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January 3, 2000

New Year’s Eve was a drunken blur. I had someone watching after me, though and I remember getting extremely pissed when he poured one of my drinks out and said, “You’ve had enough…” I woke up New Year’s Day still fully dressed from the night before. I guess that’s a good thing though. I usually lose all of my inhibitions when I’m drunk. But the “pick Meg off the floor” group was there to save me.

Did you ever feel like your mind is a TV and that there’s a bunch of shows going on in there at once? Sometimes it’s hard to concentrate when there’s so much going on in your brain. Sometimes I just catch phrases or seconds of the “shows”. Sometimes I think they might be voices and not shows created by my mind. What do you think?

I’ve gotten my daily caloric intake to less than 500. Is that really unhealthy? What will happen? I already have no energy and sleep a lot. I’m very irritable too and always spacing out. Everyone yells at me and says I’m getting way to thin and they scold me when I don’t eat dinner – I never do. My Depakote has been raised to 750 mg daily. When I drink with it I get all fucked up. Plus I’ve been taking a handful of Ativan at night too. Bad mixture?


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