"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Unofficial Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #03/29/-016
Hello everyone!! So how was your hiatus? Mines was phat, and now I'm more charged up that the energiser bunny and looking forward to a week of fresh 'lemony' shows. Hope it was all swell and swanky for you too. Usually I find repeats are nothing to get too jazzed about, especially repeats that are as recent as the ones shown last week there. But this time, we had a pretty good selection. IMHO it was conetastic to see the winners of the Late Night annual college band search, DOMO on again, and for that matter some interviews that I enjoyed a lot too. See "Micah Honees" for more on the interviews and find out who he voted to be this issue's " Freak Of The Week".
This week in "NEE-HA!" I have shamefully 'borrowed' an article about Conan as seen in The "Irish Independent" newspaper on Wednesday last week. No copyright infringement is intended, and it appears here in good natured conanness for all you good, good people out there.
Before I go I just want to send thanks to Frank, a German Conan fan who sent me the coolest postcard I've ever seen from his recent trip to New York. Cheers thanks a lot Frank!!
Have a conetastic and conanderful (is this too much?) week guys and for now.... Let's get it awn!!
Linzi Gallacher
Oscar Winning Editor
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CONTENTS
IRISH INDEPENDENT ARTICLE: "The Blarney Kid"
LATE NIGHT POLL
THE 'CONOLOGUE' JOKES by Robin Banks
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
THE WICKED GOOD GUESTS GUIDE by Robin Banks
UPCOMING GUESTS - March 30 - April 3 1998
WEEK IN REVIEW
END QUOTE
FYI
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IRISH INDEPENDENT ARTICLE:
The Blarney Kid
(Appeared in the Irish Independent on Wednesday, March 25th )
Young Irish American's chatshow the hippest in US Conan O'Brien's incisive blend of humour and chat is powering him to the top on TV in the US and it has increased his European audience by 50% in just 12 months. His Irish roots are very important to him. How Irish is he? How Catholic is he? He says his roots are the basis of his success...
With just ten minutes to go before Late Night with Conan O'Brien goes on air, all is calm at the talk show's New York studios. Backstage, researchers are goofing around, even though one of tonight's guests is snarled up in Manhattan traffic. Resident band leader, formerly drummer with Bruce Springsteen, is chatting about the seven operations he'd had on his hands, the result of the four-hours gigs in the eighties.
The only man looking less than relaxed is the host himself Conan O'Brien. Gangly and auburn-haired, he seems troubled as he stalks the studio floor, strumming a guitar to calm his nerves and eyeing the young, 300-strong audience. There is always something for him to worry about. Tonight, the cult rock bank Phish are the musical guests and O'Brien is concerned that their obsessive fans may grow restless during the rest of the show.
Such anxieties figure large in the genetic make-up of the American talk-show host, that strange breed which The Larry Sanders Show once described as ``half-man, half-desk''. No matter that O'Brien's nightly show on NBC is currently the hippest programming on the US networks. No matter that his incisive blend of humour and chat has increased its European audience by 50 per cent in just 12 months. Torment, paranoia and insecurity are all part of the job.
O'Brien has good reason to fret. The late-night talk show wars are the most brutal on US television. Each show's ratings are measured minute by minute, and O'Brien must constantly struggle with rivals Jay Leno and David Letterman to attract the most illustrious guests and to crack the sharpest gags.
Ninety minutes later, however, O'Brien is a changed man. The show has gone well, his 6ft 4 inch frame is sprawled on a sofa in his office, and he's happy to talk at length about his beginnings in the business. The third of six children born to professional Irish-American parent just outside Boston, he credits his family background with shaping his style of humour.
"My Irish background has had a huge effect on my comedy,'' he reflects. "Irish Catholics are very repressed so we have a hard time confronting one another and there is a lot we can't talk about. I grew up in a large family and there was a lot we can't talk about. I grew up in a large family and there was a lot that went unsaid, so the way we would communicate was through humour. When I was a kid, we were all trying to outdo each other at the dinner table to see who could be the funniest. It was the only way we could really express ourselves.''
O'Brien, 34, began writing comedy while studying American history at Harvard. His two-year stint editing the university's satirical magazine, Lampoon, led to his first TV job writing episodes of The Simpsons, where Homer and Bart's antics allowed him to indulge his taste for surreal slapstick. "When people hear I was a Harvard history graduate, they assume my comedy is very cerebral and verbal,'' he explains. "Actually, I've got a childlike sense of humour. I've liked physical comedy ever since my father took me to see old Charlie Chaplin moves when I was young.''
O'Brien's talents were soon noticed by NBC executives, looking to fill their late-night vacancy after David Letterman defected to rival network CBS four years ago. It was a huge risk, particularly as O'Brien had never appeared on TV before and had no interest in massaging the egos of Hollywood's elite. "Even now, the last thing I want to do is promote my guests' movies. It's good the interviews only lasts for six minutes. If I had to talk to a lot of these actresses and actors for half an hour I'd go insane.''
At first, the network's gamble looked like it had backfired. Initial ratings were low and NBC executives were worried that O'Brien's awkward collection of mannerisms including nervous tics, finger-tapping and braying laugh were turning off the viewers. Sources in the industry predicted the show would soon be cancelled.
"The first year was difficult, perhaps because it's not a typical American show,'' recalls O'Brien. ``It was more experimental than other shows and sometimes we did things that may have alienated more conservative people. The network tried to groom me, even telling me to change my hairstyle. Certainly, the show isn't as extreme now as it used to be, but we've kept the same energy and spontaneity.''
Despite O'Brien's need to modify his humour, Late Night has continued to provide an eclectic mix of visual gags, sophisticated irony and downright silliness not least a regular spot featuring a choir of ventriloquists and their dummies. As word spread among college students, O'Brien began to deliver the all-important Generation X audience that the advertisers demanded. He now proudly points out that Late Night's audience has a higher percentage of 18 to 49-year-olds than either Leno or Letterman.
With the show in its fourth year, O'Brien can relax sufficiently to enjoy the rewards of his success. There are certainly plenty of blessings to count the $2 million salary, the beautiful girlfriend, the fashionable SoHo loft where his neighbours include Linda Evangelista and Cindy Crawford. Yet, even so, he still suffers from the neuroses which invariably plague every talk show host.
"There is a big depressive side to me,'' confesses O'Brien. "I even get depressed during a show if it's not going well. Sometimes I'll go to my dressing room during a commercial break and smash something or hit something to get it out of my system. I spend more money on my therapist than I do on food but because I'm Irish, it means I don't tell her things that I'm really worried about because I think I might offend her."
"To make things worse, my therapist is also from Ireland. Whenever I go there, we spend the first half-hour having a pleasant Irish chat, talking about the weather and our families. We never get to talk about the nightmare I had the night before when I dreamed I did the show naked in front of my mother.''
Late Night with Conan O'Brien airs Monday-Friday at 22.00 in Ireland and the UK. It is available on NBC on cable and the Eutelsat satellite in Ireland.
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LATE NIGHT POLL
Two weeks ago I asked you who in Late Night did you most relate to. Here are the replies:
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Oh I love this question. Of course I can relate to someone on the show. That wonderful person would have to be Stacey Richter. I love Conan. My locker in school is a shrine to the man. I've been to see the show, I'm going again. I can't get enough of his love, babe. Often I have been told that I remind people of Stacey and I don't mind. Wouldn't that be a compliment? Oh yeah, I think so. - K.C.
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I relate most to Conan. He is the only person I have seen who understands the horror of being Irish. no, I'm not insulting the Irish. I'm Irish. I have red hair, a big head, and am way too pale. Conan and I also hate our names. We're both catholic and are quite tall. - Lisa
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I think that I am most like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. We are both very sarcastic and we really don't like anyone. 'Cept I like Conan and he doesn't. That's my 2 cents. - Laura the happy girl
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I can relate most to Andy. I think he's the funniest of the two. His humor is quieter, not so in your face as Conan's, but when he does say something, you can bet you're a$$ that it's going to be funny as HELL!! - DP
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I think I'm like Conan. We both have unusual names and were made fun of when we were younger because of it. - Ron
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I don't want to like, say I relate to anyone as such, but I do like the Loser at the beach a lot. I think he's one of the best characters. He always makes me laugh out loud. - James
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THIS WEEK'S POLL QUESTION: If you could order up a selection of shows like you would order up a pizza, for say, a hiatus week or something like that, which classic Late Night shows would you choose and why?
Send your answer before Friday to: LACOB@AOL.COM
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THE 'CONOLOGUE' JOKES by Robin Banks
**Conan O'Brien on LEWINSKY**
"Someone spotted Monica Lewinsky at a Washington Wizards basketball game the other day. Apparently she had great seats - right under the Wizards' bench."
**Conan O'Brien on GUILLIANI**
"At the St. Patrick's Day parade someone threw a pretzel at mayor Guilliani. Apparently Guilliani was furious until someone threw mustard at it."
**Conan O'Brien on HARD SWINGING**
"In a recent interview Greg Norman said that Tiger Woods would be a better golfer if he didn't swing so hard. He also said that Clinton would be a better president if *he* didn't swing so hard."
**Conan O'Brien on KATHIE LEE**
"Yesterday in Connecticut a former priest performed an exorcism on a ten year old boy. After the devil was expelled she went back to co-hosting her show with Regis."
**Conan O'Brien on LA DODGERS**
"Earlier today the FOX network bought the Los Angeles Dodgers. FOX has already started making changes. From now on the Dodgers' starting line-up will be made up of Aaron Spelling's children."
**Conan O'Brien on BIG DEMANDS**
"Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt are each demanding one million dollars an episode to continue doing 'Mad about You'. Meanwhile, I wanted to take this opportunity to announce that Andy and I are demanding cookies in the green room."
**Conan O'Brien on LINDA TRIPP**
"The editor of an Iranian magazine has been suspended coz he published photos of Monica Lewinsky without a veil. Meanwhile an editor here in the United States was suspended coz he published a photo of Linda Tripp without a veil."
**Conan O'Brien on WILLEY**
"This Sunday '60 Minutes' is going to air more of Ed Bradley's interview with Kathleen Willey. They're gonna show the end of the interview, the very end where Ed Bradley kisses her, fondles her breast and puts her hand on his crotch."
**Conan O'Brien on PRIMARY COLORS**
"Today the movie 'Primary Colors' comes out. It's the first movie made about President Clinton since 'The Full Monty.'"
**Conan O'Brien on WILLEY'S STORY**
"Yesterday Kathleen Willey's lawyer said she did not try to sell her story to a tabloid. The lawyer might be lying though, coz now Kathleen Willey's claiming she was groped by a Sassquatch.
**Conan O'Brien on DECISIONS**
"It was reported today that Hugh Heffner's 34 year old wife is leaving him for Donald Trump. When asked about it she said, 'Hey instead of being with a really old rich guy, I'd rather be with a really rich old guy.'"
**Conan O'Brien on STREET NAMES**
"A town in Florida with a street named 'Gay Avenue' is changing the name of the street coz a resident says people automatically think he's gay. He wants the new name of the street to be 'I Ain't No Homo Lane.'"
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THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
Freaks to the left of me...Freaks to the right of me...Freaks in front of me...and so charged The Men of the Freak Brigade...
Well, hello children. I hope you all had a pleasant week off. I know I did. And let's face it: there's nothing like a little dusting off of the alter-ego to recharge your old typewriter to write this, the Most Important Column You Will Ever Read.
Now if you're still with me, let's move on and discuss the real important stuff: Who, after a two week layoff, could possibly be THE FREAK OF THE WEEK?
Thanks for asking. Well, after a week of reruns, you'd think there was a bunch of infighting in the bell curve that is the accumulated guests of LATE NIGHT. How true. And it's sad. So many freaks, so little time. Let's examine some of the also-rans that I have on my desk here before we nail down the definitive winner.
ANDY KINDLER: Let me say that I think this guy is incredibly funny. I am a fan of wiseasses (who saw that coming??!). But his guest spot on Conan was one of the strangest parallel-universe things I have ever seen. Kindler seemed to be cracking up three people: Andy Richter, Conan, and me. The whole thing reeked of an auto accident. I didn't want to watch (but I did, twice) and I felt embarrassed for him when even his cracks about how bad the interview was going didn't get him over with the crowd. Usually making fun of yourself (while the host tells you how bad you're doing) generally causes either sympathy applause or makes it look like at least that you're having a good time. Even the guy who came out with his pants unzipped-whatever his name was-had good enough sense to make fun of the fact that he actually showed up in front of millions of people forgetting to do the one thing that you'd think they tell you to do right before going "out there": tuck it in for the night. But, no.
The only thing that would have saved Kindler from making a total ass out of himself would be if he had failed wretchedly on national TV with his... pants in a ball on the floor in front of him. Actually, now that I think of it, that would have saved him. Now don't forget to check your local listings for Andy Kindler's show on Animal Planet.
KEVIN BACON. I thought he was a very good guest. He told funny stories about his wife yelling at a tour bus to pronounce her name correctly and generally seemed to be a likable person. Plus, he's got that H-O-double T Hott! movie coming out with the chick from "Party of Five". Whoo-hoo! But the band?! I just think the Hootie thing is done and over. I just didn't see anything there that would lead me to believe The Bacon Brothers Band would be on TV or sell records if one of The Bacon Brothers wasn't "that dude from 'Footloose.'"
Which leads us to the winner. Normally repeats aren't considered but once in a while, the judges offer special dispensation. Yes-and I think you know where we're going-this week's FREAK OF THE WEEK can only be:
BRYANT GUMBEL. Blah blah blah. That's the actual sound my brain made watching the tape Wednesday night while watching this pompous bozo talk. Granted, usually when we see Bryant on TV he's making either that "I'm concerned" frowny face or the "I'm smelling bad air" face he made a million-dollar career with. (If you don't believe me, watch "REALsports" just one time.) But did we know-and more importantly, did we need to know-that the man claims to have a nipple ring? Survey says: no. What he didn't tell us is that he has a tattoo of Matt Lauer on his ass. But we all knew that, didn't we?
Who found this mildly exciting? (light applause)
Okay, now who found that creepy and disturbing?
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THE WICKED GOOD GUESTS GUDE TO APPEARING ON LATE NIGHT by Robin Banks
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UPCOMING GUESTS - March 30 - April 3 1998
The list of upcoming guests is a provisional list, subject to change:
MONDAY, Mar. 30 (Repeat of 2/4/98):
John Leguizamo
Ed McMahon
Victoria Williams
TUESDAY, Mar.31:
Al Franken
Ice-T
The Mavericks
WEDNESDAY, Apr. 1:
Edward Burns
Dana Gould
THURSDAY, Apr. 2:
Steve Buscemi
Mimi Rogers
FRIDAY, Apr. 3:
Naomi Campbell
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
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WEEK IN REVIEW - March 16 - 20 1998
MONDAY, Mar. 16 (repeat of 01/12/98):
Minnie Driver
Richard Belzer
B.B. King
A look at the real reason the Titanic sank.
If They Mated.
A look at what happens after a typical show.
TUESDAY, Mar. 17:
Colin Quinn
Peter Fonda
Blink 182
Pictures from St. Patrick's Day parade in NYC
Clutch Cargo - Clinton/Travolta
Conan on Rosie O'Donnell and what Max gets up to after being at the NBC gym.
WEDNESDAY, Mar. 18:
Kevin Bacon
Andy Kindler
The Bacon Brothers
New Stamps
Conan criticises 'last night's audience'
THURSDAY, Mar. 19:
Julianna Marguiles
Lewis Black
Actual Items
Conan sings a spontaneous song about two audience members.
FRIDAY, Mar. 20:
Tim Robbins
Lauren Holly
Doris Wishman
Conan And Andy On The Aisle: Oscar Preview
-----the hiatus week-----
From Monday, March 23 to Friday, 27th Late Night was on hiatus. All the repeated shows were fairly recent, but nonetheless still entertaining.
MONDAY, March 23 (Repeat of 01/21/98):
Actor/ comedian Dave Chappelle,
Ted Williams
Year 2000
Andy On Cam: the camera gets stuck on Andy during Conan's interview with Willard Scott. He's so bored during this interview he reads a magazine, feeds pigeons and gets spanked.
TUESDAY, March 24 (Repeat of 11/11/97):
Anchor Bryant Gumbel,
director Francis Ford Coppola,
musical guest Green Day.
Actual Items
Stacy and her mom
WEDNESDAY, March 25 (Repeat of 02/05/98):
Actor Dan Aykroyd,
supermodel Rebecca Romijn.
Guest Shannon Hall becomes the first person ever to be bumped because she's was ARRESTED!
CLUTCH-CARGO: Clinton, Tony Blair, Sam Donaldson, and Bob Dole with his new campaign song and the truth about the Leflinsky/Tripp tapes.
1.) that Max wouldn't try to play the drums all the way through a segment.
2.) That Bobby Bowman wouldn't come on and dance in a tutu.
3.) That John, the special FX guy wouldn't soak Conan.
4.) And that Liz Plonka the director wouldn't cut to commercial...
THURSDAY, March 26 (Repeat of 01/29/98):
Actor Ben Stiller,
actor Dan Cortese (NBC's "Veronica's Closet"),
Musical guest DOMO.
Q & A from the audience
FRIDAY, March 27 (Repeat of 01/30/98):
Actor Michael Keaton,
Broncos offensive line: Tom Jones, Mark Schlereth and David Diaz-Infante,
actress Angelina Jolie.
"PATTERNS"
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END QUOTE
"This is the best TV. It's not television, it's compelovision." - COB
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FYI
HOW TO GET TICKETS FOR LATE NIGHT:
Write to:
NBC Tickets
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
Or call:
(212) 664 - 3056/3057
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Vote for your favorite trio, Conan, Andy and Max to be in a MILK ad.
Go to http://www.whymilk.com
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Want to contribute to "NEE-HA!"? Drop me an email and ask for the "MOST WANTED" list.
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"NEE-HA!" #16 is here with thanks to Micah Honees, Robin Banks, Jelli, and The Irish Independent Newspaper.
"The Blarney Kid" an article taken from the Irish Independent on Wednesday, March 25th appears in "NEE-HA!" without permission from the Irish Independent, no copyright infringement is intended.
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Comments & questions to me: LACOB@AOL.COM