive Patterns
Todd the security guard
THURSDAY, May 7:
David Hasselhoff,
Molly Shannon,
Morcheeba
The Seinfeld Bandwagon
Triumph the insult comic dog
FRIDAY, May 8:
Spike Lee,
Nicholas Turturro
Michael Stipe
Desk Drive
Poetry Slam
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KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!
I ask EVERYONE no matter which country they live in to please support Conan's fans in Europe and Asia by protesting the decision to dump his show when NBC's merger with National Geographic comes into effect on July 1.
EMAIL NBC:
Stuart.Goldfarb@nbc.com
talkback@nbc.com
talkback@cnbcsuper.nbc.com
You can also write to Stuart Goldfarb via snail mail at:
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY10112
USA
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SEND TO NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC TV:
(Mark your email "For The Attention Of Tim Kelly")
ngt@nationalgeographic.com
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I have set up a very basic website that has the details of the campaign on it and a sample letter for you to copy (if you wish). Whenever I get any news/press releases on this issue or messages of support I will put them up on the site for everyone to see. The url is:
http://www.angelfire.com/ny/latenightnews/frontpage.html
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END QUOTE
"You're just applauding the concept of sex with a Smurf. Don't like the joke, but I'd like to see that!" - COB
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FYI
HOW TO GET TICKETS FOR LATE NIGHT:
Write to:
NBC Tickets
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
Or call:
(212) 664 - 3056/3057
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Vote for your favorite trio, Conan, Andy and Max to be in a MILK ad.
Go to: http://www.whymilk.com
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"NEE-HA!" #22 is here with thanks to Laurie, Micah Honees, Robin Banks and Robyn Shepherd. The People Magazine article appears here without permission, no copyright infringement is intended.
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Comments & questions to moi: LACOB@AOL.COM
Poll Response to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com