Denying Pain. (dedicated to: He Knows.) 9/7/97

You can't see the pain that lies under the
glossy green of my eyes.
Underneath this dark colour I hold emotions
I hope are exagurrated.
Truth is they are every bit valid.
But they're too painful to face.

My eyes, the windows to my innerself,
are professionals at disguising hurt.
Hurt formed gradually through 6 months of
slow and increasing subordination.
I only feel the hurt if I think about it.
Otherwise i'm cheerfully and honestly happy.

I face a life far beyond my years,
that's what gets me so stressed.
Parental dictatorship, hopes of a career,
a boyfriend with a child who has let me down once.
I say I forgive and forget.
Forgive I do, forget I can't.

You never asked me if I was upset or what
I felt that night.
I never told you for fear you would leave,
So quiet I was
You acted as though everything was alright,
Which made it even worse.

I appear so strong, so able to contend with the
difficulties a relationship entails.
The fact is I'll die insdie if I continue to admit
subordination for pure love of you.
I hurt so much inside yet I still smile.
I scream frustration in my mind yet I beam contentedness.

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