"I SAID NEE-HA!"
The Unofficial Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter #11/30-001
Hi there! Hola! Bonjour! Guten Tag and all other greetings and salutations! Fellow freckle bearing, sun block wearing fans of Late Night, welcome to the very first edition of the unofficial Late Night With Conan O'Brien Newsletter. Late Night viewers world wide have subscribed from Germany, Spain, Scotland (freeeeeeeeeeeeeedooom! - still being a Braveheart), England, Ireland, Holland, Norway, Canada and of course the USA. It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that people all over the world are staying up late-ish and laughing like hyenas on helium at Late Night's crazy humor. Yes it's true guys, Conan and Andy have united the world with their unique brand of comedy. All hail the high and mighty Roosterhead! And Andy!
I want to thank all those who contributed and subscribed. You may think that the first issue is very basic, well, things can only get better, that's my motto and I firmly believe that that is how it's going to go. This is a newsletter by the fans for the fans, it's not about any one person taking control, so please feel free to contribute anything (as long as it's Late Night Related) at all. This is for you and only you can make it work.
So how did "I SAID NEE-HA!" happen? Well, I was in and out of the newsgroups for about three months and I could see how many dedicated fans there were out there. I also heard about the Late Show News listserv and then I came up with the idea of a newsletter dedicated completely to the best show on T.V. and since there wasn't one out there since the demise of KRUNK! I wanted to get one started or revive KRUNK! So I posted a question in the NG to see if anyone would be interested in starting a newsletter/ Email fanzine:
<< Hey, here's an idea: A LNwCOB E-mail newsletter with website reviews, Late Night news and gossip (if we can get it), NBC Europe/Asia information, upcoming guests, fan fiction, monologue quotes, stories from people who have been fortunate enough to see the show live. Basically, a newsletter that contains all the Krunk that we're interested in. Not to mention that this newsletter would be exclusively about Late Night, not the Late Show or any of the other night time chat shows.
Has this been done before? Is anyone interested? If I start one off, will you wanna contribute/subscribe? E-mail: LaCoB@AOL.com >>
And you did Email me... this was your reaction to the initial post I made in the Newsgroup...
"I like the idea and I could help you out if interested!"
"I think it sounds terrific. I would definitely like to subscribe and possibly write some stuff, if you'd let me."
"I need all the Conan I can get! I'm grounded AND I can't watch Conan.... so send me the newsletters!"
"Late Night Newsletter? I'm really Looking forward to this!"
"Send me a copy of the newsletter!!! It will be greatly appreciated!!!"
"I WILL JOIN!!! thank you for the offer. I think its great that you do that kind of stuff on your spare time and just send it out for free!!!"
"I would love to be put on that subscription list!!!"
"gimmie gimmie gimmie!! ;-) Um, I mean, please subscribe me to your newsletter."
"Consider this: if you revive Krunk, you'll have a good, valid excuse to try to arrange an interview with Conan!!!" - there's a reason if ever there was one!
Ok, I think you get the picture. You like the idea of having a Late Night E-zine delivered direct to your desktop and you would like to contribute. Excellent! I got a pretty positive response and so I decided just to do it. Now here we are! Did anyone recognise their own quotes?
Why is it called "I SAID NEE-HA!?!" I called it that so that I wouldn't be copying KRUNK! I didn't want to offend any of the original people who wrote for it and if Cynthia Gill ever returns and wants to revive KRUNK! she can without worrying that someone stole her fanzine's name. Also, I love the synchro-vox/clutch cargo Bill Clinton character on the show. I just like that phrase and now I have a genuine reason to use it.
What's the difference between this and KRUNK?
Well this is free, it's Email only and KRUNK was sent out by snail mail.
If this works properly, we should have a pretty interactive fan letter with weekly quizzes and surveys. We'll get to know each other a lot better. That can't be bad! Let's get it on!
LACoB
Editor
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Contents
FAN FIC - Terror At 30 Rock by Al Bell
INTERACTIVE QUESTION OF THE WEEK - PimpBot v Triumph
LIVE AT 6A - Alicia recounts her fab experience
MONOLOGUE JOKES - quoting Conan from the past few weeks
NBC EUROPE NEWS
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS - By Kristen
TOP TENS FOR LATE NIGHT ADDICTS - featuring Quinn's addiction
UPCOMING GUESTS - could not have put it any better
WEBSITE REVIEWS - Roost-A-Hed! reviews
WEEK IN REVIEW - if you've missed an episode we'll tell ya what happened
End Quote
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FAN FICTION - From Al Bell
You've read it at the Bell Jar, you've read it in the NewsGroup, now read the sixteenth instalment here in the Newsletter.
TERROR AT 30 ROCK (or THE PEACOCK HAD FANGS)
Part 16: Starship Zippers
Conan reached out to calm his former secretary. "Easy, Maysie. Easy. Secretaries are people, too." Maysie lay still. She looked confused for a moment, then grateful, then terrified. She rolled off the women's bathroom sofa and under it, pressing herself against the wall like an enormous cockroach. "Please," she shrieked. "Please. There was no fresh salt-free caviar. None. None. Please don't kill me."
Conan tried to reach under the sofa to pat Maysie, and she slid even further out of his reach. She whimpered like a horribly abused dog till Conan lifted the sofa up to uncover her. She fainted. Conan roused her and reassured her five times before she trusted him enough not to fall unconscious at the first petrifying sight of him.
Conan helped her into an empty office. He sat her in an armchair and squatted on the floor next till him while she explained to him who and what he was in _this_ alternative reality.
In this reality, the Khaki People had already attacked and enslaved the Planet Earth with the help of a diabolical army of Zippers.
The Zippers came in all sizes: small Zippers that zipped around human beings' heads and controlled their thoughts. Medium-size Zippers that zipped around buildings and permitted the Khaki generals to change colors, textures and climate control options at will. And large Zippers that fastened the Solar System into an isolated sack of space-time subject to the Khaki people's evil whims.
The Khaki occupation was a brutal one. The invaders plastered Calvin Klein ads everywhere, destroyed every piece of women's clothing that was not a Size 2, and required every living Earth creature to wear Brown, the New Black.
In this reality, Conan was not just a high-strung talk show host with a habit of throwing flaming jars of kerosene at unsatisfactory employees. Here, he was an agent of the Khaki people, sent to generate propaganda in support of the Khaki dress code.
"I tried to hold out," Maysie whispered, eyes moist with memories. "I tried to stick to my jeans and a nice blue pocket t-shirt. But they came at me. Again and again. And again and again. Every time we destroyed one, 10 more came to take its place. More and more and more."
"More what?" Maysie hid her face in her Brown (i.e., New Black) Size 2 mini skirt. "Of their catalogues," she breathed. "Their catalogues."
"Do they have any weaknesses?" Conan demanded. "Any at all? What about jamming the teeth of the Zippers?"
"No. There is only one hope. You must -- you must -- " Maysie looked up at the ceiling in horror. "Hack the t -- "
And a Zipper opened up the ceiling of the office and swallowed Maysie whole. It grabbed onto Conan and pulled and pulled, but Delenn yanked him back into his home reality. All the Zipper got was his pompadour.
Delenn watched him with worried eyes. "Well?"
"The tabs. We've got to hack the tabs off the Zippers."
Sheridan thumped the desk in disgust. "Damn, I knew it. If only we'd sent operatives in with rust."
________________
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! Has brown replaced black in your wardrobe? Have the Khaki People got to you yet? Read the entire thrilling story so far at:
Al Bell's Bell Jar - http://users.vnet.net/allbell/belljar.html *
"I'm just crazy about it." - Sylvia Plath
Featuring: "Terror at 30 Rock (or: The Peacock Had Fangs)"
allbell@vnet.net *NOTE CHANGE IN ADDRESS
If this has inspired you to write, send your stories to: LaCoB@AOL.com
REPLY WITH HEADER: FAN-FIC
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INTERACTIVE QUESTION OF THE WEEK
I'm a survey freak (freak in many ways) so every week in the Newsletter we're going to survey you to find out what and who you like best on Late Night. I set up a special Email account at Hot mail for this. Who's your favourite character? This week that old fellow who combines the classic sensibilities of a 1950's robot with the wit and flair of a 1970's street pimp. Yes you know who I'm talking about, PimpBot 5000! This week, for the first issue of "I SAID NEE-HA!" will be up against the hugely funny Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog. Who could forget his exceptional comic put-downs? Not Teshie, that's for sure. The dog is a four-legged genius. Please reply before Friday 5 December.
PimpBot 5000 versus Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
REPLY TO: LateNightPoll@Hotmail.com
USE THE NAME OF YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTER AS YOUR HEADING.
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LIVE AT 6A
Alicia tells us what it was like for her at a live taping of the show...
"I went to see a taping of Late Night on November 11. Let me say, it's a BLAST!!! My mom took me for my birthday and I brought my friend Andrea. It was a long wait in line when we first got there. We got in line at 1430H and they don't let you upstairs until 1600H. Then you have to wait a bit more when you get upstairs, and this girl tells you all the rules which were: no chewing gum, no smoking, no photography, no shouting out during interviews.
We had really good seats. I was right near the aisle. All that waiting was worth it when Conan came out. He was inches away from me, I almost freaked out. He danced with this girl across from me, he hugged this guy, Conan and the Max Weinberg 7 all danced together, and this girl asked him to sign her Religion test, he signed it "Jesus Christ" It was great!!! The show started, and the guests were former Today show presenter Bryant Gumble, director Francis Ford Coppola, and muso group Green Day.
They did actual items and Andy's little sister Stacy came out!!!! Stacy is my favorite thing on the show!!! She sang this song for Conan. They also had this guy, do some Godfather thing. That was funny. I was screaming the whole time. Then after the show, Conan comes back and says what a great audience we were, and he said to come back again sometime, and we left. I really want to go back again, maybe next year!!! I hope you all get to go sometime, because it's such a good time!!!"
What was it like for you? Tell us your stories...
REPLY WITH HEADER: COB-LIVE
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MONOLOGUE JOKES: QUOTING CONAN
"In New Zealand, a 670 pound man was released from Prison and sent home because he's too big. Apparently, the last straw was during a strip search he was caught trying to smuggle in a vending machine."
"In a recent interview, Evander Holyfield said that he still hasn't received an apology from Mike Tyson for biting his ear off. When asked about it, Tyson said, 'I did apologise, he just didn't hear me!'"
"Nelson Mandela met the Spice Girls and said they were his heroes. Then afterwards, the Spice Girls asked: 'Who's Nelson Mandela?'"
"Scientists announced yesterday that they've located the gene for intelligence. When they found it, it was downloading porn off the Internet."
"Yesterday the inventor of the first disposable diaper passed away. He'll be buried tomorrow, but he isn't expected to decompose for over 200 years."
"Dan Quayle says that he hasn't decided whether or not he'll run for President in the year 2000. He said, 'After all, it's still eight years away.'"
"This week People magazine voted George Clooney the sexiest man alive.
They also voted Keith Richards the sexiest man - not alive."
"It has been reported that the Spice Girls have fired their manager because he had been dating one of the singers and they had a nasty break-up. I'm not sure which one it was, but I think it was Vindictive Spice.
She's my favourite!"
"During a recent interview, Marv Albert says that he's now in therapy and he really enjoys it. Especially 'group' therapy."
"Paula Jones was questioned, under oath, about the distinguishing marks on President Clinton's private parts. When they asked if it was really bent, she said, 'Put it this way, if you threw it, it would come right back.'"
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NBC EUROPE NEWS AND SCHEDULES
NBC Europe, follows Late Night's schedule one day behind. Friday shows are shown on Monday.
A number of NBC Europe's viewers have asked why Late Night is no longer shown on Saturday nights. So I asked them, here is a quote from their reply.
(QUOTE) With our new schedule launch we produced a Must See TV Saturday which includes 2 new comedies from the US (Mr. Rhodes and Union Square), as well as the return of Profiler and a Saturday Night Mystery Slot. Unfortunately because of this we effectively "ran out of time" and decided that it was more interesting for our viewers to get a new show of Conan's on Monday night instead of the old repeat. (ENDQUOTE)
Sorry, it doesn't look like they'll be bringing it back on Saturdays.
If you missed Conan's appearance on VIP with Catrina Skepper on Monday, NBC Europe will be showing it again on December 31.
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PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS
If you watch NBC a lot, and you know you should, then you've probably seen these public service announcements. They're usually done by some NBC personality, they're about have safe sex, don't do drugs... Advice for kids of all ages from Conan and Andy. Sent in by Kristen.
ANDY'S PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS
"Is it Saturday night? Your friends are all out? You've got a case of the nothing-to-do blues. Well here's an idea; why don't you call the police and tell them your neighbor is shooting people. Within a few minutes you'll have a front row seat to the most exciting show around!"
"If you tell a talk show host sidekick he's good looking and you want to have sex with him. Making him steamy and hot, and willing to cheat on the wife he loves, then not showing up at the agreed hotel...STOP IT! Okay! TORI?!?!?"
"Your folks don't understand you. They don't let you do what you want to do. And it's getting worse all the time. Well there is a solution.... RUN AWAY! You can go wherever you want to go, do whatever you want to do. Because the bottom line is, it's your life. Don't let it be ruined by a couple of middle-aged squares."
"There's nothing more annoying than cigar smoke. It's foul. It reeks. It clears out crowds. So remember that next time you're on a crowded train."
"Having trouble in school? All those classes making your head spin? Well maybe you're just not very smart. Why not drop out and try interstate trucking? Because right now you're just embarrassing yourself."
"Hey Grandma! Listen! Everybody hates your pearl onions and cream sauce. So just show up, shut up, and eat! And be grateful you were even invited!"
"It's Christmas morning. Your son got you the ugliest tie you've ever seen. He asked you to wear it to work. You said no. Your son cried and cried. Why would you wear the tie Daddy? WHY!?! I love you so much, why didn't you wear the tie!?!?"
"For most people the holidays are a time for togetherness and family. But for those who are alone and isolated, it can be an extremely depressing time of year. So if you know anybody who's an outcast or shut-in be sure you don't visit them during Christmas time. After all you don't want to be the one to discover the body."
CONAN'S PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS
"It's 3:00 in the morning. Your term paper is due in six hours. You haven't even started the reading for it yet. How are you going to get that 'A'? Easy. It's called bribery. So hit the cash machine. Then get a good night's sleep, Because the world doesn't need another term paper, but your professor could sure use a new stereo."
"It's your first month at college and you haven't made any friends. Well, learn from my experience. You won't. Ever. You'll walk the earth a sad, lonely, red-headed freak. Then one day, inexplicably, you'll be given a TV show. Then people will have to talk to you. So hang in there."
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TOP TENS FOR LATE NIGHT ADDICTS
So you think your behaviour is a bit weird. Don't worry. You are not alone. Everyday of every week of every month of every year since September 13 1994 people have gone cuckoo and it is set to continue into the next century. We have conclusive proof that Late Night has influenced the behaviour of thousands of people across America, Canada and Europe.
Quinn, the inspiration for Andy's little sister, considers herself a bit of a Late Night addict. Here, she sings a song revealing why...
"There's a fire in my heart, it warms up my soul,
that flame's name is Conan, he so lanky, pale and droll!
Every freckle on his handsome face is like a shooting star!
He's like other boys, except he knows how to drive a car!
He know how to drive a car, drive a car..."
Okay, here are the real reasons.
1. I bought a pair of black Converse All-Star high-tops. And I've started cuffing up my jeans.
2. I eat potatoes at least once a week (seriously!).
3. My friends call me Mrs. O'Brien or Stacey.
4. I've started a petition to get the time Late Night is shown in Houston changed.
5. I spend way, way too much time in the newsgroup.
6. I spent an entire day of my vacation in NYC trying to get to a taping stand-by. Didn't work.
7. I have about 150 Late Night related pictures on my wall (mostly Conan, but a few of Andy and Max).
8. I have Beanie Babies named Conan (a fox) and Andy (a gorilla). So cute.
9. I carry 2 pictures of Conan in my wallet.
10. I've rented SNL tapes just to see a fleeting glimpse of Conan as an extra.
I have just one question. Do you think Quinn would avoid potatoes altogether if she were not a fan of Late Night?
Quinn is obviously extremely dedicated. Do you share her dedication? What makes you a Late Night Addict? What attracts you to Conan and Andy? Show your love by revealing ten things you do to prove your love for The Show.
REPLY WITH HEADER: COB-Lists
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UPCOMING GUESTS: DECEMBER 1 - 5 1997
The list of upcoming guests came from the NBC website:
http://www.nbc.com/entertainment/shows/conan/guests.html
MONDAY:
John Tesh(repeat of 09/27/97)
Joan Cusack
Music from Squirrel Nut Zippers
TUESDAY:
Chris Rock
Michael Moore
Music from Neil Coty
WEDNESDAY:
Paul Reiser
Janeane Garafalo
Music from Steve Winwood
THURSDAY:
Elton John
Tim Meadows
FRIDAY:
Adam Sandler
Robert Wuhl
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WEBSITE REVIEW by Roost-A-hed!
When I first gained access to the Internet I was stunned and thrilled to see how many wonderful Websites there were out there. So many people have given up their time to pay tribute to what is probably the best TV show in Late Night (called Late Night). NBC should be supporting these tributes instead of shutting them down. Young or old, old and new, whether you've been a fan since the beginning or you're a newbie you can't fail to notice Conan's charm and wit. One such person who definitely noticed Conan is Quinn, who dedicated her website to him.
"Why I Adore Conan (And You Should Too!)" is one of the best sites for pictures of Conan. If you're looking for an attractive pic of Consie and not a screen grab image for your desktop or your own website then this is the site for you. You can chose from over 150 images. It's a bright colorful site, and the homepage has a picture of Conan looking drop dead ______ (use your own word here, I don't want to go on about how he looks).
Quinn goes on to describe why she adores Conan (as the title of this site may suggest). There's some really corny descriptions of Conan's features, example: "his hair is like the fiery sun as it rises to greet us into a new day!" Yuh-hu-uh! Quinn's friend Nikki came up with a scientific term for Conan addiction: "Scopycadimleshypheofamorehoermaenkardiakyanosophthalmoserythros-tricheucorpusychloros," it's the longest word I've ever seen and it didn't show up in my spell check as wrong, so it must be real! It means "the Conan syndrome."
There are some sound clips including quotes and rowls, the Conan library links us to magazine articles and interviews with Conan and Andy, a couple of video clips of COB and AR at the Emmys and a list of public service announcements.
Check it out at: http://www.angelfire.com/tx/quinncorner2/conan.html
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WEEK IN REVIEW NOVEMBER 24 - 28 1997
MONDAY:
Lisa Kudrow(repeat of 05/02/97)
Erik Estrada
Silverchair
Highlights include: Conan's visit to Houston, where Late Night is still not on until 2:40 AM! He met Buffalo in a bus station and got a lapdance from the skinniest person ever. Conan and Andy offered the former President of Zaire political asylum in the studio, with a free Maverick poster thrown in for good measure. Andy previewed his new commercial for a Law firm.
TUESDAY:
Garth Brooks and New Grass Revival
Sigourney Weaver
Frank Goreshon
Celebrities before plastic surgery included, Cameron Diaz, Celine Dion, John Cusack, Ed Koch and Rudi Guilliani. They had their annual unwanted relatives drive.
WEDNESDAY:
Nathan Lane and The Reverend Al Sharpton
Music from Todd Rundgen
There was an interview with Bobbi and Kenny McCoy, the parents of the septuplets, live via satellite. The ventriloquist Dummy Choir performed "Come Ye Thankful People, Come" Rev. Al Sharpton sang the James Brown classic Sex Machine.
THURSDAY:
Scott Thompson
Carol Leifer
Dana Gould
The Kiss Ass Turkey showed up during Conan's monologue. Conan and Andy previewed the holiday movies on Conan and Andy on the Aisle. Scott Thompson "pulled a Farrah!" The masturbating bear tried to quit smoking.
FRIDAY:
Mary Tyler Moore
Anthony Clark
Music from Ric Ocasek
(sorry I couldn't get the highlights for Friday's show due to unforeseen circumstances)
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EDITORS END QUOTE
I hope you enjoyed the first edition. If you did, tell your friends about it and get them to subscribe. If you didn't mail me and tell me what you didn't like and how you would improve it. All feedback, ideas, thoughts and contributions are appreciated.
Once more thanks to the contributors Quinn, Alicia, Al Bell, and Kristen. Also thanks to Al Bell, Damone and Leo for their advice.
Cheers, thanks a lot.
- LA 'CoB' Gallacher
The Duchess of Dorktonia
"My stomach's been tucked so much, that, actually, my nipples are on my legs!" - Andy Richter
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Email FEEDBACK INFO
Send all comments, stories, ideas, replies to: LACOB@AOL.COM
Interactive Poll to: LateNightPoll@hotmail.com
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