"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Unofficial Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #03/15-015
Top o' the morning to ya's all! Welcome to all our new subscribers. Hope you've all had a fine, swell and swanky week. My week was hell and a half, I was sooooo busy I almost never had the time to get my fix of this week's Late Night. I (only just) managed to squeeze in watching my tape of the week's shows on Saturday morning. I'd absolutely hate to miss any of it. I know some people out there manage to get by on just one or two shows a week. I don't know how they do it. As an addict I'd absolutely hate to miss it. I'm just one of these people who can't not watch it in case I miss something funny. Once again, I'd like to thank the big man for the VCR.
Congratulations go to Amy Poehler who plays Andy's little sister Stacy on Late Night. US cable network Comedy Central have decided to air ten episodes of the Upright Citizens Brigade TV series, a sketch comedy show starring Amy and the other members of the UCB, Ian Roberts, Matt Walsh, and Matt Besser which will start in August. If you can't wait until then you can catch the UCB on Comedy Central's "Comic Cabana" on March 28th.
No "NEE-HA!" newsletter next week as Late Night is on hiatus and we here at the mothership have decided to take a break at the same time. Until next time have a grrrrreeeeaaat St. Patrick's Day when it comes, whatever you get up to make sure it's legally too much fun and for now... let's get it awn!!
Leapin' Linzi Gallacher
Editor and Leprechaun Of Loserville
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CONTENTS
ANDY'S ANSWERS TO GTN QUESTIONS
NEW LATE NIGHT CAMPAIGN
LATE NIGHT POLL
LIVE@6A from Lisa Pugliese
THE 'CONOLOGUE' JOKES by Robin Banks
THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Micah Honees
THE WICKED GOOD GUESTS GUIDE by Robin Banks
UPCOMING GUESTS
WEEK IN REVIEW
WEBSITE REVIEW by Quinn
END QUOTE
FYI
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ANDY'S ANSWERS TO GTN QUESTIONS
Last week in "NEE-HA!" I told you about the competition run by Greater Talent Network to ask Andy Richter a question and win a copy of the Late Night soundtrack. A few people out there who entered the competition (myself included) received emails from GTN stating that Andy was too busy due to a hectic schedule and sweeps to respond to the questions through GTN. However, the nice people at GTN are quote: "passing on all of the questions to Mr. Richter's office, so you may receive a reply from him directly." Won't that be sweet!?! Well see.
They later wrote back to tell me that they had updated their website and so here are the questions that Andy has answered for them, shamelessly "borrowed" from their website:
Q: What is the show's bear fixation? There's one in practically every skit.
A: First of all, bears are hilarious. Hulking, dopey, cuddly creatures that can remove your scalp with one casual swipe of a cute paw. Now that's funny. Also, the show already owns the bear costumes. No costume rental fee = frequent appearances.
Q: What criteria do you use for booking guests and entertainment?
A: Are they breathing? Do they fit in the elevator?
Q: Somehow, the college crowd has designated you its hero. How does that make you feel?
A: Besides omnipotent? Very happy, very lucky. I'm very proud of the fact that young people respond so well to the show, because they're by far the best possible audience to entertain. Old people are boring! Youngsters rock! My greatest achievement is that I have provided the youth of America with a lethargic smart-ass with whom they can identify.
Q: What's your favorite comedy bit?
A: It's always hard for me to pick a favorite of anything, be it movies, bands or comedy bits. It always seems too limiting, and that I'll leave someone or something out. But, if I picked a favorite type of bit, I would say my tastes lean towards the more absurd, arbitrary, non-topical bits we do that make three people (usually kids) howl, and about 100 people scratch their heads and say, "huh?". The series of stamps featuring famous porno stars that we debuted on the show is an example of this.
Q: Do you see yourself being Conan's sidekick for the duration, or do you have other aspirations?
A: I'm happy where I'm at now, but I do have other aspirations. It would be sort of depressing if I didn't. I feel very lucky to be where I am now, but I consider that kind of luckiness to be a challenge to do more, rather than a gravy train that you just grow fat on while riding. It would be disrespectful, I think, if I didn't attempt to see what possibilities I could make for myself; disrespectful to the good fortune that I've already enjoyed. As far as what those opportunities are, um, well, jeez, I dunno. Anybody out there got something for me?
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NEW LATE NIGHT CAMPAIGN
Audrey has launched a new Conan campaign and she would like to ask you all for your support -- after all this is a cause we can all get behind.
The people who make those famous and much loved swanky Milk ads want to know who you would like to see appearing in their future ad campaigns. Here's the good part... Audrey would like to see you all vote for our favorite trio Conan, Andy and Max. Good idea, eh???
All you have to do to make your vote count is go to their website click on "Club Milk" - you can't miss it. Fill in their little form and vote for Late Night. Oh, you also have to promise to drink at least three glasses of milk a day, but that's a small price to pay to see our guys in print.
Vote for Late Night at: http://www.whymilk.com
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LATE NIGHT POLL
Last week I asked what your favorite kind of guest on Late Night was and who's been your favorite guest so far and why?
Here are your replies:
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Sports athletes. They are stupid. It's funny 'cause it's true.
- RudeGyrl2
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I'd have to vote for Novelty, but my real favorite guest doesn't really fit into any of the categories. I like Bruce "The Mouse" Strauss (I think Bruce is his first name). He's the Amateur Boxer that has lost every match and been knocked out on every continent (except Antarctica). He's got the greatest stories! - Smith
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I liked Bill Nye "the science guy"....I never got to see it but HE ROCKS!! I guess that'd go under "novelty", huh? - Audrey
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I have to say that I love when these exotic people come on the show. For example, people with animals, people who cook, or they do some physical harm to Conan. He always promises people that he'll get the "crap kicked out of him." And lemme say I love watching it. It shows how flexible he is, he'll expose himself to anything. Most talk show hosts don't do that. Makes the show more funny, if that's possible. - K.C.
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People like Rob Schneider. They are the best cause they do funny stuff instead of plug/talk about their movie/show. - Molotov
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I think the best guests are friends of the show. Whenever somebody like Norm MacDonald or William Shatner is on, you can immediately sense the chemistry on the set. - Nick
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I like novelty. My favorite guest was the guy who brought all the animals in and shoved the skunk in Conan's face. Conan kept making fun of him because he was eating meal worms. - ToadMan
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Favorite Kind of guest: Friends of the Show types. They're always funny. Favorite guest so far: Scott Thompson. The only guy who could how up to an interview stoned. - Lisa
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James Ellroy has to be my favorite guest. He's one of my favorite authors, but in real life, he is a freak. Ellroy comes on the show and spouts off the most bizarre things, and Conan takes it all in stride, often teasing him about what a freak he is. - Karen
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It's a tie between (a) the musical guests- Conan's played host to some great bands- especially when he interviews them as well as having them perform, and (b) friends of the show. So they're on a lot. Repeat appearances are a good thing because these people are good interviews and usually fit in most easily with Late Night's humor. - Shannon
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I like the musical guests who also have time to speak to Conan and Andy. These things are always good. I also like the science guys who are closer to crazy than funny, always a plus. - Donkey
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Definitely friends of the show, I would much rather see Scott Thomson hit on Andy than see Frederique talk about the ways that people in different countries want to have sex, "Americans like the lights off..." - Anglfoxxxx
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Well...personally I like the really pretty model type. Not cause its a beautiful female model...(I'm a heterosexual female)...but cause I enjoy watching Conan react to them. It's hilarious watching Conan get his groove on. - Eva
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I like the novelty guests the best because they show Conan and Andy how to make things which they usually make fun of. It always turns out hilarious, especially the guests that do science experiments! (i.e. Conan with the skateboard and fire extinguisher.. remember??) - Jess
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I have to say that I like when he invites Martha Stewart on because he rips into her about everything she is doing when she comes to show off her homemaker expertise, which just about everyone else does. I have also liked when he had Michael Keaton on and for some reason, Fabio, again because he gets ripped into by Conan and the insult dog. - Claudia
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My favorite kinds of guests are the novelty guests because they will usually involve Conan in their presentations in some way: Martha Stewart and the Halloween treats, Bill Nye and his experiments, Thane Maynard and his animals and many more... and anytime Conan is involved, the segment is always funny. - Chillngirl
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We'll do another poll in the next issue after hiatus.
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LIVE@6A from Lisa Pugliese
Let's go into the past. All the way to August, 14 1997. This was my very first trip to the show. My dad and I got on line around 3:45. The page came by, checked us in, and fast forward to 5:15, we were seated. I was on the band side, 6 rows back on the left aisle.
Mike Sweeney came out and did the usual warm-up routine. He introduced the band, they played a few toe tappin' tunes. Then Conan came out, sang his song, danced with a woman. At the end he said, "Who was scared by that? No, really. Who was so scared that they were going to wet their pants?" A guy raised his hand.
"Come here, I want a hug." The guy hugged Conan.
"Let's here it for this lady!"
"Hey, Andy. Do we have anything to give her?"
"Uh, I could go check." Andy exits.
Then Conan got two guys to hug each other and then they danced with the band. Andy came back with a lamp.
"Alright! Hey, that's from my dressing room you bastard!" said Conan.
"I know, that's why I took it," Andy replied.
Conan takes the lamp from Andy and sets it up by the woman.
"There, now you can read during the show."
Conan and Andy left. Mike came back out and he told us to applaud so the sound guys could test the microphones. They left and the show started. The desk bit was a video of a therapist asking kids from the "kids show" audience questions. The first guest was Rosie Perez. She talked about reading stories for her HBO movie
"Subway Stories". The second bit was Joel talking about why he seemed depressed.
The second guest was Michael Rappaport. He got Conan to dance disco with Rosie Perez. The musical guest was Wilco. (They sounded good live, but when I watched it that night, they SUCKED! But that's my opinion.
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THE 'CONOLOGUE' JOKES by Robin Banks
**Conan O'Brien on SLICK WILLIE**
"Earlier tonight the Miss USA pageant aired on CBS. Afterwards President Clinton called to congratulate the winner and remind her that technically he is Mr. USA."
**Conan O'Brien on YELTSIN**
"According to PEOPLE magazine Kenny and Bobbi McCoy say that their septuplets go through 350 bottles a week -- which means they're tied with Boris Yeltsin."
**Conan O'Brien on UNUSUAL SENTENCING**
"In Illinois a man is accused of stealing several legal documents from Abraham Lincoln's archives. If convicted the man could go to jail for two score and five years."
**Conan O'Brien on MICHAEL**
"FORBES magazine says that because of costly lawsuits Michael Jackson is having financial problems. In fact today he filed for chapter eleven year old."
**Conan O'Brien on BUDDY THE DOG**
"The Whitehouse announced that they have decided to have Buddy the dog neutered. The Whitehouse made the decision after finding Buddy alone in the Oval office with an intern."
**Conan O'Brien on CLINTON**
"The other day while trying to get away from reporters questioning him about his sex scandal President Clinton walked into a flag pole. Then he spent the rest of the day reading up on Freudian symbolizm.
**Conan O'Brien on A REAL CHALLENGE**
"Boris Yeltsin told reporters yesterday that he's sick of questions about his health and he challenged the reporters to a contest in a swimming pool. Yeltsin said, 'Whoever can drink the contents of the entire pool wins the contest.'"
**Conan O'Brien on BAD HABBITS**
"Yesterday a federal judge ruled that Mayor Guilliani cannot close down new York sex shops just yet. The judge said, 'He'll have to wait until I run outta quarters.'"
**Conan O'Brien on RACE CONTROVERSY**
"Alaska's annual Iditterod dog sled race is underway right now. This year the race is surrounded by controversy. One of the dogs trashed their hotel room and two others tested positive for marijuana. "
**Conan O'Brien on NEVE CAMPBELL**
"There's a new movie coming out 'Wild Things'. Neve Campbell, in this movie, takes part in a group sex scene. Apparently it's the best 'Party Of Five' ever."
**Conan O'Brien on JERRY SPRINGER**
"Daytime Emmy nominations were announced yesterday. It's shocking, but Jerry Springer wasn't nominated. After hearing about it Springer became so enraged and violent he was booked as a guest on his show."
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THE BONE OF CONTENTION by Freewheelin' Micah Honees
Last week our esteemed editor took a little survey to find out which of the regular bits the readers of NEE-HA!!! Well, this week, because I didn't vote as far as you know and, more importantly, because I can, here is a quick opinion-piece as to which bits I think work and don't work on LATE NIGHT.
TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG. I loooove this dog. I'm not really sure why; perhaps it's the cheesy quality. But I'll tell you something. I'd hump this dog's leg right now, Grandma!! It's always funny and always 'out there'. Nothing on television (all of it) makes me laugh as much or as hard as Triumph does. Whether he's Kirk-bashing or poking fun at Teshie, it always rocks. If you don't like it, I have only one question: Whatsamatta? You never seen a three-way?!
PIMPBOT: I miss Pimpbot. He's MIA and there's no truth to the rumor that he's been off LATE NIGHT because he's got a walk-on part in the "Lost in Space" movie that looks like it'll stink up a theater near you this summer. My guess is that Pimpbot and his hoes are layin' low because the heat is comin' down on him. But don't worry. If the po-lice get too close, he'll cut them!
CLUTCH CARGO: OK, so we have to have Clinton and his "NEE-HA!!" all the time. It's a given; it's funny; and it pokes dun at a political figure who has Bubba-ed himself into a corner nearly every time he gets drive-thru and Mickey D's. Love that Clinton. But I have this bully pulpit and I need to make a plea to the producers and writers of LATE NIGHT. We absolutaciously need more Don King!! More Don King!! More Don King!! More Don King!! More Don King!! More Don King!!
COOKING SEGMENTS almost always are interesting and yet oddly, very little actually gets cooked! Some of them work-like Emeril Legasse's segment-and some just don't. Here I'm thinking of almost every other one I've seen save the one where those two guys cooked gourmet biscuits for their dogs. That one actually left me with a question. And I think you know what question it was: Do these guys really love their dogs that much? (Oops.) Did you have a different question? Oh. Well, the answer is yes. I'm pretty sure of it.
THE STARING CONTEST needs to die a respectful death like the whole "Don't play Prince's '1999'"-thing was allowed to go to it's grave. I'm just tired of it and the bit seems to be more gross than funny. Shock value is one thing; timekillers are quite another.
THE PSAs are always funny. I would think that most people like Max's take on things the best since, after all, it's set up that way (he goes last), but I always get a kick out of Andy's PSAs. He comes across as such a laid-back nice person who is eager to help and then he tells you to call white people crackers or honkys or perhaps he freaks out over the Christmas tie his dad never wore. Something weird and slightly twisted like that. And remember: don't throw rocks at nuns!!
Last but not least-and I may catch some crap for this-THE YEAR 2000. For whatever reason I have never ever found this funny. La Bamba being a big dude who can sing real high is funny-don't get me wrong-but it's not 'buckle your knees'-funny. Some of the predictions are odd, to that we can all agree, but to still maintain things will be so radically different in the year 2000 from what they are in the year 1998 doesn't make much sense. Not to me, anyway. Maybe it's time to change the name of the bit to IN THE YEAR 2525; after that hideous song from the seventies. Doesn't really matter to me anyway. I don't think I'll find it funny then, either. Try to have a good week.
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THE WICKED GOOD GUESTS GUIDE TO APPEARING ON LATE NIGHT by Robin Banks
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UPCOMING GUESTS - March 16 - 20 1998
The list of upcoming guests is a provisional list, subject to change:
MONDAY, Mar. 16 (repeat of 01/12/98):
Minnie Driver
Richard Belzer
B.B. King
TUESDAY, Mar. 17:
Blink 182
WEDNESDAY, Mar. 18:
Kevin Bacon
The Bacon Brothers
THURSDAY, Mar. 19:
Julianna Marguiles
Doris Wishman
FRIDAY, Mar. 20:
Al Franken
Ricky Jay
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WEEK IN REVIEW - March 9 - 13 1998
MONDAY, March 9 (repeat of 11/6/97):
William Shatner,
George Stephanopoulos,
French Stewart
Conan's Trip to Amsterdam
Triumph Insults William Shatner
TUESDAY, March 10:
Tom Arnold,
Elizabeth Berkley,
Chantal Kreviazuk
Clutch Cargo: Clinton, Tyson, Don King
Triumph The Insult Comic Dog
WEDNESDAY, March 11:
Mayor Rudolph Guilliani
Sir David Frost
Jeff Garlin
Letters Never Delivered
Late Night Lottery
THURSDAY, March 12:
Fred Savage
Ian Bagg
Jeff Weinrich & his dog Bill
Hidden Celebrity Talents
Stacy visits
FRIDAY, March 13:
Denis Leary
Holly Robinson-Peete
Music from Mary Lou Lord
Cheer Up! Monica
Staff Bio.
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WEB SITE REVIEW by Quinn
Herbert Gambill's page, AKA "Misfit Media Guide to Late Night," is a slickly designed page that looks much more interesting than it actually is. The main page has a snappy logo and a sidebar of links sorely in need of updating. Some of the links are dead and also many new and worthwhile pages are noticeably missing (such as mine--shameless plug, sorry).
But the links section shouldn't be the most important part of a page. Let's take a look around the original content. Underneath the sometimes current, sometimes not line-ups is the standard description of why the page master likes Late Night, and then a brief description of favorite bits. The multimedia archive does offer hundreds of screen grabs as promised, covering 1995 and 1996. I don't know about the claim of "many sound and quicktime clips," though. All I can see is one movie of the Gaseous Weiner.
The thing that redeems the page in my eyes is the excellent episode guide. You can find out the guests and comedy bits performed for any episode from 1995 on. Pre-1995 there are abstracts available written by members of AFCOB. This resource has proved invaluable to me on many occasions.
Gambill clearly has talent. This page is not nearly as good as it has the potential to be. But if you need the description of an episode or an old picture, check it out at:
http://www.artomatic.com/~hgambill/conan.htm
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END QUOTE
"It's over buddy -- once you show your crotch to America you end the segment!" - COB
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FYI
You should really know this by now, but still people are always asking me for the info, so here it is.
HOW TO GET AN AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE OF CONAN OR ANDY:
Write to them, include a self stamped addressed envelope marked "AUTOGRAPH REQUEST" send to:
(name of person you're writing to)
c/o Late Night With Conan O'Brien
NBC Productions
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
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HOW TO GET TICKETS FOR THE SHOW:
Write to:
NBC Tickets
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
Or call:
(212) 664 - 3056/3057
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Want to contribute to "NEE-HA!"? Drop me an email and ask for the "MOST WANTED" list.
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Thanks to Laurie, Quinn, Micah Honees, Robin, Lisa Pugliese, Audrey and everyone who took the time to vote in the poll.
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Comments and questions to me: LACOB@AOL.COM