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September 17, 1999

Iím losing control. Iíve limited my daily caloric intake to 500. Iím taking Dexatrim in the morning and 7 or 8 Ativan at night. People are started to notice, and tell me that Iím not eating enough. I canít wait for the high the Ativan gives me every night. Itís such an euphoric feeling. I have to see my psychiatrist today. Everyone is urging me to tell him the truth. If I do, I might end up in detox or a psychiatric ward. Wish me well. If I do have to be hospitalized, I will write entries on paper and give them to Colleen to post for me. I know sheíd visit me often. Iím scared. Wonít someone hold me?


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