Everyone who knows me, knows that I love the subject of angels. A couple of years ago, I just had this sudden urge to learn more about angels and how or if they affected our lives. Later I would realize, that sudden urge came just in time and straight from above.
I had suffered with asthma on and off all my life, but in the last 8 years it has become life threatening. I had been in the emergency room so often that all the doctors and nurses knew me well. There were many frightful times and through most of them I was alone. I didn't want to bother anyone or worry them. Then the worst one came upon me on October 17, 1995. This attack came so fast and furious that I knew I would not make it as I drove to the hospital that was only 5 minutes from my home. I could feel myself "losing it". Nothing seemed real around me. I still can't explain how I got to the door of that emergency room, except for that in my car, it was as if someone was telling me to pray for Jesus to help me and specifically to send angels to get me there. At that moment, I knew that there were angels around me and my car.
After a full day of treatments the attack was finally under control. But my doctor had requested that I stay in the hospital over night "just in case". Well, God and those angels were still at work in that decision, because later that night I went into the worst attack ever. It came on faster and much worse that the one earlier.
I'll never forget the eyes of the respiratory therapist when he looked back into mine. We both knew I was going to die without a miracle. We had talked earlier about the fact that this was the one way I did not want to die. Not to suffocate to death. His eyes were filled with sorrow and frustration. Nothing was working. Soon the room was filled with doctors and nurses doing all that they could, to make me more comfortable.
Now I heard them saying they better 'notify the family' and call a priest or minister. There was conformation of what I was so afraid of. I didn't want them to call my family. My father was not well and I knew, my parents especially, couldn't go through the pain of watching me suffocate to death.
I could only speak with my eyes and a tiny shake "no" of my head. I didn't have the strength to talk or raise my hand to motion in any way. The nurse was so patient trying to read my eyes and reason with me. She finally agreed to call my daughter. That was bad enough. Besides, what could they do?
They could Pray! I was scared. I can't deny that, but I also knew that I was not alone. As things got "fuzzier" to me, I had a peace about me, because once again, I knew that I was in the presence of angels.
Time became unreal and I felt as though I was slipping away. One of the last things I remember was a doctor gently and tenderly explaining to me that I would have to be paralyzed so that they could plunge a tube into my lungs to allow artificial respiration. I recall how he tried to comfort me by brushing back my hair, caressing my cheek and assuring me that he would not leave me, and that my personal doctors (whom I trusted) were right there too.
The second thing I remember hearing, was my father, in a trembling voice, asking the nurse "Is she going to make it?" and she replied, "Well, I'm sorry, it doesn't look good." After that I drifted off, but in peace, and knowing that I had angels, precious family, friends and our dear Pastor praying and believing for me.
I didn't realize until a couple of weeks later, that I must have really "drifted off!" When I told my daughter that the last thing I remembered was 'Grampa' asking the nurse if I would make it, she looked at me in astonishment, eyes open wide. "Mom! You couldn't have heard that!" "Yes I did!" I said. Lisa then told me that she, my parents, my sister and my brother-in-law were all down the hall in a little waiting room when that was said. "There's no way you could have heard that Mom!" ..But I did.
I'm not sure why I, or any of us go through an experience like this. But I know I had to use it for something. God must have allowed it, and brought me out of it for a purpose. Perhaps this is it.
A few winters ago, I remember one night in particular. We had a snow storm that day, and I had been out in it, so I knew how bad it was. Yet it was so beautiful. As I stood and looked out the window, I thought about how those little white flakes could wreak such havoc, yet look so beautiful and peaceful in the moonlight.
In a daze, I found myself reflecting on my life and some of my worst mistakes, that had led to the loneliness and discouragement I was feeling. One that haunted me most often was my decision to have an abortion around 30 years ago from now. I was divorced and had two little children already. I could hardly afford to feed, house and clothe them properly, and I was afraid and embarrassed to tell my family that I was stupid enough to get into this situation with a man who was at times abusive and had too many "problems" to care.
How many times over the years has my broken heart cried out for this child. "Oh God! How can I ever be forgiven for this one! Please forgive me, and someday let me embrace my child." But I didn't feel worthy of forgiveness from God, much less my child. "Father I know you cradled him in your arms that day, and he has been with you ever since. Please let him know how sorry I am and how much I love him!" (Somehow I just knew it was a boy with curly blonde hair.) I can't count how many times, including this night, I ached to hold this child in my arms. (Not many people know this, because I was so crushed and embarrassed at the time, but after having Jamie I tried to have another baby. I lost this child by miscarriage and could not become pregnant again. I thought this was my punishement from God, but later realized, our loving God does not work in that way. He just assures me that both of my little angels are safe with Him now.)
Through the years I had always pictured what he looked like. This night I pictured him around 20 years old, tall and handsome. He would have been a blessing and a helper to me and his younger brother, Jamie. Things have been so hard for Jamie. He sure could have used a brother close to his own age to grow up with. But it wasn't that way. I just didn't know. Back then, there weren't people and ads informing us about the truth of what was really happening. It seemed like almost "everyone" had abortions back then. It just wasn't a big thing......until it was me on that table and the procedure started. An overwhelming wave of grief and sorrow came over me. Suddenly, I was the mother of this child. But it was too late. I never expected this. I just didn't know.
My thoughts were halted by the sound of Jamie's voice. "Mom, I'm leaving now." "Jamie, do you have to go out tonight? It's snowing so hard and the roads are really slippery." He replied in his usual style, "Mom, I'm not gonna' be on the roads. I'm cuttin' through the fields and parks to walk to Angie's" " Oh Jamie, you know how I hate it when you cut through there, even in good weather! What if something happens? No one will be out there, especially tonight!" "Mom, I'll be alright! Nothin's gonna happen! See ya."
As usual, I felt so useless and helpless because I had no control over him anymore. I worried about him because he was a troubled kid, and he liked to do his own thing. As I watched him walk though the snow, down to the street, I prayed for Jesus to send Angels around him to protect him.
The evening went on and to my surprise, Jamie came in around 10:30, and excited to tell me something. (Two things that were very unusual for him!) I saw him 'in a different light'. He looked like he did when he was little, and excited about something and couldn't wait to rush home to tell 'mom'. He was hardly inside the door when he started, "Mom! You aren't gonna believe it. It was so cool!" "Really? What?" I said. "Awe Man! It was so cool Mom!" "Tell me! What!" Now I was excited too. Then he began, "I was walkin' through the parks and fields ya know?..And I was walkin',..and all of a sudden, I heard this noise coming from around me, but nothin' was around, anywhere! But I heard it! It was like,..well I don't know what! I gotta' admit, it was kinda' scary. 'Cause I didn't know what it was or where it was coming from. So then I started walkin' a little faster, but I could still hear it, and all of a sudden, it was so cool, I noticed these footprints right in front of me!" "Oh good!" I said, "Someone else was walking through there too." "No!" he said excitedly, "They were just footprints Mom! Just in front of me! My footprints! My boot prints! My size! My stride! And they were just there out of nowhere! When I looked around me, there were no other footprints but my own and the the ones in front of me. None! Except for some dog prints, but just like the other prints, they were just there in front of me out of nowhere! And you know the weirdest thing? They led right up to our apartment building!"
"Oh thank you Jesus!" I prayed inside, "you did send an angel!"
"Jamie that was your angel I prayed for. And I believe in my heart that it was your older brother I told you you should have had. I believe God sent him to be your protector and guide. As for the dog prints, who knows? Maybe they were Mugsy's!" (He was a dog we had 'lost' years earlier, whom Jamie grew up with and loved very much) Jamie's last reply before going to his bedroom was so comforting to me, because at that time, he never admitted to believing in anything and wouldn't even go to church, although at 5 he was "going to be a preacher") was just, "It was so cool Mom." "Man!". Then he turned and walked up the hall with a very peaceful look on his face. Something I hadn't seen very often. In fact, in years.
I know some of you reading this think it is wrong to believe or hope that Jamie's Angel was his brother. Perhaps not, but there is one thing I do know with no doubt in my mind. Jesus did send an angel that night to guide Jamie home, simply because I asked, and because He loves us that much. Nothing we ask is too great or too small for Him. I also know that Angel of encouragement, whoever he was, was sent to administer love and assurance to me as well as Jamie that night. I will never forget it and will always be grateful for it.
written by Jodi S. Overturf
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