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September 9, 1999

Is my life spiraling out of control? I'm taking 3-4 Ativan every night. Makes me feel euphoric and calm. People tell me that I'm addicted and that withdrawal would be real bad if I stopped. So I shouldn’t stop then. Right? All time low - taking Ativan from my ill Grandmother. She doesn't use it anymore anyway. Still, I feel like crap. I'm tense all day until I take the pills at night. Then I'm awake feeling like the world is moving in slow motion until 4am. School started this week. The Professors are talking and it doesn't really make sense to me. Do I tell my psychiatric what's really going on and risk getting hospitalized? I'm scared. Weird, I feel like I'm fading. Like the life is draining out of me. Feedback anyone?


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