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July 23, 1999 - 1:44pm

I see my psychiatrist at 4:30pm today. What kind of pills will he give me next? I'm so good at convincing him to give me Xanax prescriptions:

Meg: "Oh the panic attacks! Please - make them stop?"
Dr. Pushover: "Well, what have you taken before that helps?"
Meg: "Xanax works well - or Ativan..." (insert fake *sobs* here)
Dr. Pushover: "Okay - I'll write you a script for Xanax then."
Meg: "Thanks....."

Xanax helps me sleep at night. Xanax calms me down and makes me feel fearless - kind of euphoric.

"I just want you to know that I
Don't hate you anymore
There is nothing I could say
That I haven't thought before"

I'm finally writing in this journal more. But is anyone reading it? Please e-mail me and let me know? Is it worth it to keep writing?


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