Ain't nobody wants me down, like I wants me up!

MOST RECENT JOURNAL ENTRIES

August 10, 2000- (219) I met the man, July 29. He was nice. But his son doesn't want him dating. Such is life. I met with the mediator and Jim this weekend. I will get a reasonable settlement, but he does not want to pay spousal support. His final words to me before I left? "I love you." The first time I heard that in like 6 years. Too little, too late. I have a job interview tomorrow--wish me luck.

July 29, 2000- (223) The job didn't pan out. In fact, none of them has. It looks like the man I was planning to meet has decided against it. Change is hard. I am trying to get into freelance art; I'm doing on-line tutoring. I am becoming more self-aware. I have skills I hadn't even dreamed of before. I also was selected as a semi-finalist in a poetry competition--my poem gets published. That is quite an honor! Life is like that--things are easier and harder. Better and worse. Always a balance. I changed my heart during Lent and Easter, now I will start to change my luck.

July 15, 2000- (223) A lot has happened. On July 2 my son got married--it was a beautiful wedding. July 5 I left my husband and my home and moved to Pittsburgh. I have a home here now, a driver's license, a car, and a new life. It has been quite an adventure. I have a job interview on Tuesday. Joy reigns in my heart. I am making it!!!

June 26, 2000- (229) I am chatting with him again. I feel a connectedness I cannot explain. We have decided to be just friends. My sister-in-law's Dad stepped off a curb into the path of a car and was killed Friday. Poor Joan how hard it must be to lose your father. I said good-bye to my Small Christian Community Group. I will miss them sorely. I hate the good-byes. All I can do is cry lately. I am searching for a job. I hope I find one.

June 21, 2000- (231) Today is a great to be alive. I am smarter and stronger than ever before. I am a survivor. Lessons were learned through this experience. That's never a bad thing. we can all grow and learn--everyday. I will go forward, and I will have a fabulous life. Stick around, details to follow! LOL

June 19, 2000- (233) Stupidity thy name is Abigail. I have been chatting with a wonderful gentleman who made me feel vital and alive. He has suddenly changed his mind about me--I am too much trouble for him. In 3 weeks I have been from depression, to joy, and back. I see now that I am far too trusting and too gullible. I am hurting more than I can say. I have not abandoned my new WOL. I will go on from here. I cannot continue living my cloistered life. I must go out into the world. Unfortunately, I will be a much more cynical woman. I had hoped never to be cynical. I had hoped I could always search for the good in everyone. I believed I would reap what I sowed. I pray for strength. I pray for this man who has hurt me so, that God will heal him.

June 14, 2000 - (234) I posted this to the Atkins board on the 31st of May: During June, I am going to have one hell of a good time. I am going to laugh and cry and dance my way through the month. I'm going to sew and cook and clean and organize. I might go to the Y if I feel like it. I'm going to drink all the water I can. I'm going to eat yeast free--my second month of forever. And I'm going to lose weight and feel stronger and happier everyday! I'm going to close my daycare and prepare for my next job. I am going to HOP and sing and play games. I'm going to read and send posts, chat, and really clean that bathroom grout!
On July 1, I'll tell you how I did.
On July 2, I'll lose my son to a wonderful young lady who loves him.
On July 3, I'll celebrate 6 months on this WOL.
No one and nothing is going to stop me now!
"Ain't nobody wants me down, like I wants me up."
I am in the process of becoming!
So much changed after that post. My heart is full with the love and compassion I have received. Blessings come from many places. Thank God for all the gifts I have received in my friends.

June 5, 2000 - (234) My life is changing, it's really hard. It's good and bad. Scary and comforting. What would I do without my wonderful friends? God has truly blesseed me with the opportunity to know each and every one of them. I've probably cried a gallon of tears in the last week. I thought I'd be dry, but they keep coming. Tears of pain, joy, anger, and frustration. I'd recommend buying stock in the tissue companies. If I keep laughing, I might not cry. Only 27 days to the wedding.

June 1, 2000 - (238) Today I decide how to live, today I decide why, today I decide when. I decide, no one else.

May 26, 2000 - (240) Went walking with the kids today and the dogs--how do you spell stupid? Good exercise. Closing the daycare June 21. Parents aren't happy, but they're living with it.

May 17, 2000 - (245) I actually ran for a short time while walking Jacob yesterday. My rash is improving. Yeast-free was a good choice.

May 1, 2000 - (250) Ten pounds in April! Onto May. I started a yeast free version of the diet April 26.

April 12, 2000 - (252)Can you believe this? I gave up sweets. Even diet sweets.

April 5, 2000 - (256)Snow today! But it is melting. My new WOL (way of life) is working better, I've decided to give up all sweets. The cravings aren't so bad now. I've been walking more and doing weights. Slowly but surely, I will be thin again.

March 20, 2000 - (260)It's finally Spring. That usually means only 1 or 2 more big snowfalls! Today is a gorgeous 50 degrees. I did 1:15 of weights and :40 of water walking yesterday.

March 7, 2000 - (262)Another big drop! I have to get busy with the pattern for Steph's dress. Hannah and I visited Agnes today. She roared at Hannah after Hannah roared at her. They are both too cute!

March 1, 2000 - (265)I am still losing weight. I even traveled to Pittsburgh for the weekend and lost a pound while eating delicious restaurant food! I am more able to exercise. We looked at apartments all weekend. The models are always on the third floor!

February 12, 2000 - (269)Yesterday I couldn't count so my loss to 266 is gone. It will be back!

February 6, 2000 - (269)I am truly enjoying Atkins. I really feel so good. My recovery from foot surgery is still slow, but I am gradually building up endurance. I'm adding weight training this week.

January 27, 2000 - (271)I am confused by this fits and starts weight loss, but I am coping. Went water walking yesterday and built up a sweat! I've also been visiting a shut-in, Agnes. She is so grateful anyone comes to visit. My son might have a job. Yippee for him!

January 20, 2000 - (276)This is simply not possible. I exercised and ate well yesterday. I demand a loss! This is way too frustrating. I'm going to try to eliminate yeasty foods. Do I want a piece of bread--no, a whole loaf!

January 17, 2000 - (275)Why not a plateau? Frustrating, but I will work through this. I feel good, so it is easier!

January 11, 2000 - (275)I feel so well. My knees are hurting less and I'm more limber.

January 8, 2000 - (276)It's nice to see this going down again. I've chosen to lose the diueretic some medical resident prescribed. So no excess water loss today. I stopped taking my asthma meds too, and my breathing improved. I'm planning on a good water walk in the pool today. As well as the usual errands. I've upped my vitamins. I want to get healthy and well without the medical stupidity. Why are these idiots prescribing all these drugs. My doctor's waiting room looks like a drug advertisement collage. There is always a drug salesman there when I go, except after hours. Is the tail wagging the dog? I was a little rude to the medical student who came in--they kept me waiting for 40 minutes in the little room with my dayccare charge for the day. I was on the floor, singing songs, and up taking her to the bathroom. Then the medical student waltzes in and acts like I've got all day. I only watch kids--not an important job. I can take another hour. I had a bus to catch. My doctor always has me see these stupid medical students who call me by my first name and introduce themselves as Dr. Whoever. This one told me I have diabetes--somebody better tell my doctor, she doesn't know. Sorry, I am ranting--I needed to vent. If a medication keeps making your blood pressure worse--why not deal with your blood pressure where it is without meds? Is anybody home here?

January 7, 2000 - (277)I feel good! I am not very hungry, and even when I am I feel no great desire to eat. Where has this been all my life I am down 6 pounds in 3 days! I have labored over these pounds before. It took so long, and I was so hungry.

January 6, 2000 - (279)I feel better today. Clearer headed and less hungry. This seems amazing! I know that's a lot of water.

January 5, 2000 - (281) I feel crummy. But, my weight is down--I know just water.

January 4, 2000 - (283) Started Atkins today. I can't seem to do anything diet wise, it is worth a shot.

December 23, 1999 - I have been cleared to start normal activities in 24 hours. Right after I wrote yesterday we found out my husband has cancer. He has surgery in January. When does life get calm and easy? I know--never.

December 22, 1999 - I hope I get my stitches out tomorrow, I want to go to the pool!

December 16, 1999 - Well, the foot is healing slowly. I had to close my daycare. I've been laying around the house doing cards and things.

December 6, 1999 - The day before Thanksgiving I imbedded a piece of wire 1 1/4 inches long into my foot. After several tries the doctors decided I needed surgery with a fluroscope. The wire is hair width and impossible to find. And YES, stupid me made dinner while hobbling around and in pain. I wish I could say I had a lot of help--just my Simon. Wish me luck on my surgery.
My son graduated summa cum laude from Kettering University (formerly General Motors Institute). Way to go!

November 24, 1999 - I caved. I am making dinner. Why do I always give in?

November 22, 1999 - The dining room is undone. The guys and I are going out to eat. Hubby says he'll stay home and have a sandwich. I think I'll leave him baloney! What a major frustration he is! WE are going to a nice restaurant where I will eat reasonably and I won't have leftovers to munch on!

November 22, 1999 - The dining room is undone. The guys and I are going out to eat. Hubby says he'll stay home and have a sandwich. I think I'll leave him baloney! What a major frustration he is! WE are going to a nice restaurant where I will eat reasonably and I won't have leftovers to munch on!

November 21, 1999 - Hubby hasn't finished cleaning the dining room and has "given up." I have one angry man here. The deal was the room is clean by 6:30 AM Monday (November 22), or we go out to eat Thanksgiving dinner. He is majorly peeved at me, although he had since last Thanksgiving to clean it up! I reminded him at Easter that it was the last holiday I was cooking and eating in the kitchen. If I have to break my butt making the meal I want to be able to get to the serving dishes, the good dishes, the glass and silverware. I am such a big meanie. I'm sure he will make our dinner out a living hell. Christmas is next.

November 14, 1999 - I have been losing weight. Today I had a chocolate binge. I am beginning to hate the stuff--it makes me lose control!

November 6, 1999 - I have been doing a better job the last 2 days. Luckily I didn't have any Halloween candy in the house! I would have been really gone if I did. The kiddos loved the Halloween pencils!

November 1, 1999 - We had a dark Halloween. The power went out. I am losing slowly. I am also trying to control my blood sugar. I am making slow progress. I am not so bad to need medication, but I'm out of the normal range.

October 28, 1999 - A close friend of our family is dying. I'm sad to think he will be gone. We went to visit him last night. He recognized my husband. My appetite is out of control. I am trying to hold the line on eating--it's not easy!

POUNDING DOWN

Date	Weight	Weight Lost
June 1, 1997	298	0
July 1, 1997	289	9
August 1, 1997	282	16
September 1, 1997	277	21
October 1, 1997	268	30
November 1, 1997	261	37
December 1, 1997	255	43
January 1, 1998	251	47
February 1, 1998	249	49
March 1, 1998	246	52
April 1, 1998	243	55
January 1, 2000	283	15
February 1, 2000	272	26
March 1, 2000	265	33
April 1, 2000	260	38
May 1, 2000	250	48
June 1, 2000	238	60
July 1, 2000	229	69
August 1, 2000	221	77

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