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January 25, 2000

"every time that I sell myself to you
I feel a little bit cheaper than I need to
I will tear the petals off of you
rose red
I will make you tell a truth

was she asking for it?
was she asking nice?
yes she was asking you for it
did she ask you twice?"

No sarcastic little cartoon picture today. I was confined to my bed for 3 days. My hands, arms and legs were numb. I tried to move, tried to get out of bed, but I couldn't. When it got so bad that I wanted help, no one heard me. My voice came out in a whisper. My family didn't check on me once, they just thought I was sleeping or being reclusive. Last night I snapped out of it somehow. I guzzled 6 glasses of water. I'm still shaky and my hands are cold, but I'm here. I even ate a little today.

You see, I hadn't eaten for 3 days before the "stuck in bed" period. The first day was difficult. I took 3 (see a weird pattern here?) Dexatrim and drank an endless amount of tea. The second day was easier. The guy I've been screwing with came over. We drank, I vaguely remember having sex, then I awoke the next day with a huge bump on the back of my head. No clue what happened there. So started the third day of my "fast". I fell asleep that night in a haze and so started my confinement. Sorry if I'm jumping around here a lot, I'm still a bit out of it...


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