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September 19, 1999

I saw my psychiatrist Friday. I told him how much Ativan I was taking. He gave me 3 options:

1. Hospitalization: Iíd be put on a psych ward where I could detox as well as deal with my other ďissuesĒ.
2. Family help: He would talk to my mom and give her the pills that I needed to detox. In turn, my Mom would give me these pills and wean me off of them slowly.
3. My way: I could slowly decrease the number of pills I take until Iím free of them.

Option one is no good, since Iím in college and the semester just started. Option two sucks, because I donít want my Mom to know about this. So, option three it is. The doc wanted option two. Screw him. Sure, itís tough this way. Iím irritable as Hell. Iím trying to detox as quickly as possible. Friday took 5 instead of 8 pills. Last night took 4, but I drank two ďHard LemonadesĒ with the pills. Doc also added a new med, Remeron. Itís another anti-depressant. One 15 mg. Pill at bedtime. Does anyone know anything about this drug?

My boyfriend knows everything now. I told him. I cried. He wants to help, but I just need to do this alone and be alone right now.

So tonight Iíll take 3 pills, tomorrow night 2, Tuesday night 1, then Iím done with them. Sounds easier than it is I guess. If anyone has any advice e-mail me. Oh yeah, please join the update list people. It helps me to know that people read my journal, if anyone is.


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