"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #05/03-021
Hello everyone! I had this wonderful dream last weekend and I thought I'd tell you a bit about it. I know a lot of you hate hearing about dreams, but bear with me or skip the paragraph if it's not your thing, after all it's my newsletter so I pretty much think I'm free to babble about whatever I want up-top. Anyhoo I dreamt that this whole Conan being cancelled in Europe and Asia thing was just a HUGE jumbo-sized mistake. I'm so affected by all this stuff that I'm even dreaming about it. How bad is that? Anyway, in the dream I'm mucking around and I'm listening to the local news.... as I do, and suddenly there was an announcement regarding NBC -they publicly apologized to all the Conan fans in Europe and Asia and begged for our sweet forgiveness (ya-huh? dream on Linzi). Then the local news, in the dream, contacted me for a sound byte on the issue. And it was just such a happy thought to wake up to... Sadly it was just a dream.
What I am way stoked about is the response I've had from you lot on this issue. I want to thank everyone who wrote to me to voice his or her support and to thank everyone else who took the time to write to NBC and National Geographic. The campaign continues and I've asked for support from many people. I'll keep you all informed with any sort of progress we make. If you're a new "NEE-HA!" subscriber this week and you're not quite hip to what the k-r-u-n-k is going on here, first of all welcome to the clan, secondly just scroll on down and check out the little segment I like to call "KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!" for further details.
I was so occupied with self-absorbed-Conan-pre-withdrawal-angst last week that I totally forgot to mention to everyone that it was the Late Night Addicts 2nd Anniversary. My bad and I'm sorry. Soooo without any further ado, I want to wish all of the swell and swanky conetastic Late Night Addicts a very, very HAPPY SECOND ANNIVERSARY!! Long may you all continue to socialize and symptomize the symptoms of Late Night Addiction. Note To Mark: "urine-soaked lifesavers" ain't my bag baby.
All that's left to say now is have a the most conetastic week everyone and now... let's get it awn!
Linzi Gallacher
Editor with bullet proof legs!
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CONTENTS -
THE WEB: CHECK THIS OUT!!
CHATTING INFO
DEAR DIZZA
LATE NIGHT POLL
LIVE@6A from Courtney Chase
THE "CONOLOGUE" JOKES by Robin Banks
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
20/20 QUIZ by DejaVu
UPCOMING GUESTS - May 4 - 8th 1998
THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
WEEK IN REVIEW
WEBSITE REVIEW by Quinn
KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!
END QUOTE
FYI
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THE WEB: CHECK THIS OUT!!
This has to be one of the coolest things I've seen online for a while, if you loved the segments that have been running all week long entitled "Where In The Building Is (huh) Andy Richter?" you're going to love this too.
Jay "The Artist Formerly Known As Crooooooow" has made up an animated GIF out of the logo. It's cool enough to be conetastic and it makes you dizzy if you watch it for too long. What are you waiting for?
Go check it out at: http://www.buffnet.net/~bezlbozo/wandy.GIF
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CHATTING INFO
I thought this was worth blowing the dust off and mentioning again since I've had so many requests for the info this week. If you're bored and in need of some Late Night chat a bunch of Conan fans (you know who you are) would like to revive the "old chats" and are trying to get people to meet up in the #Conan chatroom. #Conan is on DALnet and the regular chat time is around 10:00 PM ET.
And #Krunk on EFnet at 11:00 PM ET is another regular meeting place. Get there if you can. People are welcome to drop in at any time and they would like to have users in the channel at all times.
You need to get the mIRC software to access #Conan (on DALnet) or #Krunk (on EFnet). Get it at: http://www.mirc.com
Need some help getting connected? Go to: http://www.irchelp.org
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DEAR DIZZA
Dear Dizza is recognized and accepted as a somewhat skilled counsellor for Late Night Addiction. Her experience includes, but is not limited to, weeks of intense education and training in coping with the devastating but fun effects of Late Night Addiction, which she herself openly admits to having.
Her advice is sought out by thousands (well, at least sixteen people anyway, but potentially it's thousands) and she welcomes your pathetic cries for help as she "leads you down the Conaningly-crazed path to a happier-yet wackier future!"
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Dear Dizza,
I love Andy. I just want to give him a big hug when I see him. I want to know, besides the stuff about him on the internet, where else can I go to learn more about him?
Andy Fan from NJ
Dear Andy Fan,
As Andy has mentioned before on the show, he's written "THE SCARS I'VE SEEN", a tell-all book about what the celebrities look like from Andy's angle sitting next to them. It's fascinating!
I think there might also be a self-help book in the making. If you remember, Andy was featured on the cover of People Magazine and the article dealt with his spending addiction. Sadly, his entire lifesavings was spent on Hummel collecting. Rumor has it that the book will deal with how he finally took control over his Hummel Addiction and put his life back together. I'm sure it will be inspirational for all of us.
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Dear Dizza,
What gift can I give a girl who likes Max Weinberg? I need it to spell L-U-V.
From The LuvMan
Dear LuvMan,
What about a copy of Max's poetry collection? Now THAT spells ROMANCE!!
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Dear Dizza,
There is a really cute girl at my school and I'd like to get to know her better, if you know what I mean. She's like, totally H.O.T.T. Hot! And I know she is a Conan fan because I saw her wearing a baseball hat with the logo on it. If she's got a crush on the Big Red one, how can I get her to notice me?
Invisible in Indiana
Dear Invisible,
You won't be invisible any longer if you copy your moves from the great Conando himself. First, make eye contact with her. When she sees you, follow Conan's steps:
1. Lick the pointer finger of each hand.
2. Smear each eyebrow with your saliva.
3. Make a "gun" with each hand and shoot at her, one "gun" at a time.
(Make sure to practice steps 1 - 3 thoroughly until it becomes one smooth movement.)
4. Follow this by walking over to her and sticking your face very close to her face.
5. Growl: "GRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
6. Say, "Hi there! How about you and me taking my desk for a drive?"
7. Quickly follow this question by giving her a "thumbs up" sign, making sure to
bring your thumb close to your face and give her a great big SMILE!
8. Now freeze in that position.
It's important to remain in that frozen position until she either tells you she is wildly attracted to you or she starts to run away, screaming in horror. Please let me know how you do!
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LATE NIGHT POLL
THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: Who is your all time favorite character ever and why?
Send your response before Friday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
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LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What clips from Late Night would you like to see up on the new NBC VideoSeeker site at NBC.COM?
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From: Skoochee
-Conan with the science guy doing the fire extinguisher experiment
-Conan, Andy and Max doing the Led Zeppelin tribute, Dazed and Confused
-Conan disco dancing with Rosie Perez
-Conan playing guitar (never have seen this)
-Conan taking dance lessons (my fave)
-Conan spitting in his palms and rolling up his sleeves, readying himself for a fight
-Conan licking his eyebrows and spinning around, pointing
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From: Smith2003
1) The previous openings (Cartoon, Bike, etc)
2) Anything they'll give us
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From: Jessica
I would love to see the original cartoon opening they had in the first season as well as clips from very classic moments that took place on the show (i.e.when Conan got flipped by the band Goldfinger and maybe even the very first monologue). -----------------------------------------------------------------
From: Elaine
I kind of have to go with classically funny moments. The best clips from old favorite characters like Dizz and Gaseous Wiener. I can only remember this vaguely it was one of the first things I remember from when I started watching; the guy on the Brooklyn bridge who dressed as a flower. I would love to see that again.
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From: Stoner
-Conan and Andy and the tour of New York thing (incorporating monkey porn).
-Some year 2000's and public service announcements.
-Anything where Triumph is ripping someone.
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From: Louise Smith
How about clips from time travel week? I think that would be pretty kewl.
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From: Robin Banks
Absolutely anything that has Conan singing is cool with me. The Late Night Cowboy thing was fantastic. "I go blah, she goes blah, we go blah, blah, blah, blah yakkety yak....." And some remotes, and video clips of the monologues would be all swell and swanky with me.
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From: David
I would like to see some more of pimpbot 5000. I haven't seen him for awhile.
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From: Eva
I wanna see the first Rebecca Romajin (or however you spell it) interview, it was hilarious.
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From: Quinn
I want anything with Stacey, she being the video translation of me and all :) I'd also like to see some PSA's and remotes--maybe that dancing one?
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From: Maria
Although my computer is so crappy I probably wouldn't be able to watch them anyway, I would have to vote for the popular bits, like Pimpbot5000, Stacy, Triumph the Show Dog, clutch cargo, and a special favorite of mine, Joel the Announcer. But I think that the best videoclips would be from conologues and other segments of the show when Conan abandons the script and screws around. He does this a lot in the monologues, and these clips would be short and perfect for the Late Night website. One I really would like to see is when the audience reacted badly to a joke and Conan said, "Just love, baby, don't hate." That was the funniest thing I've ever heard. It was so spontaneous. I say it all the time now. Whoo-hooo!
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LIVE@6A from Courtney Chase
On 8 April 1998, I attended a taping of Conan with some friends. We arrived around 2pm, due to a delay in traffic, and walked into 30 Rock only to see a meandering line of people where the Conan line always is. Immediately, I panicked, and subconsciously joined the line. It was only then, when I got frantic at the end of the line that someone said to me, "This is for Rosie!" After uttering a sigh of relief, I struck up a conversation with the group ahead of me...they had standby tickets, and a minute later were informed that they would not be getting in. Fortunately, I had an extra Conan ticket, gave it to one of them, and made a new friend...
OK, now on the show...I was the first in line, after the Rosie crowd dispersed...we got into the front row, and waited for Conan to come out. He again danced with this guy from the audience, as he usually does...then he told the guy to pick a random guy to hug. The guy pointed to me and said with a wink, "I want to hug her." Conan reminded him that I wasn't a guy, and that was that. It was pretty funny.
So the guests came out; Steven Wright, Cheech Marin, and then Jonathan Harris. Conan was definitely most excited about Jonathan Harris-who was totally hilarious-but I won't go into detail-you guys have seen it I'm sure!
And that was journey to Conan land.....
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THE "CONOLOGUE" JOKES by Robin Banks
**Conan O'Brien on HILLARY CLINTON**
"Over the weekend Hillary Clinton testified before Kenneth Starr for the sixth time. Reportedly she broke down and admitted having a sexual relationship with President Clinton."
**Conan O'Brien on THE BIG SLEEP**
"The other day in California a 115 year old man--thought to be the oldest man in the world--died in his sleep. Actually he might not have broken the record coz he went to sleep 27 years ago."
**Conan O'Brien on MICHAEL JACKSON**
"Michael Jackson is outraged because tabloids have been reporting that he and his wife are heading for a divorce. Jackson said, 'That's ridiculous she still has a year left on her contract.'"
**Conan O'Brien on BAYWATCH**
"The producers of "Baywatch" announced that this year the final episode of the show will be interactive for viewers. Then again for men "Baywatch" is always interactive."
**Conan O'Brien on IMPOTENCE PILL**
"Some insurance companies say that they won't pay 'Viagra' prescriptions unless men can actually prove they're impotent. Which means that men are at a disadvantage if they have a really hot pharmacist."
**Conan O'Brien on SPRINGER SHOW**
"The producers of the Jerry Springer show say that they're now taking steps to make sure the guests don't hurt each other. In fact they have an entire new set designed by 'Nurf.'"
**Conan O'Brien on MARTHA STEWART**
"Martha Stewart is launching a new television show aimed at children. She says that the show is supposed to teach children that Martha Stewart does EVERYTHING better than mommie."
**Conan O'Brien on GEORGE BUSH**
"Former president George Bush is about to release a new book. It's tentatively titled 'I Never Received Oral Sex From An Intern.'"
**Conan O'Brien on CLINTON**
"Earlier today President Clinton held his first formal press conference of the year. You could tell it was formal, coz the President was wearing pants."
**Conan O'Brien on MRS. CLINTON**
"During her recent testimony Hillary Clinton refused to answer any questions about her private conversations with President Clinton. Hillary said, 'It's no one's business what we talk about while I'm punching him in the head.'"
**Conan O'Brien on KATE MOSS**
"It was reported today that supermodel Kate Moss is worth over $25 million. Which shows how much money you can save if you don't buy food."
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THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK OF THE WEEK!!
FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK OF THE WEEK!!
Everybody sing it with me!
FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK OF THE WEEK!!
What a slow week in Co-mania. All of the guests this week were of above-average hygiene from as far as I could see and some of them actually had funny things to say. Some didn't, however. And that's what makes my job Frosted Flakes Good-They're Grrrrreat!!!
I guess the natural progression would be to begin with Regis "The pot Calling The Kettle" Philbin, a true Hollywood phoney even if it's true that he's on the periphery of being famous. And no, he is not The Master. He's an annoying little cretin who yells just a bit too loudly and is short beyond reproach. I can say this because I am a man of Teshie-esque dimensions.
By a show of hands, let me ask Our Loyal Readership who amongst us wanted to see Andy punk the little freak back to 9 in the morning. Ah. Just as I suspected: only the housewives and over-50 set have abstained. The rest of you have done quite nicely.
My guess is that in Late Night Guest 101 that lesson number 2 (behind, of course, lesson #1 which is "try to be interesting") is: don't mess with the people who's show your visiting. So why did Reg take so many potshots at Andy? Answer: because he's a phoney. Andy must hear enough Sidekick Jokes to fill a grain silo. You'd think that a former sidekick like Reg would have cut out the crap and not gone after Andy like that.
When Conan reminded Regis that he began his career as a sidekick on the Joey Bishop (ask your parents; I'm not sure either), Regis Philbin made fun of Andy by asking the host "What does he do? I mean, really?" Andy, ever vigilant, cracked "Oh, yeah. Like 'Heeere's Joey!' validates YOUR existence!" Being a Philbin-hater ("hater" is a strong word... I really hate Kathie Lee)I thought that was pretty suh-weet!! So, I suppose by default that Philbin is our FREAK OF THE WEEK. I know I said that the FREAK was a good thing but due to late voting and special editorial dispensation, we'll give it to him.
And let me ask you this: why no "Kathie Lee took Cassidy to a sweatshop" joke for "Take your daughters to work day"? Was it because Regis was on the show that night? I hope not because the thought that the LNWCOB staff was afraid of pissing off a little dork like Regis Philbin makes me sick to my stomach. Let's just go with the fact that maybe the writers didn't want to go for an obvious joke. Yeah. That's the spin.
Other late contenders have to be Isabella Rosselini for her stunning shill of NBC's "Merlin" and her thesis on the sexual orientation of the snail Soul Train. She has an amazing ability on these shows to talk comfortably about all sorts of weird stuff. None of it ever looks forced or if she's trying to get over with the crowd. While I can't say I have ever seen her in a movie (including "Merlin"), I hear that she 1) makes them, and 2) they're quite good. Way to go, Isabella!!
Last, and certainly not least, is late-bloomer Jerry "The Fat Kid from 'Stand by Me'" O'Connell. From what I understand, the guy makes both movies and stars in TV shows but hell if I've ever seen them-except for "Stand by Me" where he played, to no one's surprise, the fat kid. Anyway, Jerry's a little touched in the head but again, all of his stories are natural and they roll along sort of with a point and all end with the host going "Oh, yeah. And Jerry's got such-and-such opening on Friday..."
This appearance was generally fun as he talked about how cool it is to host a Late Night show and that Conan and Andy must get all the girls since he is while guest hosting "Later", a TV show way past Tom Snyder's bedtime. Conan and Andy laughed it off, basically admitting that it just isn't true. And I have to agree. Wanna score with the babes? I got you covered. Write a column for a Late Night newsletter under an assumed name where you rip New Ones for the freaky celebrities who appear on the show and just don't "get it". Talk about gettin' digits??! Hey now!!
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20/20 QUIZ By DejaVu
Party Of Five: Neve Campbell::
Party Of One: ???
(ANSWERS ARE IN "FYI")
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UPCOMING GUESTS - May 4 - 8th 1998
The list of upcoming guests is a provisional list, subject to change:
MONDAY, May 4 (repeat of 02-17-98):
Tom Selleck,
Ana Gasteyer,
Alana Davis
TUESDAY, May 5:
Michael J. Fox,
Dave Foley
WEDNESDAY, May 6:
Teri Hatcher
Oliver Platt
Lisa Loeb
THURSDAY, May 7:
David Hasslehoff
Morcheeba
FRIDAY, May 8:
Nicholas Turturro
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THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
Edited by Audrey Zwingli
This time last year Monday May 5th was a repeat of July 12th 1996. Guests were animal expert Jim Fowler, boxer Andrew Golota and Robert Loggia. Conan and Andy showed off some Celebrity Resumes. Carl 'Oldy' Olsen appeared wearing several 'fetching' outfits that could be selected while voting for America's choice of outfits for the Olympics. George Wendt starred in the Late Night version of 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'.
On Tuesday May 6th 1997, guests were actress Lea Thompson, SNL's Chris Kattan who's last appearance on Late Night was on the night of the "fire show" and music from Black Street. Another offering of political asylum was made to the former President of Zaire. Conan and Andy showed off some piccies they had of celebrities before they had plastic surgery and the Scrub-a-dub guy was causing trouble.
On Wednesday May 7th, Conan and his contractual friend for life Andy looked into the future, all the way to the year 2000... The Ooh-ahh lady showed us exactly what Wendys would do for us; and PimpBot 5000 visited Conan to find out what the good word was. Guests were Jerry Van Dyke, comedian Andy Kindler, and actor Judd Nelson.
On Thursday May 8th actor Mike Myers talked about his movie 'Austin Powers International Man Of Mystery'. It's shagadelic, baby. Actor Jerry O'Connell, and muso guest Tonic performed and Conan and Andy told us about the guests they'll never have back.
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WEEK IN REVIEW
MONDAY, April 27 (repeat of 02-11-98):
Bob Costas
Louis C.K.
Salt-N-Pepa
Staring Contest, Andy loses when Max holds up a card that said, "I MAKE TWICE AS MUCH MONEY AS ANDY."
TUESDAY, April 28:
John Lithgow
Marc Maron
Pete Seeger & Dar Williams
Childrens Drawings
Where In The Building is Andy Richter?
Audience thoughts of Conan's interview with Gwyneth Paltrow
WEDNESDAY, April 29:
Al Roker
Peter Berg
Jason & The Scorchers
Headlines that change things for talk shows
Where In The Building Is Andy Richter?
Mick Ferguson - the bullet proof legs guy makes a comeback
THURSDAY, April 30:
Mark Wahlberg
Chris Kattan
Jeff Stilson
Where In The Building Is Andy Richter?
Conan O'Brien's Night Of 25 Cameos
FRIDAY, May 1:
Patrick Swayze
Michael Wood
Daniela Pestova
Viagra Clutch
Where In The Building Is Andy Richter?
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WEBSITE REVIEW by Quinn
When I first cruised over to the newly redesigned NBC page, I was tempted to just spend hours playing with the bumper changer. See, the main page is set up like an old-fashioned TV, with a picture of a bumper and buttons directing you to the other areas of the page. The bumper changes periodically, but you can change it yourself with another button. It's fun.
But about the rest of the page. Well, there are sections for three of the more popular sketches, "Actual Items," "If They Mated," and "In the Year 2000." Somehow, they don't translate as well without Conan and Andy's banter thrown in, but they're still amusing. You can also visit the "Conan and Crew" section, which mixes dry network bios (newbies only) with a clever design, placing Conan, Andy, and Max on a circus poster. Finally, there's "Who's Next," which is a nice presentation of the upcoming guests--and some people who definitely *won't* be on anytime soon.
The page is very smoothly designed--it has frames and is much easier to navigate than the old one. We all owe a big thank-you to the Swell & Swanky Web Dude John "JK" Knox, who created the page with the help of caring on-line fans such as yourself. He's still open to suggestions, and, judging from his interview in a recent issue of this very fanzine, the best is yet to come.
For an official page, this one is pretty nifty. Check it out at: http://www.nbc.com/conan/index.html
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KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!
Well, this week everyone who wrote to NBC Europe's "Talkback" received this standard issue reply from them:
<< Please do stay tuned to our air, our text pages and our web site for further information on our partnership with the National Geographic channel which will start on July 1st. We will also distribute information on the possibility of some regional NBC Europe feeds which may include some of your favourite shows. Those plans have not been finalised but we will post the information on web and text as soon as we have the details. >>
Adam Cartledge had discovered that National Geographic plan to show a few hours of NBC programming. Source of info was the teletext service of TV5.
0600 - 1200 Hours - Programming from CNBC and NBC News.
1200 - 0600 Hours - National Geographic programmes
So we just have to bide our time and wait and see what happens with this. I'm really hoping that they will chose to keep Late Night on their schedule. I ask EVERYONE no matter which country they live in to please continue to support Conan's fans in Europe and Asia by protesting the decision to dump his show when NBC's merger with National Geographic comes into effect on July 1. The more people tell them the show is loved and wanted, the more likely they are to keep it on the air.
EMAIL NBC:
Stuart.Goldfarb@nbc.com
talkback@nbc.com
talkback@cnbcsuper.nbc.com
latenight@nbc.com
You can also write to Stuart Goldfarb via snail mail at:
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY10112
USA
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SEND TO NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC TV:
(Mark your email "For The Attention Of Tim Kelly")
askngs@nationalgeographic.com
ngt@nationalgeographic.com
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I have set up a very basic website that has the details of the campaign on it and a sample letter for you to copy (if you wish). Whenever I get any news/press releases on this issue or messages of support I will put them up on the site for everyone to see. The url is:
http://www.angelfire.com/ny/latenightnews/frontpage.html
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END QUOTE
"I've been assured by various specialists that I'm actually evolved higher than most people. Some day we all will have three cheeks." - Andy Richter
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FYI
20/20 QUIZ - ANSWERS...
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HOW TO GET TICKETS FOR LATE NIGHT:
Write to:
NBC Tickets
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
Or call:
(212) 664 - 3056/3057
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"NEE-HA!" #21 is here with thanks to Laurie, Micah Honees, Robin Banks, Dizza, Audrey Zwingli, Quinn, Courtney Chase DejaVu and Adam Cartledge.
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Comments & questions to me:LACOB@AOL.COM
Poll Response to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com