THE BEEFSTOCK INTERNATIONAL REGGAE FESTIVAL!
So what is BEEFSTOCK ?
- A roots music-ritual unrivaled on Long Island . .
- The annual celebration of the four food groups: BEEF - BEER - CHEESE and GREASE!
- Home of the ice-sculpted shot-flume, outdoor couches and showering Swedish Nannies!
'...COULDJEW MOVE YER TERLIT?'Grandma, Beefstock 1997
THE 2002 BEEFSTOCK INTERNATIONAL REGGAE FESTIVAL AND CULTURAL EXPOSITION
It may not have been the biggest BEEFSTOCK ever, but they made Saturday, August 24th, 2002 THE HOTTEST, WETTEST, LOUDEST, ROCKINEST MASH-UP PARTY OF THE YEAR!
Long Island's Reggae Ambassadors and special host Joseph "Loveroy" Lombardo, the NEW Loveroy, made BS2K2 a huge success. As a tropical depression moved in and dumped rain on Long Island for most of the day, BS2K2 planners went full speed ahead and kicked tent construction into high gear. Three minutes into the first set, the heavens opened and Jah Blessings rained down on the massive.
THE WEATHER
It rained and rained. Partiers crowded under market umbrellas and used table clothes to hide from the rain. Others celebrated in the glory of nature, and rolled through the grass. (One guy in particular, became a giant grass steam-roller, but we'll get back to him later.) As the water level rose and the power strips started to float, the band quickly cut the power. It was either the loud sound of electrical popping or the taste of burning that clued them in. "It tastes like burning", shrieked Stinky, as his 'fro straightened out and stood on end.
THE ICE CARVING MADMAN
A unplugged drum circle kicked in as everyone's favorite madman returned for the jet-fueled chain saw ice-carving show. The first carving was, well, an ice carving... It turned out to be a shot flume with a huge "02" on the side and provided the mainstay liquor injection device for the entire festival. The second carving was, according to Delroy X, was a fire hydrant. "Ooh Look", cried Delroy the bass wonder, "he's carving a fire hydrant!" It begs the question, "How the hell did Mrs. X get pregnant?" The fire hydrant turned out to be the madman's best ice sculpture yet. A huge set of ice titties- see photo below on the right - that when your face was placed betwixt them, a shot could be poured into your liquor-starved gullet. Excellent use of ice and chainsaw Madman!
The third was the peace sign. A BEEFSTOCK staple that reminds us of why we do what we do.
THE MUSIC
When a fan asked Crispy, "Hey, why aren't you guys playing?", he stopped to ponder the wisdom of the question.. "Was it the violent electrical storm...or perhaps it was the electronic instruments soaked in heaven's rains?" What seemed like an obvious answer, soon turned into a mystery. "Why can't we play?", a confused Crispy asked rhetorically. Soon, as with all great philosphers from Plato to Kapp, Crispy had the answer. "Let's play", procalimed a fearless Ras Crispy. Soon, the reggae craving crowd was out from under the umbrellas and dancing in the mosh pit!
The music and the irie vibrations continued until well past the Town of Huntington's noise code curfew. In fact, the rain even kept the cops away until well after midnight (it just would'nt be BEEFSTOCK without police intervention).
Warren A. Babylon asked the crowd, "What other reggae band plays Ozzy?" following a few great Sabbath tunes. Loyal fan Meg motioned "absolutely and unequivocally none" to the band, shaking her head from side to side with complete confidence. Haile Unlikely had finally realized their unique niche in show business. They now owned that little corner of the industry. Following years of searching for their true meaning, Haile Unlikely had finally made it big.
THE PRIZES
Speaking of big, that guy who was rolling on the grass. Well, he violated rule one. Never (unless you really want to get really, really drunk) make the "Bring it on" motion to the shot flume-tender. And never, ever, give yourself a shot from the flume that requires two gulps, and a violent side-to-side head thrashing in order to get down the 100 proof Southern Comfort.
Anyway, that guy works at a porn shop, at the business end of the mop. His boss showed up with adult prizes galore. Happy fans left BS2K2 with novelties that including extenders, plug-in devices with assorted attachments and nipple-clips galore. Loyal fan Kevin was last seen rushing his girlfriend toward the exit gate!
The band also distributed cheap promotional gimmicks. The free videos were scattered amongst the fans. ATTENTION ALL FANS: PLEASE SEND YOUR REVIEWS OF THE VIDEO TO haileunlikely @ yahoo.com. Thanks!
THE FOOD
What would we do without Loveroy's Momma? We'd starve, that's what! There was so much food (some of it soaked from the rain, but nevertheless delicious), that we just couldn't eat enough. Mrs. L's famous BBQ beans, Macaroni and Cheese ( the operative term being "cheese")and other All-American favorites hit the spot. Combine those with the usual BEEFSTOCK staples, Beef, Beer, Grease and CHEESE, and you realize why the Porta-Potty was so close! Woo-Hoo... Let's eat!
THE FANS
What keeps the BEEFSTOCK tradition strong? You guessed it. The most loyal and friendly fans in the world. Despite the rain, the came from as far away as Amsterdam, Arizona, upstate New York, Boston and Rocky Point. Special Guest performer Joe Feldman, who arrived with lovely wife Linda, pumped up the crowd with his tasty keyboard stylins'. His fingers grooved the dancefloor and kept them coming back for more with his great rendition of Bob Marley's classic version of "I Shot the Sheriff".
Little Colleen had the party moving to the sounds of the Greatful Dead after her request led to an entire Dead set! Big up and maximum Ras-spect to the Deadheads!
And Jah Bless the little children. There were kids everywhere. Playing volleyball, chasing one another and simply having fun, like only 'idren can have.
And then there was Matt. HE DID SOME REAL DRINKIN'. His father bellowed from across the street, "Hey Joey, you want this guy back? This is the way you send him home? Listen to this!" We all listened intently. What followed was stream of unconcious profanity ranging from, "F...Y.. you Mother-F.....", to a crowd favorite, "I've hated you since I was twelve years old."
Rather than wait for the outcome of this dispute, the lingering crowd (as it was past 2 a.m.) quickly found a reason to leave, as did Ras Crsipy and Delroy X.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY
Don't make the "Bring It On" motion when doing shots at the flume. You'll get really, really...REALLY drunk. And again, try to avoid self-fluming, it can only lead to vomiting and passing out on the dance floor.
Do, however, make plans now for BEEFSTOCK 2003! It cannot rain three-years in a row. It is a statistical impossibility. We'll schedule for the middle of the drought season, whenever that is. Plan for early July.
'...doesn't he realize what he could be doing to me RIGHT NOW?'Cameltoe
LOMBARDOSTOCK! as it came to be known by the massive. It was truly a year to remember. The shot flume was back, the olympic volleyball stadium was a huge success, and the Swedish Nannies put on the live Shower Shows!
THE 2001 WEATHER
Although the rain shut the live music down a little early (Grade 5 Thunderstorms hit the northeast killing five), it never stopped the party. Headliner Haile Unlikely rocked the festival with roots and dancehall music for a few hours before the heavens poured down. The band played from under the big blue tarps for a while, but then got really scared when the lightning started. DJ Ras Crispy then took over and spun out of control with a mix of reggae greats, Sublime, Black Sabbath, Ozzy, Cuban funk and Grateful Dead. The crowd danced all through the storm, and as the clouds parted, the wet partiers (and t-shirts...)mashed it up hard on the dance floor into the wee hours.
THE 2001 CROWD and SPECIAL GUESTS
The most diverse BEEFSTOCK crowd yet was wowed by Haile Unlikely's atomic reggae fusion power. Backed on the bass by the allstar recording artist, and Scofflaws frontman and sax wizard, Sammy Dread. Delroy Duffy also kicked the bass and sang while heavily sedated following a wicked session of rectal surgery. (They cut the poor boy's "ring" out.) A half naked guy got up and rapped freestyle for longer than expected, but the band graciously provided a backline for him! The crowd included flower children, peaceniks, metal heads from Brooklyn, plumbers, gays and lesbians, weirdos, Rastas, West Africans, Caribbeans, cops, lawyers, assistant district attorneys, bikers, trikers, Swedish nannies, farmers...and Dave.
THE 2001 HOST
Phenomenal host Joe Lombardo cooked thousands of pounds of greasy meat, salads and corn. There was close to a ton of cheese, tube steaks and more beer than you could shake your dick at, er, shake a stick at. There were great kegs of micro-brew imported from Vermont as well. Joe held the helm of the massive shot flume as empty liquor bottle after empty liquor bottle landed on the ground. The outdoor couches were a huge hit with the drunk and weary party goers. Many barfed.
THE 2001 GAMES
Olympic volleyball was a smash hit. Players from throughout the NY metro area hit the field hard. The ball wasn't the only thing bouncing as scantily clad players leaped and jumped for the spike. The ball wailed into the band on a few occasions making playing the instruments and keeping them in tune a new challenge.
'...it goes like THIS...da da da DA DA da da da DA da...you giys wanna come to my house and play through headphones?...'foremer H.U. drummer ARTIE
B2K - Beefstock 2000 was held on August 19, 2000. Some of you may have been confused by certain radio announcements. A local radio station (WKTU) stole our "BEEFSTOCK" name without permission and used it to schedule another event on the very same day. If we'd had 10 minutes to spare on Thursday or Friday before the party, we would certainly have slapped them with a Temporary Restraining Order. We decided to rise above it. This year anyway . . .
Anyway, B2K was the biggest and baddest festival yet. It brought hundreds of revelers to Caesars Ranch from as far away as FLORIDA, MASACHUSETTS, and JAMAICA for the 3rd straight year. Here are just some of the highlights:
WINGS - BUCKETS of BUFFALO CHICKEN WINGS WERE FLOWN IN DIRECTLY FROM THE ANCHOR BAR in BUFFALO NEW YORK! Much love goes out to Big Tony C. of Buffalo for providing wings from mild to SUICIDAL. We love you big guy! Not bad for a brother who has never actually made it to BEEFSTOCK in person.
GUEST MUSICIANS - 16 year old GUEST SAX whiz Michael Hirsch of BOSTON MASS blows B2K AWAY! When our friend, Box, told us he had a nephew in from Beantown who was jamming with the best jazz bands in Boston, we were skeptical and told him "who cares - we don't play jazz" and "is he even old enough to drink?" Box would not let up. He said the kid wanted to jam with us at B2K. "If he plays with REAL musicians, why would he want to play with us?" Anyway this went on and on, but the bottom line is - the kid got up with the band at the beginning of second set and blew everyone away. Young Mike Hirsch impressed everyone. He has great chops and a nice feeling like a young Kenny G or Branford Marsalis. Mike joined former H.U. lead guitar Man Pete Ferri on stage with Haile Unlikely and never left. HANS "STINKY" LANDAU shined at his premiere appearance with Haile Unlikely at B2K. This dynamic and experienced percussionist makes 3 the number of lawyers in the band. Not only can he sue the shit of you, but he can rock your world to the funky island reggae beat. Hans joined HU at PAINTERS for reggae Thursday which lasted the entire summer of '00. Made us look damn good too- Thanks guys.
ROCK WALL - The 40 foot rock climbing wall made its 2nd appearance at BEEFSTOCK much to the delight of young and older. No injuries! woo-hoo!
Attorney Dave "I have REALLY got to put some pants on" Kaplan officially VOTED OFF THE ISLAND by band members. woo-hoo!
No less than 27 "911" calls!
Check out these B2K PIX . . .
shots from the original Beefstock reggae festival - before we had wives to dress us...
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