"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Unofficial Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #04/26/-020
Helloooo everyone!! I'm sad. I'm sooooooo devastated. I'm the most devastated and angst-ridden I've been for ages. I can't believe it, I don't want to believe it but it's true. Thanks to a partnership with National Geographic NBC Europe and Asia will no longer show "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", except to viewers in Germany. At least some people will still get to see it. Unfortunately I won't and neither will a lot of other European and Asian fans.
If you know me at all then you'll know how much I love Late Night. I've watched it since it started on NBC Europe and I haven't missed it since I started watching. If you don't know me then you'll know by now that I luuuuuurrve Late Night, after all I have a fanzine and you're on the mailing list that must give you a little hint as to my feelings for the show. I love everything about it. Everything. I love the fannish behavior that goes on, I love the amazing websites that people have dedicated to the show, I love the Late Night Addicts and their list of addiction symptoms and of course, I love Conan, Andy, Max and the Max Weinberg Seven.
I've been in the worst state of shock since Monday night when I heard the news after watching the show. I felt sick and I cried. Then I used a lot of extremely descriptive but entirely unprintable words to describe my feelings for NBC and National Geographic. The AP wire report said something like "Conan to be replaced by lions, tigers and bears." Ya-huh? Now I enjoy a good animal documentary as much as anyone but how many masturbating bears do National Geographic profile? Huh? I'll tell you. None, that's your answer. No Insult Comic Dogs either. No one here wants to see Conan replaced by monkey porn and that's the bottom line.
I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to cope with the loss here. And to me this is a HUGE loss. I keep thinking what if I never see them again? What if I never see the Ventriloquist Dummy choir perform? Or a Stacy rant? Or Triumph and PimpBot? And Loser? To my friends and family, who don't watch Late Night, this is a totally trivial matter. They just don't understand and told me to "Get over it! It's only a TV show!!", but how would they feel if the same thing happened to their favorite football/basketball/hockey (delete as applicable) team. When something you've loved so much and it has taken up so much of your life is taken away it's difficult to deal with. It's almost like losing a good friend.
I've actually been in a similar situation to this before (apologies to the people who I have already bored to tears with this story). Last February my local cable company were planning to dump NBC Europe in favor of a new (krunk-like) cable channel. I heard about this around three weeks before it was due to happen. To keep this story short, after I stopped crying and composed myself I launched into a campaign of telephoning and writing to the cable company making suggestions as to how they could keep NBC Europe as one of their channels. I called them and emailed them every day and even met their manager/boss person to complain about it and a week before they were due to dump NBC they moved it to another space and it was saved. I like to pretend that I was, in some small way, responsible for them keeping NBC Europe in my area. This situation is a lot more difficult.
While I was trying to work out what I was going to do about this and coming up with nothing other than move to Germany or America. It dawned on me that I'm not the kind of person who gives up that easily and it's better to do something than to do nothing at all. Soooooo with that in mind I have set up a temporary website for my new campaign, "KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!" And because sometimes I can be a nice person - there's another campaign too: "HELP SAVE CONAN AND JAY IN EUROPE!!" I want to ask EVERYONE on this "NEE-HA!" mailing list to please, please, please support the campaign by taking the time to write or e-mail your disapproval of the decision to dump Conan and Jay to the people on the list at the website.
I hope everyone still has a fab and cone-tastic week and now... let's just get it awn (while we still can)!!
Linzi
LNA & Recently Vino-ized Editor
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CONTENTS
THE WORST NEWS IN THE WORLD EVER...
KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!
CONAN'S HOME OPTIONS AREN'T LOOKING ROSIE
WEBSITE NEWS from Mike Fedyszyn
LATE NIGHT POLL
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
UPCOMING GUESTS - APRIL 27 - MAY 1 1998
THIS TIME LAST YEAR...
WEEK IN REVIEW
WEBSITE REVIEW by Quinn
END QUOTE
FYI
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THE WORST NEWS IN THE WORLD EVER.....
Edited for "NEE-HA!" by Robin "the totally devastated" Banks
It was announced on Monday that NBC will expand partnership with National Geographic in Europe and Asia. Popular NBC programs such as "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" will be replaced in favour of nature documentaries. Effective on July 1, 1998, NBC Europe will convert its programming in 11 million homes to the National Geographic Channel. This distribution will include the U.K., Ireland, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, the Netherlands, Belgium, Hungary, and Israel. Also effective on July 1, the NBC Asia distribution platform, currently reaching 7 million homes, will convert its programming to National Geographic Channel Asia, a 24-hour per day, seven days a week programming service.
NBC Europe, together with a group of German television producers and investors, plans to continue distribution in the German-speaking region where it currently reaches over 25 million homes. The NBC service in Germany would retain the most popular shows from its current programming line-up, including "Dateline," "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" and "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," and would enhance its line-up with locally produced content on the channel.
Sadly for the rest of Europe and Asia, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" will no longer be available to them.
Sources: PRNewswire, AP wire and AOL News.
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KEEP EUROPE CONETASTIC!!
By Linzi "the unlikely to give up" Gallacher
The basic idea of this campaign is that if we get enough people to voice their support for Conan to be kept on National Geographic TV in Europe and Asia then maybe we'll make a difference and they'll do what we want. I would like to ask EVERYONE on this "NEE-HA!" list for their support on this no matter which country they live in. Please don't be the person who says, "I can't make a difference." The facts are you CAN help you CAN make a difference. Do it because you can do it, and do it because you want to help. People power works keep that in mind at all times.
I have set up a website that has the details of the campaign on it. It's extremely basic because I'm not all that web-savvy and I don't "speak html" but at least it says what I want. Whenever I get any news/press releases on this issue or messages of support I will put them up on the site for everyone to see. The url is: http://www.angelfire.com/ny/latenightnews/frontpage.html
Below is the copy of the letter that I've been sending out along with the addresses that you can email to. Please either copy my letter or make up your own one with a similar theme and send it to the email addresses below. If English is not your first language write to them in your own language as well as in English. The letter will go to Stuart Goldfarb, he's the Senior Vice President in charge of World Wide Development at NBC -- the man responsible for the changes in the programme schedule -- and the man responsible for the decision to remove Conan from NBC Europe and Asia. He's the main one to target. Tim Kelly is the President of National Geographic Television, he's another one to send email to. I'm sending this letter every day to all these addresses, I suggest you do the same.
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SEND TO NBC:
Stuart.Goldfarb@nbc.com
talkback@nbc.com
talkback@cnbcsuper.nbc.com
latenight@nbc.com
You can also write to Stuart Goldfarb via snail mail at:
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY10112
USA
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SEND TO NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC TV:
(Mark your email "For The Attention Of Tim Kelly")
askngs@nationalgeographic.com
ngt@nationalgeographic.com
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Sir:
I'm writing to say that I was absolutely devastated when I heard the news of NBC's partnership with National Geographic--that itself I don't see as a bad thing--I'm just extremely disappointed when it was revealed that programmes such as Late Night With Conan O'Brien and other talk shows would be eliminated from the programme line-ups.
I would like to protest this decision and encourage you to keep these shows. I have watched Late Night-- the real "must see TV" since it started on NBC Europe. Late Night With Conan O'Brien is the best, most consistently entertaining program on NBC, and in Europe. I am a HUGE fan of this show and am extremely disappointed at the thought of losing it from the program line-up.
As a European viewer I want to urge you please don't take Late Night off the air in Europe or Asia, otherwise I will certainly not be wasting my time or money watching National Geographic television.
Sincerely disappointed and in support of Conan O'Brien in Europe and Asia.
(your name here)
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CONAN'S HOME OPTIONS AREN'T LOOKING ROSIE
By Allen Salkin
Article from last Sunday's New York Post:
Edited for "NEE-HA!" by KC "the pure dead gutted" Morrison
Birthday boy Conan O'Brien was singing the New York City apartment blues yesterday - and indicating things might have become more serious with his longtime girlfriend. O'Brien, who turned 35, said he can't afford to live where he wants. "I'm a salaried employee - I'm not Jay or Dave," the red-haired funnyman told celebrity photographer Lawrence Schwartzwald while strolling alone on the Upper West Side.
O'Brien, who makes about $2 million a year, said he is looking for a place to live because he got booted out of the SoHo apartment he's had for the past two years. He was subletting a co-op, and that is the maximum time the building will allow non-owners to live there, he said.
The tall trickster moved temporarily into the Apthorp Building blocks and blocks north of his better-compensated talk-show brethren. Asked what kind of apartment he is looking for, O'Brien began his answer with, "My wi...," before pausing and restarting his sentence: "We can't afford a place like Rosie." O'Brien has been together with former "Late Night" booker Lynn Kaplan for four years and has said he wants to get married and have kids someday.
Rosie O'Donnell's production company pays the rent on her apartment in the West 60s. "Her show is in syndication," O'Brien said. "She can afford much more." O'Donnell has said she makes more than $4 million a year.
Other celebrities in that area include Madonna, Mikhail Barishnykov and
Ricki Lake. O'Brien, who lived in a rough Williamsburg neighborhood when he was a young writer on "Saturday Night Live," said he's lived in three apartments in the past five years. He is not without at least one other famous neighbor in his new building. Rag-wearing songstress Cyndi Lauper lives there.
Though O'Brien said he might not be staying at the Apthorp too long, he promised to keep Schwartzwald apprised of his whereabouts. "If I ever hit anybody, I'll make sure you get the picture," he joked.
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WEBSITE NEWS from Mike Fedyszyn
Mike Fedyszyn "S.O.C.S." campaigner and the webmaster of "Fed's Late Night With Conan O'Brien Page" which was shut down by NBC in October, heard some good news from NBC's Swell & Swanky Web Dude, John "JK" Knox on Friday that he has the go ahead to repost his website.
JK told him, "Part of our plans with the new site are to get fan sites that were shut down back on the 'net again, and also link to them from Conan's 'official' home. We've worked out a way to get the earlier affected sites back up and running and I wanted to know if you were interested in taking your site back online?"
Fed says, "I have decided to re-post my Conan site. I will re-open it after I am done putting together a new design and adding new sections to the site. Thank you for all of your help in the past months after NBC shut my site down. Thank you very much. I am now very happy to say that Fed's Late Night with Conan O'Brien Page has been re-posted."
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LATE NIGHT POLL
THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: What clips from Late Night would you like to see up on the new NBC VideoSeeker site at NBC.COM?
Send your response before Friday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
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LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: Who was your favourite of the New Spring Characters For '98 and why?
DANNY - the bigot who's not well aquatinted with common stereotypes
RAYMOND - the psychic who has a very unique way of figuring out who people were in their past lives
'KIM' - the impressionist who is on the witness protection program
HIGGINS IN A BUBBLE
JACK KOWOLSKI - the guy who takes out targets with brain-stem shots
JUDITH - the woman who mentions her Ivy league school in every sentence
MICK FERGUSON - the bullet-proof legs guy.
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Must be JACK KOWOLSKI, the brain-stem shot guy. Would be great if they would let him go on and try brain-stem shots on blue whales, cute animals, and animals under threat of extermination. - Johan
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It's well, Higgins in a bubble... All the classic charm & grace of Magnum P.I... wrapped in a bubble. I think it's great to see Late-Night dust off some of the older characters that us newer fans missed out on...- *Tracey Heather*
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I'm going to go with the bullet-proof legs guy. It came in tough competition with Kim the impressionist who is on the witness protection program. I liked the bullet-proof legs guy the most, mainly because he sang a little song. Funny songs do it for me every time, and if any one can... Brian McCann. Was that too cheesy? - Robin B
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The bullet-proof legs guy was the saving grace of that whole part. Every person before Mick was the worst things I have ever seen on Late Night. I almost turned off the show (I watch every night) they were so bad ('Kim' and Judith were among the worst) maybe the bullet proof legs guy wasn't all that funny but it was sooo much amusing than the other ones (LATE NIGHT: NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!!) - Molotov
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I want to vote for Kim, if only because I have always found Impersonation Comics really lame. Adding the faked voice and Liquor Store Hold-up mask was a great touch. I'd love to see more. You never know: he may replace Triumph as simply The Best Character Ever.
- The Icon
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Higgins In A Bubble!!! The other ones didn't even come close! I say bring back the "All Higgins Channel". By the way, why am I in a bubble? - Nick
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I like Judith - Donkey
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I liked Mick Ferguson the most because of the song he sang, and then the guy just shot him in the chest and I couldn't breathe from laughing so hard. - Paul
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Danny the bigot, but bullet proof legs guy is a close second. - Dana
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I say MICK FERGUSON - the bullet-proof legs guy. Brian McCann cracks me up. - Chickadee
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THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
Philosopher and Intellectual Giant
The studio lights beam heat upon you. A man in a rented suit and scientifically-difficult hairstyle is seated to your left. In his hand is a blue card with some questions you worked out beforehand. The studio audience stares at you as the camera-ever unflattering-picks up each and every flaw, even the ones you paid to have corrected. Millions will be watching the broadcast later that night; a dilemma that becomes incredibly apparent as you choke, unsure of what to say. What do you do?
Well, if you were paying attention, and I know you were, you probably know that the correct answer is D if you are The Loose Cannon Corbin Bernsen. Is there any question that he would have to be our KNEE DEEP FREAK OF THE WEEK?
Actually, any interview where a man proclaims "I've got these massively bleeding nipples" and "I was lactating" deserves his own category. So, in the spirit of adventure, anyone who tells bizarre stories on Late Night will be bestowed the prestigious Silver Sow Award. Wait, that was "WKRP in Cincinnati". Sorry. Too many reruns. No, instead of that they'll all get THE CORBIN BERNSEN LOOSE CANNON MEMORIAL (BUT HE"S STILL ALIVE) AWARD. I see this as the Gold Medal; the Purple Heart, if you will: often imitated, never duplicated, and very hard to win. You have to be a FREAK raised to the power of Don King's afro to win this one. That having been said, let's examine the interview Conan had with Mr. Bernsen, our first-ever winner.
The show began as any other show, even though they celebrated Conan's b-day. But who knew that Mr. Baseball Corbin Bersen (he'll always be Roger Dorn to me-Arnie who?) would favor a nation with the best gift money can buy? That's right: nipple stories. And it didn't start or end there. Not even close. At first it was a weird story about the state of the beef industry in England, where he currently lives (not in the beef industry, silly-in England!). Then he proceeded to attack the barbequing skills of a former "LA Law" cast-mate, Harry Hamlin, with a delightfully tasteless story involving bricks, sizzling bird poop, and the people who ate the chicken. (Sounds like Springer, I know.) Then, to prove he was obviously holding onto the "A Material", Corbin then confessed to what it's like to be With Enlarged Man Breasts in a Men Don't Have Breasts World. "Lucky" Andy got to cop a feel. And despite prodding, Conan took the high road, deciding against touching another man's chest on national television. Maybe he got a chance after the show. We'll never be sure. Some things should be left to the imagination.
Here are some more actual quotes of The Loose Cannon (TM) from his interview with Conan. Memorize them and then close your eyes and recite them to yourself. Tell me it doesn't sound more like a Very Special Ricki Lake than Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
"I sucked the marrow from this duck."
"I do have rather large breasts for a man."
"I was ready to bean the little Nigerian bastard who won the thing (the LA marathon)."
Hmmm. When you have the evidence right in front of you, it is truly hard to deny. Corbin Bernsen-if you're reading this-you need to get help. Or at least booked on more late night television. Thank you.
Until next week, I would bid you all adieu but I have no formal training in French. Suffice to say we'll be back again with something really good for the three or four of you who read the column. And don't forget to email, call, or write the Proper Authorities so that we can get NBC Europe and National Geographic to keep broadcasting Late Night in Europe and Asia. Linzi has the addresses and numbers in this issue. If we all get behind this we can make a difference with it. I thank you for your effort on their behalf.
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UPCOMING GUESTS - APRIL 27 - MAY 1 1998
The list of upcoming guests is a provisional list, subject to change:
MONDAY April 27 (repeat of 02/11/98):
Bob Costas
Louis CK
Salt 'n' Pepa
TUESDAY April 28:
John Lithgow
Pete Seeger & Dar Williams
WEDNESDAY April 29:
Peter Berg
Jason & The Scorchers
THURSDAY April 30:
To be arranged
FRIDAY May 1:
Patrick Swayze
Michael Wood.
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THIS TIME LAST YEAR....
This time last year on Monday was a repeat of the January 22 1996 show. Guests that night were comedian Phil Hartman, film critic Roger Ebert who confessed that people never know which one he is (of Siskel & Ebert) and WWF star Ken Shamrock who showed Conan a few submission moves that scared him, and then Conan showed Shamrock a few moves of his own. Conan and Andy had another hard fought staring contest and they showed a Demographic Minute for truck drivers who watch the show.
On Tuesday April 29th, yet another offer of political asylum was made to the former President of Zaire. Bobby Bowman showed off a rowing machine that was on offer to him should he choose to accept Conan's offer of Political asylum. Actual Items and Instant Viewer Feedback Phone calls were the comedy skits. Guests were Sinbad, Roy Clark and musical guest was Deana Carter.
On Wednesday, April 30 guests were David Sedaris and "Ellen" star Clea Lewis. "Patterns" was the comedy skit up front and all through the show confessions were made. Max confessed to having a Betty Ford Dominatrix fetish. Andy confesses his Nose fetish showing pictures from his collection of celebrity noses. And Triumph the Insult Comic Dog confesses what we all knew already--that he has a fetish for poop.
On Thursday May 1st, Conan went down to Houston, Texas to check out who might be watching the show as the local affiliate doesn't show Late Night until 2:40 AM. He bumps into "Buffalo" who calls Andy "the little fat dude" and scares the crap out of Conan. Yet another offer of political asylum is made to the former President of Zaire. Andy shows the commercial he made for a "Dead Raising" law firm. The law firm is so successful that your dead relatives will come back for a piece of the action. Guests were Friends actress Lisa Kudrow, who flips for the other guest, Chips star Erik Estrada and muso guests were Silverchair.
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WEEK IN REVIEW - APRIL 20 - 24 1998
MONDAY, April 20 (repeat of 01/21/98):
Martin Scorsese,
Marita Bartiromo
and muso guest Martina McBride.
Celebrity resumes are shown, including ones from Pamela Anderson Lee, Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford, John Glenn and Jerry Seinfeld.
TUESDAY, April 21:
Gwyneth Paltrow,
Tom Snyder,
Fastball
SAT Analogies
WEDNESDAY APRIL 22:
Richard Lewis
Rob Morrow
JB Ben
Macio Parker sits in with the band
Actual Items
Socrates appears
THURSDAY APRIL 23:
Regis "Co-NaN" Philbin
Paige Turco
The Ukrainian National Dance Company
Conan & Andy Critique Art
Conan's girlfriend and her son who live in a dolls house appear
FRIDAY APRIL 24:
Isabella Rossellini
Jerry O'Connell
The Dealers
Channel Surfing
Copperfield Appears
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WEBSITE REVIEW by Quinn
"Dorcus'" page, entitled "Welcome to my Shrine to Conan O'Brien <sic>" is rather amateur at first glance, but it does get points for featuring my all-time favorite photo of Conan, of him in white, arms crossed, hair falling just barely across the forehead...sorry, where was I? Oh, right. The page. OK. Well, beneath that glorious picture is a large-fonted intro that, if not exactly grammatically correct, is at least enthusiastic. From there you can visit...
--The Multimedia Archive, with Conan book-ended by X-Files stuff. Here, you can find a few Conan sounds, which, incidentally, you could also download from *my* page. Humph. That's gratitude for ya. Also, there are some pictures--mostly bumpers, and Conan singing a lullaby (why does that look so familiar? Oh yeah! I think it's mine!)
--Then there's the Info section, which is a hodgepodge of facts about the show and Conan. I'll admit it is rather amusing, so even if you think you already know everything there is to know about Late Night, you might want to take a peek at it anyway.
All in all, this page doesn't really have too much to set it apart from any other fan pages, but if you want you can look at it by going to: http://www.angelfire.com/co/DorcusLand/conanpage.html
And Dorcus, babe, if you're reading this, I don't mind you using my stuff, but at least credit me, OK?
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END QUOTE
"I'm not hitting back, I'll see you in court." - Andy Richter
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FYI
HOW TO GET TICKETS FOR LATE NIGHT:
Write to:
NBC Tickets
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
Or call:
(212) 664 - 3056/3057
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Vote for your favorite trio, Conan, Andy and Max to be in a MILK ad.
Go to: http://www.whymilk.com
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Want to contribute to "NEE-HA!"? Drop me an email and ask for the "MOST WANTED" list.
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"NEE-HA!" numero 20 is here with thanks to Micah Honees, Tomahle, Robin Banks, KC, Quinn, Mike Fedyszyn and Laurie. The NY Post article came from New York Post Online and appears here without permission, no copyright violations intended.
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Comments & questions to me: LACOB@AOL.COM
Poll Response to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com