Royce Gracie: Hello everyone and welcome to another jam-packed edition of Saturday Night Suicide!! I'm your host, Royce Gracie, and alongside me is the "would be" Superfight Champion, Frank Shamrock.
Frank Shamrock: Thank you Royce, you know, I think I should have kept that title, I feel like kicking some more butt, but that's all in the past, so let's go down to our first fight of the night.
This fight was a good one. Savage
controlled most of it hitting Shock with some big clothslines and
knocking him out to the cement, until Shock got fired up by the
crowd and started throwing some fierce rights and lefts, then
throwing Savage's head into the post. He then picked him up and
tossed him back in. We now take you down there:
RG: A powerful right hand by Shock and Savage goes down!! He picks him up, for a DDT!!! Now Shock, hooking on a Figure Four. WAIT!!!! WHO'S THAT??????
FS: Looks to me like The Degenerate!! What's he doing out here?
RG: I don't know, but he's got a metal bat in hand. He's climbing into the ring, and the ref is climbing out! Shock is trying to unhook his Figure Four, but it's too late!! Denegerate slammed his head into the mat with that bat. It's over!!! Here come The Paramedics to take Shock away.
"The Rock" Rocky
Hardcore Harry Dog
As Rocky Maivia got into the ring, he was met
with a chair by HHH. TR (The Rock) got up and got another chair
shot to the face. The Ref warned HHH about the chair, so he threw
it into the crowd. It hit some three year old in the head, but
that didn't matter to HHH as he hooked TR in a sleeper. TR looked
out of it and The Ref started the count.....he lifts....1st
drop....he lifts......2nd drop.......he lifts......but the three
year old's father hits him in the back with a chair and he lets
go. HHH gets up and chases the guy into the crowd. The ref counts
Maivia holds his hands up in triumph, but as he turns around, he
is met with a chair. IT IS HHH!!!!! Everyone wonders how he did
that, as the ref pulls the chair away and continues with the
match. HHH picks up Maivia and gives him a running clotghsline
and gives the signal for The Chicago Drop. He goes for it, but TR
reverses it into a Release German Suplex. He picks him up
and.....CHICAGO DROP BY HHH!!!!! 1..........2..........3!!!!!
Hardcore Harry Hog
This match was mostly dominated by
Sabu. He hit MR with multiple dropkicks in the beginning, but
Midnight Rider fought back by throwing him into the turnbuckle
and lifted him up into a Fisherman's Suplex off the top rope.
Sabu got right back up and came off the ropes with a flying cross
body. He hit MR, and MR lost his balance and started stepping
backward. They both went over the top, with MR landing right on
Sabu. MR picked him up and started ramming his head into the
guard rails. He must have done it about five times, then Sabu
elbowed him in the stomach and slammed his head into it, then
turned and clothslined him down onto the cement. He picked him up
and gave him a Hurricanrana, then a Tombstone. He dragged him
back in and gave him his Triple Jump Moonsault for the
1..........2..........3!! Sabu left and as Midnight Rider got up
dazed, he fell back to the floor. You could see near his head, a
stream of blood coming from it. The Paramedics took the body
RG: Look at that, our Sniper is in the house tonight!!! What a 4th of July his family is going to have!!!
RG: OK here comes Kane. *Coming
down the aisle, weighing in at a staggering 425 lbs., here is
KANE!!! (Fireworks explode in the arena, the
turnbuckles flare up a bright colored red as Kane makes his way
to the ring). And one of
his opponents, standing at a life threatening seven feet,
"Big Sexy" Kevin Nash!! (The Wolf Pac
song plays through out the arena)*
FS: There doesn't seem to be any XCA out there. But I don't think Kane and Nash care, they're going at it without him!!! Nash knocks him into the corner, and gives him some hard shoulders to the stomach. But Kane pushes him out and attempts a Choke Slam, but Big Sexy is just too big for it. Nash grabs his hand and twists it over his head, and elbows him in the back.
RG: Where is XCA? Did he drop out of this match?
FS: May be.
RG: And look at Nash, pounding his foot into Kane's spine!!! Kane reaches back, grabs Nash's foot and pulls it out from under him. Nash's head hits the floor hard!!! Kane now, with the signature "Situp". Kane picks up Nash for a Tombstone, but Nash kicks it over into his OWN Tombstone. And drops Kane right on his head. Kane with the "Situp" AGAIN. Nash looks stunned. He kicks Kane in the face, but Kane continues to get up. Kane an Nash now, exchanging rights.
FS: (Looking over to the ramp) HERE COMES XCA!!!!!! Kane and Nash see this, and wait for him. XCA slides in, and Nash and Kane go right to work, stomping on him as he slides in. They continue to stomp, and Nash now reaching over, and Scoop Slams Kane right onto XCA.Nash picks Kane up, and gives him a Brainbuster. XCA gets up and clothslines Nash down, Kane gets up and also recieves a clothsline from XCA. Scoop Slam to Nash, and now Kane. Clothslines all around. XCA is on fire. XCA goes for a Double Clothsine, but Nash and Kane BOTH grab his neck and Double Choke Slam him. Nash goes for the cover: 1..........2........ But wait, XCA rolls him over into some sort of Small Package: 1..........2..........3!!!
RG: Kane goes right for XCA. XCA gets up, and a Stunner by XCA!!! He picks him up....and gives him Da Nuke (Steiner Screwdriver) for the 1..........2..........3!!!!!
FS: OK here comes Poseur *Making
his way to the ring, at six foot three, weighing in at 254 lbs.,
with his manager, Bret "The Hitman" Hart, here is
Poseur. And his opponent, making his way to the ring. A part of
The Living Dead, here is Hardcore Death* Poseur, isn't that French or something?
RG: Does it look like I give a rat's ass? And here we go!! BIG difference in sizes here, with Hardcore Death having at LEAST a foot over Poseur. Poseur is going to have to use his speed to take care of Hardcore Death. And that's exactly what he's doing. Kicking him in the knee, then getting out of there. But Hardcore Death grabs him by the hair after the third kick. And he throws him over the ropes!! Bret and Poseur now, talking things over. But Hardcore reaches over and grabs Poseur back in by the hair, AGAIN.
FS: And Poseur now, being given a Press Slam, slips down HD's back, pushes him into the ropes, and attempts a roll up, but HD holds onto the ropes. He turns around, and meets with a Missile Drop Kick right in the face!! HD goes over the top. And now, Poseur distracting the ref, as Bret hits Poseur with a chair five times. But the ref finally turns around. HD slides back in the ring, and Poseur grabs his leg. He goes running to the corner with the leg in hand, and slides out of the ring. But HD's crotch flies right into the post!!! OUCH!!!! Now Poseur, back in the ring, distracting the ref again. And Bret Hart hooks on a Figure Four on the ring post!!!!!
RG: Bret lets go, and HD can hardly stand!! Poseur, sets HD's knee on the bottom rope, and jumps on it!! Again he does it, now he's kicking it. Jumps up, and sits on it!!! It must be killing him!!! Wait, here comes Maniac Mailman!!! He slides in and knocks Poseur out of the ring!! He picks up Hardcore Death and tries to help him stand. WHOA!!! Maniac Mailman falls to the floor!!! Another attack by The President's Sniper!! MM is DEAD!!! Wait, Poseur fell to the floor too...what happened? Bret goes over, HE'S STILL ALIVE!!! Bret signalling to the ref that he got hit in the leg.
REF: Since BOTH men can NOT stand any longer,
I call this match a DRAW!!!!!!
FS: The Paramedics now taking MM's Body
away. I tell ya, if you're a Paramedic in The UFC, you got one
FS: Here comes Degenerate *Coming
down the aisle, a Master of The Degenerous, weighing in at 315
lbs. and standing at a height of 6' 9", here is,
DEGENERATE!!!! And his opponent, making his way to the ring at a
towering 7' 4", the 450 lb. HELL WARRIOR!!!!!* And they waste no time!!! There they go
with the lock up!
RG: Degenerate slides behind with an Arm Wrench. Hell Warrior moving backwards into the turnbuckle, turns around and starts punching Degenerate in the stomach!! Degenerate falls to the floor in pain, holding his stomach. Hell Warrior starts kicking him in the ribs. He hold onto the ropes, and stands on Degenerate's stomach!! Now he jumps on it, and the ref makes him get off at the five count. Hell Warrior now, hooking on a Crippler Cross Face. Degenerate is kicking the ropes!!, but Hell Warrior is holding the ref's head, telling him to watch for the tap out. Degenerate reaches back, and slams HW's jaw into the back of his head and HW lets go. Degenerate is yelling at the ref now, telling him that he was kicking the ropes. But the ref doesn't say anything. Degenerate turns around, and meets with a Choke Slam.
FS: OUCH!!! Degenerate is really taking some beating!!!! He gets up, grabs HW's head, and gives him a Face Smash onto the mat from out of no where!! Both men, lying on the mat, exausted. One from yaking a beating, the other from delivering. Wait, here comes MR.SHOCK!!!!!!! He's got a chair in hand!!! He slides in and smashes HW in the face, Degenerate tries to get up, but Shock cracks him with the chair also!!! Here comes The Deranged, part of "Insane" with Hell Warrior. He nails Shock from behind with a forearm!!! HW and Degenerate get up, and all four men start going at it. Wait, here comes The President with some security:
OK guys, get those lunatics out of there...(the guards go down to the ring, but they get beaten and thrown out. Then they all go back to fighting) OK THAT'S ENOUGH!!!!! IF ANYONE MOVES ONE MUSCLE WITHOUT ME TELLING THEM TO, I GOT A SNIPER UP THERE THAT'LL TAKE YOU OUT WITH A WAVE OF MY HAND!!!!!! (everyone stops) Good, now it seems to me that you guys got a little fued going on, NO? So here's what I'm going to do, I'm signing a FOUR WAY DANCE THIS THURSDAY!!!! It'll be Degenerate, Shock, Hell Warrior, and POSEUR, because I know he'll want to get in on this, provided he's healed in time from that bullet.
FS: Well that's all the time we have
tonight, tune in this Thursday. Shall we call it Thursday
Thunder? Yeah, why not? I mean, it's only for ONE day. So from
all of us here at The UFC, have a Happy 4th of July!!!!!!!
RG: Good fight, GOODNIGHT!!!!!!
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