"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Unofficial Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #04/19-019

 Hello everyone! How's it going? It's been a great and most cone-tastic week in Late Night. Hope you all got to see every single minute of it. I just have to say that in my very humble opinion Thursday night was fabulous. What I like to call a perfect hour of entertainment (TM). I'd also like to send out my special thanks to animal expert Thayne Maynard for bestowing upon us one of the grossest images on Late Night this year. You smell what I'm cookin' here? Cheers thanks a lot Thayne!!

Happy belated birthday greetings to Conan from "NEE-HA!" He celebrated his 35^th birthday yesterday. All the best to him. The same to Max Weinberg who also celebrated his birthday this week, he was 47.

Before I go I also want to say Vse najboljshe za rojstni dan (Happy birthday in advance.) to Azra, Slovenia's #1 Conan fan. Have a great week everyone and now... let's get it awn!!

Linzi
Editor and sidekick to Ronaldo

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CONTENTS
WHAT'S UP WITH CONAN'S SITE? By Robin Banks
THE DAILY PENNSYLVANIAN CONAN INTERVIEW
LATE NIGHT POLL
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
UPCOMING GUESTS - APRIL 20 - 24 1998
THIS TIME LAST YEAR...
WEEK IN REVIEW
END QUOTE
FYI

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 WHAT'S UP WITH CONAN'S SITE? By Robin Banks

We've been hearing all sorts of crazy rumors about the production on NBC's Late Night site. Last week I asked NBC's Swell & Swanky Web Dude John Knox to give us the 411 on what's up with Conan's site.

JK: I gotta tell you, that alot of what I'm telling you here is kinda secret still cause we're still working on the details, but I figured if there was ever a time to spread this stuff, now is it and "NEE-HA!" is the perfect place. Unfortunately, I can't talk in too much detail about what's happening right now, but I'll try to answer as many of your questions as I can.

JK: Yes, this I can tell you. This took a little longer than I had hoped to figure it all out, but we have and we're all pretty stoked about it. Basically, the show has come up with a plan whereby NBC will grant a royalty-free license for fans to make extensive use of show materials on their sites. In fact, when we get this rolling, we'll even have special stuff (graphics, sound files etc) we'll make available to fan-sites alone (ie: not available anywhere else not even on NBC.com!) The license idea protects NBC's ownership in the materials, and provides a simple way for fans to share their interest in the show with others. The fan sites can't run banners or make money (ie: sell banners) off of the Conan sites, but that's about the only rule.

JK: We're getting into the look and feel of the next stage of the upgrade now. Nothing has been nailed as of today.

JK: We're still formulating plans on the exact 'look and feel'. As for the content plans, we have a rough draft that Conan and the writers have approved, we continue to refine it and sharpen the edges.

JK: The producers & writers have reviewed all the suggestions from the e-mail and newsgroups and picked quite a few of them to make the final cut of what's going to be in the site.

JK: The producers (& Conan) wishes for the site are quite simple. They want the site to accomplish a few goals. Firstly, they want it to be a gateway of sorts to all of Conan on the web, so we'll be providing links and ties to all kinds of fan sites, probably through some sort of master web-ring. (We're still figuring this out.) Second, they want the web site to start providing information and stuff that you can't get anywhere else. Conan will be involved on a weekly basis, and the writers and producers too. It's very exciting!

JK: That's hard to say, very early summer should see us announcing something with a lot more detail. The long and short of it is, yes things are moving -- albeit a bit slower than I had hoped initially, they have started speeding up dramatically the last couple of weeks.

As a final tid-bit, sometime early next week (April 20), we'll have about a dozen video clips from the show up on the new NBC VideoSeeker site at NBC.COM! And if all goes well, I'm hoping that two of them will be the original opening for the show as well as the classic bicycle opening. (keep your fingers crossed). The clips will be in streaming media as well as downloadable Quicktimes. This is only a sample of the clips we'll be putting up when the rest of the site expands, and we'd love to hear ideas for clips that the fans would like to see available.

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THE DAILY PENNSYLVANIAN CONAN INTERVIEW

Before going on stage at Penn Monday, Conan O'Brien talked about his show and his future.

By Edward Sherwin The Daily Pennsylvanian

Five times a week, late-night talk show host Conan O'Brien speaks to millions of Americans through his popular television program, Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

Monday night, O'Brien entertained a sold-out crowd of 900 students in the Annenberg Center's Zellerbach Auditorium. Using humor, video clips and personal recollections, O'Brien provided his audience with a guided tour of his career, from his rocky start to his current success.

Shortly before beginning his speech, O'Brien, 34, sat down with the The Daily Pennsylvanian for a 25-minute interview in Annenberg's Green Room.

A 1985 graduate of Harvard University -- where he was the first student in 75 years to serve two terms as president of the famed Harvard Lampoon humor magazine -- O'Brien won an Emmy Award writing for NBC's Saturday Night Live and served as a writer and producer for Fox's The Simpsons before replacing David Letterman as host of Late Night.

Always a comedian, O'Brien spoke to the Daily Pennsylvanian about life in the Ivy League, his future in comedy, the secret life of sidekick Andy Richter and the experience of having kittens nurse at his bare nipples.

O'Brien: Well, I've been here for about eight minutes. All right, I'll say this: You guys have a much better auditorium than Harvard. It kicks Harvard's ass.

O'Brien: A-ha was the big group. Remember them?... Accutane [a drug for severe acne] had not been invented yet, which destroyed my life. I wasn't the most attractive person in college. I certainly look better now than I did then, and if anything, I wish I could go back to college now and start dating. It would be a much more fulfilling experience.

O'Brien: The problem with Harvard is that when people find out you went to Harvard, they automatically assume you are an asshole. Same with Yale. At Brown, they assume you wanted the pass-fail curriculum. Penn is one of the Ivy League schools -- it's kind of like only Penn and Princeton -- where they're not sure. There's kind of a mystique.

O'Brien: History and literature, it was a combined major. Yes, a combined major. I'm sorry, did that frighten you? History and literature of America is what I studied. It was an honors major. And I wrote a thesis -- would you like to know what it was titled? It was "Literary Progeria in the Works of Flannery O'Connor and William Faulkner." It was, like, 75 pages, I babbled and I somehow got an A. It's still on file somewhere at Harvard.

O'Brien: Well, it's hard to say, I used to toy with the idea of being in politics. That idea used to kind of intrigue me. I like the idea of being out in front of crowds. I always wanted to do any job where you're out in front of crowds -- you're out in front of people. I was kind of intrigued with the idea of politics, and then it seemed dreadfully dull. Comedy seemed like the one thing where you get out in front of crowds but still is constantly changing. It's fun.

O'Brien: Yes, I'd like to emulate [former President Ronald] Reagan's career in that I'd like to lose my mind. What I'd really like to do is keep doing what I'm doing as long as possible.

I could never run for political office. My opponents' campaign commercials would be ready-made: "Look, Conan's running for Congress."... And they would show this montage of me in a diaper, and dancing with Andy, and me licking my ass and me falling naked through space and landing on Fran Drescher. Just every humiliating thing I've ever done on television -- we actually did a bit once where kittens nursed at my naked nipples and I made an "ooh" face. And so, they would just show that and I would be through.

O'Brien: I would like it to become a game show as quickly as possible. I really would, because right now it's comedy and it seems to be working fairly well, but Andy has a very natural kind of game show pose.

We try really hard to make the show as funny as possible. We stay up all night trying to make people happy. But then I look at Bob Barker on The Price is Right and he gives people stuff and they're thrilled -- they're out-of-their-minds excited. And I thought, "That's the way." Is Bob Barker up all night? Is he worried? He's not worried -- he sleeps very well.

O'Brien: Saturday Night Live is closer to what I do now because there is a lot of kinetic energy and there are a lot of people running around. The Simpsons is a very pure writing lab. It's a room not unlike this [with] couches. From a writing point of view, it was very much like being in a Lawrence Livermore lab of comedy. A lot of very good work was done, but I always need to be around people.

[The Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory is a government science-and-technology lab in California.]

O'Brien: I doubt it, no. Carson was on the air for years before anyone could mount a really good challenge. Now there's cable and there's all these different kinds of shows. And literally we're going to get the point where everyone in this room has their own show and we're going to be competing against each other.

O'Brien: Andy would shock you. He's not quite what you think he is from TV. He's not a frat guy. He probably would not want to join a frat and probably would not be allowed to join a frat. He's more of a "put-on-a-red-silk-smoking-jacket-and-make-himself-a-really-weird-martini-no one's-ever-heard-of" kind of guy. That's the real Andy Richter.

He's very well-read, and when some guys go "Hey Andy, let's throw back some beers," they don't [understand], no, that's not him.

O'Brien: Andy's leaving the show? That's very upsetting. I don't pay him enough for him to be able to leave just yet. Someday he probably would, or maybe we'd decide to stop doing it or something. That's going to happen at some point -- it's inevitable. I mean, he could. He's a guy who likes a life of leisure. He could be one of those people who retires when he's, like, 38.

O'Brien: My people got on the phone and ordered 400 tickets and desperately gave them away.

One thing that I've always been grateful for is this show did not have an easy time in the beginning and the mainstream press was savage. People were really mean about me and they were even meaner about Andy.

We just kept doing our show and doing things like "Conan Babies" and the "Lips" and totally different stuff -- like "In the Year 2000" -- things that didn't look right, they actually looked a little unprofessional. But we got through a whole season of two-thirds-full audiences, you know, "Don't shoot the back."

College kids, younger people, don't like to be told what to like and what not to like.

Everyone said, "Letterman's a genius, he's leaving NBC, NBC [is] stupid, Letterman's a god, whatever they find is going to suck."

I'll be the first to admit the show was not nearly as good as it is now in the beginning. It wasn't as smooth, it wasn't as organic, because a good TV show is an organic thing. A good TV show is something that has some kind of a life to it. And it changes and grows. People got to know me, they got to know Andy, they got to know Max even. And they got to know our sketches, they start to know who we are and they understand where I'm coming from. We were always honest about our shortcomings -- we never pretended.

Younger people are more accepting of that. And they also like to find their own thing. And that's the way it should be.

O'Brien: I was supposed to be the voice of CNN, but they decided that a high, effeminate voice was not the way to go. Maybe a low, masculine voice. So, I think they blew it, because I think [in a falsetto voice] "This is CNN" would have been great.

What did Hillary Rodham Clinton talk about? So, I'll probably get more laughs? It's going to be close. You let me know when I've officially passed her in number of laughs.

O'Brien: I'm glad we talked. I have all of these racial theories, but I'm told I'm not allowed to talk about them. What about that thing about Israel, no?

I'm always doing that on the feed. We shoot our rehearsal and it goes all over the building, and people see it everywhere. People see it in the executive offices. So rehearsal is really fun because there's nothing [Richter and I] won't do or say.

We just started fucking around in rehearsal. "You know, I have these racial theories, but you know what, I think medically they can be proven." We're just waiting for the phone to ring.

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LATE NIGHT POLL

THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: Who was your favourite of the New Spring Characters For '98 and why?

DANNY - the bigot who's not well aquatinted with common stereotypes
RAYMOND - the psychic who has a very unique way of figuring out who people were in their past lives 'KIM' - the impressionist who is on the witness protection program HIGGINS IN A BUBBLE
JACK KOWOLSKI - the guy who takes out targets with brain-stem shots
JUDITH - the woman who mentions her Ivy league school in every sentence
MICK FERGUSON - the bullet-proof legs guy.

Send your response before Friday to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com

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LAST WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: We all know who our favorite talk show host is, but who else do you rate and why?

David Letterman scored big time with everyone. Jay Leno got ONE vote!! And the other talk shows that rated a mention among "NEE-HA!" readers were PI with Bill Mahr and Craig Kilborn for the Daily Show.

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Dave yes. Jay no. - Jeffrey

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Plain and simple: David Letterman. Why? His spontaneous sarcastic humor (how can you not luv a man like that), unique and one of a kind outfits, glasses, not to mention the living legend thangy, race-car sponsor, and now Harley owner. Does it get any better? I think not, so bite me, monkey boy. -LabBabe97

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I have to vote for Dave even though he I can't watch his show anymore in the UK. Jay Leno is 100% NOT FUNNY. Long live Late Night!! - KC

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Well, of all the late night talk shows... the only one I really watch besides Conan is Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher.. probably because it's one of the few shows where the guests just don't come out and plug their projects... and I can never sit through Leno or letterman's interviews, unless I'm interested in the person they're interviewing.

- Crooooooow

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LETTERMAN.. All the Way.... I love Letterman he is Awesome, I love the Skit he does with some of the audience members "Know your current events" . I also Love When they Open the CBS Mail Bag Every Friday.. there always a chance they will read my letter!! And The Top 10 List Rules!!!.. Leno He IS Funny when Letterman has Reruns!!!!!! - Steph!!

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I watch Dave when he's interviewing someone I like. He still gets the best guests out of him and Conan. But I would NEVER watch Jay Leno. I don't find him funny at all. And after watching Conan and Dave for years why would I bother lowering my standards? - Rob

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I enjoy the Late Show with David Letterman, because David Letterman has been providing fresh, innovative Late Night comedy for over 16 years, and is still going strong. - Smith

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I watch Dave. He the man! Jay Leno is so not funny that it's not funny!! - Lauren

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Yes yes, Conan O'Brien is OF COURSE my favorite talk show host, but I think David Letterman deserves some credit too! He's mad funny!! I always watch him, to kind of "warm me up" for Conan. Then I'm ready to laugh my head off at Conan's hysterical show!! Thank you! -Julie:oÞ

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The only other talk show host that matches Conan's wit, savvy, and originality is Johnny Carson. After Conan has been awhile a bit longer, maybe celebrating his 20th Anniversary with Andy and Max (God willing) I think his popularity will have long surpassed Carson. - Nick

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I think Leno is definitely nicer than Dave, but Dave is definitely more entertaining. And plus, he doesn't kill his jokes like Jay does. Jay rambles on with a joke after everyone has stopped laughing. Go Dave!! - Chillngirl :)

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Letterman. Letterman. Letterman. Letterman. Letterman. For sixteen years, Letterman has continued to mock the self-important talk show genre that Leno shamefully passes off as entertainment for the masses. - TOMALHE

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I think all the others are great...... for me to poop on! their humor is so old and used up that I can't even watch any other shows without getting angry at the total lack of imagination. - sb

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I wanna go with Craig Kilborn from the Daily Show. Yeah, I guess you could say it's not really a talk show, but they *do* have a guest, so I say it counts! - Karen -goddess of odd

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I have to cast my vote for Jay on this one. For being unoriginal, he is less unoriginal than Dave...I also think that Letterman is really immature and often condescends to his guests. My last two reasons for the Jay vote are headlines, which are usually pretty funny, and Kevin Eubanks, who is funny...although he's certainly not the Max Weinberg 7! - Lorie

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THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees

Generally in this space our diligent readers find a little column that I write that makes fun of or rips a particularly annoying segment of our population: Late Night guests who, for whatever reason, feel a need to incur my wrath. Because we're always getting new subscribers to NEE-HA!!, I figured it was high time I took some time out to introduce myself to the new members of our club and explain a little bit about what goes on in my column on the off chance that anyone except my friends and Linzi will ever read it. This has no bearing on the fact that I am not going to get to watch a week's worth of shows until after my deadline due to work-related time pressures. I swear. And besides, in a strange way I feel that I am still performing, in my eyes, a public service...or is it nuisance?

There are two types of classifications for the guests in my column. The first is THE FREAK OF THE WEEK; which is sometimes known as THE KNEE DEEP FREAK OF THE WEEK if I both remember it and feel like its a more appropriate term. Generally, to be considered the FREAK OF THE WEEK (it's a good thing, by the way) a guest has to fit the following criteria. One, they have to do something above-and-beyond the call of duty for any Late Night guest. Previous winners have been: Donald Trump and his brandishing of a condom for no other reason than to tell everyone to have safe sex AND, in my opinion, to prove to the college crowd that he is, indeed, gettin' some; Rob "Not the guy from 'One Day at a Time'" Schneider for thumbing his nose at the crippling legacy of those who played Superman (Cheer up, Nic Cage!!) and donning the blue and red muscle suit to hang around through other guests' segments; and Jerry Freaking Springer for, well, being Jerry Freaking Springer.

I think you have a basic understanding. Essentially, it boils down to this: if it's weird or seems out-of-place, there's a good chance that it could win. For alliteration, other guests who have received strong consideration at times have been: Dikembe Mutombo (center for the Atlanta Hawks) and his helium-induced impression of the Three Stooges; those guys who cooked the gourmet dog biscuits; and even Conan himself for what shall ever be known as The First Rebecca Romijn Interview.

The second classification is the only "award" named after a previous guest of Late Night, the ever-prestigious COURTENEY COX SCHOOL OF NARCOLEPTIC INTERVIEWS. Ms. Cox, you see, might have been the most disinterested/tired/bored/sleepy person in the history of television the night she mailed it in to promote a movie I have still not seen, "Scream 2". Since then, this has become my most favorite award to pass out because I feel it makes the best use of my smartass sense of humor. Previous graduates have been: Matt "It's in the water on the set of 'Friends'" LeBlanc, who tried to mail it in last week but forgot proper postage when pushing "Lost in Space"; and some other people I don't recall. This is a fairly new category for me and other winners are just not popping into my head right now. Another contender was on the same show with LeBlanc, however, the ever-lovely Christina Applegate. She mumbled her way through a quick "I'm not a slut like Kelly Bundy" story and was generally dishing out a general malaise common to mall inhabitants and perhaps the weird little table in front of the guest's chair on the Late Night set.

I know you all can smell what I'm cooking here because I'm using butter, baby. So, to all of our new readers, I bid you a fond welcome. Next week we will resume with our Freak Hunt. See you in seven Cone-tastic days.

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UPCOMING GUESTS - APRIL 20 - 24 1998

The list of upcoming guests is a provisional list, subject to change:

MONDAY, April 20 (repeat of 01/21/98):
Martin Scorsese,
Maria Bartiromo,
Martina McBride

TUESDAY APRIL 21:
Gwyneth Paltrow,
Fastball,
Tom Snyder

WEDNESDAY APRIL 22:
Richard Lewis,
Rob Morrow

THURSDAY APRIL 23:
Regis Philbin

FRIDAY APRIL 24:
Isabella Rossellini
Jerry O'Connell
The Dealers

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Set your VCR's guys on WEDNESDAY APRIL 22 Conan O'Brien guests along with actress Sarah Jessica Parker on THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH TOM SNYDER on CBS.

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THIS TIME LAST YEAR....

This time last year featured a repeat of the September 10^th 1996 show on Monday, April 21. Guests that night were actor John Turturro, SNL cast member Colin Quinn and music from Keb Mo. Conan was at the Emmy's and showed footage of him applauding the winners. The 7th Annual College Band Search was advertised and the Ooh-Ahh lady showed us just what it could do for us. Tomorry the Ostrich appeared bringing Conan the next night's guest list.

On Tuesday, 22^nd, Conan and Andy showed us how nudity might improve the ratings. House Speaker Newt Gingrich and Bob Dole are interviewed by Conan live via satellite. PimpBot 5000 also appears. Charles Nelson Reilly reads an excerpt from Shows On Audio Cassette. Guests were Martin Mull, comedian Ray Romano and music from Fiona Apple.

On Wednesday, 23^rd, guests were Corbin Bernson, supermodel Frederique, and Dr. Joyce Brothers. Late Night presented their annual "Salute To Spring". Conan offered political Asylum to the former president of Zaire. The sweeteners in the deal was that he would get a genuine "Maverick" poster and his own little bedroom in the Late Night studio. Then there was the annual "Passover Claymation Special".

Another offer to the President of Zaire was made on Thursday, April 24^th. Andy gained a new respect for weather presenters as he became an OCM for a day at the Weather Channel. He chose music and wore a blue suit that made him "invisible" on screen. They showed scenes around NBC from "Take Your Daughters To Work Day". Guests were Rob Schneider, Steven Webber and music from Raddish,

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WEEK IN REVIEW - APRIL 13 - 17 1998

MONDAY, Apr. 13 (repeat of 02/03/98):
Jerry Springer
Melinda Clark.
Comedian David Brenner
Celebrity Tombstones:
MONICA LEWINSKY: 1974 - 2032 - "Her last words: "MGRMMPH!"
Public Service Announcements

TUESDAY, April 14:
Patricia Arquette
Bob Hoskins
Mono
Apology letters to celebrities
Conan sings a spontaneous song about someone in the audience.

WEDNESDAY, April 15:
William Shatner
Kathy Griffin
Lionel Hampton
New Spring Characters For '98
Instant Viewer Feedback Phone Calls

THURSDAY, April 16:
Thayne Maynard
Issac Hayes
Bobby Slayton
Remote: Conan learns various dance techniques.
Issac Hayes performs "Chef"
New Public Service Announcements

FRIDAY, April 17
Corbin Bernsen,
Rya Kihlstedt
Kenny Rogerson
Conan's Birthday Wishes
Andy's Little Sister Stacy

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END QUOTE

"It's just grass that's been through an elephant's ass what's the big deal?"-COB

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FYI

HOW TO GET TICKETS FOR LATE NIGHT:

Write to:

NBC Tickets
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112

Or call:

(212) 664 - 3056/3057

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Vote for your favorite trio, Conan, Andy and Max to be in a MILK ad.

Go to http://www.whymilk.com

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Want to contribute to "NEE-HA!"? Drop me an email and ask for the "MOST WANTED" list.

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"NEE-HA!" #19 is here with thanks to Micah Honees, Robin Banks, Laurie, John Knox.

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Comments & questions to me: LACOB@AOL.COM

Poll Response to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com